Houston GM

"If they want it done with discretion, why did they come to us?"

The plan! Serve the designs of Chaos by going to an Imperial shrine world, infiltrating a convent, seducing a few of the nuns to Evil, and leaving them to spread the infection across the sector. This should do our reputations a lot of good - some of the Chaos Gods are impressed by that sort of audacity, at least when it works.

Jrska: With my Dark Soul I've already got two levels of Fear vs. the Ecclesiarchy. And since we're going in disguised as the Inquistion, they're right to be scared either way.

Such a plot also gives the GM a chance to dig out the Dark Heresy book that covers faith-based characters.

Pious Arsehole: I am a paragon of light! .... Where did this sword through my chest come from?
Jrska: Pity you weren't a paragon of dodge

GM: You're going to the Shrine World of Voluptua
Jrska: *giggle*
Cassius: Voluptua?! Really? We don't even need to change the name!
GM: Nestled between...
All: LOL
Cog: Please, tell us exactly what it's nestled between
GM: The omens are favourable, my lord

Jrska: Good little heretek *pats his head*
Cog: I swear I'll weld her door shut.
Cassius: You want to lock her in with all her toys?
Jrska: Cog, I've burnt out the motor in this one again, can you fix it?

Rather like warfare, space travel in the 40k setting is periods of boredom punctuated by terror. The terror comes while travelling through the Warp. Sub-light travel once we're back in real space and joining the queue of pilgrimage ships, Battle-nun transports, and hospital ships, is more than boring enough.

Aladar: I'm glad we live so long, these delays are terrible.
Cog: Lord Cassius is going to live forever, we'll die of old age.
Jrska: Speak for yourself, I'm going to be a demon princess *poses in imaginary Disney Princess dress*

One oddity about the branch of the Imperial cult on Voluptua is the way they downplay the actual identity of the saint they venerate. Not unheard of, but intriguing. It might be related to the minor export they have of psycho-reactive minerals. Perhaps the nameless saint was a psyker themselves? Not something they'd want to advertise.

We decide a low-key entry is best. Loudly proclaiming our 'Inquisitorial' status will attract too much attention. A covert insertion past all those paranoid starships too risky. So we simply announce our arrival and let them worry for themselves.

Jrska: This is the Inquistorial ship 'Chains of Judgement'. Make ready a berth. Any delay will be noted.

Jrska convinces her master that it will be more believable if she pretends to be the one in charge - Cassius cautiously agrees, but assures her of his swift retribution if she fucks up. Since Cassius and Jrska are slightly more difficult to disguise, we'll send Aladar and Cog ahead to arrange landing permission and transport.

Jrska: The most important part of a disguise is to distract the observer from the actually distinguishing features. May I suggest the Spanish Galleon? *holds up giant black codpiece*
Cassius: Well, nobody will be looking at his face...
Jrska: Exactly.

True, neither Cog nor Aladar are quite as skilled in lying as Jrska, but we do have micro-bead comlinks.

Aladar: Jrska can coach you over the micro-bead. Her tongue is in your ear.
Jrska: blalalalalalah.

Aladar: I don't think I could handle a minion
Jrska: We know. We don't trust you to be responsible for anybody. Even yourself.

The cleric that greets us asks us not to bring any heavy weapons down into the shrine-cities, despite his cautious welcome.

Customs-Priest: We don't desire damage to our shrines and temples.
Jrska: Heritage listed buildings...
Aladar: We will of course require our personal arms.
Jrska: Nothing rated for urban renewal.

Aladar is bringing a lascannon anyway. He justifies this on the grounds it's fitted with suspensions, so isn't heavy at all. The suspicion from the Sisters of Battle that escort Cog and Aladar around the spacedock is heavy, however. They ask a few questions about our purpose here, and Cassius' suggested imperial proverbs aren't dissuading them.

Jrska: The Emperor favours the closed mind.
Cassius: Blessed is the mind too small for doubt.

Aladar: There is a person in the tower with information we require.

Jrska: Why not tell them the truth? We have information that agents of the enemy intend to infiltrate the tower.

Aladar completely botches his explanations. Possibly it's the giant codpiece, or the way he forgot to come up with a fake name.

Jrska: Why do we keep sending him on mission-critical tasks?
Cassius: *headdesk* I. Don't. Know.

Happily, he manages to recover. However, it doesn't bode well. And the Sister's distinctly alarmed reaction when we mention the Tower of Silence - the convent where Sisters go after a crisis of faith - is very odd. Perhaps there's already something going on they don't want the Inquisition knowing about?

Cassius: 'To question is to doubt'

Jrska: 'We could tell you, but then we'd have to kill you.'

The escorts asks for time to prepare. Perhaps they can bring the person we want to meet to meet us, rather than disturb the convent?

Jrska: It does not suit our purposes to give them any time to prepare.

They reluctantly agree, but instead use the time to organise a company of Battle-nuns to amass near the convent. Just in case there HAS been corruption, and we need back-up. Although they insist it is unlikely any infiltration of the convent has taken place.

Sister of Battle: The sisters come into contact with each other, but not outside the convent.
Cassius: The convent of the Blended Petals
Jrska: The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.
Sister of Battle: They interact-
All : LOL
Jrska: I want to film this entire mission. We'll have a home movie that would make Ken Russell green with envy.

We start hitting problems immediately - the sheer piety of the locals is grating intensely on our nerves. Judging by the way we have to keep spending Infamy points to reroll willpower checks, we're finding it very difficult to not just run amok through the crowd, like wolves among sheeple.

Jrska: It's not that I hate the Ecclesiarchy - hate is too Khornate. But I do consider them with withering contempt. They're so rabidly anti-fun.

Local Shuttle Pilot : kumbaya, my lord, kumbaya....
Jrska: I'll give him a kumbaya....

Jrska: It's the stench of incense and unwashed pilgrims.

Even Cassius is having difficulty in not lashing out.

Jrska: Obviously the way i'm pretending to be in charge is rubbing you the wrong way.

GM: Some of the more annoying street-preachers are going to be found dead in alleys later, but you manage to refrain from killing them right there in front of the crowd.

Jrska: I've only been here ten minutes and I'm already in serious need of relaxation.
Cog: You're pent up

Once we're out of town ( overtaking the convoy of Sisters who 'just happen' to be going out for training near the convent ) we can relax and decide which of the Ruinous Powers to dedicate the mission to.

Jrska: Dedicating this compact to Slaanesh will help us fit the tongue to the ear. *long, slow, lick of her muzzle.*

Goals of the compact include taking some of the sisters with us when we go - Jrska has another. Seducing one of the nuns and leaving her behind when we go. Mostly because it'll be an amusing challenge.

The Tower of Silence is a very typical fortress-nunnery. The psychic aura around the plateau is more unusual.

Jrska: So they've built the nunnery on top of an outcropping of psychically active rock? Gee, that was bright.

We're tracked by heavy bolter emplacements as we march up to the door. Evidently they take their vows of seclusion seriously.

Aladar: I wonder if those are manned.
Jrska and Aladar's: Womanned.
Aladar: Sorry, I didn't know we were being politically correct today.

Jrska bluffs the group inside.

Jrska: We are here on the business of the Inquistion. ( Which is true, since the business of the Inquisition is heresy )

Jrska: We have become aware that agents of Chaos have, or are going to, infiltrate your convent. We are here to determine whether or not this is true.

The Celestan in charge of the convent is mostly convinced, but remains suspicious of Aladar and his Spanish Galleon.

Jrska: Excuse his appearance and behaviour. We find it useful to present a distraction from the actual investigation at times. Think of him as a useful idiot.
Aladar: I grin and bear it.
Jrska OoC: And the rest of us are thinking he's not even useful.

Cassius intends to stay silent, hulking, and generically threatening throughout our stay at the convent. As long as he keeps the robes on, the Sisters can speculate and worry all they like. Is he some kind of servitor? An Arcoflagellant just waiting for the command word to curbstomp everything in sight? Or even a bound daemonhost, locked in a warded exoskeleton to keep it under control? Either way, he can keep passing on telepathic orders to the rest of us. It's not like Jrska has much practise at resisting stray thoughts.

Jrska: My brain is as wide open as my legs.

The Celestan wants to know more details about the rumours that brought us here. We fob her off with ambiguous platitudes. The news that the convent hasn't had a new inmate in 20 years does put a slight crimp
in our plans, but we remain confident. Jrska effortlessly passes Cog off as a tech-priest here to review the security systems. ALL the security systems.

Cassius: Those who keep silent can hear.
GM: What does that even mean???
Cassius: Whatever we want it too.

Aladar: I'll follow Cog
Cog: If you help me in any way I will drop you off a balcony.

Cassius: 'The seeds have been planted, and now they have come to harvest.'

Jrska takes a particular pleasure in close examination of the Sisters escorting us, because her Dark Soul is putting them all on edge. They even quietly converse with the Celestan about it.

Battle-nuns: 'She's really scary, miss!'

Jrska: You seem uncomfortable. Guilty conscience, perhaps?

Jrska: Battle-nuns are expected to operate under there own resources for extended periods. Basically, sisters are doing it for themselves.
Cassius, Cog, GM: ...*headdesk*

GM: The security room probably has a tech-priest. Going with the theme, it's most likely a woman - tech-priests aren't fussed by that sort of thing.
Jrska: Tech-priestesses have Etheric Beam Locators.

Cog: What does she look like?
Aladar: She's hot.
Jrska: What does your phrenological assessment of her tell you - 'hmm, good Bump of Technological Innovation there'?

GM: Cog is getting flustered trying to talk to the tech-priestess.
Jrska: It's those double D Etheric Beam Locators.

Cog eventually finds his tongue, and overcomes the tech-priests suspicions by berating her about her maintenance schedules and the way mysterious flickers and rolling security blackouts plague the nunnery. As she flusters, Aladar goes to check the video bank, and prod a few buttons, despite the battle-nun escort.

Aladar: Done any worse and I'd have accidentally switched on the porn channel.
Jrska: AKA the recreation room camera
Cog: All that volleyball team
Cassius: *Headdesk.* I'm used to this sort of thing from these two, but it's disconcerting from you.
Cog's player: I'm sorry, I haven't been sleeping well.

The Sister wants to know why Aladar was checking the video feeds.

Aladar: I'm his assistant.
Jrska: That doesn't reflect well on Cog.
GM: It's hard to tell through the helmet but she seems to be raising an eyebrow.
Cog: Sometimes I need an idiot to test live power-cables.
Aladar: Why am I the butt-monkey?
Jrska: Because you are.

Jrska: I'm worried that army of battle-nuns is outside to stop us getting away if we DO find corruption. Kill us to protect the Sisters' reputation. 'The convent mysteriously blew up. What Acolytes?'

At least the inspection is given us a good understanding of the layout, defences, equipment and possible escape routes - exactly as Jrska planned. The fact that all the nuns, not only our escorts, are kept fully trained with bolt guns to hand and ammo under construction even as we pass by is somewhat worrisome. But we do learn the armoury is stocked with anti-demon rounds. Valuable, if damned souls like ourselves could even handle them without third-degree burns.

