tkdguy

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.
 

 
On another day working with same student, who's doing a report on the Greek god Pan:
 
Me: That's where the word panic comes from. People were terrified of him. He had horns. He had goat legs. He looked like Justin Bieber.
 
Student: Not funny! Not funny!

"You're not people; you're family!"

The warband nominally under the control of renegade Space Marine Cassius continues in its long-term project of building alliances, swapping favours, and finding some poorly defended planet to enslave. Mammon, where both sides of the population earnestly believe they are doing the God-Emperor's will by exterminating the other half, seems ideal for the latter.

One useful item - for when we're infiltrating the Imperium later, anyway - would be the Inquisitorial Rosette that once belonged to that inquisitor we found turned into a deamonhost. Interrogator Crane might have known where it was, but he's not the man he was - not after a few nights of being used for party games by Jrska and her brother. She finds the mewling wreck on one of the piles after the party - it appears the Fleshcrafters have been having fun with him.

Jrska: Just a minute - I just want to demonstrate how the Imperium has treated its own citizens for the last 10,000 years. And by a happy coincidence I filled up at the bar. *unbuttons pants*

There's no reason to take him back aboard the Chains of Judgement, either.

Jrska: They're no fun when they're broken. Broken in, on the other hand...

And, of course, there are the other long-term projects - Cassius' intention to build a space marine chapter unbeholden to the Imperium OR Chaos, for example. Introducing Adept E, Jrska's latest minion and one of the tech-priests formerly slaved to 'Father's' will, and now assigned to medical duties among the meat-bags. A disturbing and resentful, almost sadistic individual, with a gimbal-mounted head and absolutely no bedside manner. Of course he's going to want genetic and tissue samples from Cassius.

Adept E: I require samples of the original germline. Please hold still.
Cassius: No.
Adept E: It will be inefficient to acquire samples if you are moving.

Oddly enough, Cassius is fine with Adept E drillling samples out of the Dreadnought's occupant - blood, skin, genegineered organs, and brain. Indeed, Cassius takes a disturbing amount of pleasure telling his captive what they are for.

Adept E: What sensory input do you receive when I do this? *drills biopsy samples out of the dreadnought's brain*

Apart from thousands of slaves to either run the ship or be sold off as raw material, the Chains of Judgement needs sensors, weapons, and urgent maintenance to the void and Gellar Fields.

GM: The Gellar Fields work, sort of. They just take much longer to switch on then you'd like.
the Peanut Gallery: Does that make them the Michelle Gellar Field?
Jrska OOC: Nah, the Michelle Gellar field never worked again

Navigating from the Ragged Helix to Mammon is even more difficult, and allegorical, than trying to navigate in 'normal' warpspace.

Aladar : I'm just sitting in the bridge watching the plaid.
Jrska: I can believe it - gazing into the warp is supposed to drive a mortal mind insane, after all.
Aladar: And we're travelling at Ludicrous Speed too.

None of which us reassuring, given the dire state of the ship's defences. The sign hanging near the Gellar Field generators being a case in point.

Cog: Days since last warp incursion -6

Still, the Chains of Judgement makes it to Mammon intact, despite detours through dimensions of madness and poetry.

GM: It takes you potato days to get there.

Jrska: I'll let Lord Cassius know we've arrived. *Strolls off singing* I want a magic purple pony princess, lalala
Me: You probably don't want me to finish this song - the original (Frank Zappa's 'Jewish Princess') was filthy enough, and it already had lines about doing it with four on the floor, and two sisters.

Jrska OOC: Going into safe orbit is your job. The Navigator has control over getting us here - and we have no control over the Navigator

Aladar proves amazingly inept at practically everything, including flying us down to the surface. It's astonishing we got down alive, to embark on Cassius' plan to enlist one of the factions. He'll have to do all the talking himself, since Jrska's mutant appearance will likely provoke a murderous riot.

