Enforcer84

Dammit
 
Rest in Peace. 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Apropos of this, the Raiders have just canned their DC.  Obviously Chuckie was as impressed as you were.

More like Chuckie is deflecting blame. 

I had not previously known that Russell Wilson's backup is Geno Smith.

Now that the season is mostly over, I have decided that the Washington NFL franchise has gone from having the worst team name, to the best. Washington Football Team is self deprecating and even subtly ironic, poking fun at the entire idea of sports fandom with its sheer genericness. 

Thank you!
 
Dex couldn't care less.

I've noticed that the Birthday Threads have fallen, and I'm nothing if not extra. 
 
Happy Birthday to my Best Buddy for without whom I would have been a lonely lonely bastard back in 2008. 
I hope Mom and Dex treat you like a king today. 
 

I've noticed that the Birthday Threads have fallen, and I'm nothing if not extra. 
 
Happy Birthday to my Best Buddy for without whom I would have been a lonely lonely bastard back in 2008. 
I hope Mom and Dex treat you like a king today. 
 

Oh...my.
 
Jim Harbaugh's future kinda has to be very tenuous...Wisconsin just took them behind the woodshed, 49-11.

Gotcha. And I'd say that no knock warrants do disproportionately affect blacks more than whites, because they disproportionately affect the poor, and poverty is disproportionate.

The local paper is reporting that my school currently has 13 active cases. State board of health recommendation is 2-week shutdown once we hit 15.
 
We had ~30 students called down to the front office today at the beginning of first period. Sure enough, I've got e-mails from two of them telling me they're in quarantine.
 
A school in a neighboring district refused to shut down even after ~50 positive cases (and 500 students in quarantine) due to pressure from families.
 
Our district rep told the paper we're not going to defy the health department on this (i.e., we're not as stupid as that other district). This gives me some hope.
 
I fully expect to be teaching from home again by the end of the week.

Just thinking off the top of my head here, but has anyone talked to Spain recently to see if they want to buy Florida back? We could really make them a deal, I expect.

Yeah, this one's autodraft. 

And then PETA joined Child Protective Services as hunteds for the man of Ass.

Not sure if any of you watch Critical Role, but the fan art from that weekly D&D game is some of the best. 
 
Here's an artist's interpretation of Vox Machina's druid and rogue doing their best Barda and Scott Free Impression. Her smile just makes me giggle.

1. Trump's ban went after legals. People who'd been vetted and had green cards. That's not the same as deporting Illegals. That's rounding up Foreigners.
2. Clinton's sex scandals and Trumps sex scandals aren't different. They both show signs of men of power treating women like objects. Clinton's cigar antics however were - as far as we know, consensual where as Trump bragged about sexual assault. Both have been accused of the latter and both are poor examples of humanity. Trump is looking to further the GOP backed initiative of telling women how to reproduce so that's something more than Clinton ever did to women. 
3. so both sides do the same thing, and? Is it only wrong with the other side does it? Because the same people angry now for the Lefts actions were doing the same on the right an this isn't even an argument. It's just noting that the ability so say the exact opposite thing you did when the tables were turned is a political tactic long used by both sides.
4. Yates was doing her job. She was following the constitution. Clinton was doing her job she was a defense attorney. Yates's job is not to do what the President Demands. Which is what Senator Sessions questioned her about during her confirmation hearings in 2015. She was asked if she could do her job despite pressure from the President (At that time the other team) to do otherwise.

Ok let's try this again. Both have been accused by women of sexually assaulting them. Neither has been found guilty. Clinton had an Affair with an Intern. Trump has had affairs while married. He has 5 children with three women. 
 
So "One actually Did it" isn't accurate, as Clinton's sex scandal wasn't assault. I will be the first to admit Trump might have been bragging while he had nothing to go on...it seems to fit his profile as a prolific liar. But Both have been accused by multiple women neither has been found guilty. 
 
So your statement is incorrect. But both men are horrible champions of fidelity. 
 
