tkdguy

Spoiled for animation:
 
 
 

That feeling you get when you wake up and you realize you're still you, and this is still your life.

You know you're disgusted with the world when the thought of nuclear war suddenly doesn't seem so bad after all.

I got the new job!

TWO COWS ~{Matthias Varga}

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...

My day has officially been made.
 
It's Kate Upton. In a bikini. In zero gravity.
 
Link might be just a little bit NSFW:
 
http://swimsuit.si.com/swimsuit/models/kate-upton/zero-g-photos/5
 
Sports Illustrated apparently rented out NASA's famous "vomit comet" plane to do a photo shoot in zero gravity with Kate Upton for their upcoming swimsuit issue. The results look like she's trying out for the next version of Barbarella....

Non of my Rolemaster characters have mad cow disease.

Actually, I lied about being the nephew of Legolas. I'm really Elrond's illegitimate son.  
 
Also, growing up in the 1st Edition AD&D era, I had to take fighter when monk was my true calling. Stupid racial limits!

Model of the Enterprise bridge

Little Girl: You look like an elf.
 
Me: How do I look like an elf?
 
Little Girl: Your ears are pointed.
 
Me: You know Legolas from Lord of the Rings? He's my uncle.
 
Little Girl: Eew!

Scarlet Myrmidon

Politians are like diapers: both need to be changed frequently, and usually for the same reason...

Q: How many TV executives does it take to change a light bulb?
 
 
A: Does it have to be a light bulb?

... On Google.

It's unreal what some people find humorous.
 

Dracula starring Lucille Ball as Lucy Ricardo as Lucy
 
"Loocy we have to stake you in a the heart, and cut off your head"
 
fanged Lucy:  VVAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! *sniffle* VVAAAAAAAAA!!!
 
 

Ice Queen

Inspired by the recent wintry characters, it's....
 
 

 
Snow Maiden!

Yup! Yup! Whoa! WHOOOOOA!!! It's
 
The Phantom Curler

Shadow Hawk: Ensign Newpilot flunked his flight safety quiz.
CDR Oldpilot: How did he manage it.
Shadow Hawk: The safe altitude over downtown San Diego is NOT three feet, Commander.
CDR Oldpilot: Oh good lord.
Non Aircrew PO: Sir, if you're flying three feet over downtown, do you have to obey traffic signals?
CDR Olfpilot: Shutup, Petty Officer.

You know you're disgusted with the world when the thought of nuclear war suddenly doesn't seem so bad after all.

They really should arm that cop with more than a clock.  It's embarrassing, and hard to holster.

The details are a little off, but this comes close to why I like these boards.
 
EDIT: The punchline is not family-friendly, be warned.

Getting in touch with my inner Viking