Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[jtelson]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

With a third of my group gone to Gen-Con this week I decided to break out something that's been rattling around in my head for years now rather than try to run Heracles Children: The First Age without Criteas and Callisto.

 

So 1949, a team of OSI agents, an agency tasked with seeking out and protecting the United States from Aliens, Atomic Monsters, Psychic Assassins and the Like, have travelled above the arctic circle to track down a downed spyplane that may have managed to get photos of a Flying Saucer, retrieve the film and rescue the crew.

 

Having found the plane but no film or pilots they push on finding a valley at the north pole with houses, a mansion with stables and a workshop plus many 3 foot tall people moving about industriously. As they hide on the ridge scanning the vale with binoculars the reformed German rocket scientist comments...

 

Dr Schwartzburg: This is definately outside our mission briefing

 

Later

 

Dr Schwartzburg: I suppose this may be the foundation for the Santa Clause Myths

 

Later still the group is pinned down in the Claus' kitchen by laser fire from alien orcs

 

Mrs. Claus: Can I get anyone anything?

Capt Jimmy "Ace" Gold" I could use some hot chocolate.

Sgt Evan Ridgefield: I was thinking maybe a Panzershrek!

Mrs. Claus: I'm sorry I don't know how to make one of those.

Dr Schwartzburg: I DO!

[Drhoz]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Pre-game chat

 

Sundog

: So, how are you today?

 

Me

: Meh - tired, getting over the flu, hit a kangaroo this morning...

 

Edge City 3-D - PCs pursuing the Black Paladin out of Nightbane Earth.

 

Trawler

: "We're going to the Anthropomorphic World where snakes have heads!"

Zero

: "mmpph-hph? De mmNmuh uhf edds?"

Weldun GM

: "No."

Trawler

: "Where snakes don't have heads?"

 

Weldun GM

: "You have to devise a way to keep tracking the Black Paladin across dimensions"

Zero

: "We could ask him nicely to carry a bag of breadcrumbs?"

 

Weldun GM

: "There's a snap, a crackle, a whizz, a pop!"

Miss Chaos

: "And that's just Zero going to the toilet!"

 

We continue to mock the GM about derailing his plans for the previous session.

 

Zero

: "Well, that was easy! I was expecting all those hundreds of demons and hellhounds to be a problem!"

 

( GM has been sniggering about random universe he has rolled up, however, and bemoaning the fact Vitus isn't a PC in this campaign - we'll find out why soon enough )

 

Latest Earth is a golden desert, with a river valley in the distance.

 

Zero OOC

: "What about the sky?"

Weldun GM

: "It's normal - one sun, some clouds. Why?

Zero OOC

: "We're experienced roleplayers - we always check the ceiling

 

Zero

: "Any Pyramids? Shortage of camels? Amazing sand-eating mammoths?"

 

There is indeed a camel caravan.

 

Terminus

: "Ah, we must be in Camelot"

 

Miss Chaos

: "Funny looking... humans?... off to the left!"

Zero

: "Funny looking humans with funny looking brains!"

Stentorian

: "What?"

Zero OOC

: "Zero is a little fuzzy on Mind-Brain duality."

Stentorian

: "How big are they?"

Zero

: "Oh, about 300 cubic centimeters."

 

Trawler

: "Must be Mesopotamia!"

Zero

: "No, the land-between-the-rivers is flatter than this. This is a river valley, like Egypt."

Trawler

: "I'm in de Nile, then."

 

Me

: "I'm getting a bunch of google hits for 'hyena-headed god', but they're all fan-fiction.... I *knew* Vitus had fans"

 

Trawler

: "How about we drink some of the irrigation water?"

Zero

: "Does the word 'schistosomiasis' mean anything to you?"

Trawler

:

*Rolls dice*

"No."

 

Zero

: "I thought they had slippery brains, but that one has a spiky brain!"

Terminus

: "Wha... Slightly more helpful, please?"

Zero

: "That one's a telepath and he just tried to stab me in the lobes!"

 

We surrender peacefully and are marched off to the pit - 30ft deep with iron cagework over the top. Impossible for any normal prisoner to escape. Trawler just helpfully picks up a corner of the cagework, Terminus jumps in, and Miss Chaos flies Stentorian down.

 

Zero uses the ladder

 

Zero

: "I don't know what the hell the rest of you are doing, but

I

don't want them to know I can fly!"

 

Sadly regarding the cauldron of stew sent down as part of dinner.

 

Zero

: "I always thought fleshpots would be more interesting than this."

 

Hyena-headed-Pharaoh-With-Big-Tits : "We

know

the trembling one is a mind-bender."