 
Second, you're correct. And it was my fault for lumping all of women's health issues into "Choice." So let me correct my misstatement and expand on the issue. The Right to Choose isn't the only issue here. It's more broadly an issue of women's health as well as reproductive rights. Planned Parenthood which may or may not be under fire spends 0 federal funds on Abortion. They are not allowed to. [http://www.factcheck.org/2011/04/planned-parenthood/] so removing their funding does nothing to stop the 3% of their operating costs that goes to abortion service; rather the 97% that goes to testing, screening, birth control, and STI/STD testing and treatment, and Vasectomy procedures. The largest portion of their clients are the young and the poor. Who don't have a wealth (get it?) of care options even if they want to have children they rely on Planned Parenthood for prenatal care. 
 
The Gag Order Reinstated by Trump prevents American funding for any health organizations that provide abortion information (not even abortions, just information) on an international level. So any health organizations that deal with women's services can't receive funding from the US.. Which means that such services will be less able to provide the afore mentioned screening, prenatal, post natal, pediatrics, testing, screening, contraception, and STD/STI services. 
 
This isn't about women "taking responsibility for getting their bits out." (There is some of that, of course. Abortion rates go down when contraception is available, however. Which in your over-simplified drinking analogy is calling a cab after having a few too many.) It's about women dying from treatable cancers and suffering from STD/STI and passing that on to men, it's about starting out families who don't have the money or soon the insurance to ensure healthy children. 
 
For some reason; allowing women, particularly young and poor women, to have some sort of agency in their reproductive rights beyond "No Sex for me, thanks." is an anathema to some people. 

Japanese Airforce Pilot and her Manga Portrait decal.
 

Sorry to hear this BoneDaddy. Hope you kick Cancer's ass. 
 

I have cancer. Keep breathing, I will almost certainly be ok eventually.  I want to talk to you all about what kind of cancer I have, and how some of you might get it, or might have it.  I will also tell you how I am and how I expect to be in the future. 
 
I don’t smoke. I don’t drink to anything like excess - I had four drinks one birthday and that was frankly one too many for me. I’m not overweight. I exercise, I lift weights. I’m 47 and I can bench press my body weight, run two miles in about 20 minutes (tortoise slow for a real runner, plenty damn fast for my age cohort) and knock out ten pull ups without breaking a sweat. A few years ago we stopped eating anything with nitrites, last year we went dairy free. I wear sunscreen, and my covid mask is rated for asbestos removal. I’m healthy and risk averse is what I’m saying, and I’m also saying that there’s nothing you can do to avoid this one. It isn’t from bad habits. Mostly. 
 
I have squamous cell carcinoma (SCC) of the throat. SCC is usually skin cancer, but apparently it can show up elsewhere in the body in different circumstances. If it’s in your skin, no big deal. If it’s in you throat like mine is, closer to a big deal but still not an automatic death sentence. Something to act on immediately with haste and determination like a grease fire in a frying pan, but nothing too serious yet. If it gets to your other organs, usually through your lymphatic system, life gets much more tenuous. That is house-on-fire serious. 
 
Mine started at the base of my tongue, between my tonsils. It spread to the lymph nodes on either side of my neck. We all have hundreds of lymph nodes, they are about as big as a coffee bean usually, and they squeeze lymph back and forth around the body. The two closest to my tonsils are currently about as big as Lima beans - honestly not very big, nothing that looks like it’s trying to kill me. If the cancer spreads beyond them ... We aren’t discussing that today. 
 
One way a human body, one like mine or yours, can be persuaded to make cancerous squamous cells in your throat is as a response to HPV, the human papilloma virus. There are many varieties of this virus, and almost every one of us has been exposed to at least one of them. The ones marked number 16 and 18 are the bastards of the bunch, the one that the Pap smear is looking for, the one in my throat, the one there is now a vaccine for. HPV 16 is my enemy, my uninvited guest, the traitor at my table, my very own deep state conspiracy. 
 
