An Alternate Superman

[Guest Champsguy]

So, I started wondering about something the other day. We all know that Superman crashed in a Kansas field and was found by the Kents. They raised him with their wholesome Kansas values and he became the Man of Steel we all know and harbor secret desires for.

 

But what if he'd landed somewhere else? What if, instead of Kansas, he'd come to rest in one of the other 50 states?

 

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, what would our world be like today if Kal-El had landed in, let's say...

 

Texas?

 

For starters, he'd call himself something like "SuperTexan" (Texans can't resist telling everyone that they're from Texas), or "The Lawman". He'd fly around, barbequeing criminals with his "Fryin' Vision" (Texas has more executions than pretty much anywhere else--I think Iran has a few more). "Y'er guilty!" ZAP! Instead of the stylized "S" that we all recognize, he'd bear the lone star of Texas on his chest. "Up, Up, and Away" would be replaced by "Remember the Alamo".

 

Anyone think of any other interesting places Supes could have landed?

[FlyBoy]

There are two upcoming projects from DC that deal with these questions:

 

"Red Son" has him landing in the Soviet Union;

"True Brit" (written by John Cleese) has him landing in England.

[Hermit]

Re: An Alternate Superman

 

Originally posted by Champsguy

Texas?

 

For starters, he'd call himself something like "SuperTexan" (Texans can't resist telling everyone that they're from Texas), or "The Lawman". He'd fly around, barbequeing criminals with his "Fryin' Vision" (Texas has more executions than pretty much anywhere else--I think Iran has a few more). "Y'er guilty!" ZAP! Instead of the stylized "S" that we all recognize, he'd bear the lone star of Texas on his chest. "Up, Up, and Away" would be replaced by "Remember the Alamo".

 

Anyone think of any other interesting places Supes could have landed?

Now now, let's be nice. Texans really aren't that bad...

especially if you add a little sauce... but I digress.

 

California near Berkley maybe? Superman... pardon, Super Person?

 

Or Hollywood? Movie deals for "Clark Super-Man of Tommorrow"

 

Hmm.. Super Man as a New York City native...

"Hey, I'm flying here!" as he cusses tourist pigeons out.

[Supreme]

Re: Re: An Alternate Superman

 

Originally posted by Hermit

Now now, let's be nice. Texans really aren't that bad...

especially if you add a little sauce... but I digress.

 

California near Berkley maybe? Superman... pardon, Super Person?

 

Or Hollywood? Movie deals for "Clark Super-Man of Tommorrow"

 

Hmm.. Super Man as a New York City native...

"Hey, I'm flying here!" as he cusses tourist pigeons out.

Well, we're talking about my Home State Supreme, here.

 

First of all, a Californian Superman would be the most powerful of any of them. Why? Bacause he's solar-powered. Secondly, if he landed in Berkeley, the still helpless Kal-El would starve to death inside the capsule while the Berkeley City Council debated to no end what should be done with the baby, and who should be allowed to adopt him. Then, as he grew up he would be told how he didn't deserve the powers he possessed, and that he was genetically over-priveleged. The end result would probably be something like:

"Equal Man!"

Faster than the electoral process.

More powerful than the right-wing military-industrial combine.

Able to leap over social injustice in a single bound!

Look! Up in the sky! It's an endangered spotted-owl!

No.

It's a fuel-efficient air-ship!

No.

You have no right to correct me!

Oh... sorry.

[MuscaDomestica]

I remember reading some else worlds where this happened, one was in england in the 1770's, another was in India and duplicated the stroy of the Jungle book, fun stuff.

[FlyBoy]

Originally posted by MuscaDomestica

I remember reading some else worlds where this happened, one was in england in the 1770's, another was in India and duplicated the stroy of the Jungle book, fun stuff.

 

The one wher ehe lands in Gotham and is found by Thomas and Martha Wayne isn't bad either...

[Hermit]

Just a guess

 

I'm trying to think what Superman would be like if raised in Eastern Tennesee.

These are just guesses

1) His costume would be orange.

2) He'd probably go by the name "Volunteer"

3) Any yankee throwing trash out of their car in the smokeys would have their SUV drop kicked so far it would land on the carolina coast.

4) His "Code Vs Killing" would not apply to any making fun of his accent

[Guest Champsguy]

Re: Just a guess

 

Originally posted by Hermit

I'm trying to think what Superman would be like if raised in Eastern Tennesee.

These are just guesses

1) His costume would be orange.

2) He'd probably go by the name "Volunteer"

3) Any yankee throwing trash out of their car in the smokeys would have their SUV drop kicked so far it would land on the carolina coast.

4) His "Code Vs Killing" would not apply to any making fun of his accent

 

He'd hate Steve Spurrier and everything from Florida. He'd have killed Burt Reynolds for making "Deliverance".

[Supreme]

I once drew a cartoon of what if Superman were a Bostonian. I was blowing off some Steam Supreme while living there (let's just say Boston and I didn't get along). What I drew was a picture of Superman, with the "S" replaced with the Patriot's team logo. He was stuffing a sub-marine sandwich (or "grider" as they like to say) into his face.

