The Facts of Death: Six teenage girls and their house mother defend their boarding school during the Zombie Apocalypse.
Fashion Police State: Paranoia and conspiracies abound when a bureaucratic dystopia is ruled by an ancient comedienne with an acid tongue and an iron fist.
The Little Cabin on the Prairie: American pioneers are sacrificed to appease an ancient evil
Highlander 2: Electric Boogaloo (or Breakin' 2: the Quickening)
Agent Sukuki claims to be a member of the PSIA (Public Security Intelligence Agency). However, it's unusual for a member of the PSIA to carry a magical katana. In Agent Sukuki's instance the famous and some might say infamous Orochi-no-Tsurugi.
Dark Shadows of the Empire
The Edge of Night of the Living Dead
Sector General Hospital
Mighty Joe Young and the Restless
Peyton Places in the Heart
Romancing the Stones of Shannara
The Great Escape to Witch Mountain
Common sense and good taste have decided I wont even try mixing Leave it to Beaver with anything, as most anything would sound x-rated
Watership Down Below Station
The First Lady and the Tramp
Dantes Towering Inferno
Honor of the Queen for a day
Fritz the Cat in the Hat
Soylent Green Eggs and Ham
Howard the Duck Soup
Mousehunt for Red October
Freaky Friday the 13th
Nightmare on Sesame Street
Hellboyz in the hood
Daredevil and Miss Jones
Wargames People Play
Reservoir Dogs of War
Clockwork Orange Blossom Special
They're Back!--Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with
typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were
announced in church services:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
conflict.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone
who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help
they can get.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing:
"Break Forth Into Joy."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So
ends a friendship that began in their school days.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will
follow.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
you want remembered.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are
invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend
him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the
back door.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at PAM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
use large double door at the side entrance.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge--Up Yours"
---------------------------------
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
For example, one evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off work to spend time with her.
We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Re: The Professions of Arms The Professions of Arms
“The Profession of Arms is an occupation founded upon violence and death.” Lucius Alexander
The so-called “background skills” all too often fade into the background and disappear. A character will start with a profession skill, or knowledge skill, because it’s in a “package deal” or just because you get one free, and then that skill languishes, ignored by player and Game Operations Director alike. But “Background” doesn’t have to mean “invisible.” Indeed, an appropriately complex, realistically detailed, and above all interesting background enriches paintings, photographs, novels….and characters.
More than most fantasy characters, fighters have tendency to start looking too much alike. If you’ve noticed that several warriors in the game all have STR 20, DEX 14 or 15, Familiarity with Common Melee Weapons, comparable combat skill levels, and a similar set of skills, these ideas about using professional skills may help you see a different face under each helm, not to mention giving warriors interesting things to do besides sword-swinging.
Some things these skills don’t do
As a general rule, if a situation is already covered by an existing skill, a PS: will not duplicate the other skill – although one skill may modify the other. Thus PS: Barbarian or PS: Ranger will not substitute for Survival skill, but will often be a complementary skill. At the Game Operations Director’s discretion, a PS: may substitute for a missing skill in specific circumstances; PS: Knight or PS: Cavalry might substitute for Breakfall (at a penalty) when falling off a horse, but not when falling out of a tree.
In some cases these skills do have considerable overlap: For example, it would seem that PS: Paladin would include everything a Knight can do. There are three ways to balance this: 1) Make the “superior” skill cost more. 2) Split the skills and make one a prerequisite, saying you cannot have a PS: Paladin roll higher than your PS: Knight, or say that a Paladin has PS: Knight in conjunction with PS: Monk or PS: Holy Man or something of that nature. 3) Assign penalties to the “superior” skill when it is used in ways similar to the “lesser” skill. After all, a Paladin has a lot more to learn, and may take a -4 to judge a warhorse or recognize a heraldic design, where a Knight would have no penalty.
Codes and Behavior
Another thing these skills don’t do is impose behavior. It is entirely possible for a paladin to be fallen, for a barbarian to be decadent. A PS: Knight skill implies knowledge of a code of chivalry, but does not compel obedience to it. Deviation from behavior “appropriate” to the profession will erode the skill only over a long time, if the campaign rules are such that unused skills eventually fade away. However, certain uses of the skill may be affected by the character’s behavior. A barbarian coming out of a luxurious 10 year retirement, no longer used to hardship and discomfort, may still remember how to light a fire and how to skin game, but take a -5 when trying to remain still in ambush when she finds she’s laying on an anthill. And a knight with a bad Reputation may have a hard time with uses of the skill that involve being seen as chivalrous (although he may still use the skill that way on someone ignorant of the reputation.)
