Champions Begins, The writening

[Christopher R Taylor]

All of the Player Characters have been designed and colored, you can see them all at my Pinterest page, but only some if you haven't signed up for an account.  I'll bundle them up and upload to somewhere else if people want.

 

Now its on to villain coloring.  Some of the villains look a little whacky but I'm okay with that, because they're bad guys and can look offbeat or lame (Power Crusher, anyone?).

[steriaca]

2 hours ago, Christopher R Taylor said:

All of the Player Characters have been designed and colored, you can see them all at my Pinterest page, but only some if you haven't signed up for an account.  I'll bundle them up and upload to somewhere else if people want.

 

Now its on to villain coloring.  Some of the villains look a little whacky but I'm okay with that, because they're bad guys and can look offbeat or lame (Power Crusher, anyone?).

Considering one of the villains IS basically Power Crusher pre Power, this is appropriate. 

[Christopher R Taylor]

OK all the villains are colored in, I've uploaded the latest version of the villain and character books to the Champions Begins rough draft. All I need to do now is work up the VIPER suit.  The current incarnation looks a bit too much like very slightly modified COBRA outfits, and I think that strays a bit from the original concept.  From supervillain team to high tech action adventure bad guys.

 

I ran down some old VIPER costumes and previous incarnations in this thread, and most people seem to like a blend between 4th and 5th, and I want to come up with something really iconic and new looking that gives the feel of the original costume.  I got excessively detailed with the Dr Destroyer agents in that module, it would drive a comic book artist bonkers trying to draw 22 pages of these guys.

[Christopher R Taylor]

OK, an update: I've begun working on the maps for the various adventures.  Mostly its an updated version of the existing maps from the original adventure with some small changes.  I'm trying to keep them fairly simple and uncluttered, with some color but not very much.

[Christopher R Taylor]

Update again, I've uploaded a new version of the books to the downloads section.  New art, maps included, some editing and a few formatting changes.  Its getting very close to complete!

 

All I need to do is work up a cover.  I'm thinking of three different images.

 

The first is a view of Tanghal Towers, the heroes out side the safety barrier looking up at the top of the tower being demolished visible over the fence and the two supervillains of the chapter flying over head (one leaping).

 

The second is a take on the classic Days of Future Past X-Men cover with Lionheart and Spellbinder instead of Wolverine and Kitty, with the Wanted Posters being the other superheroes.  That might seem a bit dark and bleak, though.

 

The third is a montage of past Champions covers, laid out on a table like the Mission Impossible TV show beginning.  A manila folder open, character sheets in it, etc.

 

Anyone have any other ideas?

[Scott Ruggels]

Sent in some artwork, yesterday, Hope you got it.

[Christopher R Taylor]

I've placed some in the rough already From both you and Rory!  Anyone else who wants to donate a few pieces, please let me know I want to get this done very soon if possible.  The cover will takes me about a month finish do based on Dr Destroyer but other than that its 99% finished.

[Christopher R Taylor]

OK so, I'm adding two pages of paper minis to the end of the GM Book.  Not that I think that many people will print out, cut, and use them (most people do online stuff using map programs these days) but there's a trick to publishing.  The page count has to be divisible by 4.  That way, when its printed, you get no added blank pages (yes, that happened to Western Hero because a new page was added for modern audiences about terminology and history).  And the only content I can think of to add that might be remotely useful is minis.

 

Ordinarily I'd stick in some charts and such for GMs, a character sheet, the Hero Combat helper pages I came up with, etc, but they don't really apply here.

[Christopher R Taylor]

I have started to color most of the interior black and white art, I hope the artists forgive me or at least are understanding.  I've tried to do them as simple as possible, to keep a kind of 4-color feel for the most part.

[Christopher R Taylor]

New version of GM and Player books up in the downloads section; this is rough draft 5 and probably the last rough draft I'll put up before final release.

[BoloOfEarth]

I wasn't sure how to get edits to you, so I figured I'd post them here.  Sorry, only got up to page 6 in the Player book, too many things going on right now.  But I figured something is better than nothing.  Where I'm quoting text, I put it in curly brackets, and tried to denote words to be added or changed in red.   I also tried to differentiate between actual errors to be fixed and suggestions to maybe improve pieces.

 

Champions Begins – Player book

Page 1:     Intro, paragraph 2 – error {not have any, it’s all great fun.}

                   What is Champions, paragraph 4 – suggest {and how to get out there punching bad guys}

Page 2:     Play That Role, paragraph 1 – suggest {rules to make it work well with others.}

                   Same section, paragraph 4 – error {across the street.”  Ask the old fellow}

                   Same section, same paragraph – suggest {The Game Master (GM) is playing…} – It’s not hard to figure out in context, but it can’t hurt, and won’t mess too much with formatting.

