Marcus Impudite

Speaking as a demon, I consider it an insult to be compared to the cops in most of those localities.

Update: Made some corrections in the text and added write-ups for the mansion and his limo. As I stated previously, it's for 5th Ed. If you want Byron Swain for 6th, feel free to do the conversion. BYRON SWAIN.rtf

Unfortunately, suing the department only means the taxpayers get stuck with the bill, always assuming you can even make a case that will stick. The "higher ups" you speak of go to great lengths to insulate themselves from the consequences of their own misdeeds and those of their detestable little minions.They will only consider amending their ways if they lose their protection; if things start getting more and more...dangerous for them.

Lothario™ Cologne for the guys, Temptress™ Perfume for the dolls: Two very potent personal fragrances from the cologne and perfume section, guaranteed to help you win the affections of that special someone, and quite possibly a few others as well. 11 Character Points well spent... Lothario™ Cologne: Mind Control 2d6, Cumulative (+½), Increased Cumulative Points (48; +½), NND (defense is wearing a filtered breathing apparatus or lacking a sense of smell; +1), Invisivible Power Effects (Sight Group; +½), Area Of Effect (1 Hex; +½), Continuous (+1), 4 Continuing Charges last 1 Day (cologne can be washed off or its effects neutralized by stronger odors; +1), (60 Active Points); OAF (bottle of cologne; -1), Limited Class Of Minds (human females; -½), Based On CON (-1), Only To Inflict/Increase Sexual Desire (-1), No Range (-½), Gradual Effect (every Minute; -½). Total Cost: 11-points. Temptress™ Perfume: Mind Control 2d6, Cumulative (+½), Increased Cumulative Points (48; +½), NND (defense is wearing a filtered breathing apparatus or lacking a sense of smell; +1), Invisivible Power Effects (Sight Group; +½), Area Of Effect (1 Hex; +½), Continuous (+1), 4 Continuing Charges last 1 Day (perfume can be washed off or its effects neutralized by stronger odors; +1), (60 Active Points); OAF (bottle of perfume; -1), Limited Class Of Minds (human males; -½), Based On CON (-1), Only To Inflict/Increase Sexual Desire (-1), No Range (-½), Gradual Effect (every Minute; -½). Total Cost: 11-points.

If it's any consolation, all the corrupt and abusive officers out there will one day make wonderful chew toys for the hounds of Hell...

An "Erotic Champions" character I recently created. He's in 5th Edition, but feel free to do a 6th Ed conversion if that's your thing. Update: download the newer version of this file in the next post. I made some text corrections and added the write-ups for his mansion and limousine. BYRON SWAIN.rtf

BTW, the Benny Hill theme song is titled "Yakaty Sax" for future reference.

This is too good for me to not steal it for my 5th Ed update...

The Side Effect breaks down as follows: Base -1 for Extreme Side Effect (a deity, and especially a warrior deity, has the power to put some SERIOUS hurt on you) ¼ less Modifier for Side Effect occurs when user does a specific act (in this case, attempting to use the ring's power dishonorably during a duel) ¼ less Modifier for Side Effect affects user of the ring whether they're the "owner" or not So yes, a -½ is a fair value for the potential to incur the wrath of a god.

The Ring Of Armory An extra special item from our Enchanted Jewelry Department, this ring was endowed with power by an ancient warrior deity. It gives its wearer access to a magical arsenal of powerful weapons. Take heed of one warning though; the aforementioned warrior god is big on the concept of honor, and honorable conduct during a duel is particularly sacred to him. As such, the ring's wearer can expect to instantly suffer the god's wrath if he or she tries to use the ring's power in a dishonorable manner during a duel. As long as you don't break that one little rule, the power of the ring is yours to use as you see fit. This item is worth every bit of its 157 Character Point price tag. The Ring Of Armory: Variable Power Pool (Arsenal Pool), 90 Base + 45 Control, No Roll Required (+1), 0 Phase Change (+1); IIF (the ring is the source of the pool's powers, the weapons themselves are special effects; -¼), Weapons Only (-¼), Side Effect (the wearer instantly suffers the wrath of the warrior god if he/she attempts to use the ring's power dishonorably during a duel; -½). Total Cost: 157-points.

Hello, and welcome to the emporium! We stock a wide range of very special items you can't get anywhere else in the Multiverse, mostly because they're outright forbidden and/or other item shops consider them too dangerous to have in their inventory. Browse out endless isles of mystical items and exotic technologies! For our grand opening, I offer up these first two items: Jade-Tinted Glasses & Rose-Tinted Glasses The lenses in these finely-crafted pairs of spectacles are made of a special kind of crystal that affects the perceptions of anyone who looks through them; giving them either a jaded or rosy outlook on their surroundings. Each comes in a convenient pack of 4 for the bargain price of 14 Character Points. Jade-Tinted Glasses: Mental Illusions 12d6 (60 Active Points); OAF (-1), Limited Effect (subject perceives the world as uglier and more unpleasant than it actually is; -1), No Range (must physically put the glasses on the subject; -½), Effect Ends Immediately If Glasses Are Removed (-½), 4 Recoverable Charges (4 pairs of glasses; -¼). Total Cost: 14-points. Rose-Tinted Glasses: Mental Illusions 12d6 (60 Active Points); OAF (-1), Limited Effect (subject perceives the world as prettier and more wondrous than it actually is; -1), No Range (must physically put the glasses on the subject; -½), Effect Ends Immediately If Glasses Are Removed (-½), 4 Recoverable Charges (4 pairs of glasses; -¼). Total Cost: 14-points. New merchandise is added regularly, so don't forget to come by and see what's new in stock...

