Ockham's Spoon Posted November 10, 2023 Report Share Posted November 10, 2023 It is sad that China is taking back the pandas from the Washington DC zoo, but you have to think the pandas will be glad to get out of DC before the 2024 presidential election really heats up. Pariah and slikmar 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slikmar Posted November 11, 2023 Report Share Posted November 11, 2023 On 11/9/2023 at 6:20 PM, Bazza said: An elderly man rear-ended a younger man who was driving an expensive European sports car… Enraged, the younger man hops out & confronts the old man. "Look what you did to my car…!!! ”He yells "I demand that you give me $10,000 right now or I'm going to beat you to a pulp!" "Oh my…" the old man said nervously, "I don't have that kind of money.” “ Just let me call my son…,” he said with hope, “he trains dolphins and he will know what to do." "Dolphins..!?!?! Right" the other driver huffed, while rolling his eyes. The old man took out his phone, dialed his son, & just as his son answered, the irate man snatched the phone away from the old man. "So, YOU'RE a dolphin trainer, huh..?!?!” The irate man yelled, “Well, your old man here just rear-ended my car and I need TEN GRAND right now, or I'm going to beat you AND your old man to a pulp…!!" "I'll be there in 10 minutes," says the voice calmly on the other end. Exactly 10 minutes later, a Jeep pulls up and a guy hops out and proceeds to pulverize the bully, leaving him in a heap on the side of the road. When he finished, he walked over to his father and said…. " Dad .for the last time, I train Seals… Navy Seals.” “NOT dolphins..!!” 23 hours ago, slikmar said: Funnily, I kept thinking he would end up a trainer for the Miami Dolphins, which feels like would work too. 23 hours ago, Bazza said: Yep, I too thought the dolphins was going to be a sports team. 22 hours ago, Pariah said: I don't wanna talk about getting beaten by Dolphins.... now occurs to me joke works if father says plays with dolphins. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted November 11, 2023 Report Share Posted November 11, 2023 How do you get a country girl’s attention? A tractor. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmjalund Posted November 11, 2023 Report Share Posted November 11, 2023 2 hours ago, Bazza said: How do you get a country girl’s attention? A tractor. and if she's into chaos theory, a stranger tractor Cancer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted November 12, 2023 Report Share Posted November 12, 2023 My doctor tells me that there are health risks associated with cured meats, but I'm not sure I believe that. I mean, they have to be better for me than diseased meats. Rails and Pariah 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted November 12, 2023 Report Share Posted November 12, 2023 It's like that old Smothers Brothers bit: "Red meat is not bad for you. Blue-green meat? That's bad for you." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted November 12, 2023 Report Share Posted November 12, 2023 Every day I take my cow for a walk through the local vineyard. I heard it through the grapevines. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted November 12, 2023 Report Share Posted November 12, 2023 From Australia comes this gem A Vegan and a Vegetarian jump off a cliff to see who can hit the bottom first. who wins ? society Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted November 13, 2023 Report Share Posted November 13, 2023 A traveling salesman walks up the driveway and knocks on the door. After a while the door opens and a little boy, about 9, stands with a glass of whisky in one hand and a cigar in the other. The salesman says “Oh, hi. is you mommy or daddy home?” Little boy looks at his whisky and his cigar and says, “Does it look like it?” Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted November 13, 2023 Report Share Posted November 13, 2023 we should stress that how fast you can run around or get around an airport building is not terminal velocity. Ockham's Spoon and Pariah 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted November 14, 2023 Report Share Posted November 14, 2023 What's the difference between Iron Man & Aluminium Man? Iron Man stops the bad guys. Aluminium Man just foils their plans. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted November 14, 2023 Report Share Posted November 14, 2023 Got home to find my kids have been on Ebay all day. If they're still there tomorrow I'Il lower the price. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted November 15, 2023 Report Share Posted November 15, 2023 Science fact: 100% of the people who confuse correlation with causation die. Cancer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted November 15, 2023 Report Share Posted November 15, 2023 (edited) The funniest thing here is not “the joke”. And those people are scientists. Similarly those who confuse relation with causation can’t categorise. Edited November 15, 2023 by Bazza Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted November 16, 2023 Report Share Posted November 16, 2023 When I die, I want my ashes pressed into a phonograph record. Consider it my vinyl request. BoloOfEarth 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted November 16, 2023 Report Share Posted November 16, 2023 What a sad song that will be. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted November 16, 2023 Report Share Posted November 16, 2023 14 hours ago, Pariah said: When I die, I want my ashes pressed into a phonograph record. Consider it my vinyl request. You always wanted one last groove, eh? Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted November 17, 2023 Report Share Posted November 17, 2023 Yo Mama jokes a la Tolkien: https://www.facebook.com/reel/715293507158970?s=yWDuG2&fs=e&mibextid=Nif5oz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted November 18, 2023 Report Share Posted November 18, 2023 If at first you don't succeed, I wouldn't recommend taking up skydiving as a hobby. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted November 18, 2023 Report Share Posted November 18, 2023 What you you call a Greek skydiver? Con descending. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted November 19, 2023 Report Share Posted November 19, 2023 "When I eat alphabet soup, I only eat the vowels." "Why?" "Sometimes." Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted November 19, 2023 Report Share Posted November 19, 2023 vowels are good for the bowels, and constants just clog it up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted November 19, 2023 Report Share Posted November 19, 2023 I just ate three bowls of alphabet soup. I'm going to have a huge vowel movement. My next trip to the potty could spell disaster. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted November 21, 2023 Report Share Posted November 21, 2023 On a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating a British guy sitting across from him in the compartment, about Britain leaving Europe. "The trouble with you English is that you are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much and it is going to be worse now you are leaving the EU. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us. Look at me . . . . . I'm an ‘all round’ me! I have a little Italian in me, a bit of Greek blood, a little Irish and some Spanish blood. What do you say to that?" The British fellow lowered his newspaper, looks over his glasses at the American and replies; "Well, that was terribly sporting of your mother!" Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted November 21, 2023 Report Share Posted November 21, 2023 I am having trouble selling Marvel on my latest computer software product. It is the threat handling analytical network operating system. But apparently they do not want Thanos anymore..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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