Pariah Posted October 5, 2016 Report Share Posted October 5, 2016 A: Why are you lying bleeding on the floor like that? You're the one who told me to sock it to you! Q - Did you really just hit me in the back of the head with a cricket bat? A - Nobody in their right mind would try that. So please, go right ahead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 5, 2016 Report Share Posted October 5, 2016 A - Nobody in their right mind would try that. So please, go right ahead. Q: Wanna see the field test of my Lego drone with the antimatter warhead? A: Excuse me, I have an interstellar flight to catch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 5, 2016 Report Share Posted October 5, 2016 A: Excuse me, I have an interstellar flight to catch. Q - Do you have a moment to talk about the Second Coming of the great prophet Zarquon? A - A slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 A - A slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick. Q: How does Lupin the Third prefer his martinis garnished? A: Cold War II is not going according to plan, Comrade! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyAppleseed098 Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 A: Cold War II is not going according to plan, Comrade! Q: Putin! Why is China still trading with the enemy? A: Ever since the U.S. was destroyed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 A: Ever since the U.S. was destroyed. Q: Donald! When did corporate profits spike upward so hard for a couple of quarters, and then tail off irretrievably? A: At everyone else's expense, of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 A: At everyone else's expense, of course. Q - How does government really operate? A - That explains the tapirs, then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 A - That explains the tapirs, then. Q: What was that phone call yesterday warning us about them coming and nosing around all over? A: And they were brown. All of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 A: And they were brown. All of them. Q: So Van Halen took the next flight out of town when they saw the M&Ms bowl? Were there too many? A: Selling bad beer, crummy fast food and idiotic politicians is why baseball exists, my friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 A: Selling bad beer, crummy fast food and idiotic politicians is why baseball exists, my friend. Q: You went to a minor league game and came back with someone one on the school board?!? A: "Insert Tab A into Slot B." Just like any porn movie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted October 7, 2016 Report Share Posted October 7, 2016 A: "Insert Tab A into Slot B." Just like any porn movie. Q: What's the training manual like at Build-a-Baby Workshop? A: In for a penny, out for seven hundred bucks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 8, 2016 Report Share Posted October 8, 2016 A: In for a penny, out for seven hundred bucks. Q: What makes you think it's a pyramid scheme? A: Extra medium. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted October 9, 2016 Report Share Posted October 9, 2016 A: Extra medium. Q: And what size lukewarm Folger's can I get you? A: NOW you hate him! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 10, 2016 Report Share Posted October 10, 2016 A: NOW you hate him! Q: When can I start hating that guy who's price-gouging people at his hotel in Florida? A: He made big money. That's why he's in prison. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted October 10, 2016 Report Share Posted October 10, 2016 Q: When can I start hating that guy who's price-gouging people at his hotel in Florida? A: He made big money. That's why he's in prison. Q: What makes you think he followed the Luthor plan to riches? A: This is a great hotel - the name is Bates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 10, 2016 Report Share Posted October 10, 2016 A: This is a great hotel - the name is Bates. Q: Hey, Mr. Leatherface, where would you recommend for overnight lodgings? A: The bologna in the meat drawer is past its expiration date. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 11, 2016 Report Share Posted October 11, 2016 A: The bologna in the meat drawer is past its expiration date. Q - So you discovered the last city of Heliopolis. What was the most interesting thing you found there? A - This is without question the worst report I've ever seen. I had to petition the School Board to get permission to do this, but it worked. So I'm giving you a J-. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted October 11, 2016 Report Share Posted October 11, 2016 A - This is without question the worst report I've ever seen. I had to petition the School Board to get permission to do this, but it worked. So I'm giving you a J-. Q: What do you mean "Bats aren't Bugs"? A: Earth is a prison! I got out because I'm better than this place! Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted October 12, 2016 Report Share Posted October 12, 2016 Q: What do you mean "Bats aren't Bugs"? A: Earth is a prison! I got out because I'm better than this place! Q: Why did you petition the entire planet's resources on such a goofy spacecraft? A: That is using a bazooka to kill an ant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 12, 2016 Report Share Posted October 12, 2016 A: That is using a bazooka to kill an ant. Q - Well, It cost $3500, plus $18,000 in structural repairs, but that dadgum ant is finally dead! A - Burn it. All of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 13, 2016 Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 A - Burn it. All of it. Q: Hey, on your desk there's a stack of fund drive pledge envelopes from the Alliance Of Fraudulent Scumbags of Garfield County. They're starting to spill onto the floor. What you want done with them? A: There's a newly-discovered Kuiper Belt object 110 AUs out, and it's just dyin' ta meet ya. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted October 13, 2016 Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 Q: Hey, on your desk there's a stack of fund drive pledge envelopes from the Alliance Of Fraudulent Scumbags of Garfield County. They're starting to spill onto the floor. What you want done with them? A: There's a newly-discovered Kuiper Belt object 110 AUs out, and it's just dyin' ta meet ya. Q: What do you mean that Ego is working its way to have a meeting? A: That could be real problems in the wrong hands - I mean human hands. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted October 13, 2016 Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 A: That could be real problems in the wrong hands - I mean human hands. Q: Oh, look! I found an Instant Universe Kit! I just can't wait to try it out, can you? A: You know, I sort of expected the Big Bang to be a little noisier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted October 27, 2016 Report Share Posted October 27, 2016 Q: Oh, look! I found an Instant Universe Kit! I just can't wait to try it out, can you? A: You know, I sort of expected the Big Bang to be a little noisier. Q: What was that strange little pop that everyone heard? A:. That is what you get when you deal with antitime. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 A:. That is what you get when you deal with antitime. Q: Uncle Space wants to chuck you out of the airlock? Why? A: Being called a "clod" insults her even more than you, as a human being, can possibly imagine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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