GM: No, there's no Pentient Engine here.
Cassius: Pentient or Penitent?
GM: Penitent.
Jrska: 'Penitent Inside'

Aladar actually manages to resist Cassius' telepathic SMS.

Cassius: You actually succeed the one time we want you to fail? You fail at failing!
Jrska: You're surprised you couldn't get your thoughts into his head? Why? Nothing else sinks in.
Cog: He's so thick nothing gets through.

Meanwhile, Jrska is off questioning the youngest inductee to the convent. She's been here 20 years, ever since she survived a demonic incursion that killed all her battle-sisters. Sister Joanna flinches and avoid looking at us, Cassius looms, Jrska asks probing questions, and our escort visibly twitch when she brings up the matter of dreams. Clearly *something* is up at the Tower of Silence.

Joanna is also alarmingly perceptive - she immediately picks Cassius as a psyker, but fortunately Jrska has already ordered the escort from the room before Joanna drops her other bombshell.

Sister Joanna: I don't understand... Why are a mutant and a psyker of the Angels of Death here to see me?

Evidently the situation at the convent is not quite as we believed - it's not just the religiously doubting that come here in retreat. This is where the sisters send the ones that actually go nuts. And keeps them fully armed. On top of a mountain of psychic-reactive crystal.

Jrska OoC: 'I've got a good idea - Let's house these nuclear terrorists in a uranium mine!'

My brother has found a new game to terrorise - the Day Z mod for ARMA 2, although he's been amusing himself on the standalone too. He's already got the point that the entire forest occupying the middle of the map is effectively his personal domain. Players will rather run the gauntlet of sniper-infested townships rather than take a shortcut through what is now known as the Haunted Forest.

He started his campaign of terror by wearing a hessian sack with one eye-hole over his head, a lantern under one arm, hefting a fireman's axe and playing creepy music over the game's audio stream. Then he stood behind a bush and just waited, while players armed with crowbars etc nervously investigated the light and creepy music. Which is when he set his head to deranged high-speed wobbling, changed the music to what he describes as creepy yodelling, and leaped out of the bushes screaming gibberish and laying about him with the axe.

Picture the scene.

Not surprisingly the other players completely freaked. The only one with a gun managed to accidentally shoot his own friend, and after they'd all run off blindly into the woods they agreed it was the scariest thing they'd ever fucking seen. And then Ian turned it up to eleven. He would interrupt the chat channels with distant pig squeals and giggling "looking for you, fishie...Gonna find you, fishie...." and carrying out these promises in a campaign of terror that made the Pigman a creature of nightmare. And this in a zombie apocalypse setting.

He does have a certain amount of social justice in his make-up. Such as when snipers would set up shop on the cliff tops to kill re spawning players. You see, Ian has discovered that, unlike walking, sneaking, or even standing still, rolling along the ground has no associated sound effect. So he would silently roll up behind a sniper, and start using another bug in the game to poison the other PC.

The Pigman: Feed person rotten fruit. Feed person disinfectant. Feed person blood pack.
Sniper's HUD: You have a bad taste in your mouth.
Sniper: Eh? I've been poisoned! How - *turns around to find the Pigman looming over him, head wobbling maniacally, and squealing like a stuck pig*

At this point more than one of the snipers has recoiled right off the cliff.

And then he got hold of a crossbow. PCs lurking around the woods would hear things the following.

The Pigman: reeeeeeeeeeeee, fishy fishy.... I can see you....

And then everybody would hear a p-chunk, and get the message that another PC was dead. Ian had a grand ol time stalking one of them.

The Pigman: reeeeeeeeeeeee, looking for me, ain't you, fishy? You're a cute one... Gonna make love to you.... reeeeeeeeeeeee

At this point Victim One runs for it, Ian shoots him the leg, and he screams for help. An ally comes running, right past Ian who has ducked down, his hessian sack the same colour as the tree bark. Ian then shoots the new guy in the leg as well.

The Pigman: Two little fishies! Two little fishies! Dunno what I'll do... Cut the head off one and the bottom off another.... reeeeeeeeeeeee.

The two victims are completely losing their shit, begging the Pigman to let them go, and frantically offloading everything they own as bribes - weapons, gear.... And clothing.

The Pigman: Getting me excited now, fishies!

The Pigman does go into town occasionally, when he needs gear his victims aren't carrying. Once, he spotted another PC going by the name of Kahleesi. She was talking to a trader, so Ian rolled up behind her and started a campfire. She was a bit upset when she burst into flame.

The Pigman: You're not the Khaleesi! The true Khaleesi is immune to fire!

The Khaleesi also fell victim up Ian's method of disposing of unwanted petrol drums. This involved piling them up near a random base, and attaching some C4. The resulting mushroom cloud was visible and audible across the entire map. The Khaleesi was not pleased to find her base reduced to concrete walls and her loot scattered across the landscape.

Occasionally, well-armed teams DO go into the woods. One such laid a line of flares out behind them, so they wouldn't get lost. The Pigman silently stalked them, extinguishing each flare as he went.

PC: What happened to our flares? I thought they were supposed to last for hours.
PC 2: .... Oh no.
The Pigman: reeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
All PCs: *scream, panic, flee into the darkness in random directions*

One character managed to get the drop on the Pigman, back before everyone knew what he was capable of, and they still thought he was a special GM event. He demanded weapons and loot. Pigman started jiggling and swaying from side to side.

Other PC: You don't have any weapons?

Pigman spasms and jerks, and carefully places a book on the ground.

Other PC: You want me to read this? Well, OK.

And this is wear Ian abuses ANOTHER bug in the game - a book, when read, occupies the entire screen.

The Pigman: *reaches across and handcuffs the other PC*
Other PC WTF?!?! Dude! You can't leave me like this!!!!
The Pigman: *just stares for a long time, without moving, then flips the bird and fire off a few rounds into the air to attract wandering zombies, and runs off, squealing like a pig and babbling about little fishies.*

It's got to the point that the mere sound of pig squeals provokes panic, regardless of the situation.

The Pigman: reeeeeeeeeeeee
Player: Oh god.... I just fired 400 rounds into the bushes. I'm out of ammo and I'm in the middle of nowhere.

Ian did manage to terrorise one team's base, by popping up at windows, silently jiggling and wobbling spasmodically. The player inside, of course, opened fire, but Ian had already ducked back down.

Player: ... Did I just see that?

Ian repeats this performance at another window, provoking the same response. At the third window, he starts squealing as well, and the people inside lose their shit completely.

Players: We're friendly!!! We're friendly!!!! Don't kill us, we're friendly!!!!
The Pigman: Fishies don't shoot when they're friendly. Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

He's also taken to jelly-beaning the unwary, leaving a trail of almost empty ammo cartridges off to an obvious trap - a valuable firearm, just sitting on the ground. And all the terrain around it shot up with hundreds of bullet holes. The Pigman then hides in the bushes nearby and waits. He's watched players stand there for minutes at a time, thinking about whether to risk it.

One more unwise individual wanted to go back for the gun, with help. His more experienced friend wanted nothing to do with it.

Paranoid Player: I'm not going there with you. I'm not going there with an army. I know who's behind this - he's hilarious but completely fucking insane. I've watched him throw that hessian mask one way, and while you're shooting at it he's running up behind you with an axe. He'll put that mask on one of your wounded allies and while you're shooting at your friend he's running up behind you with an axe. He will be there, watching you
Insufficiently Paranoid Player: But it's a really good gun! One-shot kill!
Paranoid Player: And how long will it take you to load it?
Insufficiently Paranoid Player: ... 30 seconds?
Paranoid Player: Right. 30 seconds for him to run up behind you with an axe.

As it was, the insufficiently paranoid player found a noob to watch his back. The Pigman rolled up to the noob, tasered him, and after they figured out that this wasn't some sort of electrical trap and they were being hunted by the Pigman, he already had them covered with a shotgun.

The Pigman: Drop your pants. Drop your loot. Fishie fishie.

He has them both strip to their underwear, cuffs them, force feeds them rotten fruit, and drags them off to a cliff top. Their, he throws the antidote ( itself corrupt, but he doesn't tell them that ) off the cliff, and gives them an ultimatum - one jumps off the cliff, and ones goes free. The noob, having less to lose, jumps.

Noob: Hey, I survived! Wait, I'm still handcuffed. And I'm bleeding. And now I'm dead. Fuck.
Insufficiently Paranoid Player: You'll let me go now, right?
The Pigman: No fishie fishie .... You and me get to play a game....
Insufficiently Paranoid Player: *is dragged off screaming into the woods*
Other players on the audio channel, wondering at the noise: What are you screaming about?
Insufficiently Paranoid Player: He's got me! He's going to do something!
Paranoid Player: I warned you. You deserve everything you get.


What he gets is being dragged to an abandoned house, his leg broken, his hands cuffed behind his back, and informed that somewhere in the house are the keys to the cuffs, a medipack, and a gun with one bullet. Also, that he'd better hurry, because there are people coming over.

The Pigman: *fires multiple shots into the air to attract zombies, and leaves. * Fishie Fishie.

And that's just the Zombie mod of the game. Wait until you hear about everything else he's been up to...

Be polite to everyone. The next person you meet might be a world-class supervillain in their secret ID.
 
Even in a world with superpowers, knowledge is power.
 
Everyone has their kryptonite. Mine is cupcakes.
 
Spandex is a privilege, not a right.
 
Superscience has built powered armor suits that can fly and fire lasers without needing to be recharged ... but our smartphones still crap out before we get the chance to recharge them.
 
The worst part of being a superhero is the slash fanfic.

Be polite to everyone. The next person you meet might be a world-class supervillain in their secret ID.
 
Even in a world with superpowers, knowledge is power.
 
Everyone has their kryptonite. Mine is cupcakes.
 
Spandex is a privilege, not a right.
 
Superscience has built powered armor suits that can fly and fire lasers without needing to be recharged ... but our smartphones still crap out before we get the chance to recharge them.
 
The worst part of being a superhero is the slash fanfic.

Be polite to everyone. The next person you meet might be a world-class supervillain in their secret ID.
 
Even in a world with superpowers, knowledge is power.
 
Everyone has their kryptonite. Mine is cupcakes.
 
Spandex is a privilege, not a right.
 
Superscience has built powered armor suits that can fly and fire lasers without needing to be recharged ... but our smartphones still crap out before we get the chance to recharge them.
 
The worst part of being a superhero is the slash fanfic.

Magic is like the violin.  It's an easy instrument to play...badly.

I don't know as this is what you're looking for, but I always thought it was appropriate for a world where superpowers are real--
 
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power”--Abraham Lincoln

Not everything is a Hydra* plot.
Which doesn't mean this isn't a Hydra plot, mind you.
 
*substitute other evil conspiracy for Hydra as needed.

Downtime between jobs - for one thing we have to get Inkubus' lung cloned and replaced, after that Ancient Horror stabbed him through the chest with one of its pointier appendages.

Felix: Look on the bright side - you'll be able to quit smoking while your new lung is healing up.
Inkubus: That there is crazy talk.
Titus: He's still got one good one.

