JmOz Posted July 4, 2018 Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 As families gather, I am alone in the heart. As I sit here, I cry, for my family does not care. I suffer in silence, wishing I did not have obligations so I could go silently into the night. I am needed, but unappreciated. People are here, but I am alone. When I needed people I was told I did not matter. I will not hurt myself, but I wish I was not alive. I am the walking depressed. So I reach out, to feel a little less alone. I reach out so others can understand the feelings I have. I reach out so maybe when others are called on to do what they need, they do it instead of doing what they want... SteveZilla 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermit Posted July 4, 2018 Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 I'm sorry, man. I have social anxieties, and in fact, more than a few in my family suffer depression. But I am fortunate not to have it as badly as many. I don't know what to say, am not sure how to help, but IF it helps, I have always enjoyed your Champions ideas on the board and more than a few inspired me (The 1000 hero project of the Cenutirans from way back frex). You DO have an influence beyond you knowing here. You're a gent on the boards and helpful to those with questions and it's appreciated. I know talk is cheap, but I'm afraid it's all I've got to offer you. Hold on Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted July 4, 2018 Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 The main thing is that you recognise that you have a problem and have come here because we have helped in the past. We can help in the present and help in the future. Hang on. We are her for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted July 4, 2018 Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 Just don't do anything stupid, like play d20. You're here, JmOz. That makes you a HERO. And you're not alone. You have us, to the very end of the age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted July 4, 2018 Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 Just saw something that might make lift your mood a little. Christopher Walken reads The Three Little Pigs. I posted it in Thread for Random Videoes. But here it is anyway tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JmOz Posted July 4, 2018 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 Thanks tribble, that helps a bit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zeropoint Posted July 5, 2018 Report Share Posted July 5, 2018 Ghost hugs from me as well. I struggle with depression myself, so I know some of what you're going through. There's nothing I can do or say that will really help, so I'll just remind you that it's not as bad as it feels in the darkest moments, and that you've got people who care about you and want you to stick around and get better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted July 5, 2018 Report Share Posted July 5, 2018 Hang in there, JmOz. We're with you. We appreciate you. You matter a lot to us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Badger Posted July 5, 2018 Report Share Posted July 5, 2018 Well, for what it is worth, mid-July sucks for me. My childhood cat (got him when I was 7, died when I was 21) did die on a JUly 8, and another year one of the few dating relationships I have had hit the crapper in mid-July. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted July 6, 2018 Report Share Posted July 6, 2018 More Christopher Walken goodness as he reads Lady Gaga's Pokerface Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RDU Neil Posted July 6, 2018 Report Share Posted July 6, 2018 On 7/4/2018 at 1:04 PM, JmOz said: As families gather, I am alone in the heart. As I sit here, I cry, for my family does not care. I suffer in silence, wishing I did not have obligations so I could go silently into the night. I am needed, but unappreciated. People are here, but I am alone. When I needed people I was told I did not matter. I will not hurt myself, but I wish I was not alive. I am the walking depressed. So I reach out, to feel a little less alone. I reach out so others can understand the feelings I have. I reach out so maybe when others are called on to do what they need, they do it instead of doing what they want... So I sit here on a slow Friday at work, goofing off on the Hero boards when I should be working... and I read this. I want to ignore it. In fact, my immediate reaction is to click away. "How can someone post something like that?" is my immediate reaction. I've never understood the public expression of emotions, no matter how powerful. Intimate and intense emotions are only for those closest to me... but the public? No... the public only gets rage. But I clicked back. I read it again. And again. It struck me... at first I saw someone hurting... someone breaking... someone lost and losing. But I was wrong. So very wrong. I took me a moment, but I realized instead, what I was seeing was courage. The most difficult kind of courage. The courage that courts humiliation and risks the abyss. Courage to face the dark and do the one thing the dark can never defeat. The bravest human is the one admitting their pain and asking for help... holding up the inner agony for recognition of how real it is. This is the act of the mighty, not the broken. The strongest stand up when they are failing on the inside. This is not the time for quiet. I hope you can recognize yourself in these words... not in the shattering blackness, but in the light you yourself held up so the rest of us could see. Let us know that you are still there. You matter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vondy Posted July 7, 2018 Report Share Posted July 7, 2018 We live in an increasingly isolated society and, increasingly, people find themselves limited to a public-yet-anonymous circle of people they can express themselves to. I would normally suggest, get out and go for a walk, sit down at a local gaming store and play face-to-face with some people even if its not your game, or even just unplug for a few days. But, I don't know if those are options for you. So, I will say, when depression sinks in the world turns black and we can't always see the upsides and opportunities we have. We blot those out and say "its all bad." I understand that. I've been there. I've done that. I just ask that you try to ride it out and know that we are with you in spirit. Get out of the house, treat yourself to a meal you like, watch a movie or play a game. Pick up the phone and call a friend. I know you probably aren't anywhere near me, but if I'm wrong, go ahead and send me a PM. We'll get together and do something nerdy. tkdguy and Hermit 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JmOz Posted July 7, 2018 Author Report Share Posted July 7, 2018 On 7/6/2018 at 1:45 PM, RDU Neil said: So I sit here on a slow Friday at work, goofing off on the Hero boards when I should be working... and I read this. I want to ignore it. In fact, my immediate reaction is to click away. "How can someone post something like that?" is my immediate reaction. I've never understood the public expression of emotions, no matter how powerful. Intimate and intense emotions are only for those closest to me... but the public? No... the public only gets rage. But I clicked back. I read it again. And again. It struck me... at first I saw someone hurting... someone breaking... someone lost and losing. But I was wrong. So very wrong. I took me a moment, but I realized instead, what I was seeing was courage. The most difficult kind of courage. The courage that courts humiliation and risks the abyss. Courage to face the dark and do the one thing the dark can never defeat. The bravest human is the one admitting their pain and asking for help... holding up the inner agony for recognition of how real it is. This is the act of the mighty, not the broken. The strongest stand up when they are failing on the inside. This is not the time for quiet. I hope you can recognize yourself in these words... not in the shattering blackness, but in the light you yourself held up so the rest of us could see. Let us know that you are still there. You matter. Thank you. I appreciate it. I am not suicidal (exactly). I wish I was dead, but I also understand that that is not an option. To many things I need to take care of. Near the holidays it gets worse. Already getting back to my normal (which is a form of depression called persistent Depression Disorder). Don't worry, won't do anything dumber than ignore my Diabetes (eat junk food) or smoke to much... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JmOz Posted July 9, 2018 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2018 So, those who don't know the issues My wife has serious mental health issues, she went full delusional a few years ago, long and short I needed my family there for me. More specifically my daughter who could understand the troubles. Her fiancee told me that my life was not worth shit as I was following apart. Many years of fighting followed based on the idea that he should at least appoligise for the comment. She feels he shouldn't have to ( number of excuses why). Because of the stress of my wife's health I have very little in a social circle, and none I feel comfortable talking to about it... After a year of my daughter and her now husband not talking to us, she got in touch with my wife...this is just making the pain more... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted July 9, 2018 Report Share Posted July 9, 2018 That sucks, man. I hope that having a sympathetic audience here will help to ease the burden. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted July 11, 2018 Report Share Posted July 11, 2018 Ditto/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trencher Posted July 12, 2018 Report Share Posted July 12, 2018 Good luck to you JmOz! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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