I need a function!

[Asperion]

Re: I need a function!

 

Next' date=' The Perpetual Motion Calendar.[/quote']

 

The Perpetual Motion Calendar (PMC) at first seems like a simple device. The main ability is to record time as it flows and never stop until time itself does. However like that reporter that does not interfere in the stories that are reported, the very existence will have an impact on the events that it records. At first this effect is minor or not noticed. However as time passes things tend to run down on the PMC and all of society could theoretically come to an end if nothing is done. Among those who know about the PMC, they think that this is why the Roman Empire truly fell, same with the Vikings, and several other societies. In theory the PMC could bring an end to the universe itself, although none have ever been tempted to put this to a test (at lest that is known of).

 

Next: the Schmerkin

[Ed Coll]

Re: I need a function!

 

"Jerkin, Schmerkin, its a doublet"

 

The Schmerkin is a rennasance (how do you spell that?!?) mans outer coat. Looks just like pix from tudor England. But its bullet proof! Even stops bruises and knives.

 

15PD/1ED locations 9 - 13.

 

 

Next: The Rainbow Pickle

[Egyptoid]

Re: I need a function!

 

theRainbow Pickle looks exactly like it sounds,

a shrunken spiced vegetable, ranging in color from red and orange

to indigo and violet on the other end.

 

It even smells vaguely of salt and spices when handled,

but there the resemblance ends.

 

It is simply the focus for one recoverable charge, Prismatic Sphere.

 

It was invented by this man here

 

The pickle is tossed (use grenade scatter dice) and the target hex

get surrounded by a 7 layer deep, 7 hex around sphere of protection, similar

to the high level DnD spell...

 

============

 

Next Up

 

THE ROACH CARD

[DevilInSatin]

Re: I need a function!

 

THE ROACH CARD

 

A gambler's dream, the Roach Card can be summoned by its owner to (totally untraceably) replace any card he's touching. Further, it can be made to look like any other card that the user can think of, of any size. Lastly, it's indestructible.

 

It got it's name when one owner slipped up during an "informal" poker game; one of the people being cheated called him a "roach" will beating him to death.

 

BTW, there's no reason to suppose the Roach Card is limited to imitating playing cards.

 

----------------------------------------------------

Now let's see:

The Punky's Maw.

[Asperion]

Re: I need a function!

 

Now let's see:

The Punky's Maw.

 

This is a strange thing that looks like a monkey's foot. As yet it has no known function but is neat to look at. Interestingly, once someone looks at it, it takes extreme force of will to break away from staring at it. The inventor of the Punky's Maw had a speech disorder that made him frequently speak in spoonerisms. As a result, when he tried to say "the Monkey's Paw" it actually came out as "the Punky's Maw". That is the name that has stuck, just like everyone's attention to this interesting device.

 

Follow up with: Asp-Er-Ion

[Basil]

Re: I need a function!

 

Follow up with: Asp-Er-Ion

 

Back in the 1930's, in the days of Mad Scientists galore, one of the maddest was the infamous Dr. Infamous, whose death rays, shrinking rays, destruction rays, and Killer Death Robots were all powered by a mysterious, unknown source.

 

When Dr. I was finally brought to justice by The Mallard, masked crime-fighter and master of the mystic arts of Uzbekistan, it was revealed what that power source was. The Bad Doctor had invented a battery of fabulous potential! Mixing the elements erbium, phosphorus, and arsenic in just the right proportions, then subjecting the mixture to x-rays, created charged particles that could hold enormous electrical charges.

 

While Dr. Infamous called the substance "megachargium," it was known to scientists as the As-P-Er Ion; curiously, due to a typo in an early report, journalists (and to the public) called it "Asp-Er-Ion."

 

 

----------------------------------------------------

Next: The Last Dictionary

[Tigereye]

Re: I need a function!

 

The Last Dictionary is a rare volume used by occult groups to make (or break) apocalyptic spells and rituals. Recently, it was used by Buddhist monks to attempt to write the six billion names of the Godhead using its handy name generator. The attempt only failed when a monk misspelled the 3,486,464,135th name, also throwing off the rest.

 

Writing a new spell using the Last Dictionary may result in a visit from wizards who will attempt to purchase it so it cannot be used; or from an evil magic-user like Takofanes, who will take the spell, leaving the lifeless husk of the creator behind...

 

Next: The Vegan Corollary

[Basil]

Re: I need a function!

 

Next: The Vegan Corollary

 

At one time, Dr Infamous, tired of his lousy reputation, attempted a bit of PR. His idea was to write a number of stories which featured himself as a brilliant and brave hero. His plan was to have these stories published in one or more of the then-popular "pulp" magazines.

 

The first of these stories was titled "The Vegan Corollary" (that's Vegan as in "of or from Vega").