“Just how useful are these skills in combat, anyway?”
A story from the old West relates that a gunslinger, having made an appointment with his rival to meet at sundown, was asked by a friend “why not get it over with now?” The gunslinger responded “If we go do it now, that sombrero he always wears will keep the noonday sun off his face. I’m at the west end of town, so when we walk out into the street at sunset, the sun’ll be in his eyes. He’s in the saloon already; he’ll probably be getting likkered up for the next few hours. Meanwhile, I’ll take a nap. Keep an eye out and make sure he and his friends don’t try any funny business.” Which goes to show there’s more to gunslinging than fast reflexes and hand-eye coordination. On the one hand, it seems unreasonable that a warrior’s professional skill would offer no advantage in combat; on the other, allowing a skill roll as a complementary skill to a to-hit roll turns the skill into a cheap substitute for combat levels. In fact, one could argue that such levels are a reflection of exactly this kind of expertise; knowing how to maneuver an opponent so that the sun or wind are in their eyes, not yours, so that their balance, not yours, is threatened by a stump, dropped weapon, or pool of blood. This is why a character who went “adventuring” for 6 months has more XP to spend on levels than one who spent 6 months in a dojo. But there is no reason these skills should not have limited combat effects, appropriate to their cost. For example, if an enemy gets a surprise bonus to OCV – say for trying a shield bash after 2 turns of sword swinging – a warrior might make a roll to anticipate the move and negate the bonus. Or if a PRE attack would ordinarily leave a warrior with reduced DCV, a penalized PS roll could partially or wholly negate that effect, as staying on-guard has become second nature to the professional fighter. And rules already exist to allow PS: Forward Observer or PS: Siege Engineer to add to the OCV of certain crew-served weapons. Example: A cavalryman with DCV 6 is mounted on a horse with DCV 4, and thus has DCV 4. With a PS: Cavalry roll, he can have DCV 5 for the duration of combat. If it’s his own horse (horse and rider have trained together) he can have DCV 5 automatically and DCV 6 if he makes the roll. Why doesn’t Riding skill confer this benefit? Because riding a horse is one thing, controlling it in combat is another.
Some things these skills can do
Perhaps the most common use of warrior PS skills will be as complementary skills. They may assist other skills, perception rolls, and characteristic rolls. Remember that a warrior skill may be complementary in one case, but not another. For example, it may be complementary to Trading when dealing in weapons, but not in jewels. Or a PS: Paladin roll may help a STR roll if it involves saving a life, but not for arm wrestling in a bar.
Common Abilities
There are some things any warrior is likely to know about to a greater or lesser extent, and for convenience these are discussed first.
Weapons
A warrior may be able to identify a weapon’s origin; judge its quality; know its lore if it’s a famous or unique weapon; know how to hone, oil, and otherwise care for a weapon, including culturally appropriate rituals. Of course the specifics will vary by type of warrior. Any warrior with the skill to use a given weapon will know how to care for it, but how many will recognize an apparently harmless ornament as a throwing star? Tell by their pole arms where an army unit was recruited? Know by the curved blade and sharkskin hilt that a sword was forged in the Southern Isles? Distinguish Elf, Troll, and Goblin arrows by the shape of the stone arrowheads and the fletching? These are ways one warrior can differ from another.
Armor
Warriors who are accustomed to wearing armor may, with a successful roll, cut in half the time to get in or out of armor; useful if one must prepare for battle quickly, or if one has suddenly been dropped in water. As with weapons, a warrior may maintain and even make temporary repairs to armor. Recognizing armor types, and drawing conclusions about the wearers, are also possible.
People
First of all, one warrior will often know another, regardless of type. The way one walks or stands, telltale calluses of weapon practice, and a thousand subtle clues help fighters size up everyone they meet. Often, this information is subliminal; a warrior may not be able to articulate why one person in the bar commands more wary respect than another, but he just “knows” which is the more dangerous brawler. Warrior skills also influence how others see the warrior; thus, PS: Knight could help persuade someone that the character is chivalrous and trustworthy, PS: Barbarian can be used to intimidate (add to PRE attacks) and PS: Officer can help inspire confidence in followers.