 

From off camera a voice shouted, "Superman! The Earth is about to be destroyed by a giant comet!"

Superman replied, "I'm on my friggin' lunch break and eatin' a grindah! Call Batman ah somethin'..."

[Agent Escafarc]

Re: Re: Just a guess

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Originally posted by Hermit

I'm trying to think what Superman would be like if raised in Eastern Tennesee.

These are just guesses

1) His costume would be orange.

2) He'd probably go by the name "Volunteer"

3) Any yankee throwing trash out of their car in the smokeys would have their SUV drop kicked so far it would land on the carolina coast.

4) His "Code Vs Killing" would not apply to any making fun of his accent

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

Originally posted by Champsguy

He'd hate Steve Spurrier and everything from Florida. He'd have killed Burt Reynolds for making "Deliverance".

 

And just imagine where the story would go when his cousin Kara shows up;)

[Lord Liaden]

Back when Chris Reeve's first "Superman" movie came out, Saturday Night Live did a "What if Superman had landed in Nazi Germany" parody. Dan Akroyd donned the tights of "Uberman", defender of the Fatherland and National Socialist ideals. They showed newspaper headlines like, "Uberman Levels London" and "Uberman Drains Pearl Harbor".

 

When explaining his powers to Hitler and a couple of reporters, one of them (a surrogate Lois Lane) asked with obvious nervousness, "You mean you can see right through our clothes?"

 

Uberman replied, "Yes," and turning to her male colleague, added, "And through his. He's a Jew."

[TheEmerged]

Being a history nut, I've always prefered the elseworlds that deal with WHEN he arrives myself :-P The Japanese and Civil War stories are among my personal favorites.

 

Elseworlds Rant! Why is it that in every elseworlds were Batman is the main character, Superman is played as the villain (or a tragically mis-guided character)?

 

If he had landed in SW Ohio? Hard to say, we don't have some of the obvious stereotypes here other areas do (even though we sometimes seem to get an unfair share of scandals related to hypocrisy of public figures)... None that I'm aware of, anyway.

[Hermit]

Just a guess

 

Originally posted by Agent Escafarc

[b

 

And just imagine where the story would go when his cousin Kara shows up;) [/b]

That's it Gator Boy, you're officially banned from the "Double Wide Trailer of Solitude"

[Hermit]

Hmmm

 

Originally posted by TheEmerged

 

If he had landed in SW Ohio? Hard to say, we don't have some of the obvious stereotypes here other areas do (even though we sometimes seem to get an unfair share of scandals related to hypocrisy of public figures)... None that I'm aware of, anyway.

The Bengals would have a running back that would FINALLY get them to the Superbowl and victory?

[ProfessorM@ss]

Re: An Alternate Superman

 

Originally posted by Champsguy

But what if he'd landed somewhere else? What if, instead of Kansas, he'd come to rest in one of the other 50 states?

 

I've always thought that it'd be interesting if Supes had arrived black, in Alabama, in the 50s.

 

 

--->M@ss

[Hermit]

Re: Re: An Alternate Superman

 

Originally posted by ProfessorM@ss

I've always thought that it'd be interesting if Supes had arrived black, in Alabama, in the 50s.

 

 

--->M@ss

Whoo... I think that would depend on wether he leaned towards Martin Luther King jr's methods, or Malcom X's

[MisterVimes]

In reference to the Soviet Angle (which I used once in a Campaign). Here's DC's take on the Proletariat Superman...

[TheEmerged]

Re: Hmmm

 

Originally posted by Hermit

The Bengals would have a running back that would FINALLY get them to the Superbowl and victory?

 

We really need the "rolling" smiley on this board

 

In fairness, the Cincinnati Garfields have been to the Super Bowl twice, and were competitive both times. How many teams can say that?

 

BTW, if we really want to make Superman related Bengal jokes, I think we all know how it would have worked.

 

a> Mike Brown would pass him up in the draft for Ambush Bug

 

b> The league would immediately legalize Kryptonite Footballs (cf changes to mitigate their "hurry up" offense in the late 80's)

 

c> He'd get injured in his second season and never play the same

 

d> He'd try to leave the team, but get "franchise slapped" (I think the Bengals lead the NFL in the number of different players they've franchised...)

 

e>...or he'd be gone the first time he opened his mouth to say anything except "Brown is great, Brown is good..." no matter how long he'd been with the team or how much he'd done for the team (cf Lee Johnson)

 

f>...or he'd be placed on waivers if a hot prospect rumored to be faster than 2 speeding bullets came out, regardless of evidence to the contrary (cf Jim Breech)

 

g> He'd end up playing most of his NFL games for another club (something only Detroit is worse at than the Bengals).

[Kevin Scrivner]

I've always thought that it'd be interesting if Supes had arrived black, in Alabama, in the 50s.