 

It was a silly plan anyway, but what made it dumber was that "The Vegan Corollary" contained a detailed description of Dr. I's Anti-Auto Ray, which caused gasoline to become non-combustible. This weapon Dr. Infamous had already used a couple of time (not more often, as it was so heavy it had to be disassembled and reassembled elsewhere).

 

When "The Vegan Corollary" was mailed to a publisher, a sharp-eyed and quick-thinking editor forwarded it to The Mallard, masked crimefighter and Dr. Infamous's nemesis. The Mallard was able to deduce such information as wasn't in the manuscript, as well as a way to nullify the Anti-Auto Ray. Then The Mallard tricked Dr. Infamous into using the Anti-Auto Ray. At the opportune moment, The Mallard nullified the fiendish weapon, and captured Dr. Infamous! And justice triumphed!

 

In addition, the manuscript seems to have disappeared; The Mallard swore he had no idea what happened to it, and no-one has found it since.

Dr. Infamous and The Mallard are non-registered un-trademarks of Basil's Twisted Imagination, Unincorportated.

 

 

 

NEXT: The Tangled Wep (yes, that's how I meant to spell it)

[Asperion]

Re: I need a function!

 

NEXT: The Tangled Wep (yes' date=' that's how I meant to spell it)[/quote']

 

Before Binder came up with his famous binding agents, he went through many different formulations. One of these was based around the concept from the tangled web phrase that is so well known. When he tested it out it did not respond the way that he hoped for, so he discarded it as a failure. Several years later it was discovered by a not-so-famous (or infamous) individual. He discovered that while it does not have the entangling effect that was hoped for, it will (when started) get a grip on everyone in the area and everyone that they contact. The only way to stop its advance is to make everyone realize that they are under its effects [Mind Control - Sticky, IPE, Uncontrolled]. That can be hard to do since they believe that what they do is as of their own free will. As a result it has come to be known as the Tangled Wep.

 

 

For our next appropriation: the Cardioinary

[Tech]

Re: I need a function!

 

This thread's title is: I need a function!

 

So here ya go:

 

"Conjunction, junction, what's your function?"

[CoreBrute]

Re: I need a function!

 

This thread's title is: I need a function!

 

So here ya go:

 

"Conjunction, junction, what's your function?"

That was horrible. Or it could be funny, but i just don't get it.

 

The Cardioinary

A room designed by the villainous Bloodstone of the Crowns of Krim, hidden in his manor in France, it is painted with a coat of blood from a cultist group who thought they could challenge him.

 

Their souls have been bound to the blood, making them writhe in eternal agony, it also makes their blood fresh. He comes down on occasion to smile at his work.

 

In this room his power is at it's greatest, fuelled by the corrupted magic of his prisoners. If he brings a prisoner in here he can bind their soul to this room and make their power his, letting them join these forgotten cultists.

 

The next word is...

The Black Button of Destroyer

[Zeropoint]

Re: I need a function!

 

The Black Button of Destroyer

 

These devices have been recovered from several suspected agents of Dr. Destroyer, but they have resisted analysis, in that they self-destruct and melt down when tampered with.

 

The buttons are 2 cm in diameter, with a slightly convex surface. They have been found with pins, magnets, and adhesives for fasteners, and have a deep, glossy black surface, similar to onyx. They are typically worn as fashion accessories, and/or left in place to observe an area.

 

The function of the black buttons appears to be some sort of surveillance device. Researchers speculate that the black surface is a wide-angle lens operating on the same principle as an insect's compound eye, but at a much higher resolution, and most likely across a much wider portion of the electromagnetic spectrum. They have been confirmed to have storage, recall, and transmission functions as well.

 

-------

 

The Black Hammer

[Narratio]

Re: I need a function!

 

The Black Hammer is yet another name for the 1940's New York based hero 'The Harlem Hammer'. One of the first non-white heroes to appear during WWII, the Black Hammer was never allowed his moment of fame or glory in the national press, instead spending his time at various Naval and Army research establishments where he aided scientists into thier search for the 'Super Soldier' serums.

 

It was only upon his death in 1988 that it was revealed how many of the projects results depended upon information gained from studying his mutant body.

 

Up next : The Skelter

[Basil]

Re: I need a function!

 

Up next : The Skelter

 

This peculiar device is much prized by evil masterminds who like to have a backup escape plan.

 

It's carved from a dragon's femur, into a curved shape. When the trigger word is spoken, it grows into a full-sized playground slide. As well, the person holding the Skelter finds himself sitting at the top of the slide. He need merely "push off" and slide down; on the way down he fades from view.

 

Simultaneously, he "fades in" at another location. This location can be either a place concentrated on just before, and during, the slide, or a place previously "locked in". If the current owner has not "locked in" a location, the location most recently "locked in" is where the user lands up.

