archer

Did you know that Oreo has a secret bakery in Nevada?
 
It's called Oreo 51.

A police officer, was scheduled for all-night duty at the station but was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning.
 
Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom, and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said "Honey, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache".
 
"Certainly, darling," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
 
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise "Say" said the druggist "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?"
 
"Yeah, so?" said the officer.
 
"Well, what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?

The spread of coronavirus is based on two factors:
 
1) How dense the population is.
2) How dense the population is.

As the burglar entered our darkened room, I put the red dot right between his eyes and then…
 
…let my cat do the rest.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/countenance
 
The dictionary offers these possible definitions:
 
LOOK, EXPRESSION
mental composure
calm expression
bearing or expression that offers approval or sanction 
 
So he's either trying to say that he can't keep a straight face and is about to start laughing at her or that he can't look on in a way that offers approval for what she's saying.
 
Or possibly both.
 
It was illegal in North Carolina. In Pennsylvania, it isn't: they just cancel the duplicate vote if you vote absentee then at the polls on election day.

I'm going in a whole new direction and blaming it on turkeys. Kind of like bird flu but with a 2020 new spin.
 
I'm going to get my revenge by eating one or two....
 
And I blame cranberries. Lots and lots of cranberries.

In other news, Florida finished their count of the 20,000 ballots they found behind the radiator in that firehouse.
 
Congratulations President Gore?
 
j/k

I'm going in a whole new direction and blaming it on turkeys. Kind of like bird flu but with a 2020 new spin.
 
I'm going to get my revenge by eating one or two....
 
And I blame cranberries. Lots and lots of cranberries.

Trump may end up being only a one term president.
But it sure seemed like eight years.
 
Congratulations to a man who just secured a job for the next 4 years!
Jim Carrey really is an American treasure and I'm happy that he'll be gracing our TVs for many Saturdays to come.
 
Trump 2020
Who knew it was an expiration date?
 
EVICTED FAMILY NEEDS HELP MOVING! MUST BE OUT BY JANUARY 20th!
Please send any unneeded moving supplies to:
1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW
Washington, DC 20500
 
As a Nevadan, I'm tired of people insinuating that we can't count. We are a great state filled with intelligent people. In fact, I can list off 20 ways we are better than our neighboring states.
Just let me take my shoes and socks off first.
 

It's 2021, and President Joe Biden is told he needs to assemble a cabinet
Coming back from IKEA, he realizes he's greatly misunderstood the task.
 
As a gamer I find it strange that Biden was declared the winner...
Trump had way more kills.
 
Why did Trump visit Sesame Street?
He wanted to stop The Count.
 
This 2020 Presidential election reminds me of the 2000 election....
But a lot less Gore-y.

Some political humor, sorry it isn't more bi-partisan but those are the breaks:
 
Congratulations to Donald J. Trump for winning
the silver medal in the 2020 U.S. Presidential race!
 
Hopefully, Biden will never be the leader of my country
Because if he is, something‘s gone wrong with the Canadian legal system.
 
I think there should be a vote recount.
It’ll be awesome to see Trump lose twice.
 
Joe Biden is not my president!!
At least not till January, which won’t come soon enough.
 
Donald Trump has now had the true 2020 experience...
He got Covid-19, lost his job, and he's being evicted.
 
Why is Donald Trump actually angry about the election outcome?
It's a loss he can't write off on his tax returns.
 
It's Trump's own fault that he lost...
He spent 4 years saying, "Make America Great Again", so this week 74 million people finally did.

I'm looking for a "friend with benefits".
 
Health Care at a minimum. Dental would be nice but not required.

Some political humor, sorry it isn't more bi-partisan but those are the breaks:
 
Congratulations to Donald J. Trump for winning
the silver medal in the 2020 U.S. Presidential race!
 
Hopefully, Biden will never be the leader of my country
Because if he is, something‘s gone wrong with the Canadian legal system.
 
I think there should be a vote recount.
It’ll be awesome to see Trump lose twice.
 
Joe Biden is not my president!!
At least not till January, which won’t come soon enough.
 
Donald Trump has now had the true 2020 experience...
He got Covid-19, lost his job, and he's being evicted.
 
Why is Donald Trump actually angry about the election outcome?
It's a loss he can't write off on his tax returns.
 
It's Trump's own fault that he lost...
He spent 4 years saying, "Make America Great Again", so this week 74 million people finally did.

"The Weak Force is with you. The Strong Force...not so much."

Alex Trebek, beloved 'Jeopardy!' host, dies after cancer battle at age 80
 
Rest in Peace, Mr. Trebek. Thank you for being a part of my life for all these years.

Excellent suggestions, but I think there's a cleaner way to do it.
 
Use a single Physical Limitation: speaks through Radio Transmission only.  It's a fairly minor Limitation, unless you build his radio transmit to include the Focus Limitation.
 
It's like Mr. Mind:  Mr. Mind _always_ has his little electronic speaker, no matter what.  It's a device, but it wasn't built as a focus.  If you go that route, it's not even a Physical Limitation; it's just SFX for talking.

What's the difference between 100,000 political jokes and a kid falling off a bike?
 
I still laugh every time I see a kid fall off a bike....

I would be more than happy to post Biden jokes. But the place where I go to look at jokes had a grand total of one Biden joke today, and I posted it. (edit: sorry, I posted 2 Biden jokes)
 
And I thought the "Biden Ikea cabinet" joke was funny, even if it could have been reworked some to be funnier.
 
Usually there's very little political humor, even in this very political year. Today, 20-25% of the jokes were political...and comparatively few non-political jokes were funny.
 
The election is obviously on the minds of jokesters.
 
edit:
 
And most of the Biden jokes I've seen over the last few months have been about him being old and/or having mental problems. Since I'm old and have mental problems, I tend to not find those kinds of jokes funny to start with. The Trump jokes which I find humorous tend to be about his actions or the events surrounding him, not things which are out of his control. 

It's 2021, and President Joe Biden is told he needs to assemble a cabinet
Coming back from IKEA, he realizes he's greatly misunderstood the task.
 
As a gamer I find it strange that Biden was declared the winner...
Trump had way more kills.
 
Why did Trump visit Sesame Street?
He wanted to stop The Count.
 
This 2020 Presidential election reminds me of the 2000 election....
But a lot less Gore-y.

At this point, the major importance of Georgia and Arizona going to Biden is...call it insurance.  A couple days ago when it was just "ok, Arizona and Nevada will be enough" is when I started to relax.  But if Georgia and Arizona both go to Biden, then a reversal of any one of the late-deciding, highly contested states won't change things.
 
I'm hoping, too, that this will be reason enough to stop any one state from electoral college shenanigans.  It would take several states acting together, and...well, maybe that's possible, but *that* much collusion seems unlikely.
 
Who knows, Trump might even concede and stop the legal actions.  I doubt it, tho.  

"The Weak Force is with you. The Strong Force...not so much."

"The Weak Force is with you. The Strong Force...not so much."

I won the lottery today!!!!
 
Well, I only got the first two numbers, but my lawyers are working on having them stop the count.