Tactics
Although no PS is a substitute for Tactics they may often be complementary. One knight understands how another knight thinks; a ranger who guards a forest against Goblins may predict how a Goblin band will react; even a lowly sailor or mercenary may recall how a successful captain dealt with a certain situation. Few PS skills are likely to be complementary to Tactics in all situations; even PS: Officer for example may be no help in a one on one battle, where PS: Gladiator or PS: Duelist may be very useful.
Specific Example PS Skills
PS: Adventurer
This represents the aptitudes developed by a wanderer who goes about seeking gold, glory, or glamour and excitement. It may be regarded as a default background skill for exactly the kind of person who can’t resist the urge to explore the Mysterious Hole in the Ground. An Adventurer knows much about getting into and out of dangerous situations, and because they often swap stories, may know something about a place or creature they have never personally encountered. An Adventurer is good at remembering directions, either given by another or to remember a path already trod. If literate, and Adventurer reads maps well, and can draw them (more crudely than a cartographer.) This skill can apply to anything from starting a fire to securing a rope for climbing, but usually at heavy penalties; it’s a fall-back for self-reliant people who do things because they’ve had to, but not necessarily learned the most efficient ways to do them. Even on a successful roll, the task may be done crudely or inefficiently: “Okay, it takes a few hours and a lot of sticks, but you have 2d6 arrows for your bow. They do one less damage class, are -3 OCV and double range penalties, and you can’t make any more until you kill a bird for more feathers.”
Examples of PS: Adventurer in Use.
Our Hero plans a trip to the Goblin Haunted Hills, but first takes a trip to a variety of inns, taverns, markets, and places where the use of PS: Adventurer as complementary to Conversation will tell him much about the Goblins’ weapons, tactics, usual numbers in a band, favorite places for ambush, etc.
Deciding to recruit some help, Our Hero uses Adventurer complementary to Oratory and by recounting previous exploits inspires the confidence of a few stout-hearted young fellows.
Although Our Hero missed his perception roll to spot the Goblns, a PS: Adventurer roll at -2 brings on the realization that this narrow pass is just the sort of place Goblins like for an ambush. (The roll would be at -5 if Our Hero hadn’t been clever enough to ask questions before venturing forth.)
The posse falls to quarreling over loot. Since this is a common situation for Adventurers, Our Hero makes a PRE attack (“Be still a moment and hear me out!”) followed by a PS: Adventurer roll to talk everyone into a fair distribution.
PS: Barbarian
Anyone with this skill should also have Survival, knowledge of a tribal area, and probably Tracking. A “Barbarian” is by definition “uncivilized,” that is, a member of a culture less urban, less settled, and/or less technologically sophisticated than whatever civilized culture the barbarian is contrasted with. The Barbarian is at home in the wilderness and often inspires mingled awe and contempt in more civilized people, who regard the barbarian as kin to beasts. Indeed PS: Barbarian is useful if confronting a wild animal, not to “tame” or befriend it, but to predict its reactions and avoid antagonizing it. PS: Barbarian often complements Survival, not only to represent know-how (“What do you mean, you don’t know how to make fire without flint? I’ll show you.”) but sheer toughness and fortitude, for a barbarian is used to privation. The barbarian will more readily eat raw meat, sleep on bare ground, drink bitter water from a sulfur spring, lie motionless in ambush despite crawling bugs, or whatever must be done to survive, or to fulfill whatever goals the barbarian is committed to. Barbarians are credited with superior senses, but it is more accurate to say they have wild thing’s suspicious wariness, and are more apt to trust the irrational hunch that is often the prompting of instinct or intuition. The stereotypical barbarian is a hulking warrior, but it is well to remember that horse nomads are often small, and a barbarian tribe could be Pygmies or wild Hobbits, or peaceful Eskimos. Coming from a “simpler” i.e. less specialized society, the barbarian can be astonishingly self-reliant.
Examples of PS: Barbarian in Use
Our Hero is being tortured for information. Ordinarily this is Skill Vs Skill, Interrogation against an Ego roll, but when Our Hero loses by 3 points, the Game Operations Director allows a roll on PS: Barbarian at -3. Then the rest of the party finally rescues the barbarian, he says “It wasn’t much worse than my tribe’s initiation ordeal.”
