Bazza Posted January 23 Report Share Posted January 23 I couldn’t keep my eyes off the woman at the construction site. She was riveting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted January 23 Report Share Posted January 23 I didn't think you could put rivets in eyes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 23 Report Share Posted January 23 You can Once. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 24 Report Share Posted January 24 The hardest part about being a vegan is keeping it to yourself. Pariah and Rails 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 25 Report Share Posted January 25 Helvetica may be the perfect typeface. It has style, character, curves; but still grotesk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 25 Report Share Posted January 25 Since I learnt to write my name in cursive it has become my signature move. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 27 Report Share Posted January 27 What did the atheist beaver say when he got to hell? Well I’ll be damned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 27 Report Share Posted January 27 Why did Karen press Control-Alt-Delete? To see the task manager… Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 27 Report Share Posted January 27 When I got home from work my wife said the baby has been crying for hours, can you take over? I said sure, then cried for hours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 27 Report Share Posted January 27 Which can pull a heavier load, a pregnant horse or a horse that isn't pregnant? Spoiler The pregnant horse, because it has two horsepower. wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 27 Report Share Posted January 27 A band director was walking on the beach when he came upon an old lamp. You know the story; he rubbed the lamp, a genie appeared and granted him a wish. The band director thought long and hard, and finally said "I'd really like to have peace in the Middle East." The genie said "I've been in that lamp for a thousand years...what's going on in the Middle East?" The band director produced his smart phone with its news updates and a map of the Middle East, showing the various factions at odd with each other, the socio-economic issues, and the constantly shifting boundaries over the centuries. The genie studied the map and finally said, "I don't think I can grant this wish...it's just too complicated. Isn't there another wish you would like?" The band director thought about it and said, "Well...I've always wanted a saxophone player who could play in tune." The genie quickly said, "Let me see that map again." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 27 Report Share Posted January 27 Lance is an uncommon name nowadays. But in medieval times people were called lance a lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted January 28 Report Share Posted January 28 I have heard some complaints about Harrison Ford being too old to be in the latest Indiana Jones movie. But honestly, an 80-year old professor not retiring is the most accurate part of the whole franchise. BoloOfEarth and Pariah 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 28 Report Share Posted January 28 I apologize in advance, because this is one of the worst jokes I've ever heard. -P Did you hear about that princess who kissed a frog? Spoiler She died in a car crash. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wcw43921 Posted January 28 Report Share Posted January 28 I don't think that even qualifies as a joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 30 Report Share Posted January 30 Did you hear about the all boys band called The Bracelets? It is a Bangles cover band... L. Marcus 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wcw43921 Posted January 30 Report Share Posted January 30 From an old Punch cartoon-- PROUD PAPA: "Young man--whoever marries my daughter wins a prize!" YOUNG MAN: "That's a capital idea, sir! What is it?" DentArthurDent and Ockham's Spoon 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted January 31 Report Share Posted January 31 (edited) A man was complaining about his life to his clergyman. "I was a hard-working clerk making $30,000 per year. I was frugal, living carefully, saving my money, and I was happy and content. Then one day I fell in with some shady characters and I got suckered into a high-stakes poker game. That was my ruin. Now I am anxious, stressed, and miserable." The clergyman says "So you fell into temptation and lost all your savings?" "No, I won, and like a fool I bought this lousy internet company." Edited January 31 by Ockham's Spoon Cancer and Pariah 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 31 Report Share Posted January 31 Who led the children of Israel across the semipermeable membrane? Spoiler Osmoses Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 31 Report Share Posted January 31 So when Samwise returned to the Shire and married Rosie, did he choose Frodo as his ringbearer? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted February 1 Report Share Posted February 1 My wife suggested that we start a restaurant and call it 'Karma'. I asked what we would serve there. She said, "Just desserts." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 1 Report Share Posted February 1 9 hours ago, Pariah said: So when Samwise returned to the Shire and married Rosie, did he choose Frodo as his ringbearer? Unlikely as Frodo would likely have been sailing West by then. PS: I’ve been to Sam’s house. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted February 1 Report Share Posted February 1 IIRC Sam married Rosie before Frodo sailed west. I think Elanor had been born as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 1 Report Share Posted February 1 What has 5 toes but isn’t your foot? My foot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 1 Report Share Posted February 1 What do you call an old snowman? A bucket of water. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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