Pariah Posted January 2 Report Share Posted January 2 I told my 10-year-old this joke a few weeks ago. He wasn't impressed, sadly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 3 Report Share Posted January 3 No doubt he was just sappy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 4 Report Share Posted January 4 With great power comes huge electric bills. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 4 Report Share Posted January 4 Switch to magnetic energy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 5 Report Share Posted January 5 An Elf, a Dwarf, and a Man walk into a bar. Their Hobbit friend laughs and walks under it. Christougher 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 5 Report Share Posted January 5 Q: Why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund? A: He wanted to get a long little doggie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 6 Report Share Posted January 6 On 1/5/2024 at 1:35 PM, Pariah said: An Elf, a Dwarf, and a Man walk into a bar. Their Hobbit friend laughs and walks under it. Bad hobbit friend. At least warn them after the first one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rails Posted January 6 Report Share Posted January 6 13 hours ago, Bazza said: Bad hobbit friend. At least warn them after the first one. He just wanted a little revenge after all the short jokes he's heard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 6 Report Share Posted January 6 Actually, as hobbits go, he is half-a-foot taller than average height. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted January 7 Report Share Posted January 7 John visited his 90-year-old grandpa who lived way out in the country. On the first morning of the visit, John’s grandpa prepared a breakfast of bacon and eggs. John noticed a film-like substance on his plate, and asked, “Are these plates clean?” His grandpa replied, “They’re as clean as cold water can get them. Just go ahead and finish your meal.” For lunch, Grandpa made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates, as his appeared to have specks of dried egg on it. “Are you sure these plates are clean?” he asked. Without looking up, Grandpa said, “I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them!” Later, as John was leaving, his grandpa’s dog started to growl and wouldn’t let him pass. John said, “Grandpa, your dog won’t let me get by!” Grandpa yelled to the dog, “Cold Water, go lie down!” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 8 Report Share Posted January 8 Despite the Russell Wilson debacle and the general disappointing state of the team, the Broncos are expected to bring GM George Paton back for 2024. What a joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 11 Report Share Posted January 11 What do audiobooks need? Subtitles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 11 Report Share Posted January 11 We all have heard about "Newcastle", whether in Engalnd or NSW. But whatever happened about Oldcastle? We never hear anything about Oldcastle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 11 Report Share Posted January 11 Last night I had a dream that I was rich and famous and I lived in a beautiful mansion. This morning I woke up the same as always. I'm broke, nobody knows who I am, and I live in a rundown single wide trailer. I guess that's what I get for buying a dreamcatcher from the dollar store. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 11 Report Share Posted January 11 Me: "Tell me about your religion." Them: "We worship a specific shade of greenish blue." Me: "I've never heard of anything like that. What do you call yourselves?" Them: "Cyantologists." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 11 Report Share Posted January 11 I used to live next door to a bowling alley. It was surprisingly quiet—so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 12 Report Share Posted January 12 I bought some shoes from a drug dealer recently. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 12 Report Share Posted January 12 Last night my wife asked me if I had seen the dog bowl. I said, "I had no idea he could do that." mattingly and Ockham's Spoon 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 12 Report Share Posted January 12 I hate how funerals are always at 9am. I'm not really a mourning person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 12 Report Share Posted January 12 Why was the 18 year old caveman so troubled? Midlife crisis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted January 12 Report Share Posted January 12 Ornithologists are gearing up for one of their major dates of the year for on February 11th they will gather for Superb Owl parties........ (with thanks to the TV show What We Do in the Shadows where I borrowed this from) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 12 Report Share Posted January 12 If you receive an email that starts "knock knock", don't open it. It is a door-to-door salesperson working from home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 12 Report Share Posted January 12 The police just pulled me over and said, "Papers?" I said, "Scissors, I win!" and drove off. I think he wants a rematch. He's been chasing me for 45 minutes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 12 Report Share Posted January 12 My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill. So I sent him a "get well soon" card. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 12 Report Share Posted January 12 When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. mattingly 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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