I need a function!

[Asperion]

Here is an amusing concept. At the end of each post a device will be put down then the next post will have to identify what the device does. This device could be a vehicle, weapon, suit, whatever as long as it is not a living being.

 

Example: Drioun: A mystical artifact that at its most basic level will cause a dry zone that inhibits powers that work off of cold or ice. With the proper magic roll and power this basic ability can be expanded to include anything that involves dryness.

 

Lets get started with: Dreamcatcher

[David Johnston]

Re: I need a function!

 

The Dreamcatcher is a staff which when held over a dreaming person, ends the dream, absorbing it's elements. Later on, whatever he was dreaming about can be summoned forth as a physical lifeform or object.

 

Next: The Heart of the City

[VR Dragon]

Re: I need a function!

 

The heart of the City is a giant crystal device that taps into/channels/converts power from higher dimensions/planes/etc and converts it into usible electricity/energy and is unlimited in ammounts of energy it can produce. Never runs out or is over taxed.

 

 

Next: Unified Field Reflux Generater

[Publius]

Re: I need a function!

 

The Unified Field Reflux Generator is misidentified by 6 out of 10 PRIMUS Agents as "something that accompanies an intake of spicy food and cheap grain-based alcohol" on the Grade 3 Field agents exam. In fact it is a device which uses the extremely odd Unified Field theories of Professor E. Byrum Paradox (which none but he apparently fully understands because of thier inherently paradoxical nature) to create a force field which resists all forms of directed energy, kinetic energy and even magical energy thrown at it. The field derives a portion of it's own power from the attacks that are directed against it, and thus can only be defeated by a sufficiently large attack that will either (a) bring down the field before the refreshment threshold is triggered or ( overtax the Reflux unit that stores and disperses this energy back into the field. It is presently being used in some of the major PRIMUS Field offices because the bulk of the unit prohibits individual deployment.

 

(Build as a standard --albeit large-- Forcefield with a linked Absorption device feeding CP back into the Forcefield)

 

A Chronal Inversion Matrix

[Bunyip]

Re: I need a function!

 

The Chronal Inversion Matrix was the most destructive weapon of the Seventh World War (2856-59) - deployed at the centre of a target area, it was used to subject areas of approximately 100 square kilometres to an intense field of chroniton radiation. At such concentrations, the chroniton field actually reverses normal causality; people caught within the CIM blast wave effectively start living backwards in time (the so-called "Flight of Time's Arrow". The damage caused by the mere existence of millions of people who now have lifespans projecting as much as 100 years into the past has devastated entire planets. Mercifully, the CIM effect appears to be naturally confined to the planetary biosphere. The technology was outlawed at the end of the war under the Treaty of Fomalhaut.

 

But, as we well know, knowledge cannot be wholly destroyed. Some people still know... and others may know where to ask.

 

Next up: The Shadow Cabinet...

[freakboy6117]

Re: I need a function!

 

The Shadow Cabinet is a tall Gothic style wardrobe made of an unknown black hard wood found deep in the heart of the amazon it's exterior is richly decorated with inlays of ebony and jet.

 

When the door is opened the interior is pitch black, no matter how much light is shone in the interior it remains totally dark inside.

 

Contained within this bizarre cabinet are many strange artifacts protected by the cabinets all consuming darkness.

 

The cabinets impenetrable shadows force those that seek the artifacts contained within to do so by touch. Anyone who attempts this will soon discover that the cabinet is significantly more voluminous than it outward dimensions would suggest.

 

Who knows what dangers await in the darkness of the cabinet and what dark power a seemingly innocuous item might have.

 

Next up The Mars bar

[Lethosos]

Re: I need a function!

 

The Mars Bar is an odd stick of... something that's supposidly edible. Unfortuantly no one know what it's made of.

 

Apparently J'onn J'onzz likes them alot.

 

Next: SMPTUP

[freakboy6117]

Re: I need a function!

 

SMPTUP

the abbreviation of SPATIAL MATRIX POSITION TRACKING UPDATE PROTOCOL

 

the protocol is a technique that uses advanced quantum computation to interface with the sub spatial M phase information planes of the universe and alter an objects spacial matrix position.

 

basically moving it to any known location within the local quantum reality the technique works for any object from individual particles to whole stars but the processing power of the quantum computer expands in proportion to the size and complexity of the object to be repositioned.

 

next up the mysterious mimetic marbles

[VR Dragon]

Re: I need a function!

 

The Mysterious Mimetic Marbles are a powerful set of arcane artifacts. While holding these orbs (Size changes to fit owner) in your hand and moving them around like a set of stress balls a mage or wizard gains increased spell casting abilites. They are able to recall all the words to any of their spells perfectly and thus negates spell skill checks based on word recall. Also these orbs increase a arcane power pool's points to reflect an increased understanding and better control of spell casting.