Zero

:

long pause

"Oh, you're talking about me!"

Weldun GM

: "You ARE the only one trying to vibrate his molecules through the floor."

 

This Earth is contested between a continent-wide Egyptian Empire, and a Holy Roman one to the north. But everybody is a hyena-morph.

 

Zero

: "Well there have been some pretty funny historical coincidences around here, in case you haven't noticed."

*pointedly comparing Terminus's and Hyena-headed-Pharaoh-With-Big-Tits's anatomy *

Terminus

: "Hey, in my reality nine-tenths of Europe died."

Zero

: "Point. And there is that T-rex jazz quartet back home. Someone, somewhere, has had a drastic failure of imagination."

Weldun GM

: "I will, someday, have you attacked by British SAS penguins. With little red berets."

 

GM looks a bit lost.

 

Weldun GM

: "I was expecting you to start a fight! I had fire-callers, mind-benders, world-shapers... And you surrendered without a fight!"

Zero

: "We've derailed your plans again :D"

 

Hyena biology has shaped local gender-status.

 

Zero OOC

: "You know, all these hyena-woman are going to give me a problem - Zero has a complex about powerful women."

Weldun GM

: "Oh, and you're warned about the Holy Roman paladins - they're an all-female order, and they

will

rape you."

Zero

:

[Drhoz]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Real life drama - elderly man staggers in, blood all over his face. Ambulance & police are called, and we clear up three cases at once from their outstanding jobs for the evening - a man gone AWOL from the hospital, a man wandering, bloody, on Adelaide Terrace, and our call to them - it's all the same bloke.

 

Weldun,

as cop

"So, what are you people doing here this evening?"

Weldun

as self

"Oh, we're playing superheroes."

 

End of the last issue of Skeleton Crew - The team have finally gathered around the body of team-member Void, who had been under a malign mental influence, at least until Vitus, Orca, and Mr. E Magister beat him into a coma.

 

And the puppeteer reveals itself - an unholy multi-visaged fusion of the Void Entity that gives our team-mate his powers, and Dr Krieger, Orca's dad, last seen when the Lemurian version of the Apparatus imploded along with the Lemurian city.

 

Vitus

: "See? See? I

told

you the Apparatus was sentient. A fusion of Outer God and idiot Nazi vivisectionist is

just

what it'd do to piss me off."

Mr E Magister

: "I need you alive, Vitus. I don't need you talking, walking, or intact."

The Specter

: "The universe doesn't revolve around you, Vitus. No, wait a minute - it's collapsing down around your ears because you're here, isn't it?"

 

 

 

Void regenerates, despite all the abuse

 

Void

: So, Void Entity, we meet at last, face to face! ... To face.

 

Mr E Magister

: "You think you've got problems? I'm standing in front of that thing with no defenses!"

Void

: "Well if it's got no defenses you should attack it"

 

Jasmine/3 tries to call for help on Felicity's phone

 

Jasmine/3

: "The lawyer isn't working!"

Felicity

: "What lawyer? It's not Magister's talkie-stone, it's a mobile."

Jasmine/3

: "Don't they all have lawyers?"

 

The Champions

: "The team that beat Destroyer needs our help?!"

Mr E Magister

: "We've got three qlippothic gods here and only one is one our side!"

Vitus

: "Theoretically."

 

Vitus

: "Qlippoths. With frickin' laser beams."

 

Attempting a mid-air kick to the groin on a Lovecraftian deity -

 

The Specter

: "Time to see how much I suck"

 

Eventually the hybrid deity is hurt enough to spit out an unconscious Kreiger and withdraw to the Empty Realms. Most of the team still wants Kreiger dead.

 

Vitus OOC

: "Why not let Vitus kill him - it IS his birthday."

The Specter

: "Oh, Vitus... I have a present for you...."

 

Barbara vdB

: "What an unusual party - we have two female characters."

Void's player

: "We have two female

players

"

 

Mr E Magister

: "Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a bar-mix in Hell?"

Vitus

: "

YES

"

[Weldun]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Attempting a mid-air kick to the groin on a Lovecraftian deity -

The Specter

: "Time to see how much I suck"

Fun part: I was doing BODY damage to that thing! It's a good thing I got lucky on those two Find Weakness rolls. And it had -8 Lack of Weakness.

[Drhoz]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

[/indent]Fun part: I was doing BODY damage to that thing! It's a good thing I got lucky on those two Find Weakness rolls. And it had -8 Lack of Weakness.

 

 

Also keep in mind that you were the only one DOING the damage - the rest of us were transport or tied up battled servitor beings

 

So you took down an Outer God SINGLE-HANDED.

