Bazza Posted December 16, 2023 Report Share Posted December 16, 2023 Why was Dumbo sad? He felt irrelephant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 16, 2023 Report Share Posted December 16, 2023 Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 16, 2023 Report Share Posted December 16, 2023 My friend drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 16, 2023 Report Share Posted December 16, 2023 Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 16, 2023 Report Share Posted December 16, 2023 (edited) Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it forever. Edited December 16, 2023 by Bazza Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted December 16, 2023 Report Share Posted December 16, 2023 After a particularly mild winter in small town, the place became infected with squirrels in the spring. Because the local churches had the best trees, the squirrels often congregated (pun intended) near them and this is what each church decided to do about the pesky animals. The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will. At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a waterslide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week. The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the waterslide. But the Catholic church came up with their own strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter. Pariah and BoloOfEarth 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 16, 2023 Report Share Posted December 16, 2023 9 hours ago, Bazza said: My friend drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends. I know a woman who had the same problem. She's got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted December 16, 2023 Report Share Posted December 16, 2023 2 hours ago, Ockham's Spoon said: After a particularly mild winter in small town, the place became infected with squirrels in the spring. Because the local churches had the best trees, the squirrels often congregated (pun intended) near them and this is what each church decided to do about the pesky animals. The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will. At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a waterslide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week. The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the waterslide. But the Catholic church came up with their own strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter. And the synagogue soon had no squirrel problem at all after the first bris. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 16, 2023 Report Share Posted December 16, 2023 England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 16, 2023 Report Share Posted December 16, 2023 What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 16, 2023 Report Share Posted December 16, 2023 She had a photographic memory, but never developed it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 16, 2023 Report Share Posted December 16, 2023 I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 16, 2023 Report Share Posted December 16, 2023 What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 16, 2023 Report Share Posted December 16, 2023 I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. I’m not really a mourning person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 16, 2023 Report Share Posted December 16, 2023 Sure, I drink brake fluid. But I can stop anytime! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 16, 2023 Report Share Posted December 16, 2023 I bought a boat because it was for sail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 16, 2023 Report Share Posted December 16, 2023 How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 16, 2023 Report Share Posted December 16, 2023 Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 16, 2023 Report Share Posted December 16, 2023 6 hours ago, Pariah said: I know a woman who had the same problem. She's got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends. Did your woman and my friend end up at the Hotel California? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 17, 2023 Report Share Posted December 17, 2023 Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 17, 2023 Report Share Posted December 17, 2023 I just found out that I'm color blind. The news came completely out of the green! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 18, 2023 Report Share Posted December 18, 2023 Who is the penguin's favorite Aunt? Aunt-Arctica! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 18, 2023 Report Share Posted December 18, 2023 What should a lawyer always wear to a court? A good lawsuit! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 18, 2023 Report Share Posted December 18, 2023 The quickest way to make antifreeze? Just steal her blanket! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 18, 2023 Report Share Posted December 18, 2023 That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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