Pariah Posted December 2, 2016 Report Share Posted December 2, 2016 A: Yeah, that's what I thought too. Q: The Raiders suck. A: Yes, but I'm going to need 2.3 kilograms of molten strontium, a box of graham crackers, and an old-fashioned steam calliope to pull it off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted December 3, 2016 Report Share Posted December 3, 2016 A: Yes, but I'm going to need 2.3 kilograms of molten strontium, a box of graham crackers, and an old-fashioned steam calliope to pull it off. Q: You cooking is legendary in the Physics Department, so can you whip up some pies for the graduation? A: I can do what I want! I have tenure! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted December 4, 2016 Report Share Posted December 4, 2016 Q: You cooking is legendary in the Physics Department, so can you whip up some pies for the graduation? A: I can do what I want! I have tenure! Q: What is the motto of professors everywhere? A: All hydrogen just left the universe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted December 4, 2016 Report Share Posted December 4, 2016 A: All hydrogen just left the universe. Q: What happened that I had to get stuck with all this stupidity? A: I know how to do this! I am a fully certified Kindergartner! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted December 7, 2016 Report Share Posted December 7, 2016 Q: What happened that I had to get stuck with all this stupidity? A: I know how to do this! I am a fully certified Kindergartner! Q: Can you demonstrate how to make a circle? A: On a wing and a fumble. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted December 8, 2016 Report Share Posted December 8, 2016 A: On a wing and a fumble. Q: So how does that character of yours do? The flyer with six dice of Unluck? A: Every hand in the prosthetics factory started applauding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted December 8, 2016 Report Share Posted December 8, 2016 A: Every hand in the prosthetics factory started applauding. Q: What happened when Plastikinetic Man finally beat the dreaded Deliminator? A: Being a baby is fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 8, 2016 Report Share Posted December 8, 2016 A: Being a baby is fun! Q: This place looks like a tornado went through it, and then a band of Orcs looted whatever was left! How did this happen? A: A little trinitrotoluene will clear that right up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted December 8, 2016 Report Share Posted December 8, 2016 A: A little trinitrotoluene will clear that right up. Q: My acne is really terrible, Doc. What do you suggest? A: Sorry I'm not made of sugar! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcus Impudite Posted December 8, 2016 Report Share Posted December 8, 2016 Q: My acne is really terrible, Doc. What do you suggest? A: Sorry I'm not made of sugar! Q: What do you mean we can't make Christmas cookies this year? A: They've been plotting their revenge ever since Firefly got cancelled. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted December 10, 2016 Report Share Posted December 10, 2016 Q: What do you mean we can't make Christmas cookies this year? A: They've been plotting their revenge ever since Firefly got cancelled. Q: Why are brown coats the big seller this Christmas? A: A drive by decorating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted December 11, 2016 Report Share Posted December 11, 2016 A: A drive by decorating. Q: Looks nice, but I don't believe I ordered Christmas lights for this coffee hutch. What happened? A: If you say "Baby, it'a cold outside" one more time, I'm whipping out my smartphone and calling the cops! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 15, 2016 Report Share Posted December 15, 2016 A: If you say "Baby, it'a cold outside" one more time, I'm whipping out my smartphone and calling the cops! Q: A blind date to McMurdo station isn't quite what you had in mind? A: I think you were supposed to use cinnamon, not cayenne pepper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted December 19, 2016 Report Share Posted December 19, 2016 Q: A blind date to McMurdo station isn't quite what you had in mind? A: I think you were supposed to use cinnamon, not cayenne pepper. Q: This cinnamon roll tastes strange and amazing. Just what did you do to it into make that flavor? A: These presents are from me to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted December 20, 2016 Report Share Posted December 20, 2016 A: These presents are from me to me. Q: What's that six-foot-tall pile of gold-wrapped extravagances surrounding the Trump Tower Christmas tree? A: Go ahead, keep talking into the camera. It's not like anything else really wants to hear more about how wonderful, virtuous, and brilliant you are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted December 28, 2016 Report Share Posted December 28, 2016 Q: What's that six-foot-tall pile of gold-wrapped extravagances surrounding the Trump Tower Christmas tree? A: Go ahead, keep talking into the camera. It's not like anything else really wants to hear more about how wonderful, virtuous, and brilliant you are. Q: Mr. Grinch, is there anything else that you would like to add to this list of 100 reasons for taking the Christmas Tree like you did? A: Living an inverted life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted December 30, 2016 Report Share Posted December 30, 2016 A: Living an inverted life. Q: What does your typical five-tear-old American think people in Australia do? A: You'll get the power of twenty atom bombs for a period of twenty seconds. That should be all you need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 30, 2016 Report Share Posted December 30, 2016 A: You'll get the power of twenty atom bombs for a period of twenty seconds. That should be all you need. Q: My brother-in-law in northern Alaska needs help jumpstarting his car. Can you help? A: Don't ever say that again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted January 15, 2017 Report Share Posted January 15, 2017 Q: My brother-in-law in northern Alaska needs help jumpstarting his car. Can you help? A: Don't ever say that again. Q: Mr. Pariah, don't you want to go all smoochy-woochy with Mr. Trumpy-rumpy? A: The Cool Stars Conferences are about the dullest thing anyone might guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted January 15, 2017 Report Share Posted January 15, 2017 A: The Cool Stars Conferences are about the dullest thing anyone might guess. Q: What do you mean our Guest of Honor is Shia Lebouef? A: If this show can get its own convention, any show can get its own convention. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 18, 2017 Report Share Posted January 18, 2017 A: If this show can get its own convention, any show can get its own convention. Q: What do you mean you've never been to MrEdCon? A: A dirty vodka martini with a little naphthalene dissolved into it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted January 19, 2017 Report Share Posted January 19, 2017 A: A dirty vodka martini with a little naphthalene dissolved into it. Q: It's past midnight, the party is over, and 007 is still here! He just won't take a hint! How do I tell him it's time to go home? A: Wait a minute -- that isn't an effigy.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 22, 2017 Report Share Posted January 22, 2017 A: Wait a minute -- that isn't an effigy.... Q: These inauguration protests have really gotten out of hand, haven't they? A: About seven hundred liters of liquid xenon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted January 22, 2017 Report Share Posted January 22, 2017 A: About seven hundred liters of liquid xenon. Q: What is the pause that refreshes the Iron Giant? A: That was the most scared I'd been since you almost let me die! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 23, 2017 Report Share Posted January 23, 2017 A: That was the most scared I'd been since you almost let me die! Q: So, you saw that I got early parole, right? A: There's no evidence that that's ever been true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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