 

By PUNCHING IT REPEATEDLY IN THE B***S

[Weldun]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Also keep in mind that you were the only one DOING the damage - the rest of us were transport or tied up battled servitor beings

 

So you took down an Outer God SINGLE-HANDED.

 

By PUNCHING IT REPEATEDLY IN THE B***S

No, the Gunny got the last shot in. And I actually never used a melee attack on it. I alternated between my Taurus and my Bio-Energy Blast. Even did 18 STUN to myself in the process. And the Void was instrumental in moving me around while I was doing it.

 

Never have I been so glad that the vilain had the same speed as me, but a higher DEX. Especially when I have to haymaker either of those attacks just to get to 13d6 normal damage.

[matrix3]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I alternated between my Taurus and my Bio-Energy Blast.

 

You used your car as a weapon? Pretty common weapon in the super genre, I guess.

 

Wait...your character drives a Taurus?

[Weldun]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

You used your car as a weapon? Pretty common weapon in the super genre, I guess.

 

Wait...your character drives a Taurus?

Modified Taurus Revolver.

 

The second is the hybrid energy/conventional revolver that he and The Gunny dreamed up together. Using polaron (blaster) technology' date=' which whilst being “energy” imparts kinetic force, it uses an explosive capacitor in place of normal bullets which then sends a polaron blast down the barrel of his cryo-treated Taurus Model 44 revolver. It’s hybrid nature comes into play when one closely examines the modified frame. It has been adapted to load 12 bullets, which can be chambered ahead of the cylinder so that when the polaron blast is emitted, the bullet is propelled down the barrel instead. Curiously, despite the shorter effective barrel length, this arrangement results in higher muzzle velocity, due to a smoother acceleration of the round. Unfortunately, against most “hard” targets in the superhero world, this weapon often fails to so much as raise a bruise.

[Drhoz]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

No, the Gunny got the last shot in. And I actually never used a melee attack on it. I alternated between my Taurus and my Bio-Energy Blast. Even did 18 STUN to myself in the process. And the Void was instrumental in moving me around while I was doing it.

 

Eh, fist punch, chi-punch - same difference

[Netzilla]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Iron Maiden: Someone rip my arm off, I'll grow it back later.

 

[Followed by a 5 minute discussion of just which PCs might be able to do it given enough time.]

 

*****

 

Neutron: Solar actually succeeds in not blowing himself up for once?

 

Kendrick: Fight's not over yet.

[Vulcan]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Never have I been so glad that the vilain had the same speed as me' date=' but a higher DEX. Especially when I have to haymaker either of those attacks just to get to 13d6 normal damage.[/quote']

 

It does make the tactical situation a lot more simple!

[jtelson]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

From tonight's session of Tales from the OSI (Full group's back on Friday so it'll be Heracles Children: The First Age again then)

 

Jimmy Gold (Trying to make Mrs. Claus understand her position): There are aliens with laser guns out there who want to cancel Christmas and you think we're safe!

 

Dr Schwartzburg (Watching the hoarde of elves with William Tell Special Edition Crossbows charging the line of Laser Rifle Wielding Alien Orcs on the edge of Santa's Valley at the North Pole): This is a little surreal.

[Guest Major Tom]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Modified Taurus Revolver.

 

 

Oh, boy... Hellboy's going to be seriously peeved when he finds out that

you've ripped off part of his gun collection.

 

Even if it was for a good cause.

 

 

 

Major Tom

[Weldun]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Oh' date=' boy... Hellboy's going to be [i']seriously[/i] peeved when he finds out that

you've ripped off part of his gun collection.

 

Even if it was for a good cause.

 

 

 

Major Tom

Helboy uses a blaster revolver?

[Remjin]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

From GenCon 2008, Indianapolis...

 

************************

1970's Cop Hero

Harry Valentine walks into the Kit-Kat Club...

Everyone: "Harry!"

Rookie: "What the heck? I never get that..."

Valentine: "Hey kid, I've been coming here for years..."

Rookie: "I've been here like a hundred times, man... and I still never get that."

 

************************

 

The new definition of 'icky': "...like warm baloney sliding over your skin."

 

************************

D&D v3.5

Urkbar the male Half-Orc Barbarian describes his past... "Urkbar have been many things in many places. Urkbar has been werewolf. Urkbar has been a monkey. Urkbar has been a woman.. and Urkbar has been pregnant.. unfortunately, not as same time. Urkbar miss his baby." (yes, it was a weird game)

 

***********************

Cyberpunk 2020

 

Player 1 : "I really think we should take him at the airport."

