Pariah

The best part of a cucumber tastes like the worst part of a watermelon.

"I don't have a welcome mat at my house because I'm not a liar."

Mrs. Johnson asked us, "What's your favorite animal?" I raised my hand and said, "Fried chicken!" She sent me to the office. The principal asked me what happened. I told him, and he laughed, and said, "Don't do that again." I don't understand. My parents always told me to tell the truth. I told my Mom and Dad about it that night. My Mom said Mrs. Johnson was probably a vegan or something, and told me not to do it again. So the next day in class Mrs Johnson asked us, "What is your favorite live animal?" So I said, "Chickens!" She said, "And why is that?" So I said, "Because you can make them into fried chicken!" She sent me the principal's office again. Again, the principal laughed and said not to do it again. So did Mom and Dad. So today Mrs Johnson asked the class, who is a famous person who inspires you? I raised my hand and said, "Colonel Sanders!" Guess where I am.

Q: *NARF* What's that cat doing to Brain?! A: Nobody authorized dessert.

Me: "Check out my mad line dancing skills! Pretty sick moves, huh?" Him: "Um, this is a roadside sobriety test, sir."

Meatloaf

If Babylon 5 is The Lord of the Rings in space, then Vir is Samwise Gamgee.

Fun fact: the Denver Broncos have never beaten the Las Vegas Raiders. The last Donkeys win in that rivalry came when the Raiders were still in Oakland. On the other hand, the last Dallas Cowboys quarterback to beat the Broncos was Troy Aikman, so we have that to lean on.

Zero Point Man. No, he doesn't control it manipulate zero point energy. That would.be awesome! No, he's called that because he has zero points in defense, zero points in movement, zero points in attacks ... well, you get it. There's basically zero point in this guy existing at all. New Topic: Sweet or Savory

Quesadilla Guy - he throws quesadillas as his foes. But they're actually really good quesadillas, so the bad guys stop to eat, which allows the good guys to capture them without much of a fuss. Unfortunately, the quesadillas tend to distract the heroes as often as the villains, so in the end it's a wash.

A doctor is examining three old men for signs of senility. He asks the first one, "What is three times three?" The first old man says, "A hundred and fifty-six." The doctor asks the second old man, "What is three times three?" The second old man says, "Tuesday." The doctor asks the third old man "What is three times three?" The third old man says, "Nine." The doctor says, "That's right. How did you come up with that answer?" The third old man says, "Easy. I just subtracted Tuesday from a hundred and fifty-six."

Mediocrity is a step up from where the Donkeys have been for the previous four or five years.

Why not? He can replace the last quarterback we signed from the Raiders when he gets cut.

Incontinence Lass - She'll keep you running!

"You can sprinkle sugar on a turd all day long, it don't make it candy."

Gazebo Boy!

I read an article today suggesting that the Broncos might trade up to draft Caleb Williams. Is that recall, the last two quarterbacks the Broncos traded up to draft for Paxton Lynch and Tim Tebow. Have we learned nothing?

Nothing can take us far enough emotion Far enough together As the light shines so bright Bright enough to let us in Nothing can bridge our souls' devotion Fast enough together As the power proves you right Right enough to let you begin So many displaced among the future dreamers realized Their doubles took a new step A question of origin Only in the recent past Seekers fought to realize Skyward shone like beacons A question of origin Ten thousand millions flee To the westward light The dreamers represent This arc of peace As the poets entranced The anchor redeemed Secrets of science The history of the future Was surely made Just what keeps us so alive Just what makes us realize Our home is our world, our life Home is our world Nothing can take us far enough emotion Far enough together As the light shines so bright Bright enough to let us in Nothing can bridge our souls devotion Fast enough together As the power proves you right Right enough to let you begin Speak so fast to the prophets of the living Looking for the signs Spanning out the centuries Search for truth Ancient ones, they watch and listen Carry our wishes Took upon themselves to guide us Through the endless skies Just what keeps us so alive Just what makes us realize Our home is our world, our life Our hope is our world, our life I have seen the passion That's in the hope that everyone Will find their way into the secret Of the home of your heart Living within the vision Within the power, beyond belief We see that hate destroys the soul Of anyone who tries to teach it I have seen the dream That's in your heart That's in your eyes To bring you closer to the one It's what keeps us so alive It's what makes us realize Our home is our world, our life Just what keeps us so alive Just what makes us realize Our home is our world, our life Home is our world, our life Send, ascending to the secrets All is pure and clear to resolve Nothing can change us now Send, ascending to the future Nothing can ever change us now We follow the sun We follow the sun We follow the sun Truth is a simple place Here for us all to see Reach as it comes to you As it comes to me As I will always need you inside my heart Peace is a word we teach A place for us all to reach Sing as it sings to you As it sings to me As I will always need you inside my heart

Elastic Girl - If you have long hair and you need something to hold it back, she's always there with a scrunchie.

The Thin Mints I ordered finally arrived today. I've eaten two boxes so far. They don't appear to be working. I want a refund.

Q: Really? A diet worse than Atkins? A: I've got something you can bite.

Alcoholic telepath - can only read minds when he's three sheets to the wind

"Ok, let's take it from the top." "The top of what??" "Name!" "My name?" "No, my name!" "I do not know your name." "You play games with me mister, and you're through!!" "I am? May I go now?"