Pariah

Q - Why are you dressed like a strawberry? A - The burning is a bit of a problem, yes.

♪ ♫ One of these things is not like the others... ♫ ♪

You go around bragging that "Mine is nine and three-quarters inches". New Topic: Spring is on the way! How will Foxbat be celebrating the change of seasons?

Why a latrine, Professor?

Sometimes I look at student work, and I can't help but ask myself, "Who tied this kid's shoes for school this morning?"

But only after exchanging vows.

There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium, And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium, And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium, And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium, Europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium, And lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium, And gold, protactinium and indium and gallium, And iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium. There's yttrium, ytterbium, actinium, rubidium, And boron, gadolinium, niobium, iridium, There's strontium and silicon and silver and samarium, And bismuth, bromine, lithium, beryllium, and barium. Isn't that interesting? I knew you would! I hope you're all taking notes, because there's gonna be a short quiz next period. There's holmium and helium and hafnium and erbium, And phosphorus and francium and fluorine and terbium, And manganese and mercury, molybdenum, magnesium, Dysprosium and scandium and cerium and cesium. And lead, praseodymium and platinum, plutonium, Palladium, promethium, potassium, polonium, And tantalum, technetium, titanium, tellurium, And cadmium and calcium and chromium and curium. There's sulfur, californium and fermium, berkelium, And also mendelevium, einsteinium, nobelium, And argon, krypton, neon, radon, xenon, zinc and rhodium, And chlorine, carbon, cobalt, copper, tungsten, tin and sodium. These are the only ones of which the news has come to Harvard, And there may be many others but they haven't been discovered.

When I hear people saying 'YOLO', I usually start humming the theme to "You Only Live Twice". Nobody ever gets the joke.

I once read about a teacher who attached a Burger King job application to a student's exam. Definitely not professional, but tempting. I also saw a picture of a test where the student had answered a problem with #YOLO. The teacher responded with #minimumwage.

Better yet: Apparently, you can buy this from Amazon.

Yes, and yes. And it's two Things, actually.

"Power Girl In the Garden of Earthly Delights" by Hieronymus Bosch

That's kinda my thing.

Q - What's today's air quality rating look like? A - Two young children, each screaming louder than the other.

"It's My Life" by No Doubt

I actually prefer my slime diamagnetic. What?

Q - Can I eat corned beef and cabbage on St. Patrick's day, even though it's a Scotch dish? A - Nobody ever talks about the Irish Play.

As Jack Handy would say, "The face of a child says a lot. Especially the mouth part of the face."

Well I wish I was a vampire so I could stay out all night long Wish I was Bob Dylan so I could write a bunch of hit songs And if I was a rolling stone, I'd roll right out of town But I wish I was a square so I'd stop coming back around I don't know why I forgive the things you do to me I don't know why I don't have the guts to set you free But if I had one more wish, I know what that would be Well, I'd wish I weren't your prisoner and that I could be released

Avarice ⊂ Greed

If you didn't care about your grade six weeks ago, why would you care now? More to the point, why would you expect me to care now?

"Brothers in Arms" by Dire Straits I remember how blown away I was the first time I saw this video. I still get that feeling, a little.

Q - I specifically remember saying, "Till death do us part". Why does my ex still own my soul? A - Yes, of course. But not with you.

He keeps insisting that Johnson's crosschecking foul at the blue line should earn him a major.

Heard it from a friend who Heard it from a friend who Heard it from another you've been messing around