 

But with such great power comes a terrible curse. The orbs bond to their users after only 1 use. If any one of the three orbs are lost the rest will disappear and the empowering effects of the orbs are ripped from their former owner's mind. The result of this always drives the being insane........

 

Never lose your marbles!

 

 

Next up Oberon's Crown and Rod

[Thia Halmades]

Re: I need a function!

 

Oberon's Crown & Rod are ancient artifacts of the Celts; these items are primarily attributed to the rule of Amadan Na Briona, the Fool of Forth, and their true purpose is lost in Gaelic lore.

 

The Crown, when worn by someone of unpure motive and heart, is said to grant access to the Land of the Shadow Fey, the Unseelie Court, and grant dominion over those who reside there. However, the crown comes with a curse; whosever wears the crown for a Twelfth Night is himself consumed by the Shadow, and becomes a Fey without rank, and without form. A simple child spirit. The Crown then returns to the surface, where it lies in wait as though an ancient relic, waiting to swell the ranks of the Unseelie - only Oberon Himself may wear the Crown without detriment, and he doesn't reveal its true nature.

 

The Rod of Oberon is a wicked metal staff, roughly three feet long, and triple the weight of a longblade. It would require most men to use both hands if they were to attempt to wield it in battle, and even then it's poorly balanced. The Rod is a weapon of terror, which can also be used as a weapon of war. It has three primary functions:

 

- To Knight those under Oberon's command, thus granting them free passage for one cycle of the moon through the land of Shadow.

 

- To bind Life back into the fallen Unseelie warriors who have died in battle, and return them to the Shadow (although Oberon is rarely present, so this ability is rarely used)

 

- And finally, it is the 2nd half of the Wheel of Titania, an ancient artifact itself which is forever broken from the Rod of Oberon, and only with the two Crowns, the Rod & the Wheel combined could anyone ever take reunite the Sidhe and Unseely courts.

 

Next up: The Wheel of Titania

[Evil Steve]

Re: I need a function!

 

The Wheel of Titania is, at first examination, a well crafted spinning wheel. This simple appearance conceals its impressive, though backhanded power. It allows the user to craft threads that can be woven into a tapestry of Fate.

 

Should the user speak while working the wheel, anything spoken of themselves is bound onto the thread, which, by itself has little use. Once woven with other similar threads it creates a pattern of cause and effect that cannot be undone while the tapestry is in tact.

 

With this, a group could bind themselves to a course of action defined by the patterns in the tapestry. How to convince someone to agree to use this is for greater minds than mine.

 

Your Turn:The Plautt Device

[lensman]

Re: I need a function!

 

The Plautt Device named for James Plautt (1810 – 1893), a British naturalist and engineer. Although discredited by contemporaries, Plautt maintained that he discovered a substance that he named Alteratium. This substance Plautt claimed was responsible for the process of evolution in species.

Alteratium was thought to have been found by Plautt in Africa while he was building a private railroad.

Edgware and Mill Hill Times printed excerpts from his diaries. The articles referred to a device that, with the combination of magnets and Alteratium, allowed Plautt to ‘Evolve’ a subject species into what Plautt called the subjects 'mu' form.

Peer review and subsequent discoveries revealed the Plautt Device as a hoax.

James Plautt gave lectures in London to various scientific societies but returned to Africa 1882 to conduct more research.

 

Next: the Scythincus Seal

[Kevin Schultz]

Re: I need a function!

 

The Scythincus Seal is a stuffed animal created by noted toy manufacturer Roger Scythin for the 50th anniversry of Greenpeace. The Seal has no known magic or technological powers. However, it is so insufferably cute that anyone in the vacinity must take an EGO check or be forced to pet, stroke, or otherwise admire the Seal. Note that the Seal cannot be destroyed, as no one would want to.

 

Next: The Rain Schtick

[Hopscotch]

Re: I need a function!

 

The Rain Schtick is actually an ancient Native American rain summoning ritual that was adapted for use in late 19th century Yiddish Theatre.

The music and dance movements were carried out during a vaudeville style routine at the end of an evening's shows.

This magic was not invoked on an appreciative audience and was used to ensure that hecklers would be in for a wet trip home.

 

Next: The Manzoni Manual Coupler

[freakboy6117]

Re: I need a function!

 

professor Tanaka Manzoni invented the Atomic Bonding field generator utilising the strong force to lock two objects together along the field plane.

 

as long as the field is powered the two planes become to all intense and purposes a single coherent lump of matter it would require a force large enough to physically tear apart the materials that are bound together.

