Ockham's Spoon

Trying to teach stranger danger to my 7-year old:

Me: What would you say if a stranger came up to you and said "I'm your Dad's friend and he asked me to pick you up."

7-year old: You're lying! My Dad doesn't have any friends!

Me: Not where I was going, but okay

3 hours ago, archer said:

That's mostly a matter of taste. You can certainly have a wizard with 8 STR.  But I figure anyone who carries a pack and goes on adventures regularly will put some muscle on their frame. I've never seen a hiker or mountain biker IRL and thought to myself, "Gee that person looks like he sold some of his starting STR back".

 

Though I could see a wizard buying STR with a limitation "can't be used for attacks" or something similar.

I agree that unless the character is frail for some specific reason, anyone who adventures regularly is going to be in decent shape.

I would be leery of letting someone buy STR with a limitation like that unless they had in in-game justification.  Otherwise it smacks of meta-gaming.  That said, I have had wizards with spells like "Feather-Pack" which is bought as STR, only to offset Encumbrance, or "Phantom Servant" which is purchased as a Persistent Telekinesis and often used as a pack-horse.

Thank goodness, I was beginning to worry something had happened to Rich

Three doctors, a German, an American, and a Russian, are discussing various surgeries, when the question of what the most difficult operation is comes up.

The German doctor says "It has to be brain surgery, it is so complex, and one slip and your patient could be a vegetable."

The American doctor says "No, I think it has to be heart surgery.  There is such time pressure, and if you make a mistake, your patient dies."

They turn to the Russian expectantly, and the Russian says "I find the most difficult surgery to be a tonsillectomy."

The American says "That's ridiculous, those are so routine, how could you possibly claim that removing someone's tonsils is the most difficult surgery?"

The Russian replies "In Russia, the government keeps everyone so tight-lipped that you have to perform the surgery from the other end."

After their ship went down, two guys find themselves stuck in a life raft.  In the small box of supplies they find a pack of cigarettes, but no matches.

"Well, what good are these if we don't have any way to light them?" the first guy says.

"Give them to me, I have an idea." the second guy says.

He opens the pack, pulls out a cigarette, and throws it out of the raft into the water.

"What the heck was that supposed to accomplish?" the first guy asks.

The second guy responds, "Well, now our life raft is a cigarette lighter."

1001 Arabian Nights. 

Really this is a collection of short stories, and some were good, but some were terrible and/or stupid.  My big problem with it (other than the repetitive descriptions of luxury) was that there were so few likeable protagonists.  They aren't clever or skillful or kind, just self-serving.  Aladdin is just a lucky twit that is able to use genies for his own personal gain.  Sinbad was a particularly awful character with no redeeming qualities whatsoever except that he was lucky to survive all his adventures and get rich in the process.  At one point, he literally murders a woman so he can steal her bread and this is portrayed as a shrewd move.  The overarching story of Scheherazade was the best aspect of this book (she at least is clever), and the fact that she stopped the king from raping and murdering young women on a regular basis was good, although it isn't like he is ever brought to justice.  Arguably she has reformed him, but I don't really buy that.  This book really left a bad taste in my mouth.

You can be anything you want on the Internet.

It is strange to me that so many people choose to be stupid.

At the safety meeting we had at work, they asked me "What steps would you take in the event of a fire?"

"F***ing big ones!" was the wrong answer.

I was surprised when my neighbor got arrested for growing marijuana.

Guess my property line isn't where I thought it was.

A little girl asked her mother "Mommy, how was I born?"

Her mother replies, "Well, dear, once upon a time, your Daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed.  So Daddy planted it, and then I took care of it every single day.  And it grew and grew and after several months it was a beautiful healthy plant!  So then we took the plant and dried it and smoked it and got so high that we screwed without a condom."

I have got to stop saying "How stupid can you be?"  I'm beginning to think people are taking it as a challenge.

When the pandemic started, I began recording my classes so that students who couldn't be there in person could watch them later.  This proved popular enough that I still record my lectures, even though most of the students are present in class.

Things do not always go smoothly though.  There were invariably technical difficulties, particularly with the microphone.  So the other day I started the class by saying "I need to make sure the microphone is working.  So if you can hear me, and your name is Michael, please stand up." 

Both my students named Michael complied, which allowed me to continue.  "Thank you for helping me out.  That concludes our mike check."

This may come back to bite me during the student evaluations...

Kandiss Taylor is running for governor in Georgia.  This is her campaign tour bus, which I found eye-opening, because I don't remember the place in the Bible where Jesus guns babies.

Why is it when Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it is "art" and "music", but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot"?

When I was young and naive, I used to wake up in the morning hoping that good things would happen that day. 

Now when I wake up in the morning, I just hope that whatever bad things happen will at least be funny.

My boss: "I've been getting complaints about your snide comments.  You know that sarcasm won't get you anywhere."

Me: "Yeah?  Well it got me to the Sarcasm World Championships in Paris in '98."

My boss: "Really?"

Me, rolling my eyes: "No."