Cassius: The only other way I can see this working is one you'd enjoy too much.
Jrska: ...that doesn't rule out much.
Cassius: It involves a collar and chain.
Jrska: *perks up*

Adept E takes the opportunity to criticise Cog for his close association with the fully organic - ironic, since that used to be his job - and express his distaste for same.

Adept E: They ooze, so biologically.

Aladar nearly crashes the lander, twice, as he circles across the post-apocalyptic landscape looking for a settlement to intimidate.

Cog: I just had the lander waxed! *Pumping fists in an inadvertently obscene manner*
Cassius: ....
Cog: I blame the Slaanesh cultist.

Jrska: Screw this up and I'll be very cross. You'll be spanked in ways you won't like.

The rest of the party don't have much luck spotting good landing areas either. And the landing is only just shy of pancake.

Jrska: The gods are against us. Against YOU anyway, they love me. The only god that counts, anyway.

GM: 'We landed on a witch.'
Jrska OOC: 'We represent the Lollipop Guild, Lollipop Guild' .... Of course the lollipops are old street signs they use as weapons.
Cog OOC: 'We represent the Jailbait Guild, Jailbait Guild'...

The local faction evidently believe the God-Emperor is dead, but if they exterminate all his enemies he'll come back to lead them. The colour of the sky, and its constant screaming, are the echoes of his death. They are understandably suspicious when some turns up claiming that he serves the Emperor, and the Emperor wants them to hand over any enemies that survive the constant battles so Cassius can make them earn redemption aboard the Chains of Judgement. Cassius convinces them of his sincerity, however, after considerable effort and some suggestions over the mike from Jrska - she has some knowledge of the million variations of the Imperial Cult, and claiming that Cassius still serves the Emperor's Will, through appalling carnage and suffering, was once true enough.

Cassius: I speak the words, I just don't believe them anymore.

The 6000 rusty revolvers Cassius provides should make the battles easier, although Cassius has to phrase basic gun safety in religious terms so they'll stop accidentally shooting each other.

Jrska: Arms, arms for the poor.

Cassius: Death and destruction is not the Emperor's ultimate desire - for this reason the first chamber must not be loaded.

The next few weeks are spent patching up the surviving captives and ferrying them up to cells aboard the Chains of Judgement - although a fair number get accidentally flushed into space when Aladar screws up again. THEY believe the Emperor is alive - how can you kill a god, after all? - but wounded by his own treacherous priests. The bloody sky and screaming is the ongoing battle against his legion of enemies, and they do what they can to help, by slaughtering the other faction on Mammon. They, after all, claim they are priests of the Emperor. These beliefs suit Cassius and Jrska to a tee - him, because he too believes the Emperor's objectives were betrayed by the Ecclesiarchy, and Jrska because those beliefs can so easily be perverted towards Slaanesh. She immediately commissions icons of a human figure pierced by numerous weapons - ostensibly the Emperor as these Mammonites picture him, really her own deamonic patron.

Jrska: Easy enough to do - the Imperial Cult has more then enough martyrs of that variety - Sebastian, Sabbat, all those other hagiographic hedgehogs.

Cassius has PER ARDUA SALVATIO, PER OFFICIO SALVARI painted opposite the cells. None of the prisoners can read, but they do have Jrska's demagoguery to convert them to the modified faith - that they can find favour in the eyes of the Emperor, by serving Cassius. In fact, her unnatural charisma and terrifying aura is now so potent she can process a thousand at a time. Of course, there's still a few hundred who refuse to comply, but those we can also sell them to the soul-merchants of Q'sal, or as experimental material to various hereteks, and so on. And Jrska sacrifices 66 of them to reconsecrate the chapel in suitably devout manner. True, sacrificing 66 clerics of the Emperor in the largest cathedral on Scintilla would please Slaanesh even more, but it's a start.

Jrska: And I can teach them some songs.