Player 2 : "Well, I agree, but the game is titled 'the Tower' and I have a feeling it would be best if we took him there."

Player 3 : "And as much as I agree with , I agree with ."

 

***********************

 

"Anyplace with velvet curtains has got to have SOME entertainment."

 

***********************

 

GM: "While these characters were modeled after Clint Eastwood's Harry Callahan and Steve McQueen from 'Bullitt,' in play testing they were often referred to as Gunny McShooty and Speedy McNasty."

 

***********************

 

"I'm a history retard."

 

***********************

[Susano]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I'll have a huge list of GenCon Quotes one I get them all typed in.

[Guest Major Tom]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Helboy uses a blaster revolver?

 

 

I don't know if he does or not. I was referring to the fact that His Awesomely

Red Badness has a predilection for Huge Honking Guns -- and I think that you

would have to admit that a revolver with a 12-round capacity more than qual-

ifies for HHGdom.

 

 

 

Major Tom

[Guest Major Tom]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

From tonight's session of Tales from the OSI (Full group's back on Friday so it'll be Heracles Children: The First Age again then)

 

Jimmy Gold (Trying to make Mrs. Claus understand her position): There are aliens with laser guns out there who want to cancel Christmas and you think we're safe!

 

Dr Schwartzburg (Watching the hoarde of elves with William Tell Special Edition Crossbows charging the line of Laser Rifle Wielding Alien Orcs on the edge of Santa's Valley at the North Pole): This is a little surreal.

 

 

Another quote that would go well with the above battle, courtesy of Con Air:

 

"On any other day, that might seem a little strange."

 

 

 

Major Tom

[Weldun]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I don't know if he does or not. I was referring to the fact that His Awesomely

Red Badness has a predilection for Huge Honking Guns -- and I think that you

would have to admit that a revolver with a 12-round capacity more than qual-

ifies for HHGdom.

 

 

 

Major Tom

12 rounds? Where did you get the impression that the Spectre's gun had 12 rounds?

[Kirby]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

12 rounds? Where did you get the impression that the Spectre's gun had 12 rounds?

Probably from this post:

Modified Taurus Revolver.

Where from your own journal it states "It has been adapted to load 12 bullets' date=' which can be chambered ahead of the cylinder so that when the polaron blast is emitted, the bullet is propelled down the barrel instead.[/i']"

 

This quote has hit the point. Can we move past it? Please?

[Guest Major Tom]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Probably from this post:Where from your own journal it states "It has been adapted to load 12 bullets' date=' which can be chambered ahead of the cylinder so that when the polaron blast is emitted, the bullet is propelled down the barrel instead.[/i']"

 

This quote has hit the point. Can we move past it? Please?

 

 

Thanks for beating me to the punch on this one, Kirby.

 

 

 

Major Tom

[Kirby]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

A slight misspeak:

 

Ronin: I really didn't want to become involved, but I could stand by and see people get hurt.

 

Police officer: You mean couldn't, right?

[Kirby]

A slight stray

 

Thanks for beating me to the punch on this one' date=' Kirby.[/quote']It's one of my few remaining talents on this thread. (I feel narcissistic about quoting myself, so I only quote others, which are few & far between.)

[Susano]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Quotes from GenCon 2008

 

You Too Can Cthulhu

 

'Ass-raping noises'

 

A character hits an Old One with a folding chair: "You would have done Rick Flair proud."

 

Spoken to two deputy sheriffs as said Old One manifests: "You guys should do something about that."

 

Dread Pirate Scrumtumbler

 

Mobster Counting: "One, two, many, lots, mine."

 

The pantherman swashbuckler explains possession: "Kayhar is on the ship, therefore it is his."

 

"I think it's sad I can trust the mobster more than the fish-man."

 

"It's okay, I got my skelentonic key."

 

An observation on the 'titanic' crocodile: "Just throw an iceberg at his head, that'll stop it."

 

"Getting the attention of the giant croc is something I try to avoid."

 

"He's churning butter. Brain butter."

 

"It has a coconut-sized hole where it's walnut-sized brain used to be."

 

"Air, jewels... air, jewels.... I can always get more air."

 

Nextwave: Agents of H.A.T.E.

 

In which yours truly played Machine Man and teh Bunneh was the Captain.

 

"Strap in fleshy ones, I'm going for Mexican beer."

 

Aaron Stack is asked to be subtle, so he lands in the empty parking space at the McDonalds.

 

Elsa to the Captain: "Can you not touch your crotch for five minutes?"

 

"We must save the children!"