There is a minor glitch during recovery - a seizure provoked by an abreaction to the medication, but the surgeon assures us their will be no ongoing consequences.

Felix: No need to warm up the malpractice lawyers then.

Felix: You'll probably want him out of here unless you want him to harass the nurses. More.

Too late. By the third day he's somehow talked five of the nurses into bed, at once. At least the pay-off from the Elementals job (before they sent the vampire after us) is enough to pay all the medical bills AND give us a very tidy profit on top. Time to go shopping.

Warhammer: I need to get some C12 explosive.
Felix: We can't get you any C12, but we can get you half a six-pack of C4.

Greenlight's: It's urban camouflage.
Felix: What, neon and chrome?

And since we're all Adepts or Mages (even though we do nothing to advertise the fact) we may as well take advantage of the fact and set ourselves up as an Initiate circle. Much argument ensues, even about the circle's name.

Felix: We can always confuse people and call ourselves the Bastards of Carnage.
Inkubus: That's the thing - the name only has to have meaning for us. We could call ourselves the Happy Pink Flufflepuffs.
Felix: *wince* I'm having enough problems with the way you keep calling me Bubbles.

Labrat: The Five Metas?
Felix: Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars.

We'll have to meet regularly - doing so assists each other's efforts at improving themselves.

Felix: And is an excuse for a good meal.

Plus, if we're going to be working together we need to improve team spirit.

Felix: Movie Night!

Inkubus: We don't accept legitimate mages, this group is for Shadowrunners.
Felix: :/ We don't accept 'legitimate' mages?

Inkubus: We treat others with professionalism and courtesy.
Warhammer: I have a problem with courtesy.
Greenlight: We ARE criminals.

Warhammer wonders how much head armour he can wear on the street without attracting untoward attention.

Felix: You could always get a bulletproof touk and pretend to be Canadian.
Inkubus: *facepalm*

We decide on a name for the circle.

Inkubus: The Set-Up. 'A Human, an Orc, a Troll, an Elf and a Dwarf walk into a bar'
Greenlight: I keep forgetting you're human, Bubbles. But then I don't really think of Aztlans as human.
Felix: *bristles*

But he doesn't say anything. After his various comments about not being able to tell trolls apart, he probably deserves that commentary of his family's origin on the far side of the Rio Grande. Anyway, all healed up, Inkubus wants to make sure he's still the uber-stud he was before, and now he's got a few more tricks up his sleeves to really impress the ladies.

Felix: I don't think the purpose of our Initiatory Circle was so you can Get More.
Inkubus: None of you lot are girls.

And it's during the aftermath of such an evening that Inkubus gets a call. Crawling out from under the pile of willing wenches, he discovers it's his Fixer on the videophone. Apparently another entertainment-related job has come up, and word has got around about how well the team handled the Elementals affair. Presumably the word of what happened AFTER we got paid hasn't. Either way, the Fixer is a bit distracted by the scene behind Inkubus. Apparently the client asked for Inkubus, because his insider knowledge of the Seattle entertainment industry will be useful.

Fixer: 'Interesting piercing'

Felix: Well, it is the Seattle music scene... I wonder if there are any Grunge Mages out there.

Inkubus texts everybody with instructions for the meet with the client. Bound spirits and Felix will watch over the meet-up, just in case it's a Admiral Ackbar. This might seem suspicious, but we DID murder a music exec last month.

Inkubus: Keep weapons light.
Warhammer: I'll leave the rocket-launcher at home

Inkubus is reluctant to leave the sweaty pile on the bed too soon.

Inkubus: I'm still celebrating.
Warhammer: Need back-up?

Titus: Shadowrunning isn't a hobby, it's a profession.
Inkubus: Except for Bubbles.
Felix: Hey!

Either way, the client wants to sabotage the promotion of some new junkfood, called Ambergel. The plan is to meet the simsense star Euphoria who is in Seattle as part of the promotion, and keep her so busy with clubs, parties, etc that she misses all her appointments for the next three days. The client has even arranged a house we can use to keep her on ice.

Client: She has reasonable security on her hotel room.
Greenlight: Reasonable compared to what?
Felix: We remember the crocodile.

The client leaves, and we promptly start brainstorming ideas to get her out of the hotel and off to somewhere we can keep her busy. Perhaps take her up to a nice cabin outside town?

Felix: I'm thinking an anaesthetic aerosol spray and a remote control hang-glider.

Felix: If we want to make sure she doesn't just sneak out a window, how about we hire a boat and go on a scenic tour of the Pacific Trash Vortex?

Felix OoC: I'm sure the biggest problem with the boat idea is that it'll screw the plot.
GM: The cabin idea will screw the plot.
Inkubus OoC: Let's hope it doesn't work then.

Inkubus does feel a little uncomfortable about using his seductive talents in a professional basis again.But he has to admit that it IS a good way to approach the problem, just like it had worked with the Elementals last month.

Inkubus OoC: It's not that I see everything as a nail, it's the game - it keeps giving me nail-shaped objects to hammer.

Inkubus: I'm starting to feel like a prostitute.
Felix: *sings* Gigalo, Gigalo, Gigalo!

Felix: If you're feeling uncomfortable, imagine how the rest of us feel being your team of wingmen.

We do, in fact, go with Felix's boat idea. Euphoria's bodyguards don't care either way, since they get a free boat ride out of it too and we haven't actually threatened Euphoria. Labrat poses as the hired motor yacht's skipper, Felix will be the ship's cook, and the other members of the team are all aboard in one guise or another, as Inkubus' 'employees'. We do get a phonecall on the second evening, however, asking well the hell we are - nobody has showed up to the client's safehouse yet. We tell him we haven't needed it, since the clubbing and boating plan is working so well. We may or may not learn later that by coming up with this scheme, we have completely borked a major magical conspiracy, and they're scrambling to adapt to the changed situation. The change they arrive at is to fly out to our yacht in a helicopter, disable us with a bazooka, sic a notorious international Mage assassin on us, and kidnap Euphoria. The conspiracy has no idea what they're letting themselves in for. Felix is too busy preparing the breakfast trays to notice the attack until it's well under way, nonetheless.

Felix: What's going on?
Greenlight: Look up!
Assorted firearms: Bang! Bang!
Felix: No, the cantaloupe!

(Weldun, Inkubus' player, has been toying with a large transforming Millennium Falcon toy why all this has been going on - he strikes a problem.

Weldun: How do I detach Chewie from Han? Because right now Han's head is up Chewie's arse.)

A rocket propelled grapnel is fired into the yacht and a figure is sliding down towards us, even as the helicopter and bazooka operator behind him are being hit with an assortment of amusing hexes ('hooray for auto-pilot' they would say, if they were going to live more than a few minutes). The figure plummets as the line is severed, then comes to a halt in mid-air.

Felix: ...
Inkubus: ...
Greenlight: Fuck that noise!

Still, the attackers clearly weren't expecting the hail of magic, rifle fire, etc that they got as a welcome gift. Neither were Euphoria and her bodyguards, who were somewhat alarmed when everybody started pulling assault rifles out from lockers, or fire arcane energies, and bringing a helicopter and a flying man down, all in twelve seconds. Felix suggests we throw the sinking helicopter a life jacket, so we can honestly say we offered SOME assistance when the Harbour Authority arrives to investigate

Felix: I didn't say rescue them, just throw them a life-jacket.
Greenlight: ONE life-jacket.
Inkubus:They'll have to get real friendly-like. Let me get my camera.

Greenlight: I shot that guy in the face
GM: Wilhelm scream, splash

At least having all those firearms stashed away makes sense. Even without the risk of pirates, there's paracritters to worry about.

Titus: These things have cleared cargo ships of people.

Inkubus attempts explanations to the pretty but somewhat clueless Euphoria.

Inkubus: I'm a Mage. So?
Felix: The cook is a Mage.
Greenlight: You keep a highly competent crew
Inkubus: Not every Mage goes into security work
Inkubus: He's a Mage butler - it's the new fashion in England. *whispers to Felix* I'll make it up to you.

Still, the payout is generous. We gleefully count our credit go home, and continue our more ordinary lives. We don't know it yet, but rumours about us are already spreading in the Shadowrunner community. That mage we shot out of the sky was bad news, and we still managed to take him down legally, AND offer 'assistance' to a helicopter in trouble afterwards.

Inkubus: NuYen, not Karma. I did not just earn 23,000 Karma.
GM: You just Ascended.
Greenlight: And then you had sex with the dragons.
Labrat: All of them.
All: At once.

Felix: Tell Greenlight and Titus to bring eggs.
Warhammer: I'll bring two, but they're mine.

Inkubus: We're going to get a reputation. How do you keep doing this shit without breaking the law.
Titus: Well we did start that gang war.
Greenlight: And no-one can prove it

Of course, if we ever do have to flee town we have a limited number of options (purely because there's only a few places the publishers have expanded enough for a comprehensive campaign). Best to stick with non-lethal weapons for the time being.

GM: It's either here or Berlin.
Warhammer: Berlin? That's good, I like Russian.
Labrat: German.
Inkubus: ... Russian?!?

Titus: What would a gel-round for a shotgun be?
Inkubus: Bean-bag round.
Felix: Picture it - SPLAT! Right in the face.
Titus: I'm picturing gel miniguns, now. 20 seconds firing and it looks like a mad paintgun battle

Best quote from tonight's game, from a Holy Warrior regarding a emotionally-repressed PC:
 
 
Father Winter: "You know, I have Cure Disease. Does it work on Asperger's?"
 
 
- Lonewalker

"You can never have too much dynamite."
 
"On the contrary, there are times when you can have too much dynamite."
 
"Like when?"
 
"When you are on fire."

Campaign: Heroes for Hire
 
Dramatis Personae: 
 
Darkstar; Dark force energy projector and manipulator.
Hombre Panthera; shape changing were-jaguar.
<Universal Translator Fail> A two-headed Alternative Earth alien. His name is never said the same way twice. Luck powers and a ray gun. (Hereafter called <UTF>. )
 
<UTF> is being surveilled by anti-alien racists The Exterminators (from 4e). The Exterminators have also kidnapped an alien from off the streets (aliens DO walk among us in this campaign.) We have been hired by the missing alien's sister to find and rescue him. Lacking any good leads we decide to use <UTF> as bait for a trap. 
 
Darkstar: What we need is some sort of bait that they can take and then we can follow them to their base.
Darkstar and Hombre Panthera look at <UTF>.
<UTF>  Why is everyone looking at me?
 
Lacking a proper tracking device we give <UTF> a flying surveillance drone with the intent that he can let it out when he's at the bad guy base.
 
Darkstar: Here's the tracking device. All you have to do is hide it on yourself.
 
<UTF> takes device, reaches around behind himself, into his pants and, um, inserts it.
 
Darkstar: Um, you could just keep it in a pocket or something.
<UTF>: No, no. They might search my pockets. 
Hombre Panthera: So this is a flying drone? What happens if I operate the joystick like this?
<UTF> Nngyyahhh.
 
We know The Exterminators have kidnapped people from an itinerant day worker pick up spot. We decide we will send <UTF> there in the morning. Since it's late now we hit the sack to get a fresh start early in the morning.
 
