Killer Shrike Posted October 17, 2003 Report Share Posted October 17, 2003 Wanted: Good home for genetically engineered hybrid Sabertoothed Kill-cat, aged 9 months. Gentle with children and makes a great pet! Disclaimer: No liability in the case of horrendous death spree extended or implied . Call 1-888-TELEIOS for details. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supreme Serpent Posted October 18, 2003 Report Share Posted October 18, 2003 LOST: Explosive Space Modulator. Looks like ordinary stick of red dynamite, but tests will prove otherwise. Need returned in order to have unobstructed view of Venus. Reply to Marvin M. at box 57148. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Cadet Posted October 18, 2003 Report Share Posted October 18, 2003 SORCEROR SEEKING ONE-OF-A-KIND GOLD RING I am currently searching for a unique golden Ring forged in the heart of an active volcano. The Ring is, for the most part, rath- er unremarkable in appearance unless it is placed in fire, at which time letters in an exotic script will appear. Should anyone viewing this know where the Ring may be found, or know of someone who does, please contact the following address: sarumanthewhite@isengard.com One of my nine representatives will respond to any report made to this address (or perhaps all of them -- they are extremely dedicated to the performance of this duty). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermit Posted December 23, 2003 Report Share Posted December 23, 2003 From the ARGENT public relations Dept For Sale North Pole operation Recently, a rival for our own high tech production program had to be eliminated, he and his little pointy earred friends. ARGENT is now in possession of a fully servicable factory that is a bit too...eccentric for our tastes. We are therefore purusing outside bids for the property among criminal kind. It seems to be cloaked from grown up eyes (We had to use special gear) and very remote, so secrecy from authorities is almost assured. Make your bid now, and we throw in 50 lbs of Venison with anti gravity properties... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Cadet Posted December 24, 2003 Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 Re: From the ARGENT public relations Dept Originally posted by Hermit For Sale North Pole operation Recently, a rival for our own high tech production program had to be eliminated, he and his little pointy earred friends. ARGENT is now in possession of a fully servicable factory that is a bit too...eccentric for our tastes. We are therefore purusing outside bids for the property among criminal kind. It seems to be cloaked from grown up eyes (We had to use special gear) and very remote, so secrecy from authorities is almost assured. Make your bid now, and we throw in 50 lbs of Venison with anti gravity properties... Well, folks, if this country should suddenly experience a major coal shortage inside of the next few years, at least we'll know where it's going and who to blame for it... Space Cadet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger3k Posted December 24, 2003 Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 Re: From the ARGENT public relations Dept Originally posted by Hermit For Sale North Pole operation Recently, a rival for our own high tech production program had to be eliminated, he and his little pointy earred friends. ARGENT is now in possession of a fully servicable factory that is a bit too...eccentric for our tastes. We are therefore purusing outside bids for the property among criminal kind. It seems to be cloaked from grown up eyes (We had to use special gear) and very remote, so secrecy from authorities is almost assured. Make your bid now, and we throw in 50 lbs of Venison with anti gravity properties... That can't be right! KISS saved Santa! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twilight Posted December 24, 2003 Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 Re: Re: From the ARGENT public relations Dept Originally posted by badger3k That can't be right! KISS saved Santa! Yes they did and the big guy is planning revenge for the loss of Prancer and Vixen's family, let me tell you! You don't piss off da Claus and go to bed happy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Anomaly Posted December 24, 2003 Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 A BOOK ABOUT YOU! For the discerning buyer: a book customized about YOU! For a modest fee, Foresight Enterprises will compile a volume detailing YOUR future history! Learn about your victorys! Find out how to avoid your yet-to-come failures! Find out what not to say on film that's going to air on the six o'clock news! As a special bonus, the winning lottery numbers for the future week of your choice will be included in a handy pull-out section inside the back cover! PLUS! When you order, we'll also throw in an only-used-once Time Machine that will now only go into an alternate future timeline! Don't Wait! Order Now! Operators Are Standing By! Call 1-800-ABOUT-ME!