                   Don’t Hate the Game…Master, paragraph 2 – error {you’ll get through it somehow, even}

Page 3:     Enough Already!, paragraph 1 – error {I agree, let’s get to the game.}

                   Enough Already!, paragraph 1 & 2, suggest: 

                               I agree, let’s get to the game.  This adventure is set up in several parts.  The first scenario has some basic concepts and a simple plot to get things rolling.  Later parts add more info and new things you can do, as the story unfolds.

                          So let’s open this comic book and get started!

                   In Character, paragraph 4 – error {Your GM will have character cards}

                   Getting Personal, paragraph 1 – suggest {so you can see what you can do in each chapter.

                   The Character Sheet, graphic of character sheet – suggest you use a shot of the first one (with only STR, DEX, INT, OCV, DCV, PD, ED, SPEED, and STUN).  The reader is likely to refer to it while reading the next page.

Page 4:     Characteristics, paragraph 2 – suggest not hyphenate “baby”

                   Same section – suggest moving paragraph 3 {Strength…} above 2 {How Good Is My Stat?}.  I think that might flow better, since paragraph 1 mentions three “primary” characteristics.

                   Characteristics, paragraph 10 – the first character card (in the Character Book) also lists SPEED in the characteristics.  You may want to mention it among the other Combat characteristics.  Also suggest putting STUN in all caps, throughout the doc, when referring to the characteristic.

                   Movin’ On Up – suggest reword first sentence, maybe something like {The PURPLE section of the character sheet shows how the character can move around.}  If so, perhaps have the next sentence start {Some characters have}

                   Combat – suggest {and the base OCV roll (explained below) you have with each.}  A newbie is likely to see an OCV of 5 in the Characteristics, and the OCV of 16- in the Combat section, and get confused, since both are labeled OCV.

Page 5:     Fighting Words – error {It’s not a Superhero story}

                   Punching Bad Guys, paragraph 1 – error {When it’s your chance}

                   Punching Bad Guys, paragraph 4 – suggest {you hit that DCV (or less).}  Also suggest {then you hit a 6 DCV or less.}

                   Punching Bad Guys, Example – suggest {Apex hit any DCV up to 7.}

                   You Look Stunning, paragraph 2 – error {grouping the dice in tens}

Page 6:     SPEED – you refer to SPD (both in here and in the Character Book) in the text, though the character sheets have it spelled out SPEED.  I’d suggest you keep it SPEED here as well, or note it as {First on the block is SPEED (or SPD),}

 

Sorry I didn't get through more, but hope this helps.

[Christopher R Taylor]

Thanks a ton I am not very good at editing my own stuff so every little bit helps.  Its only 19 total pages of text for the Player Book, because I wanted it slashed back as brutally as possible, to counter Hero's vast tome reputation. So that's a third of it covered and a huge help.

[BoloOfEarth]

Had a little time this evening to go over a few more pages:

 

Page 6:     SPEED – I’m unsure about whether you want to add this, but you might mention that a Segment is one second long. 

                   Also, suggest either capitalizing Segment throughout the text, or putting it in lower-case in the HAYMAKER paragraph on page 13.  Personally, I prefer it being capitalized when referring to a game element, but YMMV.  Either way, it should be consistent.

                   You may also consider capitalizing Turn here.  (It’s capitalized in How to Recover on page 9.)  Actually, suggest in paragraph 1 changing to {how often you move and act in a 12-Segment period, called a Turn.}

                   DEXTERITY – suggest you capitalize Phase throughout the text when referring to the Segment you get to act, or else put it in lower-case in the SPEED 2^nd paragraph above and the How To Recover on page 9.   Again, personally I prefer it being capitalized when referring to the game element of time, by YMMV here as well.

 

Page 7:     No correction needed on this first part, I just really loved the “Eric the Half-a-Phase” heading.   

 

                   EVERYTHING!, paragraph 4 – suggest {but do have fun and contribute; don’t feel limited}.  Also suggest adding to end something like {This is role playing, after all.}

                   UNTIL, paragraphs 1 and 2 – suggest change “unit” to “agency”. 