Darkstar: You know, you can take the drone out for now. We're not going anywhere until morning.
 
awkward pause.
 
<UTF>  They might try to kidnap me in the night.
Darkstar: That's not very likely...
<UTF> You don't know that! 

Inkubus OoC: We still have to figure out how we met.
Felix OoC: Craigslist.
Inkubus OoC: I probably used my usual trick - turned up with a really expensive bottle of wine.

Inkubus: Felix and I both like the good things in life
Titus: It's your only good point
Inkubus: I like all the debased things in life too. I just like life

On Inkubus' ability to solve every problem with his 'charisma'

Inkubus: When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail
Felix: 'the hammer is my penis'?

Anyway, regarding the latest job, getting the band back together. Specifically, the Elementals, back to their recording company. This we achieved by convincing them Shadowrunners were after them, staging a raid on our home, and dragging their unconscious behinds off to one of our hideouts.

We then reinforced this 'ransoming' them back to their company, thus making the company look good, and the band unlikely to try going independent again in future. Just a little bonus for our employer - it's little touches like that that ensure repeat business.

Inkubus: Not bad for having a concussion grenade go off between my legs.
Titus: How are the plums, anyway?

In fact, the client is so impressed he immediately offers us extra work - in order to promote the Elemental's latest album, they were going to be filming a music tri-vid. Of course, the band doing a runner wrecked the schedule, which is extremely inconvenient, since they were going to be filming outside Seattle's border in Salish-Shidhe (one of the Native American States) and the permit to do so has now expired. Perhaps our team can escort the band and film crew across anyway, so they can get the filming done anyway without anyone noticing?

Inkubus: I wonder where they want to film that's so important
Inkubus: Mt Rainier?Felix: Mt. Rainier? That's an active volcano isn't it?
Inkubus: We better not be filming there.
Felix: Wouldn't surprise me - they are the Elementals.

Felix: Bloody artistic integrity - can't they find a forest this side of the border to film in?

A major challenge, given half the team were the ones that 'kidnapped' them the day before. This new mission will need some thought before we accept - even though Labrat actually has dual citizenship of Seattle and Salish-Shidhe, we're going to need bribe money at the very least.

Greenlight: We're going to need extra money for this - one of us has already taken a stun grenade to the balls tonight.

GM: He's willing to let you keep the any vehicles and materiel you require.
Felix: 'We require a nuclear submarine.'

Inkubus: We'll use a novel technique to get past the border patrol - the truth. 'We HAD a permit, and these pricks went and run off to do their own thing - you know artistic types - and by the time we got them back the visa expired.'
Felix: 'and THIS prick insists on artistic integrity, so we have to film in your forest'.

Greenlight: Get your Inkubus Action Figure!
Felix: With Realistic Hip Thrusting Action!
Greenlight: Irrational Hatred of Scarves!
Felix: Dressed like a Chippendale Dancer!

Thus back to Titus' hide-out - the one with the sealed-up windows, sunlamps, and indoor farm. Of vegetables and chickens, not weed, since real food is rather more desirable than drugs these days. It also has something new - a vampiric assassin, who drops on us from the ceiling, spraying magic and automatic gunfire with gay abandon.

Inkubus OoC: Fangs for the Memories! One Shadowrunner! Two Shadowrunners! Three Shadowrunners! HAHAHAHA

FelixOoC: I wonder who we pissed off so much that they sent a vampire after us.

Despite the fact we outnumber him severely, the vampire is a formidable opponent. Even the fact that the entire team consists of mages and adepts didn't given him reason to pause.

Felix OoC: So six of us vs. one guy is a worse fight than us vs. several hundred bikers.
Inkubus OoC: Yup. Conservation of ninjitsu - 'hey, they only sent one ninja! ..... We're boned.'

Felix calls up a bound Earth Elemental, before being gunned down ( good thing he bought that very very expensive bulletproof coat ).

Labrat: So a big orange rocky thing has appeared, saying 'It's clobbering time!'?

Actually, no - the elemental itself is badly outclassed. Especially since the vampire can go to mist form and still cast magic. It's only Titus' desperate swing with his sledgehammer that saves us, since even in mist form, carriers of the vampire virus are still violently allergic to wood.

Labrat: We have wood for vampire

Greenlight manages to disarm and stun the bastard with a shock baton, and we tie him to a wooden chair for magical interrogation. We haven't figured out the allergy thing yet, but once we notice the haemorrhaging hit points we realise we'd better hurry. Since we don't dare risk untying him, either. Inkubus gets to work, telepathically ripping out the vampire's banking details, safety deposit box numbers, and anything else we can use. Such as the information that he was trying to kill us, as a favour for his friend Eclipse - the music exec that hired us.

Inkubus: Jeez, I know they say the music industry is a bunch of bloodsuckers, I didn't think they meant it literally.

We are more than slightly pissed off - after going to all that trouble to make the exec look good, being assassinated as loose ends is a bit aggravating. Naturally, we intend to reciprocate.

Inkubus: We'll send him a photo of his assassin tied to a chair
Greenlight: With a caption - See You Soon

Labrat: I'll include a musical sting 'nana nana, nana nana, hey hey hey, goodbye'

To add insult to injury, we'll 'rescue' that band and help them go independent.

Inkubus: We're going to rescue them. I 'hired' the very Shadowrunners that kidnapped them in the first place
Felix: Schlock Mercenary -
All: WE GET PAID TWICE
Inkubus: Do the happy dance, Tagon!

Labrat finishes off the dying assassin in a manner that would make Cronenberg or Kurosawa proud.

Greenlight: Jesus Christ, Labrat, what the fuck?!?! I thought you were going to cut his throat, not cut his fucking head off! Are you fucking Yakuza!?!

Hopefully, nobody will catch HMHVV from all the blood that sprays around.

So, time for revenge - Inkubus and Felix will set up shop a few kilometres away with telescopes, where they can overlook the exec's penthouse apartment in an otherwise empty ten-storey block. Line-of-sight magic is so damn useful. Labrat and Greenlight will go up the inside of the building, working their way past any security. Titus and Warhammer will climb up the outside. Then, when we're all in position, we send the 'Seeing You Soon' gif to the target and each other, to scare the execs shitless and then render him lifeless while he's panicking.

Greenlight: This is a military-grade lock. I've only heard of these things in a theoretical 'zine. This might actually be a challenge.
Labrat: *ClickclickclickPOP* Or not.

As it happens, our elaborate efforts are wasted - he's not home. His giant salamander fire elemental is.

Felix: He's got a fucking pet crocodile!

There's a naga too, hiding in the teepee/medicine lodge set up in one of the rooms, but after he sees what happens to the salamander he surrenders without a fight. At least this explains how the exec knew where to send the vampire - he's a magician. And according to certain notes on his computer, found while the team is busy ransacking the place, he's intending to use the band to awaken an ancient and probably evil spirit called Twilight.

Greenlight: Eclipse? Twilight?
Inkubus: Noooooooo! The Sparkles! The Sparkles!
Felix: And their video director is Lupus.
Inkubus: Damn you Stephanie Meyers!

It's also a full moon. But at least this explains why he tried to have us killed - we were rather more important loose ends than we thought.

GM: Who enters the teepee first?
All: *point at the troll*

Kaa, the Naga, happily comes with us. He should find the sunlamps and pond at Titus' hide-out quite comfortable. Such are the drawbacks of using intelligent creatures as your slaves - they tend to resent it.

Titus: Kaa... Which is... Ukrainian for Penis?
All: *give Titus a Look*

Inkubus: Hang about, I've got the badge - Nagas Are People Too

Just prior to setting the apartment on fire and blaming the salamander, one last ransacking for anything valuable, anything magical, anything that should be given to the band, and anything we can use for a long distance magical attack on the exec. Hair and fingernail clippings would be good.

Felix: Did you check the drain in his shower?
Greenlight: I was afraid to touch it
Labrat: He was afraid it would become sentient and attack him.

So off on a cross-border roadtrip, to stop a major ritual, kill a backstabbing exec, liberate a band, and avoid whatever werewolves, snipers, and other protections Eclipse has arranged. There's no point telling the authorities - even if they believed us it would take too long for them to get off their collective asses.
 

Quotes from Owlcon - part 4
 
Drama Dice 2.0 "Team Maximum: Little Girl Lost"
 
Team Maximum is the Justice League of their universe. That level of power, but without the squeaky-clean image.
 
The core members of Team Maximum
El Bombastico: the toughest man in the world, Em's husband
Em: a powerful witch, El Bombastico's wife
Ghost: the deadliest man in the world, ex-special ops with high-tech gear
Mach: the fastest man in the world, a flying speedster
Madame Raven: the supreme sorceress
Fox: the world's greatest shapeshifter
The Imagineer: the world's smartest man, wears nano-crystalline powered armor
 
While selecting characters.
Player: "Em has a signature spell called 'Find MacGuffin'."
 
El Bombastico and Em have a daughter. Loki kidnapped her.
El Bombastico: "I'm going to shove my boot so far up Loki's ___ that he's going to be tasting shoe leather for a year."
 
The daughter's trail led to Asgard. Loki's trail led to Earth-616. The core members followed the trail to Asgard.
 
Asgard was shielded and ready for war. The group opened a small hole in the shield and snuck through. Em used her illusions to disguise Madame Raven as the Enchantress. Em disguised the rest of the group as normal Asgardians. Madame Raven made the illusion look more complete by charming two valkyries. The group used the disguises to reach Odin's throne room unopposed.
Em: "As we walk into Odin's throne room, I'm going to drop the illusion."
Mach: "Why not leave it up and try to fool him?"
The Imagineer: "We will be facing Odin, on his throne, at his center of power."
Madame Raven: "There is no illusion powerful enough to fool him."
The Imagineer: "That's his thing."
 
The Imagineer, Mach and Fox were of Atlantean descent, so they decided Odin would be more receptive to having them speak on the group's behalf. Fox assumed a large, imposing, regal, draconic form for the meeting.
The Imagineer: (to Odin) "Odin All-Father, we apologize for this intrusion into your domain, but we do so only under the utmost duress. The daughter of two of my companions was stolen from them, and the trail led here. As a father, I'm sure you understand the lengths someone would go to to protect their own child."
Loki: (stepping out from the shadows behind Odin's throne) "Father, they are telling you lies...."
Fox: (interrupting) "I see you have a serpent too."
 
Loki: "If what they are saying is true, then why have they weakened our defenses and allowed our ancient enemies to attack?"
Loki paused. Nothing happened.
Loki: (yelling loudly) "Why have they weakened our defenses and allowed our ancient enemies to attack?"
Sounds of battle erupted outside. This was followed by an explosion as Surtur, king of the fire giants, smashed through the wall of the throne room.
 
