Cancer

Re: "Neat" Pictures
 
Hyperion, enhanced color, from the Cassini mission. As always, click on the image in the page that comes up to get a larger wallpaper-worthy (and in this case, rotated) version.
 
That's one strange-looking hunk of ice. Now, if the Space Maggots were to emerge from that, one planet-devouring maggot per crater (Hyperion is about 250 km across), and take flight looking for their next meal ... there's an adventure for your superheroes.

Re: Musings on Random Musings
 

 
Hmm. I don't expect to live long enough (or hang around long enough, or post enough catgirl pix) to get to that state.
 
I'm also geek enough to think that rep power should be a monotonic but nonlinear function of rep received, but I almost expect negative rep to be reimplemented merely for making such a suggestion.

Re: Complicate the Person Above
 
keyes_bill wasn't born a rabbit. He was an archeologist once who went into the forbidden "rabbit" temple in Tibet and paid a terrible price for his curiousity and hubris.

Re: Complicate the Person Above
 
Death Tribble's energy and organization are boundless, as is his creativity in solving problems. Had he been available to His Majesty's Government a hundred years ago, the sun still would have never set on the British Empire, and that nasty scrap referred to as "the Great War" would have been settled without gunfire.

Re: Musings on Random Musings
 
My feelings on internet posters is the same as the best bathroom-wall graffitto I ever saw. Sadly, you sort of have to be a math geek to get it, but it fits perfectly.
 
On one stall wall there were lengthy heated arguments, just like in a political NGD thread, without the server-imposed censorship of language, or any identification of the poster.
 
One day there appeared a large circle more or less encompassing the diatribes, with an arrow leading to a the brief mathematical inscription that can be best rendered into English as "vector sum = zero".
 
Failing that, I'd nominate "a write-only memory of internet posters".

Re: Complicate the Person Above
 
Keith Curtis is a clever wag, with a deep understanding of the paradoxes of reality. He has created a propositional calculus with which he can refute anyone's existence, a truly fearsome tool. When he uses this on a person, they not only are expunged from this Universe, the Universe is by the very act remade so that they never could have existed.
 
It is, of course, impossible to list the victims of this most fundamental form of vengeance. As long as I keep up my payments on my "reality insurance" I have no worries about this happening to me.

Re: The Last Word
 
So if L. Marcus gets so depressed he doesn't even want to move, and someone tries to get a rise out of him by stomping on his toes, and one of us gentler sorts (like zornwil) advises against that, is he saying, "Don't you step on our blue Swede's shoes"?
 

Re: The Last Word
 
So if L. Marcus gets so depressed he doesn't even want to move, and someone tries to get a rise out of him by stomping on his toes, and one of us gentler sorts (like zornwil) advises against that, is he saying, "Don't you step on our blue Swede's shoes"?
 

Re: Longest Running Thread EVER
 

From Enforcer84's idea. Mention one thing you believe to be true about the most recent poster, and then add a complete and total lie, to make that poster appear to be more complicated.
 
Well, it might not work, but give it a try.
 
Enforcer84 - Not only is he a fine player and a good guy to hang out with, but Enforcer84 also has the largest single collection of lawn ornaments in North America.

Re: Longest Running Thread EVER
 
'Kay.
 
I'd just hate to think we're uploading, hunting and gathering for nothing.
 
Nothing being, "nobody sees 'em," not "nobody reps us." I mean, rep is a nice side effect and all, but I'm posting them to share with the board, which ends up being pretty moot if nobody sees the thread.
 
Y'know?

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Tabletop Diplomacy session, from years ago, in a dorm lounge. Seven players at the table, a few other folks in other seats.
 
"France" takes a long time looking at the board and finally says to "England", "What do you say to this. You can have Belgium, Burgundy, and a free hand against Italy, as long as I get Spain ... and Martha ["Germany"'s girl friend]."
 
Martha, who is in the room but not in the game, looks up from her reading and stares wordlessly at the guys at the table.
 
"Germany" spends a couple of minutes looking at the board, occasionally glancing at "France" and Martha. Finally, he says, "Deal."
 
Martha is now staring open-mouthed.
 
"France" gets up with a nod and takes two steps from the table towards the door. "France declares internal disorder," he says to the players. To Martha he says, "You come with me."

May have been posted before, but who cares
 
Disclaimer: We have no wish to offend you unless you're a twit.
 