 

After use, the Skelter changes back to a simple, shaped bone, and disappears, having been teleported to an unknown, new location. It is invariably found fairly quickly, and always by an evil genius. Though it's a "one shot" excape device, more than one mastermind owes his life to the Skelter.

 

"One of the best things I ever got a hold of," says the infamous Dr. Infamous, "I still hope I can find it again. After all, no-one has ever claimed you only get to use it once in your life!"

 

Dr. Infamous is another fine product of Basil's Twisted Imagination, Unincorporated. All rights reserved.

 

 

 

 

NEXT: The Helter

 

You should have seen that coming.

[Asperion]

Re: I need a function!

 

NEXT: The Helter

 

The Helter is of unknown origin. It has been theorized that it was created by some god that wanted to get back at other gods for some unknown reason, although this has never been (and never will be) proved. As for its function, no one truly knows. This is because anyone who puts it on refuses to take it off and will be eventually driven insane. Interestingly, the stronger the will of the person, the faster they will go insane. There is the belief that someone can be immune to the effects of the Helter. To be this way though it is believed that the person would have to have a zero willpower though. (None have tested this though. )

 

For our next invention: the Gift Box

[lensman]

Re: I need a function!

 

Reginald Gift (1791 – 1860) was at various times in his life a watchmaker, explorer, historian, mapmaker, numismaticist, philanthropist and collector of fine and rare jade objects d’art.

The Gift Box refers to a Chinese puzzle box made of jade commissioned by Reginald Gift in 1823 and whose existence was unknown at the time of Reginald Gift’s death in 1860 and was discovered in the mountains of Mount Othrys in Greece by Reginald Gift’s grandson Bartholomew Gift in 1894.

The Gift Box circulated through Europe as collector’s and treasure hunters sought to open it.

In 1941 in was briefly acquired by Kasper Gutman who, in a ledger noted, ‘Upon my soul, I have never seen the like, so simple yet so magnetic in it’s demand for attention. If it were not for my appetite in raptor, I confess this box would consume me.’

Various auctions have found higher and ever higher prices for it until 1993 when it disappeared from the Balkan Collection. The Vatican was presumed to have bought it, but no records were ever found in the Balkan estate.

The Gift Box appeared again in personal effects of a John Doe, unknown Caucasian male in a Seattle morgue, found by a David Friedland, reporter for the Seattle Times.

The Gift Box at that time was subjected to a series of tests and evidentiary procedures. After months of tests the reporter disappeared, with the Gift Box. When his apartment was searched by police they found signs of a struggle and what appeared to be burn or scorch marks on the walls. Left behind were scattered papers and test results mixed with Chinese language translations of cereal boxes, milk cartons and of a TV guide.

The last story of David Friedland, published after his disappearance, was on the Gift Box and it recounted much of its history and former owners. The conclusion of the author was that the Gift Box contained a piece of the formulae for the Philosopher’s Stone, which was not a way to transmute metals, an improper translation from the Greek, a proper translation meant that the Stone was a place inscribed with the secrets to ‘touch the Divine.‘

 

Next: the Seminachi Crucible

[freakboy6117]

Re: I need a function!

 

during the 1400s Master Seminachi was the principle trainer of the Vatican's secret order of Demon hunters he devised a training regimen to purify the spirit and strengthen the body and forge an iron like will. Those candidates who survived the intense training would become the most feared demon hunters in the world and the process would be known to generations of demon hunters as "The Seminachi Crucible"

 

the sundered box

[Egyptoid]

Re: I need a function!

 

you can't get away with this Basil, I'll never rest till you're rotting in Stronghold.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

the Sundered Box:

the above is only a basic diagram, of course.

 

The real box was welded from alien metal, blessed by Pope Rhadamanthus,

Cursed by the Kings of Edom, and last seen falling into the muck of

Lake Superior at high velocity.

 

The box has one known use, to imprison extra-planar entities

in a simple logic puzzle. When the box is open it can only be reset

with vast Strength. (95 STR, costs 60 END, and 60 stun due to feed back,

and takes 3 segments)

 

When the box is closed, it can only be opened with TK & Intellect.

Knowledge: Planes, Magic, or Riddles. Must make the skill roll by 7.

Plus a DEX roll must be made by 7 or more.

Riddle takes at least 10 minutes to solve.

 

Box is proofed against EDM, Teleport, Desolid, all of that.

(ie Campaign limit + 4O points)

 

Oh and the box is only 10 inches square, so the target

must be shrunk somehow to fit...

 

The box is a beautiful brass looking item, filigreed with an odd metal,

and when highly polished is quite appealing, not unlike the Hellraiser cube.

But the Sundered Box has no sinister aura, unless its currently holding

an evil enitity. Several fakes have been sold on Ebay. The way to tell if

you have a fake or not is that the filigree is made of thorium alloy.