A party crossing a desert camps in a canyon where high walls offer shade and a few green things make it seem an oasis. In the middle of the day, while they sleep in preparation for the night’s travel, they all fail perception rolls that were made at -6 because they were dozing, except the barbarian whose PS: Barbarian was considered complementary. Thus Our Hero awakes from a nightmare in which the distant sound of rushing water is somehow terrifying. Trying to figure out what’s wrong, Our Hero makes a Deduction roll (at the default of <= 8) again with PS: Barbarian as complementary, and just knows that the canyon seems like a trap. They’ve learned to trust the barbarian’s instincts, so the party escapes just before the flash flood comes roaring down.
PS: Knight
Characters with this skill should also have Riding and Courtier or “High Society” and may have to meet other prerequisites. This skill may have other names in other cultural contexts, as “Ronin” or “Samurai” in Japan or “Equestrian” in Republican Rome. Ideally a knight is “noble” in every sense of the word, either born to a tradition of chivalry or a commoner formally exalted in status for courage and martial prowess.
PS: Ranger
Anyone with this skill should also have Survival and knowledge of at least one wilderness area or terrain type, and probably Tracking. PS: Ranger is often a complementary skill for outdoor skills. What a ranger can do depends to some extent on how the Game Operations Director defines “Ranger” for a given game, but whether they guard the king’s deer from poachers, guide pilgrims across deserts, or hunt Orcs wherever they are found, any ranger will know much about the wild and things the live and move there. Identifying animals and plants will often be automatic (no roll) if they are native to a place the ranger knows. A ranger can predict weather, up to 48 hrs in advance on a good roll. Rangers usually know a lot about the people and creatures they meet in their chosen wilderness, whether it’s the Goblins who come raiding from yonder mountain or the itinerant smith making the rounds of the local villages. Although PS: Ranger is no substitute for Navigation, a ranger has a good memory for landmarks and is seldom confused as to direction.
Examples of PS: Ranger in Use
Our Hero falls over, left leg gone numb. Although no wound is visible, the healer finds and removes a flint arrowhead that only becomes visible when withdrawn a handspan from the ranger’s body. Clearly, he is a victim of Elf Stroke. “I thought you said the Elves were friendly?” After making a PS: Ranger roll, Our Hero states “That’s shaped like a Troll arrowhead. Either an Elf used a Troll arrow, or a Troll has learned an Elven spell.”
PS: Warrior
The most “generic” of warrior PS skills, and a good default if the character’s background is vague and undefined, or varied and eclectic. It may be assumed that a warrior’s knowledge is broad but shallow. They could tell a warhorse from a palfrey, but not necessarily judge among warhorses. They would recognize the nation of a group of uniformed soldiers, and tell officers apart, but be unlikely to know the specific unit or a leader’s exact rank.
PS: Weapons Specialist
Specific types include PS: Swordsman, Spearman, Hatchetman, Archer, Martial Artist, Boxer, Wrestler, Sensei, etc. The weapons specialist should have spent at least 12 points on combat skill levels and/or martial arts maneuvers. This skill represents the expertise of a person who is devoted to a specific weapon or fighting style. When dealing with a favorite weapon type, the specialist will have far more accurate and precise knowledge of a given weapons’ value, utility, and quality; the lore and history of famous, unique, or magick weapons; the names, reputations, and history of warriors who use that weapon type or fighting style. By examining a weapon, the expert can tell where it was made, when it was made, and by whom; i.e. by Dwarven, Elven, or Human weaponsmith, or by specific culture, or possibly in the case of a famous weaponsmith, by individual. The specialist may also be able to detect frauds. This skill is complementary to Weaponsmith. More than other warriors, the specialist is able to judge another warrior’s fighting style, at least if it has any bearing on the specialist’s own.
Lucius Alexander
Copyright Palindromedary Enterprises 2002
Excess words have been removed and fed to a palindromedary
Don't believe that Bull-ony story they tell the Tourists who visit The Adventurer's Club on Pleasure Island in Disney World........ That's ROTOR BARON'S plane that is (or was) crashed and smoking in front of the place !!!!!!
tkdguy reacted to SSgt Baloo in A DC Animated-style HeroMachine
tkdguy got a reaction from SteveZilla in More space news!
tkdguy got a reaction from SatinKitty in Complicate the Person Above