 

mazzoni generators are used through out human space in docking tubes industrial and stevedoring equipment and many other places.

 

the manzoni manual couplers is a 6" disk containing a potent bonding generate a power supply good for several hours of operation they are required equipment salvage engineers and pirates. there is no safer way to attach your self to anything.

 

next up chrono dynamic sampler

[Pyre-Archer]

Re: I need a function!

 

Despite the futuristic sounding name, the CHrono Dynamic Sampler is a surprisingly retro-tech item, created in the mid 1920's by a renegade scientist fancying himself 'Professor CHronus', in reality one Archibald Sherman.

 

Initially conceived of as a form of time travel, it was quickly discovered that the device required too much power to perform that feat. However, certain of the emanations from the device could be received on a psychic level, allowing the user to see up and down the time stream. Or, in keeping with Professor Chronus' more sadistic tendencies, torture someone by forcing them to experience every possible death that they could have suffered through their life. A slightly altered setting could also be used to scan a certain area with in the CDS' area of effect (approximately a mile and a half), as a way of looking for weak points in a building's security systems/construction.

 

The Chrono Dynamic Sampler no longer exists, knowledge of it only surviving as a result of several records seized by the '20's scientist/adventurer, The Midnight Eye (see casefile 'Operation Timekeeper'). The device itself, as well as Professor Chronus, were presumed killed when a power surge, caused by the Midnight Eye's Electro-Impeller Ray, caused the device to overload and (apparently) disintegrate. According to witnesses, Chronus appeared to be wrapped in blue lightning, then vanished, device and all. Whether or not he is truly dead, or actually managed to project himself in time to some unknown date, is still a mystery.

 

Next: Muonic Infusion Process

[freakboy6117]

Re: I need a function!

 

the muonic infusion process developed by Dr Plumber Small is a process that bombards an object with muonic radiation transforming the targets atoms from standard electron atoms to muon atoms massively increasing the targets mass and reducing its size

 

Dr smalls own accidental exposure to the bombardment resulted in his body becoming super dense as well as shrinking him down to a foot tall he spent man years seeking a cure to his condition whilst fighting crime as the Lead Lilliputian.

 

next up valkerian soup

[Thia Halmades]

Re: I need a function!

 

Valkerian Soup is a delicacy among the Asgardians, although its joked that this in large part because while Valkyrie's can cook, it isn't something they're given to do if left to their own devices.

 

The soup itself has no particular function if served within the Halls of Asgard, except maybe to serve as a tasty, meat-filled appetizer in a spicy vegetable based broth, which is primarily tomatoes & herbs. The soups true function is only revealed when used on the Prime Material Plane.

 

Anyone who is offered Valkerian Soup will be inclined to eat it; doing so grants the user improved strength, great stamina and a willingness to die in battle. There's one side effect. They invariably, to a man, die in battle. I say, to a man, because only women may ingest Valkerian Soup with no ill side effects; men who eat it become so obstinately head strong that they eventually collapse from exhaustion.

 

While the benefits to a woman aren't as extreme, they are none the less free from the curse that the soup bestows.

 

Next: the VCR.

[lapsedgamer]

Re: I need a function!

 

Valkerian Soup is a delicacy among the Asgardians, although its joked that this in large part because while Valkyrie's can cook, it isn't something they're given to do if left to their own devices.

 

The soup itself has no particular function if served within the Halls of Asgard, except maybe to serve as a tasty, meat-filled appetizer in a spicy vegetable based broth, which is primarily tomatoes & herbs. The soups true function is only revealed when used on the Prime Material Plane.

 

Anyone who is offered Valkerian Soup will be inclined to eat it; doing so grants the user improved strength, great stamina and a willingness to die in battle. There's one side effect. They invariably, to a man, die in battle. I say, to a man, because only women may ingest Valkerian Soup with no ill side effects; men who eat it become so obstinately head strong that they eventually collapse from exhaustion.

 

While the benefits to a woman aren't as extreme, they are none the less free from the curse that the soup bestows.

 

Next: the VCR.

 

The VARIABLE COSMIC REORGANIZER or the "God Box" is the most powerful artifact in the universe. It was created by an unknown ancient and powerful entity, and is suspected to have been around since the time of the Big Bang. If you believe some theories, it is the cause of the Big Bang. There may be more than one in existence. Though the technology is so ancient and arcane that many would not even be able to recognize one for what it was.

 

The box allows the operator to reorganize matter on a quantum scale with perfect accuracy. It can create anything, including living beings out of any other type of matter available. Its source of power is apparently unlimited, and may be an entire harnessed universe.