• If at first you don't succeed, change the rules.
• Anarchy - It's not the law, it's just a good idea.
• The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer.
• It's not the principle of the thing. It's the money.
• Eat the rich. The poor are tough and stringy.
• All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
• FNORD
• Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.
• Sincerity is the key. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.
• The breakfast of champions is the opposition.
• If we do not change our direction we are likely to end up where we are headed.
• Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
• Always do right. This will gratify many people, and astonish the rest.
• Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you frantic.
• Decadence is its own reward.
• An honest politician is one who stays bought.
• Organize for anarchy!
• Circular definition: see "circular definition."
• Help! The paranoids are out to get me!
• According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
• I don't see you, so don't pretend you're there.
• Tell the truth and run.
• He who hesitates is last.
• FNORD
• A wise man knows everything, a shrewd one, everybody.
• Moral victories don't count.
• All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own.
• Smile! The Illuminati are watching.
• Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.
• All syllogisms have three parts. Therefore, this is not a syllogism.
• I'll have to put something into their food to make them forget about this.
• We cheat the other guy and pass the savings on to you.
• Don't steal. The government hates the competition.
• Once you give up integrity, the rest is easy!
• A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
• I don't suffer from insanity. I revel in it.
• Always be smarter than the people who hire you. But never let them know.
• The worst thing about censorship is XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.
• Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
• Smile! It makes them wonder what you're up to.
• For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
• A censor is a man who thinks he knows more than you ought to.
• If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research.
• The less a politician amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
• Age and treachery will beat youth and skill every time.
• Forecasting is difficult, especially about the future.
• Are you sure? [N] Y
• What if this weren't a hypothetical question?
• All generalizations are incorrect, including this one.
• Join the Illuminati and see the world . . . differently.
• Friends come, and friends go, but enemies accumulate.
• FNORD
• Beware of the superficially profound.
• Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense.
• All law is codified revenge.
• Did you know that "gullible" isn't in the dictionary? Look it up.
• Hail Eris! All hail Discordia!
• If winning doesn't matter, why keep score?
• Objectivity is in the eye of the beholder.
• Smash the state, and have a nice day.
• Abandon all hope ye who PRESS ENTER here.
• No good deed goes unpunished.
• Thoughts good! Slogans bad! Thoughts good! Slogans bad!
• Gotta run, my government's collapsing.
• A friend is someone you call to help you move. A real friend is someone you call to help you move a body.
• Defeat is worse than death, because you have to live with defeat.
• Eschew obfuscation!
• Someone you trust is one of us . . .
• This is a test. This is only a test. Had this been a real emergency, you would all be dead by now.

Re: Answers & Questions
 

Q: Would you rather have sex with Margret Thatcher or be run over by a Challenger Tank?
 
A: He turned himself inward.

Re: The Last Word
 

 
yes '^G' > /dev/ttyha &
 
(You may need to be an old-time Unix geek to recall that one)

Re: Longest Running Thread EVER
 

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat
 

The Wang of Vecna.

Re: Longest Running Thread EVER
 

Re: Longest Running Thread EVER
 

*checks*
 
Not yet. I think we need some pics.
 
^ v ^

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
There's something wrong with you when

You write a program with a routine named "getSex".
getSex() has a legitimate purpose in your legitimate, work-related program.
It does not seem incongruous to you until you reread your code a few days later.
Even after noticing it, you leave it in place because it makes more sense than anything else.
Even though you recall, in your youth, swearing you would never attempt to get sex with a computer.

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
This is my job, in gaming terms.
 
Michelle
aka
Samuraiko
 
chonjurer's D&D Help Desk
 
The New Guy sits down at the cubicle, this being his first day on the job. He is excited to be helping thousands of D&D players across the globe. It feels so magical being here. A figure approaches, the mentor who will train him.
 
chonjurer: Ahhh, you must be the new guy. So are ya excited?
New Guy: This is great. I can’t wait to get started.
chonjurer: Yeah, Yeah. They all say that. Wait until you talk to about 1000 of these people and we will see. Alrighty then, lets get started.
 
*Phone Rings*
 
chonjurer: Thank you for calling D&D Help Desk. Your call is very important to us. Please hold until one of our qualified specialists can help you.
 
*chonjurer flips open Dragon magazine and begins reading*
 
New Guy: What are you doing?
chonjurer: Always put them on hold at the beginning of the call. Lets them know who is in charge. You can’t show weakness to the average gamer. Once they smell fear, they have you! Ok, now we are ready. (Hits Talk Button) Thank you for holding. Please Hold. (Hits Hold button).
 