El Bombastico, Mach and the Imagineer forced Surtur out of the throne room, off the bridge and into the lake.
GM: "Surtur is standing in 20 feet of water, but he's 50 feet tall."
Fox: (describing actions) "As I stalk out of the throne room and onto the bridge, my scales shift to a silvery-white color."
GM & various players (ooc): "Oh my god. I don't believe it. He's a white dragon."
Fox blasted Surtur with his frost breath, leaving Surtur's legs pinned with ice. Surtur was alive, but ashen-skinned, with only a few small flames still flickering around him.
Fox: "Surrender ... or die ..."
Fox inhaled. Surtur surrendered.
 
Loki fled the throne room during the battle. Afterwards....
The Imagineer: (to Odin) "Hopefully we have demonstrated that we are not your enemy. But we cannot leave without my companions' daughter."
Odin: (nods) "Follow me."
Em: (quietly) "I'm glad he didn't say, 'Walk this way.'"
 
The group caught up to Loki in the vault and rescued El Bombastico and Em's daughter from him.
Daughter: "Mommy! Daddy! You came! I missed you!"
El Bombastico: (sweetly, to daughter) "Look away honey. Daddy has some business to attend to." (not so sweetly, to Loki) "Prepare to taste some boot leather."
Fox: (cheerfully, to Loki) "Bend over and cough."
 
If Loki was in Asgard, why did his trail lead to Earth-616 ... ?

Quotes from Owlcon - part 5
 
Drama Dice 2.0 "Avengers: Little Girl Lost"
 
While the core members of Team Maximum were tracking down the kidnapped daughter, the Team Maximum reservists (inside Team Maximum's ship, Axis Mundi) pursued Loki. But why did his trail lead them to earth?
 
Avengers roster
Iron Man / Tony Stark
The Hulk / Bruce Banner
Thor
Black Widow / Natasha Romanova
Wasp
Quicksilver / Pietro Maximoff
Scarlet Witch / Wanda Maximoff
 
 
Reed Richards warned Iron Man of an impending incursion from the Negative Zone. It could be Annihilus and his army. Iron Man immediately called the Avengers to assemble in the mansion's ready room.
GM (ooc): Banner walks in, instead of the Hulk. You're not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.
Iron Man (ooc): It's a good thing. I don't feel like redecorating.
Quicksilver (ooc): The mansion?
Iron Man (ooc): No. New York City.
 
There was a horrible noise in the sky over Manhattan. A large vehicle, ten miles tall and six miles in diameter entered from the negative zone. Four spheres, the size of large buildings, orbited the ship. Objects rained down from the ship, all over Manhattan.
 
One of the objects landed on the lawn of the Avengers' mansion. It appeared to be the headless body of Annihilus. The other falling objects appeared to be thousands of insectoid corpses.
Iron Man: "Well, that's one problem we don't need to worry about."
 
 
A huge hologram of a blue, crystalline woman broadcasted that they were searching for something that was lost. Anyone in their way would be dealt with harshly. Iron Man made two attempts to communicate with the ship. The first attempt was ignored. The second was blocked.
Jarvis: "S.H.I.E.L.D. is calling. They are most insistent."
Iron Man: "Put them through."
The connection was made.
Iron Man: "S.H.I.E.L.D., Stark here. Little bit busy right now."
Nick Fury: "Stark, there's an incursion over Manhattan. Do everything in your power to stop it."
Iron Man: "What do you think we're busy doing?"
 
The ship sent out a worldwide pulse, which reacted to Thor's hammer, and some more distant items. The ship immediately responded by unsuccessfully trying to wrest Mjolnir from Thor's hand.
Black Widow: "S.H.I.E.L.D. has some Asgardian artifacts at its local headquarters. Maybe that's what they're looking for. Should we give the artifacts to them?"
Iron Man: "Let's wait until they tell us what they want. I don't want to just start handing them artifacts, hoping they'll go away."
 
A powerful force field surrounded the ship. Wasp flew through it, apparently unnoticed. Hulk wanted to get through the force field too, but couldn't break through on his own.
Hulk: "Hammer man hit wall. Hulk hit wall. Smash through."
GM (ooc): "You know, I actually understood that."
 
With Thor's help, Hulk smashed through the force field, onto the exterior of the ship.Scarlet Witch fired a hex bolt through it, causing one of the enormous spheres to malfunction and crash into the side of the ship.
Iron Man: (broadcasting again) "Are you ready to tell us what you're looking for, or should we continue breaking your toys?"
 
Several superhumans teleported into S.H.I.E.L.D.'s Manhattan headquarters, apparently to retrieve the Asgardian artifacts from the vault. Black Widow, Iron Man, Quicksilver and Thor headed to S.H.I.E.L.D., while Hulk, Scarlet Witch and Wasp continued to deal with the ship.
 
Wasp entered the ship through the large hole caused by Scarlet Witch. Upon entering, she found herself in a park where several children were playing.
Wasp: (growing larger so she can be seen) "Children, it's not safe here. Follow me and I'll take you to shelter."
Little Girl: "It's a pixie! Mine! Mine! Mine!"
Roots shot from the ground near the girl, trying to entangle Wasp.
Little Boy: "No! It's mine! Pixie! Pixie! Pixie!"
Darts shot from the boy's hand, narrowly missing Wasp.
Wasp: (with a horrified look on her face) "These children will be fine on their own. My work here is done."
 
Four Avengers arrived at S.H.I.E.L.D.
Black Widow: "I think they're heading for the vault."
Quicksilver: "I'm guessing the trail of destruction won't be hard to follow."
 
Four superhumans reached S.H.I.E.L.D.'s vault. Iron Man squared off against WarTalker, who had skill mimicry like Taskmaster, wore nanocrystalline armor made by The Imagineer, and could use his armor to create solid light objects like Green Lantern.
Iron Man: "It's not the quality of the suit that matters ..."
Iron Man remotely hacked WarTalker's suit, then shut the suit down.
Iron Man: "It's the quality of the man inside of it."
 
As Scarlet Witch flew near the ship, a magic portal opened. Witch Girl flew out and attacked Scarlet Witch.
Scarlet Witch: (flying past Witch Girl and into the ship) "Thanks. Bye bye."
Scarlet Witch closed and sealed the magic portal behind her, trapping Witch Girl outside.
Witch Girl: "My mom is going to kill me."
 
WarTalker managed to grab the Tiara of the Enchantress and escape. Thor recovered the Wrecker's crowbar. Thor also recovered one of Loki's staffs, which appeared to be the target that the superhumans were after. Upon grasping the staff, Thor heard Loki's voice in his head, taunting him that he was about to lose all he cared for.
Thor: "I think this staff was a trap for S.H.I.E.L.D. left by Loki. I believe he was using it to spy on S.H.I.E.L.D."
Iron Man: "Can I see it for a second?"
Iron Man attached a tiny speaker to the staff.
Thor: "What is that?"
Iron Man: "It's a little vibrating speaker. It plays an endless loop of 'The Girl from Ipanema'."
 
Black Widow: "Nick Fury doesn't seem too happy that Thor found out about the Asgardian artifacts, but I don't think he's going to make a big deal about it."
Thor gave Black Widow a dark stare.
Iron Man: "Well, Thor doesn't seem too happy that S.H.I.E.L.D. was keeping a few Asgardian artifacts. Hopefully he won't make a big deal about it either."
 
Scarlet Witch opened a magic portal from the inside the ship, allowing the four Avengers to travel from S.H.I.E.L.D. to the interior of the ship. Scarlet Witch examined Loki's staff and discovered that it broadcast a mystic signal, making it appear that Loki was at that location. Iron Man, meanwhile, found an open data port and hacked into the ship's PA system.
Iron Man: "I'm in your ship, touching your stuff. Are you ready to talk to us now?"
 
The Avengers managed to quickly reach a truce with Maxine, the blue, crystalline woman. Then a loud explosion echoed from elsewhere in the ship ... and it wasn't the Hulk.
Maxine: "Perhaps you could help us with an enemy. Especially since if you don't, everyone on your planet might die."
Quicksilver: "You say that like it's a rule: Superhero groups have to fight each other before they team up."

Quotes from Owlcon - part 4
 
Drama Dice 2.0 "Team Maximum: Little Girl Lost"
 
Team Maximum is the Justice League of their universe. That level of power, but without the squeaky-clean image.
 
The core members of Team Maximum
El Bombastico: the toughest man in the world, Em's husband
Em: a powerful witch, El Bombastico's wife
Ghost: the deadliest man in the world, ex-special ops with high-tech gear
Mach: the fastest man in the world, a flying speedster
Madame Raven: the supreme sorceress
Fox: the world's greatest shapeshifter
The Imagineer: the world's smartest man, wears nano-crystalline powered armor
 
While selecting characters.
Player: "Em has a signature spell called 'Find MacGuffin'."
 
El Bombastico and Em have a daughter. Loki kidnapped her.
El Bombastico: "I'm going to shove my boot so far up Loki's ___ that he's going to be tasting shoe leather for a year."
 
The daughter's trail led to Asgard. Loki's trail led to Earth-616. The core members followed the trail to Asgard.
 
Asgard was shielded and ready for war. The group opened a small hole in the shield and snuck through. Em used her illusions to disguise Madame Raven as the Enchantress. Em disguised the rest of the group as normal Asgardians. Madame Raven made the illusion look more complete by charming two valkyries. The group used the disguises to reach Odin's throne room unopposed.
Em: "As we walk into Odin's throne room, I'm going to drop the illusion."
Mach: "Why not leave it up and try to fool him?"
The Imagineer: "We will be facing Odin, on his throne, at his center of power."
Madame Raven: "There is no illusion powerful enough to fool him."
The Imagineer: "That's his thing."
 
The Imagineer, Mach and Fox were of Atlantean descent, so they decided Odin would be more receptive to having them speak on the group's behalf. Fox assumed a large, imposing, regal, draconic form for the meeting.
The Imagineer: (to Odin) "Odin All-Father, we apologize for this intrusion into your domain, but we do so only under the utmost duress. The daughter of two of my companions was stolen from them, and the trail led here. As a father, I'm sure you understand the lengths someone would go to to protect their own child."
Loki: (stepping out from the shadows behind Odin's throne) "Father, they are telling you lies...."
Fox: (interrupting) "I see you have a serpent too."
 
Loki: "If what they are saying is true, then why have they weakened our defenses and allowed our ancient enemies to attack?"
Loki paused. Nothing happened.
Loki: (yelling loudly) "Why have they weakened our defenses and allowed our ancient enemies to attack?"
Sounds of battle erupted outside. This was followed by an explosion as Surtur, king of the fire giants, smashed through the wall of the throne room.
 
El Bombastico, Mach and the Imagineer forced Surtur out of the throne room, off the bridge and into the lake.
GM: "Surtur is standing in 20 feet of water, but he's 50 feet tall."
Fox: (describing actions) "As I stalk out of the throne room and onto the bridge, my scales shift to a silvery-white color."
GM & various players (ooc): "Oh my god. I don't believe it. He's a white dragon."
Fox blasted Surtur with his frost breath, leaving Surtur's legs pinned with ice. Surtur was alive, but ashen-skinned, with only a few small flames still flickering around him.
Fox: "Surrender ... or die ..."
Fox inhaled. Surtur surrendered.
 
