Tech Posted October 7, 2003 Report Share Posted October 7, 2003 For Sale: One somewhat damaged but still wearable ION FIELD BELT. Disclaimer: Belt may not keep hero energy attacks out but stops any personal attacks at heroes. No refunds. For inquiries, write General Hospital, Room 124, Attention: Foxbat. Wanted: Maid to clean incredible secret Foxbat-base while boss is in hospital. Send all inquiries to The Awesome Exo-Skeleton Man. WANTED: Any hand-held, high-tech weapons. Must be reliable. No mystical weapons accepted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Liaden Posted October 7, 2003 Report Share Posted October 7, 2003 FOR SALE Gold plated brass chest, 16"/12"/8", "liberated" from an archaeological dig at Mount Olympus. Pin locking mechanism, elaborate engraving over surface, incised Greek lettering on lid spelling "PANDORA." Not yet opened. Will take best offer. Includes shipping, but insurance extra. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supreme Serpent Posted October 7, 2003 Report Share Posted October 7, 2003 Become more POWERFUL! Secrets of XP accumulation! Want that extra power, skill, or stat increase but just don't have enough XP? We have the answer! Learn how to accumulate massive amounts of XP working at home! For Secret of XP Accumulation , send 1 XP to: Foxbat PO Box 5841 Pueblo, CO 55555-5841 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spectrum Posted October 7, 2003 Report Share Posted October 7, 2003 FOR SALE Space station in stable orbit over Earth. Large enough to house henchmen and thier families. Planetary death ray included. Life support systems require repair but airlocks and docking bays are still operational. Conatct seller at abandoned warehouse #12 along the docks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
altamaros Posted October 7, 2003 Report Share Posted October 7, 2003 Personals See you on Sunday night robbery at CalTech Factory. You: cute red haired fire-wielding villainess. Me: tall blond guy in armored power suit who shot the gas tank. we didn't have time to speak before heroes show up. would like to meet you again. Call the magazine Ref : #1254833B Rent sharing Single alien organism, recently relocated seek people, good-looking, non-smoking, preferently single w/paid activity for symbiosis, common activities and body sharing. please send DNA samples before applying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lemming Posted October 7, 2003 Report Share Posted October 7, 2003 For Sale: One 2000 Gallon Tank containing Fresh Water and 100 Robot Pirhanna. The Robot Pirhanna can stip a Cadillac in 30 seconds. Perfect for a death trap for your armored foes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cybernaut Posted October 8, 2003 Report Share Posted October 8, 2003 For Sale Cybernaut Mk-I battlesuit for sale. Has been in disrepair since I abandoned it for the Mk-II, great weekend fix-er-up project. All serious offers considered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wormhole Posted October 8, 2003 Report Share Posted October 8, 2003 For Sale: One slightly used Mechanon robot body. Some superhero related damage, self-destruct device was apparently a dud. Will sell to highest bidder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spectrum Posted October 8, 2003 Report Share Posted October 8, 2003 FOR SALE A set of 6 lasers. Small, compact and can fire up to 500 yards. Also includes harnesses to mount on the heads of sharks. $200,000 for the entire set OBO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Battlestaff Posted October 8, 2003 Report Share Posted October 8, 2003 FOR SALE Set of 6 sharks. Trained to operate lasers mounted on harnesses on their head. Moving to desert, must sell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cybernaut Posted October 8, 2003 Report Share Posted October 8, 2003 Jumbo saltwater aquarium, ideal for 6 sharks. Complete with trap door, chute, and a 1 month supply of Purina Shark Chow. Will take best offer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Liaden Posted October 8, 2003 Report Share Posted October 8, 2003 Essential for the Mastermind Villain What self-respecting villain can honestly call himself a "Mastermind" if he can't master the minds of his own minions? How often have your underlings surrendered to the authorities rather than dying in your glorious service, or just stolen your prototype weapons or powered armor and become independent supervillains without even a word of thanks? Well you can put a stop to this shameful betrayal for all time with the amazing patented MINIONIZER! Take the most selfish, cowardly vermin that the underworld has to offer, strap him into the Minionizer, and in less than half an hour this magnificent piece of cutting-edge brainwashing technology will scramble his synapses, network his neurons, and produce a fanatically loyal follower who will throw himself into the fires of Hell on your word while singing your praises! With only a slightly more protracted exposure the Minionizer will subvert the most stoic and obstinate of superheroes. Turn foes into moles, a thorn in your side into a knife in the back of your greatest enemies! The Minionizer comes with complete instructions and adapter to run off any type of household current. Order within the next 30 days and we'll throw in a set of six Nova 3 Self-Immolation Implants! Not even a telepath can learn details of your secret plans from a charcoal bricket. "The Minionizer" and "Nova 3" are licensed trademarks of EvilPays Inc. Some assembly required. Subjects may display berserker tendencies. Brain hemorraging may result. AVOID USING ON SELF. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spectrum Posted October 9, 2003 Report Share Posted October 9, 2003 HELP WANTED Death trap engineer. Must have working knowledge of basics such as trap doors that lead to pits that contain a variety of death instruments or moving ceilings or walls w/extending spikes. Creativity in designs a plus. Minimum 2 year expierence required Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emerald Mask Posted October 9, 2003 Report Share Posted October 9, 2003 Are you a Evil henchman who has been injured by a Super-Hero or possibly by your Overlords inepitude or meglomania. If so you need the Law offices of Cheetham and Stelee- our trained professionals can help your workmans comp case against even the most mythic dark night avenger or even that Globe conquering employer. Rember - villanous henchmen are number1 at Cheetham ans Steele. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wormhole Posted October 10, 2003 Report Share Posted October 10, 2003 Evil wizard seeks nubile young virgin for a "night of enchantment". All replies considered, please send photo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zornwil Posted October 10, 2003 Report Share Posted October 10, 2003 SUPER-VILLAIN IN JAIL? NEED GOOD LEGAL HELP FAST?? Don't forget to call Slick Freddy! That's right, Silck Freddy's legal abilities and contempt for the system has kept many major villains out of prison entirely for decades, and now you too can benefit! No technicality is too small or preposterous to keep you out of prison! We take all cases, no matter how small! Need to convalesce in a minimum-security "insane asylum"? No problem! Check out our special retainer deal, no money down, 5% of future earnings! No guarantees. Conditions may apply. Failure to earn adequate earnings may result in broken kneecaps or tails as applicable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spectrum Posted October 10, 2003 Report Share Posted October 10, 2003 LOST A inter-dimentional Hellbeast. 4ft tall, 8ft long. Has dark brown fur, red eyes, large protruding canines, razor sharp spines on it back and a devil tail. Answers to the name Gorchack the Destroyer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zornwil Posted October 10, 2003 Report Share Posted October 10, 2003 FOR SALE A inter-dimentional Hellbeast. 4ft tall, 8ft long. Has dark brown fur, red eyes, large protruding canines, razor sharp spines on it back and a devil tail. Seems to answer to syllables like "Gor Chak The Dester Oyer". Respond via e-mail only, thisgoesthruproxies@youllneverfindmejustpaythemoneyandgetthebeast.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vondy Posted October 14, 2003 Report Share Posted October 14, 2003 Rare Opportunity With PAID Senior Henchmen Wanted: For the extraordinary individual who wants more than just a job. This is a way of life that will challenge the deepest resources of your intelligence, self-reliance, and responsibility. It demands an adventurous spirit, forceful personality, superior intelligence, toughness of mind, and the highest degree of vile nefariousness imaginable. It takes specialized skills and professional discipline to secure results. You will need to deal with fast moving, often ambiguous, and unstructured situations, and titanic, unreasonable egos that will test your resources and evilness to the utmost. This is Section 13 – the field operations element of Prussian American Israeli Doom - the world renowned and feared personal chip on his shoulder task force of the Supreme Commander, Von D-Man. This is an elite corps of megalomaniacs, bad-girl hotties in tight leather, and sycophantic boot lickers that are needed for gathering vital information and executing extralegal operations on behalf of the only man on the planet who actually matters. Qualifications: The Prussian American Israeli Doom’s Nefarious Henchmen Trainee Program is the gateway to a unique world conquest oriented experience. To qualify you must have a first-rate curriculum vitae and abilities: an unstable personality with a tendency towards psychotic and sociopathic behavior, strong interpersonal skills, the ability to write clearly and accurately, and a burning interest in establishing a new world order with Von D-Man at the helm. A bachelor's degree with an excellent academic record is a must. A graduate degree, foreign travel, foreign language proficiency, previous residency abroad, experience faking campy accents and maniacal laughter, and previous military