 

 

 

[Basil]

Re: I need a function!

 

I think it's time to bring back this marvelous and fun thread. In order to do so, after Egyptoid tried to kill this with a "do this in French! Mwahahaha!" routine, I'm skipping back the the previous, USABLE function.

 

the sundered box

 

This is a box of silver gilt that has been broken/cut in two pieces. There's nothing obviously out of the ordinary about it. It's just good but not spectacular workmanship, of a somewhat "precious", Victorian style.

 

It's power only shows up if a "Mr. Fixit" type tries to repair it. He will slowly but surely obsess about it, gradually putting aside all other work to concentrate on the Sundered Box, which will, in not-obvious ways, foil all attempts at repair. Eventually, the person trying to repair the Sundered Box will go insane, ending with a violent rampage that will kill or injure dozens. During the rampage, the victim will throw away the Sundered Box in a way that seems to destroy it utterly.

 

However, week or so later it will turn up somewhere else, to work its evil on another victim.

 

 

 

Next up: The Grasping Fish.

[Lawnmower Boy]

Re: I need a function!

 

The Grasping Fish is a legend on the Burgess Shales. Eye-witnesses and the early photographs seem to show the fossil of a typical Pre-Cambrian aquatic trilobyte precursor --except for the fully-formed hands on two appendages. Unfortunately, the specimen, and the paleontologist who discovered it, are gone. It's missing, and his body was found, strangled to death, in the motel room that very night.

The RCMP named a former girlfriend as a "person of interest," and officers were on the scene very quickly when she disappeared in a boating accident several months later. But they were attached to a national security investigation, not murder.

 

Next up: the rotary magslip.

[freakboy6117]

Re: I need a function!

 

the rotary Mag-slip is a componant from the Daviswoo transitory star drive.

 

this is the componant that the drive uses to alter the ships electromagnetic field to act as a hyperspacial lubricant allowing a ship to easily pass through the hyperspacial membrane without tearing it and creating spacial anomalies

 

currently the only known version is in a junk yard in rural Idaho after falling through a temporal rift caused by its own malfunction during a hyperspacial transit and destroying a chicken coop.

 

unfortunately for its current owner its mixed in with a bunch of similar looking tractor parts because if he was to get it analysed the metal that it is composed of would revolutionise life on earth.

 

the silver sphere of sea atol

[Nothere]

Re: I need a function!

 

The Silver Sphere of Sea Atol

 

A mystic orb crafted by wizards. It is made of silver and engraved with mystic ruins. In order to create one you must be standing at the waters edge. As the fibnal act of it's creation the sphere is trust into the water. At this point the sphere becomes connected to the water. The weakest of spheres permit the wizard to walk on water, or summon the local fish. The strongest permit actual control over the waves. Users of the spheres have been known to sink ships with a summoned wave.

 

The Tarkasi Chest

[Sundog]

Re: I need a function!

 

The Tarkasi Chest is a physical representation of a human (male) chest, perfect in every way - it breathes, digests (though the lack of an intestine makes the result messy) and the heart pumps blood around a reduced circulatory system.

 

The Chest is mystic in nature. It's initial chronicler, Arnaud Tarkasi, discovered that the owner of the Chest could not die of violence - but that it's "Owner" was whoever last physically touched it. He believed it had other powers, but it was stolen (and Tarkasi murdered) before he could document them.

 

Ths item has turned up several times since, but it's current whereabouts are unknown.

 

Next: The Eternity Key.

[freakboy6117]

Re: I need a function!

 

the Eternity key was the heart of a temporal; probe created by the legendary master historians of yerfillag.

 

The key is a glowing silver Möbius strip formed of solidified chronometric radiation the historians used the key and the probe that surroudned it to investigate significant events in galactic history.

 

unfortunately for them and the galaxy the probe was destroyed by a fluke hit of super-luminal weaponry at the battle of Tennhauser gate since then the key has appeared at random across the galaxy (it exists at all points in space time simultaneously but only manifest tangibly periodically).

 

anyone who touches the key will be spat out at one of the many point in history investigated by the probe. thus possibly altering the course of galactic history not to mention seriously messing up that persons day.

 

next

The grill of Bob T. Satan

[Asperion]

Re: I need a function!

 

The grill of Bob T. Satan

 

The grill of Bob T. Satan is basically nothing more than a typical habatci grill. It has received extreme notoriety as a force of evil due to the name of the original owner. This person was not entirely proper in the mental facilities. In truth it has no ability that an ordinary grill does not possess. Whenever someone claims to have this grill the belief that it can produce extreme satanic powers will eventually drive that person mad and eventually get rid of it. However it will eventually return and repeat the process with some other unsuspecting individual.

 

for our following wonder: Ratty-Tatty Fruity Drive