There is no test to detect HPV in your throat before it is cancerous. The primary tumor is frequently so small as to be effectively undetectable. They had a hard time finding mine with a PET scan and had to perform a surgical biopsy to get to the tissues involved. The tumor doesn’t hurt, doesn’t effect my ability to speak or swallow or breath or do any of the other things one does with a neck. I had no idea it was there, and no one would have had any reason to know it was there until it metastasized to my lymph nodes. My very slightly swollen lymph nodes that also don’t hurt. They aren’t even red.  No pain, no fever, no sore throat, no tight range of motion, no trouble at all, no reason to know things are bad and could get much worse. 
 
I’m trying to scare you. I wasn’t scared, and I’m still only a little scared now thanks to antidepressants. 
 
My cancer doesn’t look scary. It looks just like something a little weird that’s probably nothing. I’m 47, my lymph node is a little swollen, no pain, no big deal, right? Wrong. Massively big deal, cleverly disguised as no big deal. 
 
I woke up one morning and the lymph node on the right side of my neck was swollen. It didn’t hurt and wasn’t green or anything. I called my doctor, and she reasonably explained that sometimes the ducts that connect lymph nodes to the rest of the body get clogged up, and she recommended hot compresses and some antibiotics. This did nothing but make my neck warm.
 
I ignored my slightly swollen, pain free lymph node, and went about my merry way for another month before I called my doctor again. A month. That month may have been very, very important.
 
A gentle spousal rebuke prompted that follow up call to my doctor, who referred me to an otolaryngologist for a biopsy, and a CT scan.
 
When I told my friends I was having a needle biopsy stabbed into the gooey center of the mini Cadbury egg on my neck, they all looked worried as though I might have cancer, and said reassuring things.  I scoffed. “Look at me, I’m fine.” And I am. Mostly. There’s a ticking time bomb in my neck, but aside from that there’s not a thing wrong with my physical health. I keep saying that over and over because I want you to understand that this tumor has been slowly growing behind my tongue for an indeterminate period of time with zero symptoms whatsoever. 
 
Then the doc told me I had cancer.  I had to/ got to tell my lovely wife. “Had to” because I didn’t want to say the last thing she wanted to hear. “Got to” because there’s no better partner on the planet, no person I would more want in my corner, on my team, by my side or at my back than her. We had to figure out when to tell our kids (after the PET scan, which showed no distant metastases. When giving bad news, it’s best to know how bad the news actually is.)
 
I’m lucky, really.  I have an easy cancer, detected early. I have great health insurance, the kind every American should have. I live 20 minutes away from the literal best team on earth at treating this exact kind of cancer. This is like getting mugged when you have the Avengers on speed dial.  It’s a puny cancer, and a team of Dr. Banners are already angry at it.
 
To be perfectly clear, we’re sitting pretty from a financial standpoint. Lovely wife makes lovely money, and our insurance will keep paying for this until the cows come home. (We sent our cows to college and we haven’t seen them since. Maybe cooking school was a mistake.) This message does not end with a plea for money or anything at all. We are very lucky. 
 
My treatment regimen is very close to the standard practice for this diagnosis - about 7 weeks of radiation and chemotherapy.  It is tiring and painful as they very carefully and precisely rain atomic hellfire onto the cancer and not the rest of me. I need to keep eating and drinking and chewing and swallowing so my throat will remember how to function. 
 
There are nutritionists and pain management specialists to help with this process. We started with Gabapentin, which sounds like fun but hardly worth the price of admission. It makes pain management much less hazardous, but wrecks short term memory formation and makes keeping track of conversions or where I put anything down a real challenge. So far I have found 5 shirts of mine around the house, workshop, and yard. Shirts that I was wearing! I am losing clothing, keys, my phone, innumerable plates and bowls of food, and so on. 
 
 I need to do some exercises for my neck muscles to keep my full range of motion. The lymph nodes with cancer are right under my sternocleidomastoid muscles, (SCM for short) the ones that make a “v” shape from your ears to your clavicle when you yawn.
 
