BlueCloud2k2 Posted February 25, 2014 Report Share Posted February 25, 2014 Q: What's the best practical joke Human Torch ever pulled? A: I plead the fifth on that. And unless you really do want my wife to kill me you won't ask that question again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted February 25, 2014 Report Share Posted February 25, 2014 A: I plead the fifth on that. And unless you really do want my wife to kill me you won't ask that question again. Q: Do you really have a complete print run of Power Girl comics? A: Not in mint condition. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 A: Not in mint condition. Q: How did your starship survive its battle? A: When the event precedes the cause. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 A: When the event precedes the cause. Q - You're having a charity fundraiser to fight a disease that hasn't even been identified yet? A - I would not call that a good lunch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 Q: Why do I get the feeling that my ghost-pepper chimichanga with extra fire sauce is going to make everyone at work hate me? A: I dare you to ask Mechanon that question! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 A: I dare you to ask Mechanon that question! Q: Isn't it time you did something about that rust problem? A: I may be super-rich, but I have the heart of a worker. He didn't need it anymore and I did, and the transplant was a success. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted February 27, 2014 Report Share Posted February 27, 2014 Q: Why are the feds asking your PCP about your medical records? A: No. More. Arts and Crafts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted February 27, 2014 Report Share Posted February 27, 2014 A: No. More. Arts and Crafts. Q: What did your dad say about you winning a blue ribbon at the fair for your nitrocellulose doormat? A: What he says to everything: padlock it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted February 27, 2014 Report Share Posted February 27, 2014 Q: I wonder what your dad will say when I tell him about the copy of the Necronomicon you have hidden under your bed? A: I told you there was a rabid badger living in his dirty clothes pile. But noooooo! You just couldn't hold it until we could leave and find a public urinal! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted February 28, 2014 Report Share Posted February 28, 2014 A: I told you there was a rabid badger living in his dirty clothes pile. But noooooo! You just couldn't hold it until we could leave and find a public urinal! Q: I had legs! I used to have legs! Don't you believe me when I tell you I used to have legs? A: Not everybody gets to be John Galt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 28, 2014 Report Share Posted February 28, 2014 A: Not everybody gets to be John Galt. Q - Did you just shrug as I was telling you all my problems? A - She's utterly mad, no question. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted February 28, 2014 Report Share Posted February 28, 2014 A - She's utterly mad, no question. Q: What do you think of my girlfriend's claim to be the Messiah? A: And that is when the followers of the Goddess Taweret gather on the banks of the Nile, in numbers too large to count, to celebrate the Hippo Holy Days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted February 28, 2014 Report Share Posted February 28, 2014 Q: I'm sorry, but what were we doing today? A: There are hundreds of uses for duct tape and that ain't one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted February 28, 2014 Report Share Posted February 28, 2014 A: There are hundreds of uses for duct tape and that ain't one! Q: What were you using to make that fire? A: When the inside is the outside. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 28, 2014 Report Share Posted February 28, 2014 Q: What were you using to make that fire? I dispute the notion that you can't use duct tape to make fire. A: When the inside is the outside. Q - How do you know you're drinking liquor from a Klein bottle? A - Only on days that end in 'Y'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted February 28, 2014 Report Share Posted February 28, 2014 A - Only on days that end in 'Y'. Q: Say, Brain, when do we try and take over the world again? Narf! A: It's hard to come up with an idea worse than the double-decker couch, yet somehow you managed to pull it off. I imagine you think I'm impressed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 1, 2014 Report Share Posted March 1, 2014 A: It's hard to come up with an idea worse than the double-decker couch, yet somehow you managed to pull it off. I imagine you think I'm impressed. Q - Hey, what do you think of my two-story outhouse? A - Start 'em when they're young with Fish and War and Crazy Eights. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted March 2, 2014 Report Share Posted March 2, 2014 A - Start 'em when they're young with Fish and War and Crazy Eights. Q: You would think that the training program for Congress would be harder than this, wouldn't you? A: I've got Red Dwarf Syndrome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 2, 2014 Report Share Posted March 2, 2014 A: I've got Red Dwarf Syndrome. Q: You super-evolved your cat? Why? A: I highly doubt some dead girl's gonna kill me if I don't pass your message along. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted March 2, 2014 Report Share Posted March 2, 2014 Q: What do you mean you're not afraid of ghosts? A: Your total comes to $$60 Billion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 2, 2014 Report Share Posted March 2, 2014 A: Your total comes to $$60 Billion. Q - How much to buy/rent the US Presidency for the next eight years? A - A good, sharp edge is a man's best hedge against the vague uncertainties of life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted March 2, 2014 Report Share Posted March 2, 2014 A - A good, sharp edge is a man's best hedge against the vague uncertainties of life. Q: Why are you a compulsive chainsaw sharpener? A: "Hedge funds" usually are not dedicated to trimming the shrubbery around a yard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted March 2, 2014 Report Share Posted March 2, 2014 Q: What do you mean I can't use your emergency money to pay for the landscaping? A: When in doubt, fire kills most anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 2, 2014 Report Share Posted March 2, 2014 A: When in doubt, fire kills most anything. Q - What can I do about the black mold in my basement? A - That's not actually an element, you know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted March 2, 2014 Report Share Posted March 2, 2014 Q: Why can't I find Unobtainium on the period table? A: Klatu-barada-nicto! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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