                   Suggest adding a very brief paragraph at the bottom of the page to get the players ready for the intro adventure.  Something like:

                   {MEMORIES

                   Now that you’re familiar with your friends and foes, it’s time for your GM to give you your first taste of Champions with an introductory adventure called Memories.}

 

Page 8:     Chapter Two, paragraph 3 – the second half reads a bit clunky, and the “might already know” vs. “until the adventure is over” feels discouraging.  Suggest something like:

                   {Some of it you might already know from the initial adventure; other parts you can discover now and in later chapters.  A few things you may not find out about until the adventure is over.}

                   Skills to Pay the Bills, paragraph 1 – error {role playing, have your character}

                   Same paragraph, suggest adding {don’t just tell the GM}

                   Skills to Pay the Bills, paragraph 2 – suggest change to {various skills your character can use}

 

Page 9       BONK!, paragraph 1 – capitalization and punctuation errors {Someone who is Stunned is dazed, unable to act}  (Capitalize Stunned and add comma)

                   How To Recover, paragraph 2 – suggest {But, you also get a free}

[Christopher R Taylor]

Bolo thanks so much for the editing and input, great ideas.  This has been a huge help.

 

OK quick cover rough layout concept:

 

 

 

[steriaca]

Mice cover. You get the sense of history. 

[Christopher R Taylor]

The Hero Dice aren't technically in the right perspective, and I am not sure new players will give a damn about the history of Champions but it feels colorful and interesting, is a heck of a lot easier to do than my own art, and I think its eye catching.  Here is what I think I might end up doing with the covers.  There are four booklets, and I think each should have its own cover, so to do so I have an idea of making the covers four colors, and have them each expose a different part of the cover image.  For example:

 

 

 

Each of the four covers would have a different section of the cover revealed, and the sales/promotion version would be the full image.  Since this isn't likely to see print right away, its a minor issue, because most people don't spend much time looking at pdf covers.  Its not going to be lying on the table or in a shelf.  But this would clearly and instantly show what book you're looking at with a glance.

[steriaca]

Your not going to charge a dime for this, are you?

[Christopher R Taylor]

No, its a giveaway, free for everyone.  I want to blanket the planet with this thing.  Every new Champions player is a potential new customer for my other work, I figure so hopefully I can consider it an investment of time and effort.  And I want more people to play Hero.

 

I mean, I have a dream of a box set with this in it, and that would cost money but the pdf is gonna just be free.

[steriaca]

8 hours ago, Christopher R Taylor said:

No, its a giveaway, free for everyone.  I want to blanket the planet with this thing.  Every new Champions player is a potential new customer for my other work, I figure so hopefully I can consider it an investment of time and effort.  And I want more people to play Hero.

 

I mean, I have a dream of a box set with this in it, and that would cost money but the pdf is gonna just be free.

It was kinda a joke. "Four Colors For A Dime", an description of a comic book in the Golden Age of comics to, well, most of the 60's.

[Sketchpad]

On 11/24/2021 at 3:07 PM, Christopher R Taylor said:

The Hero Dice aren't technically in the right perspective, and I am not sure new players will give a damn about the history of Champions but it feels colorful and interesting, is a heck of a lot easier to do than my own art, and I think its eye catching.  Here is what I think I might end up doing with the covers.  There are four booklets, and I think each should have its own cover, so to do so I have an idea of making the covers four colors, and have them each expose a different part of the cover image.  For example:

 

 

 

Each of the four covers would have a different section of the cover revealed, and the sales/promotion version would be the full image.  Since this isn't likely to see print right away, its a minor issue, because most people don't spend much time looking at pdf covers.  Its not going to be lying on the table or in a shelf.  But this would clearly and instantly show what book you're looking at with a glance.

 

I think this one is better than the other, but if I can offer a few suggestions?

 

The "Game Master Book" really shouldn't cut the title. Have you considered using the original cover you had with a color strip at the bottom with the GM Book title?
Is there a colored Hero System logo that you can use? Maybe put that as part of the strip?

Have you considered doing something like a color hold over the images? By making something like this, you could have the color be different on each book. 

Do you have an idea for the back cover?

[HeroGM]

I always liked the double borders on the ultimate books. Thought about it like that?

[Christopher R Taylor]

Excellent suggestions.  I'm trying to make each of the books look distinct so they all have a different color and layout strip but how's this look?  

 

 

I am not too worried about a back cover for the moment, as it will be strictly PDF, and there's no need for a back unless it gets printed at some point

[Scott Ruggels]

I think it would be a wise idea to make a back cover, because people do like POD because having a reference on the table, especial;y for GMS that ban electronics from the gaming table (and many do). LOts of player reference would be helpful.

[Christopher R Taylor]

Well maybe sometime down the road, but the problem is that there's no way to print stuff for free.  Someone has to eat the cost, to put it out.  I can't afford that.

 

I should add that I've finished the work and Jason is looking it over right now.  Early responses are very, very promising, thanks to everyone over the last couple years for all your ideas, suggestions, editing, art, input, and assistance.  This was truly a group effort and I couldn't have gotten this done right alone.

[HeroGM]

How does it look in greyscale