This cancer that I’ve never heard of is now the 6th most common cancer being diagnosed in the US.  HPV related throat cancers in middle aged men weren’t even on the radar until about 15 - 20 years ago. Usually SCC in the throat comes from smoking or heavy alcohol use. As a society we all stopped smoking enough that it the cancer’s continued presence became a mystery worth exploring, and the HPV link was discovered. The cancer seems to show up 10 to 30 years after initial infection. In my case it is probably about 25 - 30 years. HPV is a STD, the cancer that comes from it is very slow to show up in your tonsils or grow to any appreciable size. Just like yourself if you have it, it isn’t trying to rush things. 
 
This is the big takeaway folks. I assume most of you identify as men, and most of you are in my approximate age cohort. If you and your partners were sexually active before the HPV vaccine was available to you or your dating cohort, this could be a very important message for you. If I had known this was a possibility when I was dating, I would have rolled my dice and taken my chances. But I didn’t know that the GM was used an obscure Iron Crown critical hit/fail table just for the PC’s sex life. 
 
I’ve been reading about radiation treatment, and there is a very small chance that I might get super powers out of the deal. Mostly I was reading spider-man, but it seemed credible to me. 

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
Harry Potter and the Bordello of Desire
Harry Potter and the Last Samurai
Harry Potter and the Chondelles
Harry Potter and the Baked Alaska
Harry Potter and the Rajin Caijun
Harry Potter and the mystery of the Electric Clock
Harry Potter and the guy next to him stole ten bucks from my neighbor
Harry Potter and the Miami Sound Machine

One nice thing about having more space than you really needed was that you had spares. Lady Obsidian had suggested we use the second training area to teach combat and let the new guys cut loose in. It would allow calibrations to personalized to their powers and styles. We had already made a few. 

We even set the service bots to apply a nice layer of paint over night. There was only one problem.

"Why is this room Magenta?" I blinked. 

The walls were not only strong enough to withstand superhuman blows of raw night legendary power, they were also bright, garish, magenta. Every single square inch looked like someone had eaten tones of red, purple, and pink flowers, and then vomited back on the walls in an even stream.

"I should know?" She said, but even as she countered, she pressed the control pad we were using in lieu of Mabel. It was slower, but it took orders, "How'd you pick the color?"
"Went right down the alphabet, was going Mahogany or something?" I answered.

"Is it possible you didn't scroll down enough? orrr," Ariana stretched the word in that tone you get when you're trying to interject something that isn't going to make the listener sound good, "maybe it rolled back a little and you pressed without looking at the last moment?"
 
I wracked my brain trying to recall. With Mabel gone, we were finding a lot of the devices we took for granted needed a bit more focus and concentration. Was it possible that I had put in the wrong color or misread the machine? Yes. Was it likely? Uhm, I thought with discomfort, yeah.

"It's Pinprick's fault," I told her straight faced.

"Pinprick's on the away team," She reminded me, "Hasn't been here in awhile and won't be back for awhile yet?"
"That's what makes him the perfect Scape-Goat," I smiled.
"Uh huh," She looked at the magenta walls and tapped one foot, "Darn Pinprick, look at this."
I smiled, "I love you."
"You better," She said, and for a moment the look she gave hinted at a smokey promise to celebrate that declaration. The odds of a kiss were definitely on the rise.

And then shot down like a clay pigeon at a shotgun range.

"Why is this place all tarted up?" a voice asked.

"It looks like we're in Prince's tomb" another said.

Aspirant, Bramble, Hussar, and Trailblazer had entered into the room. I noticed Aspirant's cape seemed off. It was fluttering a bit more to one side than the other and fluffed out at that. Hussar moved with easy confidence and took point. I suspect he was glancing back now and then to check his curvier fellow team mates out.

Well, I guess I couldn't throw stones at fraternizing with a team mate given I was in a very serious relationship with one of my own. Still, I made a mental note to make sure he wasn't making the girls, pardon me, women, uncomfortable.
Trailblazer seemed to be chatting quietly with Bramble. I suspect Bramble's earlier comment of support to Trailblazer about adapting to full power had broken the ice a touch between the two, which was fine by me.
Valerosa directed with a firm tone of command, "Okay, everyone fall in, look lively, and listen up."