(Happy Thanksgiving to all WWYCD readers) It's Thanksgiving Day, and people are happily preparing for the day's feast and watching the Macy's Parade on TV. But deep in the woods outside of Campaign City, a fanatical group of evil occultists perform a decidedly...fowl rite. They have summoned forth a gigantic, demonic turkey! Unfortunately for them, the monstrous bird gobbles them all up and is soon headed straight for town! WWYCD?

Your character, or one of your character's associates, was acquainted with a college kid by the name of Byron. Something of a stereotypical science nerd, Byron was going for his degree in Pharmacology; and was paying for his schooling by working as a laboratory assistant at a pharmaceuticals research facility for one of the campaign universe's major drug companies. The staff treated him more as a janitor than anything else and didn't care much about his input on research projects; even when he made a valid point. Needless to say, he wasn't particularly fond of any of them, but put up with their crap because he needed the money. Then recently, there was an incident at the lab when Byron was there working late (cleaning mostly, as usual). A group of ski mask wearing, assault rifle toting people broke in and made him get down on the floor at gunpoint. Security showed up and, predictably, the situation quickly escalated into a shoot out. As Bryon was trying to keep his head down and somehow crawl out of there, a mortally wounded security guard crumpled to the floor and knocked over a shelf holding beakers, flasks, and test tubes containing substances from various research projects the laboratory staff had been working on. The shelf came crashing down on top of Byron, knocking him out cold and dousing him with all of the above. Visiting Byron since he got out of the hospital, it's become noticeable that he's beginning to change. The horrible acne problem he's been cursed with since eighth grade has faded and disappeared. He's gone from a 90 lb weakling to having a strong, broad-shouldered physique. He's no longer wearing his thick glasses, and can apparently see just fine without them. He also hints that he's feeling a lot more confidence lately, and has recently been getting the kind of attention from women that he's not accustom to (but not complaining about). Shortly after the visit with Byron, a teammate with the requisite skills or connects says they found out what was in the chemical bath he ended up taking that night. The researchers had, among other things, been working on a super-soldier serum they were planning to sell to the military, several new *ahem* "male enhancement" pharmaceuticals, and a research project that involved synthesizing human pheromones; specifically, the fabled "human alpha male" pheromone. WWYCD?

Dear Q.U.A.C.K., Q.U.A.R.K., and Q.U.I.R.K.: My teammates and I have been having a rather vexing problem with a new villain in town who calls himself "Mister Swain." Normally, we'd just beat the crap out of the baddies, but this guy tends to show up in social situations and settings where we can't get into an altercation with him without appearing uncouth or getting into serious trouble. To make matters worse, we're usually there in civilian ID with our girlfriends when he pops up and he shamelessly flirts with them. It's hard to say whether he's just that smooth an operator or if he has some pheromone-based powers, but the other night my girlfriend Holly ditched me and went home with him. The next day, she's joined the ranks of his harem of paramours/henchwomen. The others are worried that the same will happen with their girls when he next appears. What's a guy to do? Sincerely, Heartbroken Hero

Q: Dude, why is Batman at the ticket counter demanding his money back for his own movie? A: They found a Guy Fawkes mask and a USB drive with Kali Linux on it in his backpack when he came home from school.

Q: Your crazy ex-girlfiend tried to kill me last night in bed, why didn't you warn me about her? A: What's the matter General Tso? Chicken?

Fixed broken link in post #798.

Q: Did you just whiz on the electric fence? A: The orders from central command said comb the desert, so we're combing it.

Q: Should I read you the entire history of physical sciences? A: Unfortunately, we got stuck with Frodo's annoying cousin: Douche Baggins.

The Sliding Scale of Security Agent Effectiveness: At one end of the scale, you got the "mall cop" types, and at the other end, the elite security specialists. Typically, wealthier organizations can afford to employ better trained and equipped security personal, while those that aren't so wealthy might have to make do with the knuckleheads.

Q: My DYI paint job looks like crap, where did I go wrong? A: "You idiots! You're supposed to kill the terrorists, not the tourists!"

Q: What's up on the top shelf in the janitor's closet? A: It has only one real design flaw: the door...MUST BE CLOSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Q: Would you vote for Mitt Romney or Hillary Clinton in 2016? A: Look kid, I've fought and killed more people during my career than I care to recount, and I'm fairly sure more than a few were somebody's parents. So if you expect me to remember who you're talking about, you're going to have to give me more details and/or show me a photograph.

Q: Oh man, eating that burrito from Taco Bell wasn't such a hot idea, which way to the restroom? A: 42

Q; Did you hear the candy store robber got stuck in the taffy puller? A: The big, tentacled deadbeat still owes me fifty grand and a bottle of Captain Morgan as of our last game of Texas Hold 'Em.