Pariah

"Ahem. Tell me, how do I look?" "With your eyes, Bert."

The pants are worse. The white ones are practically see-through. And a certain member of the Giants (as I recall) had a fully-clothed wardrobe malfunction that probably can't be posted here. Nike has totally fubared this thing.

In the airport lounge she sat, in a fancy feathered hat The grandest lady I had ever seen Outside the heavy rain had grounded all the planes So I asked her if she'd like some company In my rhinestone studded suit, my cowboy hat and boots I must have been a sight for her to see But she said, "pull up a chair" as she fumbled with her hair A more unlikely pair you'll never see I was Mogen David wine, she was Chablis '59 But there we sat, the cowboy and the lady She was evenings at the opera, and summers in Paree I was Grand Ole Opry, Nashville, Tennessee The cowboy and the lady, as different as could be But it seemed so right that rainy night in Tennessee And somewhere in between her Harvey's Bristol Cream And the beer I drank and the easy company We somehow came together, for a night of stormy weather Now there's a little bit of class in this old cowboy There's a little bit of cowboy in the lady The cowboy and the lady, as different as could be But it seemed so right that rainy night in Tennessee We somehow came together, for a night of stormy weather Now there's a little bit of class in this old cowboy There's a little bit of cowboy in the lady

The doors to the mission open at seven And the soup will be ready about nine Right now it's six-thirty, they're ragged and dirty They're standin' and sittin' and layin' in line First they'll do a little singin', then hear a little preachin' And get saved for the 3rd time this week A bowl of soup later and a pat on the shoulder And by midnight, they're back on the street They walk to the corner of 4th Street and Broadway Then take the first alley on the right One of them asks a stranger, "How 'bout a hand"? And he gives 'em one finger at a time Then they spot an old buddy with a bottle of heaven Then pass around what means everything One bottle for four, thank God, someone scored And now the midnight choir starts to sing Will they have Mogen David in Heaven? Dear Lord, we'd all like to know Will they have Mogen David in Heaven, sweet Jesus? If they don't, who the hell wants to go? Will they have Mogen David in Heaven? Dear Lord, we'd all like to know Will they have Mogen David in Heaven, sweet Jesus? If they don't, who the hell wants to go? If they don't, who the hell wants to go, dear good God? Will they have Mogen David in Heaven? Dear Lord, we'd all like to know Will they have Mogen David in Heaven, sweet Jesus? If they don't, who the hell wants to go?

I tried to eat some lasagna today It didn't taste how it did when I made it Come to think of it that was Tuesday Maybe I shouldn't have saved it The microwave gives it a radioactive crisp Which is not what you're after I still have half a pan left Wish you were here Went to a restaurant and saw these two They had a table near the band And when the band played a slow one He reached over to touch her hand Well I think they saw me staring So I went to pay the bill And somehow it made me Wish you were here It's not like I can't stand on my own It's not like I don't have friends who will call on the phone And boys who will take me out That's not what this is about 'Cause I've never missed you before But lately sometimes I do And I don't know where you are Or if there's even such a thing as you All I know is today hasn't been any different From any other day of any year And maybe that's what's wrong Wish you were here You've been gone too long Wish you were here Wish you were here

I'm a cultural infidel, painting in the dark I'm a cultural infidel, singing in the park Socrates, hypothesis, the music of Mozart I'm a cultural infidel, coming from the heart Free thinkin', hoodwinkin', unblinkin' man Start trouble, burst bubbles, join my caravan Someone's got to talk about accountability Someone's got to raise some hell, I guess it could be me I'm a cultural infidel trying to draw a crowd I'm a cultural infidel, singing right out loud Philosophy is not for me, laughing is my game I'm a cultural infidel, slap me with the blame Loose cannon, Armageddon, preachers at the door Spittin' poison at the boys 'n girls on dance floor I hear them in the congress, I see them on TV I hope the Inquisition remains a memory Al'Diablo Picasso, Al'Diablo Manet Al'Diablo Fontainebleau, Al'Diable Hemingway O'Diab Dr. Thompson, O'Diab St. Joan O'Diab Village People, O'Diab Rolling Stones Someone's got to talk about accountability Someone's got to raise some hell, it might as well be me I'm a cultural infidel, believe in common sense I'm a cultural infidel, love the present tense But we have to keep a look out for those mean old backed-up farts I'm a cultural infidel, comin' from the heart My heart, my heart, mon coeur Will I see you in Heaven, will I see you in Hell Will I see you in Rio, only time will tell Will I see you in Heaven, will I see you in Hell Will I see you tomorrow, only time will tell

Well, it looks like we had our first spring training game last night, so the new baseball year has officially begun. Let's kick it off with an amusing little article from college baseball: LOOK: LSU designated hitter Hayden Travinski uses pencil bat Maybe he can land an NIL deal with Ticonderoga.

My son asked me if a punch bowl is a bowl where you keep the names of the people you want to punch. I usually just keep them in my head, but the idea of seeing them in a fancy bowl seems pretty festive. Agreed?

Q: Do you really expect us to believe that your dog didn't make that mess? A: I'm not really that serious, and my name is actually Shirley.

...but I have anyway.

You're not technically late if you never show up at all.

Chiefs K Harrison Butker 'honored' to send jersey to parade shooting victim for funeral

"I have read of a place where humans do battle in a ring of Jell-O." "Call Daniel." I'm aware of no reason that the two have to be mutually exclusive.

“A desire not to butt into other people's business is at least eighty percent of all human 'wisdom'...and the other twenty percent isn't very important.” ~Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land

The best part of a cucumber tastes like the worst part of a watermelon.

"I don't have a welcome mat at my house because I'm not a liar."

Mrs. Johnson asked us, "What's your favorite animal?" I raised my hand and said, "Fried chicken!" She sent me to the office. The principal asked me what happened. I told him, and he laughed, and said, "Don't do that again." I don't understand. My parents always told me to tell the truth. I told my Mom and Dad about it that night. My Mom said Mrs. Johnson was probably a vegan or something, and told me not to do it again. So the next day in class Mrs Johnson asked us, "What is your favorite live animal?" So I said, "Chickens!" She said, "And why is that?" So I said, "Because you can make them into fried chicken!" She sent me the principal's office again. Again, the principal laughed and said not to do it again. So did Mom and Dad. So today Mrs Johnson asked the class, who is a famous person who inspires you? I raised my hand and said, "Colonel Sanders!" Guess where I am.

Q: *NARF* What's that cat doing to Brain?! A: Nobody authorized dessert.

Me: "Check out my mad line dancing skills! Pretty sick moves, huh?" Him: "Um, this is a roadside sobriety test, sir."