*chonjurer flips open Dragon magazine and continues reading. 10 minutes later hits talk button.*
 
chonjurer: Ok, thanks for holding. How can I help you?
Customer #1: Ok, I am having a problem with my group. They seem to be killing all my monsters. They are just pushing me around. My latest effort was to send 4 Tarrasques at them. They keep critical hitting them once they are swallowed and…
chonjurer: Ok, Ok. Hold on a moment sir. Do you have a Monster Manual or Dungeon Masters Guide?
Customer #1: Ummm, yes.
chonjurer: Ok Sir, I think I have found your problem. It sounds like the issue is you haven’t read them. Knowing the rules gives you a framework to actually running the game. It sounds like your players are doing that for you. I can’t really help you though with your lack of backbone. I suggest some Self-Help courses. See how that goes, and give us a call back. *Click*
New Guy: Umm… the way you… so does that…
chonjurer: Happen a lot. Yeah. We call them Leapers then Panickers. They never read the rules and their friends eat them alive.
 
*In the distance there is an anguished scream*
 
chonjurer: Poor Arturick. By the gods.
New Guy: What is wrong with him?
chonjurer: He got ‘promoted’ to Forgotten Realms support. It’s rough because you also have to answer questions on using the novels in your game. Buddy, after you deal with 100 callers asking about how to make their characters like Elminster or Drizz’t, you are ready to take anyone’s head off with a shovel.
New Guy: Who is that guy way over there in the corner. Why are there cobwebs all over him?
chonjurer: That is Roele. He does Legacy Birthright Support. Hasn’t had a call in years. They keep him there just in case. We have an office pool that costs $5 to enter. The bet is when the spiders will eat him. Well then, next caller.
 
*Phone Rings*
 
chonjurer: Thank you for calling D&D Help Desk. Your call is very important to us. Please hold until one of our qualified specialists can help you.
 
*chonjurer flips open Dragon magazine and begins reading*
 
chonjurer: Ok, thanks for holding. How can I help you?
Customer #2: I WANT A PROBLEM FIXED!!! I rolled up a Ranger and played him up to 20th level. I have +25/+20/+15/+10 to attack. My sister rolls up a Cleric and she has comparable combat ability with a +19/+14/+8 and can cast spells. THERE IS NO CLASS BALANCE!!! RANGERS SUCK!!! I sat down and calculated the feats, skills, and bonuses. They don’t stack up to other classes. I rolled up a far better…
 
*chonjurer hits the mute button *
 
chonjurer: Ugghhh. These are the worst kind. No matter what it is… it sucks. This guy could be given a Vorpal Sword by his DM, and he will still say it sucks. (Hits Talk Button). Ok Sir, if you read your DMG, then you realize that the DM can customize the core rules. In D&D terminology we call them "House Rules". You will need to talk to your DM…
Customer #2: THIS SUCKS!!! THEY SHOULD BE INCLUDED IN…
chonjurer: Please hold while I concur with my supervisor.
 
*chonjurer flips open Dragon magazine and begins reading*
 
New Guy: What if he has a valid point?
chonjurer (dripping in sarcasm): Oh they all have ‘valid’ points and can design the game better. Believe me, the average gamer is never right in matters of fact. Only opinion. Newbie, we just can’t let the floodgates open. The hyperinflation of abilities and bonuses will end D20 as we know it. We'll end up with D100, or worse… turn into FASA.
New Guy: I see your point.
chonjurer: Hey, look lively. The Supervisor is coming.
Jenny: Good Morning!!! What a wonderful day!!! How are things going chonjurer? Difficult caller?
chonjurer: Your standard rules whiner. You know, the everything sucks type. I can’t seem to talk him down. Listen to this…
Jenny: Boy he is a one sad kitten. Well he isn’t going to ruin my day. Let me talk to him. (Gets on phone). Sir, I really understand your point of view but won’t changing the rules make your sister feel bad. What about other people who play Clerics. A cleric is hard enough as it is to role-play…
Customer #2: SHE IS A PACIFISTIC CLERIC OF SUNE AND STILL MORE POWERFUL THAN ME!!!!!!
Jenny: Well Sir, I would really like to be helpful to your problem, really, but this a Forgotten Realms issue, let me transfer you too one of our highly trained…
Customer #2: NO… PLEASE!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!! NO TRANSFERS!!!
Jenny: (Smiles Evilly) You have yourself a wonderful, special day now… (click).
 
*In the distance a phone rings and there is an anguished scream*
 
chonjurer: SORRY!!! Hey thanks for the assist Jenny. This is the New Guy.
Jenny: Nice to meet you. Remember Mr. Newbie, Be friendly, nice, and all will be fine. I have to check on the others. Bye Now.
New Guy: She scares me.
chonjurer: Don’t worry about it. Jenny’s cool. Only be scared when you get your Pink Slip with smiley faces on it. Onto the next call.
 