Loki fled the throne room during the battle. Afterwards....
The Imagineer: (to Odin) "Hopefully we have demonstrated that we are not your enemy. But we cannot leave without my companions' daughter."
Odin: (nods) "Follow me."
Em: (quietly) "I'm glad he didn't say, 'Walk this way.'"
 
The group caught up to Loki in the vault and rescued El Bombastico and Em's daughter from him.
Daughter: "Mommy! Daddy! You came! I missed you!"
El Bombastico: (sweetly, to daughter) "Look away honey. Daddy has some business to attend to." (not so sweetly, to Loki) "Prepare to taste some boot leather."
Fox: (cheerfully, to Loki) "Bend over and cough."
 
If Loki was in Asgard, why did his trail lead to Earth-616 ... ?

Quotes from Owlcon - part 3
 
Drama Dice 2.0 "Witch Girls - Wyrd High"
 
Set in and around Wyrd High School, Strangeville, Nebraska
 
First animals started disappearing. Then people started disappearing. Finally someone important enough to matter has disappeared. Sissy, head cheerleader, daughter of the Sheriff was missing from her room this morning. Upon the principal's recommendation, the Sheriff grudgingly agreed to let a group of students help out with their own parallel investigation.
 
Ross: a normal with minor psychic senses, leader of the group
Beowulf: Ross' dog (no, he's not a great dane)
Wakiza Sunwalker: an immortal, incredibly strong and fast
Jake Cult: werewolf
Hakim: efreet, has power over fire
Tammy: studious witch, specializes in alteration magic
Stephanie: dark elf with pink hair, necromancer, sullen and suspicious
Xavier: vampire, heartthrob, has power over shadow
 
Upon meeting the teens, the Sheriff insulted them collectively, then insulted each one directly.
Xavier: (to the Sheriff) "Are you sure you're done? Because I think you missed a few racial slurs. It seems like you're on a roll, and I don't want to spoil it for you."
 
Tammy: "Someone needs to investigate Sissy's bedroom, and someone needs to talk to the cheerleaders."
Xavier: "I'll chat up the cheerleaders."
Stephanie: (glaring at Xavier) "And I'll go with him to keep him out of trouble."
Ross, Jake and Hakim decided to investigate Sissy's room. Tammy decided to accompany Xavier and Stephanie.
Tammy: "And Wakiza needs to decide whether he'll check out the room or talk to the cheerleaders."
Wakiza: (pretending to think about it) "Hmmm. Do I want to check out the room, or do I want to check out the cheerleaders...."
Xavier: "Life is full of tough decisions."
 
On Sissy's computer, Ross discovered a website that promised to teach people how to do real magic.
Ross: "I'm going to text Tammy a link to this website, so she can tell us what it does." (After thinking for a minute, he added as an afterthought) "And I'm going to warn her that the website will try to take over her mind."
 
The boys discovered other clues in Sissy's room - a token doll, a pumpkinhead minion which attacked them...
Jake knew they weren't experts in this kind of magic, so he decided to send the information to someone who was more likely to understand it.
Tammy: "Jake took a selfie with a destroyed pumpkinhead minion! And he sent it to me! WHY ?!?"
 
Tammy discovered that the "real magic" taught by the website wasn't real magic at all. It would allow a person to summon a minor shadow spirit. That shadow spirit could animate a pumpkinhead minion. It could also consume small amounts of soul energy from people and animals in order to do other things.
 
Xavier and Wakiza interviewed the cheerleaders without learning anything important ... until ...
Jenny the cheerleader: "Xavier, could I speak to you ... privately?"
Xavier: (smiling) "Of course."
Stephanie: (under her breath, to Xavier) "Jerk!"
Xavier followed Jenny into a back room. Stephanie snuck up to the door to eavesdrop.
Jenny turn to face Xavier, her eyes and mouth filled with dark shadows...
Jenny, the possessed cheerleader: "Fool. You should have left things alone. But you had to keep asking questions."
Xavier smiled broadly at Jenny.
Jenny, the possessed cheerleader: "Why are you smiling?"
Xavier used his powers to lock the shadow spirit into place.
Xavier: "Because you are a minor creature of shadow, and I am a major creature of shadow."
Stephanie burst into the room and used her necromancy to banish the shadow spirit.
Jenny the cheerleader: (looking confused) "What are you doing? Get away from me you weirdo."
Stephanie: (to Xavier) "HA! She rejected you!"
Xavier: (shrugging) "It was bound to happen sooner or later."
Right before Jenny walked out of the room, she looked over her shoulder and winked at Xavier.
Stephanie: (to Xavier) "I hate you."
 
After regrouping at the school, the teens continued their investigation. Hakim and Stephanie decided to search the library.
GM (ooc): "What's your favorite manga?"
Hakim (ooc): "Full Metal Alchemist."
GM: "As you walk through the manga section of the library, a copy of 'Full Metal Alchemist' falls of the shelf. The pages start tearing themselves out of the book, flying into the air, and forming into the outer layer of a figure that looks like a suit of armor."
Stephanie (ooc): "Good thing you're not a fan of Van Helsing."
 
The clues pointed to Mary Danvers, formerly a school librarian, currently a unaging necromancer at least 100 years old.
Ross: "I called the Sheriff and told him that Mary Danvers was a suspect."
Nancy, Wakiza and Xavier: "Why?"
Ross: "He seemed really concerned about his daughter, and I wanted to let him know we were making some progress."
 
The teens raced to Mary Danvers house in an attempt to get there before the Sheriff got slaughtered. Xavier and Wakiza decided to enter the house, while the rest followed the trail into the pumpkin patch. As they reached the middle of the patch, a giant pumpkinhead erupted up from the middle of the patch with the Sheriff entangled in its torso.
Giant Pumpkinhead: (bellowing) "You spoil everything!!"
Tammy: "Good!"
Meanwhile, the noise could be heard up at the porch of the house.
Xavier: (to Wakiza) "Oh joy. Look what they just woke up."
 
Wakiza pulled the sheriff out of the pumpkinhead's torso, causing it to shrivel up.
Ross: "Someone must be out of their gourd."
 
The group entered the house and ganged up on Mary Danvers, the necromancer. Jake had pinned her and slashed her throat. Xavier swooped in for the kill.
Xavier: (pausing and whispering to Mary Danvers) "They say the first taste is free."

Quotes from Owlcon - part 5
 
Drama Dice 2.0 "Avengers: Little Girl Lost"
 
While the core members of Team Maximum were tracking down the kidnapped daughter, the Team Maximum reservists (inside Team Maximum's ship, Axis Mundi) pursued Loki. But why did his trail lead them to earth?
 
Avengers roster
Iron Man / Tony Stark
The Hulk / Bruce Banner
Thor
Black Widow / Natasha Romanova
Wasp
Quicksilver / Pietro Maximoff
Scarlet Witch / Wanda Maximoff
 
 
Reed Richards warned Iron Man of an impending incursion from the Negative Zone. It could be Annihilus and his army. Iron Man immediately called the Avengers to assemble in the mansion's ready room.
GM (ooc): Banner walks in, instead of the Hulk. You're not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.
Iron Man (ooc): It's a good thing. I don't feel like redecorating.
Quicksilver (ooc): The mansion?
Iron Man (ooc): No. New York City.
 
There was a horrible noise in the sky over Manhattan. A large vehicle, ten miles tall and six miles in diameter entered from the negative zone. Four spheres, the size of large buildings, orbited the ship. Objects rained down from the ship, all over Manhattan.
 
One of the objects landed on the lawn of the Avengers' mansion. It appeared to be the headless body of Annihilus. The other falling objects appeared to be thousands of insectoid corpses.
Iron Man: "Well, that's one problem we don't need to worry about."
 
 
A huge hologram of a blue, crystalline woman broadcasted that they were searching for something that was lost. Anyone in their way would be dealt with harshly. Iron Man made two attempts to communicate with the ship. The first attempt was ignored. The second was blocked.
Jarvis: "S.H.I.E.L.D. is calling. They are most insistent."
Iron Man: "Put them through."
The connection was made.
Iron Man: "S.H.I.E.L.D., Stark here. Little bit busy right now."
Nick Fury: "Stark, there's an incursion over Manhattan. Do everything in your power to stop it."
Iron Man: "What do you think we're busy doing?"
 
The ship sent out a worldwide pulse, which reacted to Thor's hammer, and some more distant items. The ship immediately responded by unsuccessfully trying to wrest Mjolnir from Thor's hand.
Black Widow: "S.H.I.E.L.D. has some Asgardian artifacts at its local headquarters. Maybe that's what they're looking for. Should we give the artifacts to them?"
Iron Man: "Let's wait until they tell us what they want. I don't want to just start handing them artifacts, hoping they'll go away."
 
A powerful force field surrounded the ship. Wasp flew through it, apparently unnoticed. Hulk wanted to get through the force field too, but couldn't break through on his own.
Hulk: "Hammer man hit wall. Hulk hit wall. Smash through."
GM (ooc): "You know, I actually understood that."
 
With Thor's help, Hulk smashed through the force field, onto the exterior of the ship.Scarlet Witch fired a hex bolt through it, causing one of the enormous spheres to malfunction and crash into the side of the ship.
Iron Man: (broadcasting again) "Are you ready to tell us what you're looking for, or should we continue breaking your toys?"
 
Several superhumans teleported into S.H.I.E.L.D.'s Manhattan headquarters, apparently to retrieve the Asgardian artifacts from the vault. Black Widow, Iron Man, Quicksilver and Thor headed to S.H.I.E.L.D., while Hulk, Scarlet Witch and Wasp continued to deal with the ship.
 
Wasp entered the ship through the large hole caused by Scarlet Witch. Upon entering, she found herself in a park where several children were playing.
Wasp: (growing larger so she can be seen) "Children, it's not safe here. Follow me and I'll take you to shelter."
Little Girl: "It's a pixie! Mine! Mine! Mine!"
Roots shot from the ground near the girl, trying to entangle Wasp.
Little Boy: "No! It's mine! Pixie! Pixie! Pixie!"
Darts shot from the boy's hand, narrowly missing Wasp.
Wasp: (with a horrified look on her face) "These children will be fine on their own. My work here is done."
 
Four Avengers arrived at S.H.I.E.L.D.
Black Widow: "I think they're heading for the vault."
Quicksilver: "I'm guessing the trail of destruction won't be hard to follow."
 
Four superhumans reached S.H.I.E.L.D.'s vault. Iron Man squared off against WarTalker, who had skill mimicry like Taskmaster, wore nanocrystalline armor made by The Imagineer, and could use his armor to create solid light objects like Green Lantern.
Iron Man: "It's not the quality of the suit that matters ..."
Iron Man remotely hacked WarTalker's suit, then shut the suit down.
Iron Man: "It's the quality of the man inside of it."
 
As Scarlet Witch flew near the ship, a magic portal opened. Witch Girl flew out and attacked Scarlet Witch.
Scarlet Witch: (flying past Witch Girl and into the ship) "Thanks. Bye bye."
Scarlet Witch closed and sealed the magic portal behind her, trapping Witch Girl outside.
Witch Girl: "My mom is going to kill me."
 
