Pariah Posted November 8, 2016 Report Share Posted November 8, 2016 A: Being called a "clod" insults her even more than you, as a human being, can possibly imagine. Q: Why is Mica the Mud Princess attacking us?! A: Pigs don't have thumbs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted November 8, 2016 Report Share Posted November 8, 2016 A: Pigs don't have thumbs! Q: Why do you really not want to hire someone to build a straw house for you? A: Don't blame me -- I voted for Vermin Supreme! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted November 8, 2016 Report Share Posted November 8, 2016 Q: Why do you really not want to hire someone to build a straw house for you? A: Don't blame me -- I voted for Vermin Supreme! Q: When did Foxbat become the President? A: They turned off the Sun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted November 8, 2016 Report Share Posted November 8, 2016 A: They turned off the Sun. Q: Who made these calendars with only six days a week, and why? A: Wednesday's child is beloved by his Grampa Gomez. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted November 8, 2016 Report Share Posted November 8, 2016 A: Wednesday's child is beloved by his Grampa Gomez. Q: Yeah, she was hot, in a creepy, gothic sort of way. What ever happened to her, anyway? You think she got married? A: The Internet is busted. Again. tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted November 8, 2016 Report Share Posted November 8, 2016 A: The Internet is busted. Again. Q: Is this the fird or fourth time the FBI has raised Google? A: His memory only goes back to last Tuesday, making him just the voter we want to attract! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted November 12, 2016 Report Share Posted November 12, 2016 Q: Is this the fird or fourth time the FBI has raised Google? A: His memory only goes back to last Tuesday, making him just the voter we want to attract! Q: What is the best quality of President that everyone adores in Trump? A: Made from 100% natural artificial ingredients. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted November 12, 2016 Report Share Posted November 12, 2016 A: Made from 100% natural artificial ingredients. Q: Does Whole Foods sell anything my kid will eat? A: I've been a criminal for six thousand years! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted November 14, 2016 Report Share Posted November 14, 2016 A: I've been a criminal for six thousand years! Q: So tell me again slowly: why do you want to spend the next eight years in solitary confinement? A: Go ahead and eat it. It's only the last one ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted November 14, 2016 Report Share Posted November 14, 2016 A: Go ahead and eat it. It's only the last one ever. Q: Congratulations on your retirement, and thanks for this donut you made in the shop you're closing. Shall I keep it as a memento? A: Whatever it has become, it's safe to say it's not a slice of pizza anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted November 15, 2016 Report Share Posted November 15, 2016 Q: Congratulations on your retirement, and thanks for this donut you made in the shop you're closing. Shall I keep it as a memento? A: Whatever it has become, it's safe to say it's not a slice of pizza anymore. Q: Where did you get the concept for the pepperoni, cheese, mushroom, pineapple monster? A: That is one way to get more bang in the boom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted November 15, 2016 Report Share Posted November 15, 2016 A: That is one way to get more bang in the boom. Q: Have I told you about the time my wife and I joined the Mile High Club while breaking the sound barrier? A: More sassafras, I tell you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted November 16, 2016 Report Share Posted November 16, 2016 A: More sassafras, I tell you!Q: You're a root beer addict? A: Try it with extra ice cream. First one's free. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted November 16, 2016 Report Share Posted November 16, 2016 A: Try it with extra ice cream. First one's free. Q: Have you really found a viable alternative to liquid nitrogen for preserving cryogenic samples? A: That's not what I'm saying. Nobody's saying that, in fact. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted November 17, 2016 Report Share Posted November 17, 2016 A: That's not what I'm saying. Nobody's saying that, in fact. Q: Did you just say this election season was more fun than any election season you've ever seen? A: It could be worse. It could be 1860, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted November 20, 2016 Report Share Posted November 20, 2016 Q: Did you just say this election season was more fun than any election season you've ever seen? A: It could be worse. It could be 1860, Q: How would you like your democracy served up? A: That is the result of out of the box stupidity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted November 20, 2016 Report Share Posted November 20, 2016 A: That is the result of out of the box stupidity. Q: It's supposed to be a bookshelf! It's supposed to look like the picture on the front of the box! The way you built it, it looks like something drawn by Salvador Dali on crack! Did you not even look at the directions? A: It's just not that simple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted November 20, 2016 Report Share Posted November 20, 2016 A: It's just not that simple. Q: So all I have to do to nuke China is press a big red button on my desk! Hey, wait -- there isn't a big red button on my desk? A: You wouldn't think an intercepted pass would lead to this much trouble. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted November 23, 2016 Report Share Posted November 23, 2016 Q: So all I have to do to nuke China is press a big red button on my desk! Hey, wait -- there isn't a big red button on my desk? A: You wouldn't think an intercepted pass would lead to this much trouble. Q: We were up by 25 points with 30 seconds to go. Then we lost the game by 10 points. What could cause this problem? A: The more you kill, the more we live. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted November 23, 2016 Report Share Posted November 23, 2016 A: The more you kill, the more we live. Q: Are the daffodils really encouraging us to use more Roundup? A: Three gallons of crazy in a two gallon bucket. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted November 23, 2016 Report Share Posted November 23, 2016 A: Three gallons of crazy in a two gallon bucket. Q: Describe President Trump's first Cabinet meeting. A: This will be perfectly fine, just a pop over to the nearest star system. I'll give him back in 50 years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted December 2, 2016 Report Share Posted December 2, 2016 Q: Describe President Trump's first Cabinet meeting. A: This will be perfectly fine, just a pop over to the nearest star system. I'll give him back in 50 years. Q: What is something that we will say to the extraterrestrials when they arrive and say "Take me to your leader"? A: We have no respect here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted December 2, 2016 Report Share Posted December 2, 2016 A: We have no respect here. Q: Saint Peter's on vacation. May I introduce you to our temp, Rodney Dangerfield? A: Science? How dare you challenge me with science! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 2, 2016 Report Share Posted December 2, 2016 A: Science? How dare you challenge me with science! Q: Let me guess. You're an anti-vaxxer? A: I don't believe it. Not for a minute. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted December 2, 2016 Report Share Posted December 2, 2016 A: I don't believe it. Not for a minute.Q: Didn't you know the babes love physicists? Just walk into the room and recite Maxwell's equations and they're practically ripping your clothes off! A: Yeah, that's what I thought too. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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