*Phone Rings*
 
chonjurer: Thank you for calling D&D Help Desk. Your call is very important to us. Please hold until one of our qualified specialists can help you.
 
*chonjurer flips open Dragon magazine and begins reading*
 
chonjurer: Look at this article. Nice supplements on Dwarves. Boy I can see the calls on this template already… people need to stop taking this stuff as if it is "mandatory canon". You would swear that the word optional isn’t in the English language.
New Guy: It seems you get nothing but complainers and people that don’t use common sense?
chonjurer: Boy you catch on quick. (Hits Talk Button) Ok, thanks for holding. How can I help you?
Customer #3 (Hysterical): I‘m having major problems!!! I am in the middle of my gaming session and I am trying to calculate XP. I was on the phone with someone named Josh and he explained CR to me. I just can’t figure this out!!!
chonjurer: Okay Sir, let me ask you something. Do all the appliances in your house flash 12:00am?
Customer #3 (Sobbing): Yes.
chonjurer: Okay Sir. Please Hold. (Presses Hold and tosses headset down). Oh boy. We have a 12 o’clock Flasher. He can’t set any of his appliances and can’t figure out directions. There is no possible way for a 12 o’clock Flasher to calculate XP for a gaming group. If he has already talked to Josh, gone though the "baby-steps" of CR, then we are in big trouble. I have seen people eat their headsets trying to get these guys to calculate XP.
New Guy: What are you going to do?
chonjurer: The only thing I can. (Puts headset on and Presses Talk Button). Okay Sir, do you happen to have a small child nearby… you do!!! Great!!!! Put them on!!!
Hi, what is your name? Jessica? Hey that is a wonderful name. Jessica, your Daddy is trying to calculate XP for your gaming group. Could you look at his encounter sheet… yeah… that is right… yep… adjust for the levels and divide by the number of players. Very Good.!!
Ok this is what I want you to do. I want you to tell your Daddy to give you the Books. Yes. I want you to take over running his gaming group. Tell your daddy he should go out an buy "Pokemon Cards". Yes. That is Gaming for Mommies and Daddies. No I don’t need to talk to him. Have a nice day now… *click*
chonjurer: Phew. That was a close call. Whoa. Hey I need a break. Why don’t you take over for a few…..be right back.
 
*Phone Rings*
 
New Guy: Thank you for calling D&D Help Desk. Your call is very important to us. Please hold until one of our qualified specialists can help you.

Re: The cranky thread
 
Well, I just finished some work...that took a bit longer than expected. And I don't think it was the best stuff I've done, but for having received little instruction, little guidance, having managers with competing goals, and then having some deadlines pushed way up...well, none of that should be an excuse and it isn't, but on the other hand I just can't feel all that bad about it.

Re: The cranky thread
 
Grr.
 
I'm adjunct faculty at a local university's Physics Department. This term I taught a survey-level astronomy course. Yes, Solar System astronomy.
 
I give an observing exercise. Very simple. It takes about an hour to do from a standing start. You have to observe the moon. (We really need a moon icon in the smiley set.) I give it the first week of the term, collect it the last week of the term, and I threaten the students weekly and let them know that doing it is their responsibility, weather be damned. In 2.5 months they will sure enough get the hour they need.
 
I don't care so much what answer they get; the procedure, by its nature, is flawed, so only under ideal conditions (which aren't actually that hard to come by, but never mind that) will they get the correct answer. It's the performance of the exercise that counts. I never mark people down for the wrong answer, just for doing things incorrectly.
 
But ... when someone dry-labs it, fakes the data, makes it up ... and I catch them at it ...
 
Although the principle for academic honesty penalties is more or less the same everywhere, the details are always different, and the details matter. So when I found the idiot who faked his data on Sunday evening, it chews up about half a day of my life as I figure out what i's I have to dot and what t's I have to cross before I can toast his lazy, cheating ass to the maximum extent the school regs allow. Because if I have to waste a half day or more of my life to penalize some guilty-of-incestuous-rape low-life, I sure as hell am going to ask for more than a slap on the wrist for my trouble.
 
Unfortunately, no one's regs allow things I want to give ... the pit of starving rabid weasels ... the hornets' nest enema ... re-entry from low orbit with only a vacuum suit ...
 
Grr.

Re: Answers & Questions
 

 
 
Q: Man you look trashed. What did you end up drinking last night?
 
A: That'll put hair on your butt.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat
 
The Tragical History of Richard Nixon