Come on, young children, and hark to our chanting
Bright copper hacksaws and hot heavy panting
Space Marine Chaplains all tied up with chains
These are the blessings that Slaaneshites gain

Cupcakes from ponies and slick ample strap-ons
Kumquats and truffles a leper has fapped on
DEILF* maidens screaming, insensate and spent
These are the blessings that Slaanesh will send

Clamps on your lipples** and Cog's awkward dancers
Soul-blasting riddles without any answers
Tyranid eggs with their buried yolk lit
These are the blessings that Slaanesh will spread

When my pants tent
When my bra's rent
When my head is smegged
I revel in pleasures that Slaanesh has sent
Until I can't feeeeeeeeeel my legs

*DEILF = Dark Eldar I'd Like to Flay - the words 'DEILF maidens' can be replaced with 'Dark Eldar', if your cultists have trouble remembering the line. Or, just whip them until they learn it.

**Lipples are a combination of 'lips' and 'nipples', a concept that originated in a rather, ah... specialized brand of adult entertainment. Lord Slaanesh approves!

Cassius: No.
Jrska: *shrugs* Their loss

And much kudos to pencil_monkey, who came up with that little number especially for this game.

Aladar screws up again, this time failing to spot a major ambush. The worst thing about it? It was Jrska that encouraged him to try to impress Cassius again.

Cassius: I was pleased by the way he accepted he was no help. And it wasn't me who talked him into trying again. I'm not blaming him for this - I'm blaming you.
Jrska: *to Aladar* You're getting such a look when you get home.

Cassius: My advice to you is ignore whatever Aladar tells you. In fact, do the opposite.

What next? Apart from Jrska training a cadre of 'morale officers', anyway.

GM: There are things to do on every planet.
Jrska: I'm sure there are. But then, I'm a Slaaneshi cultist. The two great human obsessions for all of history - can I eat it? And can I f*** it?

Following an encounter with a Bard, we were interrogating him and he refused to talk. Finally I threatened him with a fate worse than death.
 
"If you don't talk, I start singing," I deadpanned.
 
"You wouldn't dare! You're tone-deaf and sing like cat's fighting!" he shrieked (DM hates it when I sing cuz I'm a deep Bass and most the music I like is High-Baritone and Tenor range).
 
Me: "Fine, if that's the way you want to play it... 'I feel pretty, oh so pretty! I feel pretty, and nifty, and bright! And I pity, any girl who is not me..."
 
My Wife: "Fa-la-la-LAlala!"
 
Bard: "No! I'll talk, just please stop that horrible noise!"
 
Our DM got smacked in the head with my hat after the game.

This approach also works on teen-age daughters.

File under Gone but not Forgotten. It lists Mightybec as being 92 today. Just when you thought I was the maddest thing around here.

... I see Famine's hand at work.

* Cancer rushes to re-read Revelations and see which harbinger of the Apocalypse that is *

Another question:
 
Given the Fullmetal Alchemist fight of Mustang vs. Envy.  If we switched out Khan with Mustang, would the saying go "Revenge is a dish that is best served deep fried"?

The Blue Maltese Falcon
 
Lost & Found in Space
 
Rocky Mountain Highlander
 
Rocky Horror Mountain Highlander 

Green Imp
 
Green Imp is an ally Scarlet Sorceress, and a foe of Little Victory.

Official Russian heroes and villains for current Champions Universe
 
 
Full Sixth Edition character sheets and backgrounds
 
Champions Villains Vol. 1 : Slun ("the bishop")
 
CV Vol. 2: Durak (member of Eurostar), Red Winter (Soviet Guard, Drago, Hammer, Red Dawn, Sickle, White Wolf), The Alcedama (member of the Vandaleur family -- mentioned and briefly described, but no character sheet)
 
CV Vol. 3: Spektr
 
 
Champions Worldwide:
 