WarTalker managed to grab the Tiara of the Enchantress and escape. Thor recovered the Wrecker's crowbar. Thor also recovered one of Loki's staffs, which appeared to be the target that the superhumans were after. Upon grasping the staff, Thor heard Loki's voice in his head, taunting him that he was about to lose all he cared for.
Thor: "I think this staff was a trap for S.H.I.E.L.D. left by Loki. I believe he was using it to spy on S.H.I.E.L.D."
Iron Man: "Can I see it for a second?"
Iron Man attached a tiny speaker to the staff.
Thor: "What is that?"
Iron Man: "It's a little vibrating speaker. It plays an endless loop of 'The Girl from Ipanema'."
 
Black Widow: "Nick Fury doesn't seem too happy that Thor found out about the Asgardian artifacts, but I don't think he's going to make a big deal about it."
Thor gave Black Widow a dark stare.
Iron Man: "Well, Thor doesn't seem too happy that S.H.I.E.L.D. was keeping a few Asgardian artifacts. Hopefully he won't make a big deal about it either."
 
Scarlet Witch opened a magic portal from the inside the ship, allowing the four Avengers to travel from S.H.I.E.L.D. to the interior of the ship. Scarlet Witch examined Loki's staff and discovered that it broadcast a mystic signal, making it appear that Loki was at that location. Iron Man, meanwhile, found an open data port and hacked into the ship's PA system.
Iron Man: "I'm in your ship, touching your stuff. Are you ready to talk to us now?"
 
The Avengers managed to quickly reach a truce with Maxine, the blue, crystalline woman. Then a loud explosion echoed from elsewhere in the ship ... and it wasn't the Hulk.
Maxine: "Perhaps you could help us with an enemy. Especially since if you don't, everyone on your planet might die."
Quicksilver: "You say that like it's a rule: Superhero groups have to fight each other before they team up."

Quotes from Owlcon - part 4
 
Drama Dice 2.0 "Team Maximum: Little Girl Lost"
 
Team Maximum is the Justice League of their universe. That level of power, but without the squeaky-clean image.
 
The core members of Team Maximum
El Bombastico: the toughest man in the world, Em's husband
Em: a powerful witch, El Bombastico's wife
Ghost: the deadliest man in the world, ex-special ops with high-tech gear
Mach: the fastest man in the world, a flying speedster
Madame Raven: the supreme sorceress
Fox: the world's greatest shapeshifter
The Imagineer: the world's smartest man, wears nano-crystalline powered armor
 
While selecting characters.
Player: "Em has a signature spell called 'Find MacGuffin'."
 
El Bombastico and Em have a daughter. Loki kidnapped her.
El Bombastico: "I'm going to shove my boot so far up Loki's ___ that he's going to be tasting shoe leather for a year."
 
The daughter's trail led to Asgard. Loki's trail led to Earth-616. The core members followed the trail to Asgard.
 
Asgard was shielded and ready for war. The group opened a small hole in the shield and snuck through. Em used her illusions to disguise Madame Raven as the Enchantress. Em disguised the rest of the group as normal Asgardians. Madame Raven made the illusion look more complete by charming two valkyries. The group used the disguises to reach Odin's throne room unopposed.
Em: "As we walk into Odin's throne room, I'm going to drop the illusion."
Mach: "Why not leave it up and try to fool him?"
The Imagineer: "We will be facing Odin, on his throne, at his center of power."
Madame Raven: "There is no illusion powerful enough to fool him."
The Imagineer: "That's his thing."
 
The Imagineer, Mach and Fox were of Atlantean descent, so they decided Odin would be more receptive to having them speak on the group's behalf. Fox assumed a large, imposing, regal, draconic form for the meeting.
The Imagineer: (to Odin) "Odin All-Father, we apologize for this intrusion into your domain, but we do so only under the utmost duress. The daughter of two of my companions was stolen from them, and the trail led here. As a father, I'm sure you understand the lengths someone would go to to protect their own child."
Loki: (stepping out from the shadows behind Odin's throne) "Father, they are telling you lies...."
Fox: (interrupting) "I see you have a serpent too."
 
Loki: "If what they are saying is true, then why have they weakened our defenses and allowed our ancient enemies to attack?"
Loki paused. Nothing happened.
Loki: (yelling loudly) "Why have they weakened our defenses and allowed our ancient enemies to attack?"
Sounds of battle erupted outside. This was followed by an explosion as Surtur, king of the fire giants, smashed through the wall of the throne room.
 
El Bombastico, Mach and the Imagineer forced Surtur out of the throne room, off the bridge and into the lake.
GM: "Surtur is standing in 20 feet of water, but he's 50 feet tall."
Fox: (describing actions) "As I stalk out of the throne room and onto the bridge, my scales shift to a silvery-white color."
GM & various players (ooc): "Oh my god. I don't believe it. He's a white dragon."
Fox blasted Surtur with his frost breath, leaving Surtur's legs pinned with ice. Surtur was alive, but ashen-skinned, with only a few small flames still flickering around him.
Fox: "Surrender ... or die ..."
Fox inhaled. Surtur surrendered.
 
Loki fled the throne room during the battle. Afterwards....
The Imagineer: (to Odin) "Hopefully we have demonstrated that we are not your enemy. But we cannot leave without my companions' daughter."
Odin: (nods) "Follow me."
Em: (quietly) "I'm glad he didn't say, 'Walk this way.'"
 
The group caught up to Loki in the vault and rescued El Bombastico and Em's daughter from him.
Daughter: "Mommy! Daddy! You came! I missed you!"
El Bombastico: (sweetly, to daughter) "Look away honey. Daddy has some business to attend to." (not so sweetly, to Loki) "Prepare to taste some boot leather."
Fox: (cheerfully, to Loki) "Bend over and cough."
 
If Loki was in Asgard, why did his trail lead to Earth-616 ... ?

Quotes from Owlcon - part 3
 
Drama Dice 2.0 "Witch Girls - Wyrd High"
 
Set in and around Wyrd High School, Strangeville, Nebraska
 
First animals started disappearing. Then people started disappearing. Finally someone important enough to matter has disappeared. Sissy, head cheerleader, daughter of the Sheriff was missing from her room this morning. Upon the principal's recommendation, the Sheriff grudgingly agreed to let a group of students help out with their own parallel investigation.
 
Ross: a normal with minor psychic senses, leader of the group
Beowulf: Ross' dog (no, he's not a great dane)
Wakiza Sunwalker: an immortal, incredibly strong and fast
Jake Cult: werewolf
Hakim: efreet, has power over fire
Tammy: studious witch, specializes in alteration magic
Stephanie: dark elf with pink hair, necromancer, sullen and suspicious
Xavier: vampire, heartthrob, has power over shadow
 
Upon meeting the teens, the Sheriff insulted them collectively, then insulted each one directly.
Xavier: (to the Sheriff) "Are you sure you're done? Because I think you missed a few racial slurs. It seems like you're on a roll, and I don't want to spoil it for you."
 
Tammy: "Someone needs to investigate Sissy's bedroom, and someone needs to talk to the cheerleaders."
Xavier: "I'll chat up the cheerleaders."
Stephanie: (glaring at Xavier) "And I'll go with him to keep him out of trouble."
Ross, Jake and Hakim decided to investigate Sissy's room. Tammy decided to accompany Xavier and Stephanie.
Tammy: "And Wakiza needs to decide whether he'll check out the room or talk to the cheerleaders."
Wakiza: (pretending to think about it) "Hmmm. Do I want to check out the room, or do I want to check out the cheerleaders...."
Xavier: "Life is full of tough decisions."
 
On Sissy's computer, Ross discovered a website that promised to teach people how to do real magic.
Ross: "I'm going to text Tammy a link to this website, so she can tell us what it does." (After thinking for a minute, he added as an afterthought) "And I'm going to warn her that the website will try to take over her mind."
 
The boys discovered other clues in Sissy's room - a token doll, a pumpkinhead minion which attacked them...
Jake knew they weren't experts in this kind of magic, so he decided to send the information to someone who was more likely to understand it.
Tammy: "Jake took a selfie with a destroyed pumpkinhead minion! And he sent it to me! WHY ?!?"
 
Tammy discovered that the "real magic" taught by the website wasn't real magic at all. It would allow a person to summon a minor shadow spirit. That shadow spirit could animate a pumpkinhead minion. It could also consume small amounts of soul energy from people and animals in order to do other things.
 
Xavier and Wakiza interviewed the cheerleaders without learning anything important ... until ...
Jenny the cheerleader: "Xavier, could I speak to you ... privately?"
Xavier: (smiling) "Of course."
Stephanie: (under her breath, to Xavier) "Jerk!"
Xavier followed Jenny into a back room. Stephanie snuck up to the door to eavesdrop.
Jenny turn to face Xavier, her eyes and mouth filled with dark shadows...
Jenny, the possessed cheerleader: "Fool. You should have left things alone. But you had to keep asking questions."
Xavier smiled broadly at Jenny.
Jenny, the possessed cheerleader: "Why are you smiling?"
Xavier used his powers to lock the shadow spirit into place.
Xavier: "Because you are a minor creature of shadow, and I am a major creature of shadow."
Stephanie burst into the room and used her necromancy to banish the shadow spirit.
Jenny the cheerleader: (looking confused) "What are you doing? Get away from me you weirdo."
Stephanie: (to Xavier) "HA! She rejected you!"
Xavier: (shrugging) "It was bound to happen sooner or later."
Right before Jenny walked out of the room, she looked over her shoulder and winked at Xavier.
Stephanie: (to Xavier) "I hate you."
 
After regrouping at the school, the teens continued their investigation. Hakim and Stephanie decided to search the library.
GM (ooc): "What's your favorite manga?"
Hakim (ooc): "Full Metal Alchemist."
GM: "As you walk through the manga section of the library, a copy of 'Full Metal Alchemist' falls of the shelf. The pages start tearing themselves out of the book, flying into the air, and forming into the outer layer of a figure that looks like a suit of armor."
Stephanie (ooc): "Good thing you're not a fan of Van Helsing."
 
The clues pointed to Mary Danvers, formerly a school librarian, currently a unaging necromancer at least 100 years old.
Ross: "I called the Sheriff and told him that Mary Danvers was a suspect."
Nancy, Wakiza and Xavier: "Why?"
Ross: "He seemed really concerned about his daughter, and I wanted to let him know we were making some progress."
 
The teens raced to Mary Danvers house in an attempt to get there before the Sheriff got slaughtered. Xavier and Wakiza decided to enter the house, while the rest followed the trail into the pumpkin patch. As they reached the middle of the patch, a giant pumpkinhead erupted up from the middle of the patch with the Sheriff entangled in its torso.
Giant Pumpkinhead: (bellowing) "You spoil everything!!"
Tammy: "Good!"
Meanwhile, the noise could be heard up at the porch of the house.
Xavier: (to Wakiza) "Oh joy. Look what they just woke up."
 
Wakiza pulled the sheriff out of the pumpkinhead's torso, causing it to shrivel up.
Ross: "Someone must be out of their gourd."
 