 

--->M@ss

 

---

 

Actually, Milestone Comics based their book "Icon and Rocket" on a similar premise. Icon was an alien who crashed on earth during the 1830s and blended into the population by shape shifting to match the nearest humans he could find: Negro slaves. At one point in the series, he and Rocket (a younger female sidekick) arrive to stop a crime and are surrounded by suspicious police. Rocket made a comment such as, "Superman never has this problem."

[BishopofB&W]

Soviet Superman

 

Superheroes , edited by John Varley, has a satirical short story where baby Kal lands in the USSR and is adopted by the Kentarovskys. I recommend it as well as another story by Michael Stackpole(I think he wrote it) where a street-level vigilante outsmarts a group of 4-colors to rescue a kid from a cult and reminds them that blind adherence to the letter of the law does not necessarily promote justice.

[Hermit]

must keep topic alive!

 

Maybe we should ask our friends and neighbors to the North what they think would have happened if young Kal-El had crash landed in Canada?

[Glen Sprigg]

Canadian Superman

 

Originally posted by BishopofB&W

Superheroes , edited by John Varley, has a satirical short story where baby Kal lands in the USSR and is adopted by the Kentarovskys. I recommend it as well as another story by Michael Stackpole(I think he wrote it) where a street-level vigilante outsmarts a group of 4-colors to rescue a kid from a cult and reminds them that blind adherence to the letter of the law does not necessarily promote justice.

 

Well, now...that would depend on where he landed, wouldn't it?

 

Newfoundland: Raised by Newfoundland fishermen, young Seamus MacLeod grew up as the world's mightiest protector of the Grand Banks, fending off Spanish trawlers that threaten the defenseless baby turbot: Maritime Man!

 

Prince Edward Island: Growing up on the Island, Tommy Tilverdale now travels the world promoting his tiny home (even Rhode Island is bigger), surpassing the efforts of Anne of Green Gables.

 

Quebec: Pierre-Michel Bouchard grew to manhood in rural Quebec, and became the fastest man on skates since Yvon Cournoyer (but old-timers claim Rocket Richard was still faster), and the highest paid hockey player ever. The Montreal Canadiens win the Stanley Cup seventeen times in a row.

 

I'd think of some others, but it's late and I'm tired...

 

Glen

[st barbara]

I don't know whether anyone has mentioned this or not but when D C Comics first developed the "Elseworlds' concept one of their early stories was "Speeding Bullets" in which young kal-El crashed, not in Kansas, but near Gotham City and was found by the Waynes. The concept of a character with "Superman's" powers and "Batman's" history, origins and attitude was pretty scary ! There also exists a story called "truth, Justice, and the Politically Correct Soialist Path" by John Varley which appears in the anthology "Superheroes" (Ace Books, 1995) which has him landing in the Soviet Union .

[wcw43921]

Of course a lot would be determined not only by where he was found, but when he was found.

 

For example:

 

SUPER-SPARTAN--the infant Kal-El lands outside of Sparta in ancient Greece, and is trained in their warrior ways. He defeats the Persians single-handed at Thermopylae, then leads the Spartans to conquest after conquest--until he meets the Amazons and their princess, Diana.

 

SUPER-MOSES--the infant Kal-El lands in ancient Egypt and is found by a Hebrew family who, fearing Pharoah's death edict, place him in a basket and send him down the Nile, where he is found by the royal family and raised as one of their own--until the day when, enraged by an overseer's mistreatment of the Hebrew slaves, kills the man with one mighty blow. He escapes to the desert, and at long last finds the spacecraft that brought him to Earth, and with it his true identity and destiny. He returns to Egypt and demands the Hebrews be freed in the name of truth and justice. The Pharoah refuses, and Moses puts on the pressure--he dries up the Nile with his heat-vision; he uses ultra-frequency harmonics in his super-voice to stir up the toads; Pharoah sends his army to kill him but they're easily defeated without loss of life. Pharoah finally gives in, and Moses leads the Hebrews out of Egypt--but Pharoah changes his mind and leads the last of his army after them. Moses, having led his people to the Red Sea, raises an artificial sandbar for them to cross, holds off the army long enough for them to escape, then collapses the sandbar. Under his leadership the Hebrews build a mighty nation, dedicated to the ideals of truth and justice.

 

Same theme with a twist:

 

SUPER-MAID OF ORLEANS--The teenage Kara Kor-El crashlands in medieval France, with no memory of her true self. She's found by some nuns from a nearby abbey, who believe her to be an angel sent in answer to their prayers to liberate France from English oppression. Convinced this is her mission, Kara sees the French king to ask permission to lead his army; the king tests her by hiding in disguise among his subjects, but she sees through his peasant's robes with her X-ray vision. The king gives her his army and she uses her powers to drive off the English, never to return. Her mission finished, Kara devotes the rest of her life to God's work with the nuns who found her.

 

You see what I mean?

[Hermit]

If Supes had landed in Australia....

would Steve Irwin be alive today?

 

If Supes had landed in Lichenstien...

wait... how the heck did the ship HIT Lichenstein?

 

If Supes had landed in Poland...

No one would tell another Joke about them again...EVER