Full Fifth Edition character sheets and backgrounds
 
Heroes: Gyeroy Vedun ("hero wizard"), Stalnoy Volk ("steel wolf"), Vulnapyezdka ("wave rider"), Zemletpyasenee ("earthquake")
 
Villains: Beek ("ox"), Eretsun, Molnya ("lightning"), Slun, Technyik ("the technician")
 
Mentioned and briefly described, but no character sheets
 
Heroes: Russkiye Zashchitniki ("the Russian defenders"): Stalnoy Volk, Zemletpyasenee, Syeryebro ("silver"), Mamont ("mammoth"), Kapitan Ukrayina ("Captain Ukraine")
 
 
Past Russian supers mentioned in Champions Universe for Sixth Edition
 
Heroes: General Winter (first Russian superhero), Red Eagle, Checkmate, the Swan, Spartanyets ("the Spartan"), Nyepobyedimiy ("invincible”), Bohdan Stanislavski (former Archmage, killed in 1908)
 
Villains: Gorbun ("the hunchback" -- semi-active in Russian underworld due to age)
 
Another hero, the shape-shifter Taiga, was believed killed in 2004, but Champions Worlwide described how he was merely discorporated, and took years to reassemble his body and recuperate. Champions Universe 6E confirms this for current official continuity.
 
EDIT: The history of the member of Red Winter called Sickle, in CV Vol. 2, also mentions his grandmother, Golden Sickle, who with her partner Iron Hammer were members of the "Soviet Super Patriots" during WW II.

Red Doom (Classic Organizations) 
Tokamak II (Colonel Sergi Vasalov) - Powered Armour [481pts] 
Red Shield (Lyndon Johnson Kaufman) - Mutate Silver Avenger & Powered Shield [336pts] 
People's Commando (Vlad Kyrlov) - Mutate Cybernetic Supersoldier [447pts] 
Loupe Garoux (Pierre Jaquard, French Communist) - Thug & Mystic Werewolf [105 & 375pts] 
Marathon (Nicholas Trikelis, Greek) - Martial Artist & Weapons Specialist [285pts] 
Soyuz Proletariatski (George Pasternik, Russian Cosmonaut) - Duplicator w/Density Powers [546pts] 

New Guard (Classic Organizations) 
Ivan (Dimitri Tiomkin) - Mystic Brick, Metamorph w/Growth Powers, & Martial Artist [395pts] 
Cosmo (Vladimir Cossack) - Mutate Cosmic Powers [395pts] 
Sputnik (Uri Kamononv, Ukrainian Cosmonaut) - Mutate Telekinetic w/Body Armour [338pts] 
Perestroika (Karelia Sholokov) - Mutant Mentalist [273pts] 
Nemesis (Constantin Kowalski) - Mutate Electrokinetic Energy Projector & Flyer [317pts] 
Scarlet Sentinel (Hans Borscht) - Inventor & Giant Robot [277 & 261pts] 
Disinformer (Antiocj Drezhavin) - Super Spy, Doppelganger, & Gadgeteer [400pts] 

Independents (Classic Organizations) 
General Mayhem (Boris Tiomkin) - Mystic Brick, Metamorph w/Growth Powers & Cold Powers [502pts] 
Erg (Alexi Andropov) - Mutate Powered Armour & Metamorph w/Body of Radiation [406 & 378pts] 
Bolshevik Barracuda (Leonid Leoniv) - Mutate Metamorph w/Water Powers [303pts] 
Cold Warrior (Boris Greshenko) - Scientist/Inventor, Powered Armour w/Cold Powers [365pts] 
Tokamak I (Anya Andreyev) - Powered Armour w/Plasma Powers [355pts] 
St. Peter's Star (Elena Lidiinovich, Russian Cosmonaut) - Mutate Energy Projector & Flyer w/Light Powers [390pts] 