The group entered the house and ganged up on Mary Danvers, the necromancer. Jake had pinned her and slashed her throat. Xavier swooped in for the kill.
Xavier: (pausing and whispering to Mary Danvers) "They say the first taste is free."

Quotes from Owlcon, part 2
 
Champions 3rd Edition "School Holiday"
 
Some supervillains and mercenaries took over a local junior high school. Strike Force was called in to rescue the students and faculty.
 
GM: Theron
 
Strike Force roster
Phosphene: teleporting martial artist
Lightrune: flying brick, can manifest an energy sword
Plasma Ranger: energy projector
Shadow Walker: ninja
La Panthere: enhanced human martial artist
Sammael: shapeshifter with 4 distinct forms (monkey, hawk, gorilla, allosaurus), uses a neural whip
 
While players were picking their characters...
Player: So, Night Walker is kind of like a ninja?
GM: No. He's exactly like a ninja.
 
Plasma Ranger jammed the mercenaries' radios.
Phosphene: "They're playing your song."
 
Sammael: (switching to gorilla form) "I'm a gorilla with boobies."
Phosphene: "I need to scrub my brain with bleach."
 
Strike Force quickly dispatched the mercenaries guarding the larger group of students and teachers. A smaller group of students and teachers was being held in the basement cafeteria by the supervillains and more mercenaries.
 
Supervillain roster
Denier: demon, leader
Briareus: 4-armed brick, unintelligent construct
Flare: fire projector
Sliver: martial artist, also used flechettes
Scanner: mentalist
 
As Phosphene teleported the members of Strike Force into the cafeteria's kitchen, the supervillains began to suspect that something was going wrong.
Flare: "Sliver, Briareus: go check out the gym. There's a problem upstairs."
Lightrune: (yelling from the kitchen) "No there's not."
 
Denier: "Impudent mortals! You will pay for this!"
Plasma Ranger: "Do you take credit?"
 
Sammael, back in gorilla form, slashed Denier with her whip. Then she turned to the mercenaries and made an exceedingly lewd gesture.
Sammael: "Who else wants a piece of this?"
Phosphene: "I need to scrub my brain with bleach ... again."
 
Lightrune slammed his fist down onto Sliver, knocking her out and cratering the floor beneath her.
Phosphene: "You knocked her into the sub-basement."
Night Walker: "There is no sub-basement."
Phosphene: "There is now."
 
 
Night Walker's player had forgotten to take his ADHD meds ... and talked non-stop.
Sammael (ooc): "You're the noisiest ninja I've ever met."

Quotes from Owlcon, part 2
 
Champions 3rd Edition "School Holiday"
 
Some supervillains and mercenaries took over a local junior high school. Strike Force was called in to rescue the students and faculty.
 
GM: Theron
 
Strike Force roster
Phosphene: teleporting martial artist
Lightrune: flying brick, can manifest an energy sword
Plasma Ranger: energy projector
Shadow Walker: ninja
La Panthere: enhanced human martial artist
Sammael: shapeshifter with 4 distinct forms (monkey, hawk, gorilla, allosaurus), uses a neural whip
 
While players were picking their characters...
Player: So, Night Walker is kind of like a ninja?
GM: No. He's exactly like a ninja.
 
Plasma Ranger jammed the mercenaries' radios.
Phosphene: "They're playing your song."
 
Sammael: (switching to gorilla form) "I'm a gorilla with boobies."
Phosphene: "I need to scrub my brain with bleach."
 
Strike Force quickly dispatched the mercenaries guarding the larger group of students and teachers. A smaller group of students and teachers was being held in the basement cafeteria by the supervillains and more mercenaries.
 
Supervillain roster
Denier: demon, leader
Briareus: 4-armed brick, unintelligent construct
Flare: fire projector
Sliver: martial artist, also used flechettes
Scanner: mentalist
 
As Phosphene teleported the members of Strike Force into the cafeteria's kitchen, the supervillains began to suspect that something was going wrong.
Flare: "Sliver, Briareus: go check out the gym. There's a problem upstairs."
Lightrune: (yelling from the kitchen) "No there's not."
 
Denier: "Impudent mortals! You will pay for this!"
Plasma Ranger: "Do you take credit?"
 
Sammael, back in gorilla form, slashed Denier with her whip. Then she turned to the mercenaries and made an exceedingly lewd gesture.
Sammael: "Who else wants a piece of this?"
Phosphene: "I need to scrub my brain with bleach ... again."
 
Lightrune slammed his fist down onto Sliver, knocking her out and cratering the floor beneath her.
Phosphene: "You knocked her into the sub-basement."
Night Walker: "There is no sub-basement."
Phosphene: "There is now."
 
 
Night Walker's player had forgotten to take his ADHD meds ... and talked non-stop.
Sammael (ooc): "You're the noisiest ninja I've ever met."

Quotes from Owlcon, part 2
 
Champions 3rd Edition "School Holiday"
 
Some supervillains and mercenaries took over a local junior high school. Strike Force was called in to rescue the students and faculty.
 
GM: Theron
 
Strike Force roster
Phosphene: teleporting martial artist
Lightrune: flying brick, can manifest an energy sword
Plasma Ranger: energy projector
Shadow Walker: ninja
La Panthere: enhanced human martial artist
Sammael: shapeshifter with 4 distinct forms (monkey, hawk, gorilla, allosaurus), uses a neural whip
 
While players were picking their characters...
Player: So, Night Walker is kind of like a ninja?
GM: No. He's exactly like a ninja.
 
Plasma Ranger jammed the mercenaries' radios.
Phosphene: "They're playing your song."
 
Sammael: (switching to gorilla form) "I'm a gorilla with boobies."
Phosphene: "I need to scrub my brain with bleach."
 
Strike Force quickly dispatched the mercenaries guarding the larger group of students and teachers. A smaller group of students and teachers was being held in the basement cafeteria by the supervillains and more mercenaries.
 
Supervillain roster
Denier: demon, leader
Briareus: 4-armed brick, unintelligent construct
Flare: fire projector
Sliver: martial artist, also used flechettes
Scanner: mentalist
 
As Phosphene teleported the members of Strike Force into the cafeteria's kitchen, the supervillains began to suspect that something was going wrong.
Flare: "Sliver, Briareus: go check out the gym. There's a problem upstairs."
Lightrune: (yelling from the kitchen) "No there's not."
 
Denier: "Impudent mortals! You will pay for this!"
Plasma Ranger: "Do you take credit?"
 
Sammael, back in gorilla form, slashed Denier with her whip. Then she turned to the mercenaries and made an exceedingly lewd gesture.
Sammael: "Who else wants a piece of this?"
Phosphene: "I need to scrub my brain with bleach ... again."
 
Lightrune slammed his fist down onto Sliver, knocking her out and cratering the floor beneath her.
Phosphene: "You knocked her into the sub-basement."
Night Walker: "There is no sub-basement."
Phosphene: "There is now."
 
 
Night Walker's player had forgotten to take his ADHD meds ... and talked non-stop.
Sammael (ooc): "You're the noisiest ninja I've ever met."

The plan : help that Imperial starship out of the Vortex, so they'll unwittingly feed information back to the forces of Chaos - i.e. Us.

Doing so, however, means using the Thirteenth Station, the only safe route in and out of the Screaming Vortex, and even then most Chaos ships sacrifice a few hundred slaves before they dare. Over the centuries, the frozen corpses have become something of a nuisance. The blockade fleet that patrols this side of the Warpgate is a nuisance as well.

Aladar: So what am I flying and what am I shooting?
Cog: You're not flying anything.
Jrska OoC: And you're not shooting anything because Jrska cut your balls off.

Cassius' ploy - Lure the fleet away from the gate, while our new 'friends' sneak past, silent running. We'll be towing the hulk of that raider ship we shot up too, so the prospect of an apparently Inquisitorial ship, with something no-doubt valuable in tow, should be irresistible.

Of course, we also have to repair the Imperial ship, strip the raider, and pull off our stunt, without anybody , including our own mix of mutant and deluded Emperor-worshipping crew, figuring out what we're actually doing. Tricky, given Cassius' winged mutation, disturbing psychic aura, and the need to work closely with the naive Imperial captain.

Jrska: Not as disturbing as me. And then there's the drooling noises whenever the captain is around and I'm there.

At least Jrska has something to distract her - brainwashing that Space Marine Dreadnought.

Cassius: I gave Jrska a challenge - break someone who is immune to sensation.
Jrska: That's OK, I'm watching chick flicks with him. Non-stop. For days on end.

Cassius: Jrska - I want you to select the prize crew for the raider. I want them competent, and loyal. A proportion of them are allowed to be worshippers of Slaanesh.
Jrska: ... 100% is a proportion...
Cassius: Not more than 1 in 10

Aladar van Rijn attempts to make himself useful, by getting some neural upgrades from the ships' Magos-engineer. He phrases it in a way that would make Slaanesh proud.

Aladar: I'm plugging myself into Father.
All: ....

He remains useless. The opening move of the Cassius Gambit nearly stalls the engine and almost tears the hulk free of its tow chains.

Aladar: Why are there four pedals when there are six directions?
Cassius: Why do you insist on flying the ship when you're no good at it?

Happily, the rest of us can offset Aladar's failings, by intimidating, cajoling, and exhorting the crew into working harder.

Aladar: Why do you keep calling it extorting the crew?
Jrska: Because I'm making them do stuff

Even then, there are limits to what we can achieve, even as we run rings around the blockade's formidable raiders, and start earning the attention of the hulking and extremely formidable cruisers.

Jrska: No matter how fast I beat the drum, they're not going to turn the ship any faster.

Aladar: The engines cannae take it, Captain!
Cassius: You weren't raised by the Adeptus Mechanicus - you don't know that ancient prayer

But it works ( apparently Aladar can remember how to pilot a ship if Cassius threatens to flay him alive ) and the Chains of Judgement retreats into the Vortex, and that delectable captain and her ship make a successful dash for the Thirteenth Station. No doubt the blockade's admiral will carry out a few disciplinary executions.

Back to Jrska's brother's lair in the Ragged Helix, where we discover that some of his supposedly loyal minions attempted a coup. There's considerable damage, but at least the traitors were driven off. Cassius is annoyed by this evidence of Chaos' unreliability.

Cassius: I make a point of not screwing people over until they've screwed me.
Jrska: ... Interesting phrasing, my lord.

Some of the survivors suspect it was Jrska's arrival that prompted the coup - a more important question is who egged it on? Leading suspects include Seyr the Bereft, who we acquired that Tyrant's Cord for months ago, and Gray the Mercenary.

Cassius: I don't buy it. Gray has always been like me, an honourable -
Jrska: So he was acting out of character, my lord?
Cassius: ...True.
Aladar: You think he was mind-controlled?
Jrska: No. I'm implying that his persona of an honourable mercenary may be just that - a persona.

Cassius: For some reason you're earning more infamy than me, and I don't know why.
Jrska: Perhaps it was the thing with the penguin, my lord.

But there we had to leave it for the session, after helping with the clean-up and acquiring a few more shiny things from the piles of wreckage. We still have to get more weapons built into the Chains, too. Perhaps something powered by that vault-full of tortured human souls?