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Southern Cross Posted December 24, 2003 Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 If all this information is from "an alternate future timeline" then it certainly won't be completely accurate for historical purposes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Southern Cross Posted December 24, 2003 Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 And how many trips can the time machine be used for? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Anomaly Posted December 24, 2003 Report Share Posted December 24, 2003 Dear Concerned Customer: All the information is fully accurate and complete, and from the future, up until the point that your possession of the information alters your behavior and thus your future. Foresight Enterprises cannot and does not make any claims or guarantees regarding the length of time the information will remain pertinent due to our inability to govern how you will use the information. The time machine may be used for as many trips as you like; the future it reaches, though, will be the future that contains the information/events recorded in the Book About You in your possession, as the time machine in question is the very machine used in gathering the information for the book. Thank you, Foresight Enterprises Customer Service Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Cadet Posted December 25, 2003 Report Share Posted December 25, 2003 Re: Re: Re: From the ARGENT public relations Dept Originally posted by Twilight Yes they did and the big guy is planning revenge for the loss of Prancer and Vixen's family, let me tell you! You don't piss off da Claus and go to bed happy! You got that right! The guys here in the Academy's Signals Intell- igence class were just talking about some signals they'd picked up from the North Pole -- something about getting some heavy- duty firepower for something called the T-800, whatever that is... Space Cadet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twilight Posted December 25, 2003 Report Share Posted December 25, 2003 Re: Re: Re: Re: From the ARGENT public relations Dept Originally posted by Space Cadet You got that right! The guys here in the Academy's Signals Intell- igence class were just talking about some signals they'd picked up from the North Pole -- something about getting some heavy- duty firepower for something called the T-800, whatever that is... Space Cadet Indeedy, and just you ask a few folks around middle Europe [particularly the Germanic areas] about Knecht Ruppret or Black Peter sometime. The Claus' have friends you just don't wanna mess with, and that's before you consider the fact that he's also a Catholic Saint. Methinks ARGENT bit off a WEE bit more then they could chew here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Southern Cross Posted December 25, 2003 Report Share Posted December 25, 2003 And let's not forget the fact that Santa is usually regarded as a "good guy".If Santa Claus showed up at a superhero team's secret base and told them what happened ,I can just see them getting ready to kick some ARGENT butt!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twilight Posted December 25, 2003 Report Share Posted December 25, 2003 Originally posted by Southern Cross And let's not forget the fact that Santa is usually regarded as a "good guy".If Santa Claus showed up at a superhero team's secret base and told them what happened ,I can just see them getting ready to kick some ARGENT butt!!! Not only that but as a Catholic Saint, and the patron saint of Greece and Russia, all Santa has to do is prove that he's real and is St. Nicholas and he's got military support from damn near every Catholic country I'd imagine. When you think about it the amount of influence Santa could bring to bear in this sort of situation is almost scary. He wouldn't NEED to ask personally. After all, as a Saint, his Holiness the Pope is technically Santa's follower. Would YOUR superteam hesitate if the Pope contacted them and asked them to help Santa out of a jam? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Southern Cross Posted December 25, 2003 Report Share Posted December 25, 2003 Nope-especially if the cause of the problem was a known supervillain agency. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger3k Posted December 25, 2003 Report Share Posted December 25, 2003 Originally posted by Twilight Not only that but as a Catholic Saint, and the patron saint of Greece and Russia, all Santa has to do is prove that he's real and is St. Nicholas and he's got military support from damn near every Catholic country I'd imagine. When you think about it the amount of influence Santa could bring to bear in this sort of situation is almost scary. He wouldn't NEED to ask personally. After all, as a Saint, his Holiness the Pope is technically Santa's follower. Would YOUR superteam hesitate if the Pope contacted them and asked them to help Santa out of a jam? Probably yes. But if they were inundated with millions of letters from children around the world, walking down the street looking into their faces, then they probably would. There's more kids that believe in him than just Christians (especially since most adults wouldn't buy it, especially in a world where anyone can fly and sneak into houses. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if he's been busted by well-meaning supers going after that "bad guy dressed in the Santa suit". edit - how would he prove that he's more than a super-powered psycho? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lemming Posted December 25, 2003 Report Share Posted December 25, 2003 Originally posted by Twilight Would YOUR superteam hesitate if the Pope contacted them and asked them to help Santa out of a jam? Hmm, based on the fact that a couple of my heroes are disliked by the Vatican... We'd talk, I'm sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twilight Posted December 25, 2003 Report Share Posted December 25, 2003 Originally posted by badger3k Probably yes. But if they were inundated with millions of letters from children around the world, walking down the street looking into their faces, then they probably would. There's more kids that believe in him than just Christians (especially since most adults wouldn't buy it, especially in a world where anyone can fly and sneak into houses. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if he's been busted by well-meaning supers going after that "bad guy dressed in the Santa suit". edit - how would he prove that he's more than a super-powered psycho? Quite easily I'd imagine. He can prove himself to be Santa simply by landing his sleigh with the flying reindeer anyplace in the world. A simple telepathic scan would prove that he is indeed the real Santa, especially since he's not committed any crimes. Actually, those well meaning heroes you mentioned would likely already know about him, if he exsisted in a superhero world. Night patrols on Christmas Eve and all that. Similarly, I highly doubt that an actual Catholic saint will have trouble convincing Catholics of his legitimancy. A couple miracles here and there would do it. Not all heroes can do stuff like heal critically ill patients and what not. Back in his heyday Santa's brought people back from the dead. Hardly difficult at all for him to prove he's who he says he is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twilight Posted December 25, 2003 Report Share Posted December 25, 2003 Originally posted by lemming Hmm, based on the fact that a couple of my heroes are disliked by the Vatican... We'd talk, I'm sure. How about when millions of children send letters and crowd hero headquarters with teary faces asking the heroes why they won't help out Santa? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wormhole Posted December 25, 2003 Report Share Posted December 25, 2003 LOST: Favorite Clone Concubine Discription: Blond hair, green eyes, 5'7", 36D cup, clad in gold lame bikini, and lacks vocal cords. Reward for safe return. Call: 1-888-4-TELEIOS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lemming Posted December 25, 2003 Report Share Posted December 25, 2003 Originally posted by Twilight How about when millions of children send letters and crowd hero headquarters with teary faces asking the heroes why they won't help out Santa? See that would get them to do something. I'm pretty sure Ice Pirate would do something for the kids, I'm also pretty sure the Vatican wouldn't ask her in the first place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twilight Posted December 25, 2003 Report Share Posted December 25, 2003 Originally posted by lemming See that would get them to do something. I'm pretty sure Ice Pirate would do something for the kids, I'm also pretty sure the Vatican wouldn't ask her in the first place. Well, ok fair enough. But you do see the point I was trying to make right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karma Posted December 26, 2003 Report Share Posted December 26, 2003 Santa Lets not forget that the Claus-mister was originally Wodan, head of the Norse Gods before the Catholic Church 'appropriated' him. So he's got 2 religions whose big guns are willing to do him a favour. "I am the Archangel Micheal. I have come to take back the house and workshop stolen from Saint Nicholas, patron saint of children (among other things)" "GREETINGS MICHAEL I AM THOR. GOD OF WAR AND THUNDER COME TO TAKE BACK THE HOUSE OF MY FATHER, WODAN" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Cadet Posted December 30, 2003 Report Share Posted December 30, 2003 Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: From the ARGENT public relations Dept Originally posted by Twilight Indeedy, and just you ask a few folks around middle Europe [particularly the Germanic areas] about Knecht Ruppret or Black Peter sometime. The Claus' have friends you just don't wanna mess with, and that's before you consider the fact that he's also a Catholic Saint. Methinks ARGENT bit off a WEE bit more then they could chew here. Just got through doing some 'Net crawling to find out just who it was that Twilight was talking about in his post, and after getting the lowdown on Knecht Ruppert/Black Peter, all I can say is this: with a "friend" like this, the Claus-man certainly has no need for any enemies, supervillains or not. Space Cadet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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