Warsaw Pact (European Enemies) 
Cavalry ( , Polish) - Mystic Martial Artist & Weapons Masters w/Medieval Weapons & Armour [pts] 
Carpathia (, Czeck) - Mutant Brick w/Growth Powers [pts] 
White Rose (, Bulgarian) - Mutant Spy, Energy Projector & Metamorph w/Shrinking Powers [pts] 
Bastian of Budapest ( , Hungarian) - Mutant w/ Force Field Powers [pts] 

Mass Reaction (Villainy Unbound) 
Ringer () - Mutant Metamorph w/Shapeshifter Powers [pts] 
Bomb () - Mutate Energy Projector w/Radiation/X-Ray Powers [pts] 
Echo () - Mutate Telepathic Powers [pts] 
Fallout () - Mutate Energy Projector w/Radioactive Powers [pts] 
Flower () - Mutate Energy Projector w/Radioactive Powers [pts] 
Meltdown () - Mutate Brick w/Body of Radioactive Slag [pts] 


Cheers


QM

P.S.: European Enemies Debugged 
http://surbrook.devermore.com/revisedhero/herorev.html

Late Night with Conan the Barbarian

Joseph Conrad meets high fashion.
 
The Victoria's Secret Sharer
 
Ian Fleming meets Walt Whitman
 
Moonraker of Leaves of Grass

a genre crossover nightmare question
if johnny quest's friend hadji had birdman's powerset would his incantation be
 
zim zim solar beam ?

Cylon Hill

When I was but a youth, I decided to become a cultured and sophisticated gentleman. I found I had a genuine appreciation for classical music and fine art. I studied hard and learned many of the classics. I abstained from alcohol for many years, as drinking and smoking were against my principles. I still don't smoke, but I've learned to appreciate good wine. 
 
Then I realized what I've become. Good God, I'm Frasier Crane!

When I was but a youth, I decided to become a cultured and sophisticated gentleman. I found I had a genuine appreciation for classical music and fine art. I studied hard and learned many of the classics. I abstained from alcohol for many years, as drinking and smoking were against my principles. I still don't smoke, but I've learned to appreciate good wine. 
 
Then I realized what I've become. Good God, I'm Frasier Crane!

That reminds me of this
http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Moonshadow-lyrics-Cat-Stevens/71727BB969733EF7482569BA0009EAFF

Moon Shadow
 
Foe of Little Victory

Dear Mr X,
 
Let us review your situation. You got a 22 out of 100 on the first exam, but were unaware of that for most of a month because you never come to class and never picked it up. In fact, you learned of it from your advisor after I used the academic alert system telling her you were failing the course and should drop it before last Friday's deadline; you declined to do this because you'd lose your scholarship if you did. You have turned in exactly one assignment on time, the trivial one the first week of class. You skipped the second exam, made an appointment to take a make-up right after class yesterday, which you unilaterally canceled by email, sent halfway through that class (which, of course, you skipped). You have completely blown off the major writing assignment in the course by abject refusal to submit anything. You have declined to turn in the lab work, which is essential in the course as well. And now you subject me to your fantasy that you'll do well on the final and pass the course. Tell you what: don't bother me any more and I'll give you your F without any further aggravation on my part. Otherwise, you will have no grasp on how much I am going to enjoy watching you die.
 
Love and F's,
Dr. Cancer.

"Knock knock"

"Whose there?"

"Interrupting Coefficient of Friction"

"Interrupting Coeffic..."
"MU!"

A high school student, unhappy with a grade he had received from a teacher, confronted the teacher and asked, "Do you know who my father is?"
 
The teacher replied, "You should probably ask your mother about that."
 
 
 
(The teacher in this scenario is one of my coworkers.)

When I was but a youth, I decided to become a cultured and sophisticated gentleman. I found I had a genuine appreciation for classical music and fine art. I studied hard and learned many of the classics. I abstained from alcohol for many years, as drinking and smoking were against my principles. I still don't smoke, but I've learned to appreciate good wine. 
 
Then I realized what I've become. Good God, I'm Frasier Crane!