 

The box has two limitations. It requires templates to operate. These templates (called cassettes colloquially) contain the instructions for creating the objects requested from simple elements through entire star systems. The entity who created the device is long gone, so there are no new templates available. The existing templates are hard to find and have been scattered throughout the universe over the eons. Those who have templates have a hard time because they do not have a VCR to use them with. Those who have VCRs , may never be able to find templates, or at least the exact templates they need.

 

Another problem is that the original operating instructions have been lost to the ages. The last known operator of a working VCR was only able to play templates. There is a way that you can use the VCR to capture objects to be reproduced later, but the only know attempt was an abject failure. The operator captured insignificant objects on either side of his target, and was never able to get the object he wanted. The device also had a strange set of glyphs that would flash across its view screen. The operator could never be change them or stop them from flashing. The phenomena was known as the "Blinking Twelve' due to the resemblance to a certain numeral in the number system of a backwater planet in the Milky Way galaxy.

 

Next: The Amber Wave Projector

[VR Dragon]

Re: I need a function!

 

The Amber Wave Projector!

 

Trying to great the next great thing in home entertainment electronics, John Lightmore wanted to jump ahead of the current Trend of LCD and Plasma Technology and skip to what he felt would be their replacments.

 

So after talking several people who have recently won the lottery in different states he managed to scrape together some 900 million dollars in research funding.

 

After 1 year of research and developement John came up with a device to project perfect real life quality 3D holograms using an advance hard light system. After success in trials he recorded some footage of his hot blond girlfriend. Going to a international tech expo he set up his new projector and gathered hundreds of interested people together. After a long winded speech about "This IS the FUTURE of home entertainment technology!" he pressed "PLAY" on his remote.

 

Out of nowhere appear a giant head of a beautiful woman who says, "Hi, my name is Amber!" and then she proceeds to wave. But at that moment a massive powersurge happens semi-scambling the projector device's computer causing the projection of "Amber and her waving hand" to warp out of control and into giant sized proportion. Something else must have gone wrong with the image density controls as the image took on dense steel strength and the hand sweeped through the gathered people sendign dozens flying in many directions as a hand scatters flower with a wave. Not only was a simple wave preformed but the solid image also completes a 360 swing around striking everyone and thing in reach.

 

After the building collasped and the rubble cleared. The Device was destoried beyond peiceing together. 98 people lie dead or mortaly wounded, John Lightmore was amongst those killed. He feared theft of his plans so he hide all information on his project where no one would find them save for himself. With no one alive who could build anther device dubed "The Amber Wave Projector" by the media. This promising Technology will be along time in being rediscovered. And poor Amber was sad about her boyfriend's death but find happiness with the discovery of several million dollars of "hidden" funds John had secrected away for other research ideas.

 

 

Up next:

 

 

Dum....dum....dummmm!

 

The Spork! ( And not that mutated hybred plastic food eating tool!)

[McCoy]

Re: I need a function!

 

Up next:

 

 

Dum....dum....dummmm!

 

The Spork! ( And not that mutated hybred plastic food eating tool!)

Sporks are dimunitive mutant offshoots of dragons, about the size of Earth's Komoto dragons and with a simular apperance. Unlike true dragons, they have no wings or energy atttack. The name is an onamotapea of their call, by which some say they actually communicate. A herd of the beast calling "Spork? Spork! Spork SPORK!" can drive the most hardened adventurer to distraction.

 

NEXT: the quark inverter.

[VR Dragon]

Re: I need a function!

 

Hey thats cute. Hey wait a moment mutant DRAGON? is that some kinda Crack!?!?

 

>

[McCoy]

Re: I need a function!

 

Hey thats cute. Hey wait a moment mutant DRAGON? is that some kinda Crack!?!?

Spork? Spork spork spork. Spork-spork.

[sbarron]

Re: I need a function!

 

f(x) = 2x+1

 

I just threw that one together. If I get some more time this afternoon, I'll add some others.

 

 

 

 

Sorry, graduate school is hard...

[Asperion]

Re: I need a function!

 

the quark inverter

 

This simple device was discovered on the moon Europa by a group of kids out for a fun time. At first they did not realize exactly what they had and treated it as though they would any other toy. While they were taking it with them in their personal spacecar they somehow activated it and found that they were suddenly in the area of Pluto. After figuring out what happened and how to get back, they took the device to the local university and the university figured out that by some means unknown the device will allow someone to travel extreme distances in an instant, possibly lightyears distant. Other tests proved that it operates by folding space at the quark level and making temporary wormholes that a single ship to travel through. It became known as the quark inverter for this ability. For a long time it was the primary means for allowing ships to travel interstellar distances and made humans able to colonize the first colonies outside Sol System and make more discoveries.

 

Now to play with: QCD