or super-villain experience are pluses. Female candidates should feel comfortable [and look good] in tight leather clothing and matching high heeled platform boots of no less than four inches. The ability to run in said boots is a definite consideration on our part. We are particularly interested in obscenely powerful candidates for our super powered field operations, and those with degrees and experience in international finance, organizational management, weapons development, deathtrap engineering, advanced bootlicking studies, or the physical sciences. Entrance salaries are typically obscene, depending on the candidate’s credentials. Benefits include full medical, dental, and life, as well as moving, housing, and secret life of crime compensation. All “business related†legal fees are covered, and we offer an excellent 401K matching program. All applicants must successfully complete a thorough medical and psychological exam, a polygraph interview, mental probe, and an extensive background investigation, which may include hair samples or bodily fluids for sorcerous rituals. Maximum age for entrance into this program is 35. Confidentiality agreements must be signed by both applicant and spouse. ALL POSITIONS REQUIRE RELOCATION TO AN UNDISCLOSED SECRET BASE IN A TRADITIONALLY PULPY LOCALE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Cadet Posted October 15, 2003 Report Share Posted October 15, 2003 MASTER DEATHTRAP DESIGNER AVAILIABLE FOR CONSULTATION Are you like most supervillians and other self-respecting fiends these days? Do you devise seemingly foolproof schemes for get- ting absolute power, world domination or unlimited wealth, only to have some group of so-called "heroes" come from out of no- where to put an ignominious end to your well-laid schemes? Just once, wouldn't you like to see them get the sharp end of the stick for a change? If you answered "yes" to both questions, then maybe I can be of some service to you. For many years now, I have spent my time devising numerous deathtraps with which to dispose of those annoying heroes who insist upon intruding on my privacy (not to mention daring to interfere with my plans for galactic con- quest); indeed, my entire base of operations has, over the years, been transformed into a multilayered deathtrap. Sliding walls with which to crush the unwary, floors which open without warning beneath their feet, hidden panels concealing assassins just waiting to ambush their victims -- these are just a few of the many refinements that could be made availiable to you for use in your hidden stronghold, should you desire to make use of my services. To arrange an appointment for a FREE consultation on which deathtraps would best serve your needs, just send an E-mail to the URL listed below: TheBeast@blacktower.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mayday Posted October 15, 2003 Report Share Posted October 15, 2003 THE CAMERA ADDS 20 POUNDS!!! Want that heroine in the steel bikini armor to work for you? Planning to announce your world takeover on live television? Make the most of your appearance with a new you! At Gut-B-Gone, our professionally trained staff will guide you through a personalized regimen of diet, exercise and liposuction in time for your big day. Special limited time offer for group enrollment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermit Posted October 16, 2003 Report Share Posted October 16, 2003 You too can rule! For Sale:The Province of Alberta Canada Now you can be the hidden master of your own disguised Empire. Secure behind your veil of anonymity, play it smart and you'll be ruling this area for many years to come. You'll be provided with: 1.Our handy dandy Mindcontrol wave generator 2.Three TV Satalite companies for cover of your nefarious control. 3.A list of who's who in Alberta, and what to black mail them with. 4.And of course, our "How To Rule Alberta" instruction manual. Highest bid will win, but no offer below $6 million (U.S., sorry, no loonies please) will be considered. -The Secret Masters Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Liaden Posted October 16, 2003 Report Share Posted October 16, 2003 Please ignore the above advertisement. Alberta is already spoken for. Ralph Klein Emperor... er, Premier of Alberta Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermit Posted October 16, 2003 Report Share Posted October 16, 2003 Originally posted by Lord Liaden Please ignore the above advertisement. Alberta is already spoken for. Ralph Klein Emperor... er, Premier of Alberta You see how well it works? Ralph is none the wiser Do I hear $7 million? -tSM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wormhole Posted October 17, 2003 Report Share Posted October 17, 2003 Lost-and-found Lost: Key Component Of Solar Deathray Cannon Last seen in the possession of lecherous british secret agent. Reward for return negotiable provided that the item is undamaged. Contact Mr. Scaramonga on Scraramonga Island. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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