If she had added added the order to stand at attention I am not sure I would be able to resist calling her 'Sarge', and that would make dinner dates awkward. Fortunately, they didn't, and the four rookies stood more or less together in a bunch.
"This is a training room for combat practice and power development," Valerosa continued once they did so, "It's an environment where you can cut loose with your powers with no risk to innocents, and hopefully less risk to each other though you still need to be aware of your surroundings and your team mates as you utilize the area. You are allowed to make mistakes in here, so you won't make mistakes out there."
"Now, any questions before we really get going?" I asked.

Aspirant and Trailblazer's hands both shot up, in that up from the elbow kind of way that indicates you feel a bit silly raising your hands but you're not sure you shouldn't so this is a compromise kind of way. Hussar and Bramble both flat out spoke, he louder than her, rather than wait on being called on.

"Why IS this place this girly red purple?" Hussar asked, confusion writ upon his brow.

"What's with the magenta?" Bramble said at the same time, having the advantage, as women often do, of actually being able to name to name the shade and hue.
Valerosa raised a brow then looked at the other two, "Is there any chance the questions you two were about to ask were on another subject besides the magenta color of the place?"
They shook their heads a bit sheepishly. No, there was no chance of that.

"There's a very good reason for everything we do," Valerosa said with smooth confidence that was, frankly, impressive in how conjured from the ether it was, "And trust us when I say it is all tied to the purpose of making you better superheroes."
I nodded, "Exactly," and hoped no one noticed that she had not really answered the question.

Then my girlfriend, my lover, the other half of my heart, threw me under the proverbial bus so fast I could almost see the bomb the movie villain had strapped to the underside of it.

"Explain it to them, Co-Captain Eel," She added.

I shot her a brief 'Are you crazy?' look that I hoped the others didn't notice, and then switched to a nod imitating her confident manner of speaking, albeit with my own accent, "A superhero has to be prepared for the strange, the unusual, and the unexpected at all times. You may find yourself fighting in the ocean depths, a steampunk style underground villain lair, or on the surface of a strange world where the very sky is not the color you are familiar with but rather say," I gestured, "Magenta. You must be aware of it, but you cannot let it distract you from your mission ,or the continued focus on the safety of innocents and your team mates. Your lives may, no, make that will depend on your ability to adapt and adapt quickly and find focus where it is needed."

In certain circles, what I was doing would be called 'Laying it on thick'. There are far less polite terms for it. 

"Huh," Hussar nodded, "I guess that makes sense."

Trailblazer thought about it, then nodded as well.

Bramble? Her wooden features shifted to a kind of squint headtilt combination that showed she was not quite ready to ride this train of thought to the destination I had offered up.

It was Aspirant who ruined everything, "You two do know I'm a telepath, right?" He said.

"Wait, are you in my head?" I asked.

"Yeah, you said this was the place to use our powers and I figured that meant that it was okay to-" He coughed as, apparently, he read my displeasure at this intrusion into my psyche and course-corrected ,"And I see that I was wrong with both of you. Sorry about that."

"Have you been reading all our thoughts?" Trailblazer said alarmed.

"Only the team captains," He assured, "And only because I kind of thought that was approval." He glanced over to see Valerosa giving him a look, 'Which I see now it clearly was not."

"Forget that," Bramble waved it off seemingly unconcerned, "I want to know, how legit is this whole 'It's Magenta to teach you preparedness thing'?"

"Not even a little," Aspirant mumbled but not so quietly that she couldn't hear him.

I sighed, "Fine. There was a mix up with a device, our usual A.I. has taken residence elsewhere and Godspeed to her, so this came out Magenta. But my argument was not complete B.S. as I can assure you, it took us off guard too and we're adapting as good heroes have to do. Just, try not to let it distract you."

"And Aspirant," Valerosa said in a no-nonsense tone, "No reading other people's minds until we say it's time to use powers on each other, okay? If I want to become super strong that's fine, but if I grab someone in here and juggle them without explanation, it's a little rude, okay?"