"Why? Fleshy ones can always make more."

 

"My superior robot brain is not your personal file server!"

 

"I'm sure [Machine Man] is under warranty, or something."

 

"Have you seen anything unusual happening, aside from people not buying sweepers?"

 

The Captain tells the GM what he's up to: "Yeah, me too, but I'm throwing up in a potted plant."

 

"Nextwave... don't make eye contact."

 

"I'm sure I didn't do that on purpose."

 

Elsa: "Can you be within 500 feet of a little kid?"

The Captain: "It's just schools and churches."

 

The Captain: "Due to a restraining order I can't put my hands on children."

 

"I'm turning invisible in case the Avengers show up."

 

Over heard from another table: "Does smoke count as air?"

 

"We didn't burn down the strip mall before it bred."

 

"Google 'Avengers Battle Plan'."

 

"A plan is just a long list of things that can go wrong."

 

"I'm going to the front door, kick it in, and look for some ass to kick."

 

Machine Man's strategy: "The plan is going to go south. I'll rescue them then."

 

"This is how things like Stilt-Man got started."

 

"I'm going to pick up the nearest weapon -- either the car or Elsa -- and throw it at Mind Monkey."

 

"I'll use her face to break my velocity."

 

"You can't do knockback to Chuck Norris."

 

"He's like Samson! If we burn off his beard he'll lost all of his powers!"

 

"Plan F -- no witnesses."

 

"My dice are afraid of Chuck Norris." Later, this became 'Our dice.'

 

"Repent Chuck, we can use your tears to cure Monica!"

 

Haymaker Jam

 

"I know what you're thinking punk... did I throw one punch, or two?"

 

"Polyglot -- that means he eats different foods."

"No, that's a polyglutton."

 

How to get to France: "Mystic can hide himself in three suitcases, just make sure to put them in the right order before opening."

 

How to approach the enemy: "I got it, we'll joint the Tour de France and sneak up on them."

 

"That's your music. His music is the same stuff, but on a tuba."

 

Guardian to Mystic: "Are you okay?"

Vixen: "I'm fine."

 

"He's got a doctorate in psychology and a degree in crazy."

 

The soliloquy only works if you speak bug. French bug."

 

"I'm too old to go running around in tunnels after giant bugs."

 

"Viz-a-visagoth"

 

"Half of his men have been eaten by a giant centipede, we won't have to BS anything."

 

GM: "Oh, I didn't notice that."

Michael: "What? The Area of Effect radioactive Damage Shield?"

**pause**

GM: "Yes, an Area of Effect radioactive Damage Shield."

 

"This is one of those common origins, where a meteor hit a honors English class."

 

"Radioactive centipede zombies!"

 

On defeating said giant centipede: "If we can only find a 300 foot frog."

"Where are we going to find a frog in France?"

 

On exploring the innards of said giant centipede: ""it's not a very fantastic voyage."

 

"Unless someone going this game right now, Bokken's dead."

 

Young Titans

 

"[it's the annual] San Francisco Pram Parade."

 

"I spin around and other people's clothes fall off. I'm clumsy that way."

 

"Tea-flavored toxic stew."

 

"The cone-shaped can of Dr. Kibble."

 

"Sidekick bits."

 

"You're in the mouth of a 128 meter tall dog. I can't even begin to describe the smell."

 

"Cosmic brain-o-sphere."

 

"I hate to kick a dog when it's down, so I'll punch it in the head."

 

Counting dice: "You rolled four and... a duck...."

 

"Doctor Destroyer doesn't play tiddlywinks."

 

"Uncle Miyazaki's Big Book of Everything and Everywhere."

 

"I'm a little brain? You picked a walking skeleton to perform a taste test."

 

"Bug lights. The whole place is lit by bug lights."

 

"Of course there's porn in the locker room. They're evil!"

 

Others

 

"If I wasn't stunned, I'd run away."

[QueenOfItAll]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

This is not from the last week, nor the last month, but it is so characteristic of Lana Wanna it has gained fame among those who know her.

 

Introductory information: Lana Wanna was wearing a vest, with nothing under it, with a very deep and wide neckline. It was made of leather that would usually be used in making the finest of gloves, yet it provided spectacular lift to her very sizable bosom. She noted the large number of people ogling her at the bar she and a friend were at, and turned to said friend.

 

"Some guys like 'em full, other guys want 'em firm, and a few guys care most if they're round and well formed."

A long pause followed by an extreme shrug that caused "jiggling."

"But I don't care for apples all that much."

 

The laughter stopped the game for 10 minutes, the OOC chatter that followed stopped it another 30.