"Noted," He responded and I could see a light blush of color up his cheeks, "Sorry, Captain."

Again with the Captain thing. I hoped the kid was out of my head now or there might be a wistful envy flare shot up into my consciousness that he couldn't miss.
Regardless of that, it was now my turn to ask a question, "Aspirant, what is that behind your cloak?"

"Oh, this," he reached behind his cloak and pulled out something that looked like a cross between a chrome retro-hair dryer and a sawed off shotgun with a small panel of lit up grids on the side, "I got it from this supervillain I managed to defeat. See, I know there are robots and things out there that I can't use my mental powers on so I figured while I was in the states, this baby would give me some protection against them." He waved it around. "Looks good, huh?"

Within my blood and bone, the ghost of every great uncle who had ever gone hunting cried out in alarm. At least, I could visualize them doing so. I don't really have spirit powers, it's just something that happens in certain Southerner bloodlines mostly due to indoctrination and gun safety lessons being right there behind the ten commandments and slightly ahead of fifteen ways to hide a bottle full of illegally fermented goods.

"Hey, careful waving that thing around," I said looking at the odd thing, "Does that weapon even have a safety?" 

"Actually, I'm not sure," He admitted and touched the side, "I was hoping you guys would have the tech know how to-" And the damn thing went off.
It turned out it was a ray gun capable of projecting a barrage of concussive force energy pulses. I know this because it shot such a pulse at an angle, hitting the ceiling, and somehow, despite being an energy weapon and not your standard launcher of physical projectiles, had enough kickback to slide Aspirant onto his ass and, as the pulses lowered along with his aim, shoved him across the training area. 
As he desperately fumbled for a way to turn the gun off, the rest of us of reacted in our own way. 

Trailblazer was already streaking in seemingly random patterns, which if Aspirant had been aiming for her, might have been a good strategy. However he wasn't really aiming at anyone so odds were still the same of her getting hurt.
"Christ!" Bramble called out, and I saw the bark like material covering her grow and expand out of her hands to form something akin to a make shift tower shield.
"I got this," Hussar declared and flew forward with impressive speed and guts. 

He was, of course, the only one pegged by the damn thing, and as wings don't exactly help you hold your ground (For one is not ON the ground), got swatted like a pigeon hit by a drunk tennis player! A drunk tennis player on steroids at that!
"Get behind me!" went two voices at the same time, and I realized Valerosa and I were the speakers! She could have evaded this by going intangible but, of course, was instead going to provide cover for the most fragile members of the team. 
And while intangibility wasn't an option for me, I also had just gone to meat shield mode. Most 'strong guys' on a team are also the human bulwark types, and we take the punishment that other members of our team can't always handle. It's a weird mindset, but you get into the habit pretty fast.

I realized Valerosa was the better choice for retrieving that weapon, "Go intangible, I got them. You can close."
Valerosa nodded and said to the others "Hussar, get down here and get ready to shield the others, plant your damn feet and brace," And she moved forward shifting to a ghost like state and running as fast as she could towards the telepath yelling "Use both hands and aim it at anywhere people aren't!"

Blam blam blam!
"I'm-" Every third word of Aspirant was cut off by the blasting sound, "- can't hear" Blam blam! "-saying!"
"Bramble, turn that shield into a wall if you can," I directed, then looked at Aspirant and tapped my own head in an exaggerated fashion. Hoping he'd realize I was giving him permission, nay, insisting that he form a telepathic link and fast so we could talk over the noise.

And boy did he.

The first thing I felt was a wave of fear and humiliation. For some reason I figured telepathic contact would be mostly a voice in your head. I had done similar things before, but this was more raw. There was little separating the words from the emotion, and in fact, the emotion came first. These weren't my feelings, they were Aspirant's, but I felt my blood pressure spike and my nerves jangle as if it were my own.

'Stay calm', I thought as hard as I could. You ever intentionally monologue in your head? Most of the time we don't go around with little thought clouds, at least ,I don't, no matter what the comic books of old suggested. Now? I admit, I kind of visualized that happening.  'If it helps, share the fear with me, Valerosa is heading towards you, now don't.. no don't aim where you look' I winced physically and mentally as a blast streaked towards Valerosa.
And I was so grateful when the pulse went clean through her intangible form without harm.

'Sorry, sorry' Aspirant thought at me, 'What do I do?'

'For now, do what she tried to tell you, point it at a wall far away that has no one in the way, now it's going to shove you back, but that's okay or at least manageable' I directed even as more blasts came our way. I stepped in front of one and took a hit that definitely stung but I heard Trailblazer thank me.

Then the pulses shifted as he did as I directed. Sure enough he slid to the left of the far part of the room as he hammered the right with that weapon. I could feel his fear still and yes, he shared it with me. It seemed to give him resolve as he tinkered with the display buttons.

The erratic pulses now came out in a concentrated narrow steam, which I suppose some might see as an improvement. Aspirant was slammed against the far wall.
'Hold it as steady as you can' I told him 'Valerosa is on her way.'

I could feel something new, pain, the pressure was not comfortable and he probably felt like a sumo-wrestler was sitting on his back.
But Valerosa was there, she turned solid from the side, and rather than pushing a button, pulled at a tab causing a battery to fall out.

Aspirant looked relieved, impressed, and a bit embarrassed, "Ah, thank you."

"De Nada," She said and continued to hold out her hand "Give me the gun."

"But," He said, "Killer Robots without minds, squishy telepath."

"Give me the gun," She repeated, slower and no nonsense.

He sighed and handed it (minus the battery, obviously) over, "I figured it would be okay here, I mean, this is America right? When in Rome?"

"Stereotypes are wrong, Aspirant," I said in a firm tone, "It's wrong to judge any group of people by overdone portrayals on television and movies and the like, " then I added, trying not to smile, "Also, this is California and all Californians are avacado sucking hippie peacenicks scared of anything that goes bang." 

A group of chuckles slowly broke out among the trainees and then doubled as my Californian  girlfriend and co-Captain bumped me with an elbow. The joke had diffused the tension, which is actually what I was shooting for.
It worked. 

I have to admit, I was surprised. Despite my best attempts, I am not the funny guy of the team- well, not when I'm trying to be.

"Can we vote on that he never gets to use that thing again?" Bramble asked.

"This is not a democracy," Valerosa says, and looked over the telepath, "Aspirant, we're taking this away now, and going to study it. When we figure out how it works, maybe we'll help you learn how to shoot it. But for now, no raygun for you."

'But I like the gun' came the thought in my head that was not my own. Yup, we were still linked. And I could feel a disappointment. While embarrassed, and scared that it had happened, the endorphins after the even had him realizing it was, after the fact, kind of fun.

Ahem, I thought at him hard, might want to disconnect.

Oh, Shi- and it stopped.

"Sorry about that," He said rubbing the back of his head.

"Sorry won't keep people alive," Valerosa said, but then, it may not have been directed at her. Not that she would realize that, "When you blast, and miss out in the city? Whenever you miss, you risk hitting an innocent."

Aspirant sobered and nodded, "I understand."

Hussar looked bored. Trailblazer looked sympathetic now that the  shooting was over, and Bramble shifted her weight from one foot to the other in what I guessed was nervous energy.

"Okay," I turned to them, "Let's see what the rest of you can do."
 

Lyrics by Dana Jay Bein on Twitter.
https://twitter.com/danajaybein/status/1240307541491494912
 
Is this a sore throat?
Is this just allergies?
Caught in a lockdown
No escape from reality.
 
Don’t touch your eyes
Just hand sanitize quicklyyyyy
I’m just a poor boy, no job security
Because of easy spread, even though
washed your hands, laying low
I look out the window, the curve doesn’t look flatter to me, to me
 
mama, just killed a man
i didn’t stay inside in bed
I walked by him, now he’s dead
mama, life was so much fun
but now I’ve caught this unforgiving plague
 
mama, oooooh
didn’t mean to make them die
if I’m not back to work this time tomorrow
carry on, carry on as if people didn’t matter
 
too late, my time has come
sends shivers down my spine
body’s aching all the time
goodbye everybody, I’ve got the flu
gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
 
mama, oooooh
I don’t wanna die
I sometimes wish I never went out at all
 
 
I see a little silhouette of a man
what a douche, what a douche
did he even wash his hands though
security is tightening 
very very frightening me
Gotta lay low (gotta lay low)
Gotta lay low (gotta lay low)
Gotta lay low masturbate
Masturbate O O O O
 
 
I’m just a poor boy, facing mortality
HE’S JUST A POOR BOY FACING MORTALITY
spare him his life from this monstrosity
Touch your face, wash your hands, will you wash your hands?
BISMILLAH NO WE WILL NOT WASH OUR HANDS! (WASH YOUR HANDS!)
BISMILLAH NO WE WILL NOT WASH  OUR HANDS! (WASH YOUR HANDS)
BISMILLAH WE WILL NOT WASH YOUR HANDS! (WASH YOUR HANDS!)
WASH YOUR HANDS! (never, never, never wash your hands oh oh oh oh oh oh oh)
No no no no no
Oh mama mia, mia (mama mia wash your hands!)
COVID-19 has a sickness put aside for me, for me
 
 
So you think you can stop me and just shake my hand? 
So you think we can hang out and not break our plans? 
Oh baby, can’t do this with me, baby,
Just gotta stay home, just gotta stay home with my fever
oooooh
 
Curving can get flatter
Anyone can see
Curving can get flatter
Curving can get flatter, you’ll see
Just look out your windows….
 
 
 
FLATTEN THE CURVE

Lyrics by Dana Jay Bein on Twitter.
https://twitter.com/danajaybein/status/1240307541491494912
 
Is this a sore throat?
Is this just allergies?
Caught in a lockdown
No escape from reality.
 
Don’t touch your eyes
Just hand sanitize quicklyyyyy
I’m just a poor boy, no job security
Because of easy spread, even though
washed your hands, laying low
I look out the window, the curve doesn’t look flatter to me, to me
 
mama, just killed a man
i didn’t stay inside in bed
I walked by him, now he’s dead
mama, life was so much fun
but now I’ve caught this unforgiving plague
 
mama, oooooh
didn’t mean to make them die
if I’m not back to work this time tomorrow
carry on, carry on as if people didn’t matter
 
too late, my time has come
sends shivers down my spine
body’s aching all the time
goodbye everybody, I’ve got the flu
gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
 
mama, oooooh
I don’t wanna die
I sometimes wish I never went out at all
 
 
I see a little silhouette of a man
what a douche, what a douche
did he even wash his hands though
security is tightening 
very very frightening me
Gotta lay low (gotta lay low)
Gotta lay low (gotta lay low)
Gotta lay low masturbate
Masturbate O O O O
 
 
I’m just a poor boy, facing mortality
HE’S JUST A POOR BOY FACING MORTALITY
spare him his life from this monstrosity
Touch your face, wash your hands, will you wash your hands?
BISMILLAH NO WE WILL NOT WASH OUR HANDS! (WASH YOUR HANDS!)
BISMILLAH NO WE WILL NOT WASH  OUR HANDS! (WASH YOUR HANDS)
BISMILLAH WE WILL NOT WASH YOUR HANDS! (WASH YOUR HANDS!)
WASH YOUR HANDS! (never, never, never wash your hands oh oh oh oh oh oh oh)
No no no no no
Oh mama mia, mia (mama mia wash your hands!)
COVID-19 has a sickness put aside for me, for me
 
 
So you think you can stop me and just shake my hand? 
So you think we can hang out and not break our plans? 
Oh baby, can’t do this with me, baby,
Just gotta stay home, just gotta stay home with my fever
oooooh
 
Curving can get flatter
Anyone can see
Curving can get flatter
Curving can get flatter, you’ll see
Just look out your windows….
 
 
 
FLATTEN THE CURVE