Ockham's Spoon

A truck driver goes into a truck stop, there's a sign behind the counter that reads “Chicken Sandwich $5, Hand Job $10”.

The truck driver asks the woman to behind the counter if she gives the hand jobs, to which she answers yes.

So the truck driver says “Well, go and wash them. I want a chicken sandwich”.

Trojans is a terrible brand name for condoms.  It is basically named after something the penetrated a stronghold through deception and then broke open and a swarm of little guys poured out and screwed everyone's day up.

Now available on Amazon!  This is obviously a Pokemon plush toy and would never be mistaken for anything else!

Falcons live 12-15 years.

This means that every falcon alive today was born in the 21st century.

They are all Millennial Falcons.

Got a text from my girlfriend saying she was breaking up with me. 

I was so relieved when a few minutes later when she texted me again "sorry wrong number"

Wait a minute...

Giving a movie villain a PhD works well regardless of your audience.

People without a PhD: "Oh, they are showing that the villain is really smart.  Makes sense."

People with a PhD: "Ah, grad school and academia drove him to madness.  Makes sense."

My wife and daughter were having a philosophical discussion as to whether the body was ruled by the head or the heart.  They asked me what I thought, and I said "Neither.  The body is ruled by the bladder, and it is a tyrant."

A husband thanks the doctor for helping his wife deliver their new baby.  He then sheepishly asks "So when do you think we will be able to have sex?"

The doctor smiles and replies "I'm off in 10 minutes.  Meet me in the car park."

One day a city stockbroker decides he has just had too much. Too much stress, too much of the big city, too much everything. So he quits his job, gives up his apartment and rents out a cabin in the middle of the wilderness. For six months he lives in tranquillity and isolation. Then, one day, there is a knock at the door.

He opens the door to see this huge lumberjack with a giant beard shuffling from foot to foot nervously. Eventually the big man speaks:

“I’m yer neighbor from the cabin about a mile down the road. Anyhow, I’m having a party on Saturday and I wondered if you’d like to come.”

The guy pauses for a second and then replies: “You know what, that would be great. It is about time I got out and it would be nice to meet some new people. I’d love to come.”

“Right,” says the lumberjack, looking a little relieved. “I’ll see you about eight o’clock on Saturday then.” And then he turns to leave.

But he pauses for a second and then turns back: “I should probably warn you, there is gonna be some pretty heavy drinking.”

“Well, I’m sure that’s OK. I used to drink quite a bit myself back in the city, so I think I’ll be alright with a bit of hard liquor.”

“Right then,” says the big man. “Well, eight o’clock then.”

But as he turns to go he pauses again and turns back: “Yeah, I should also mention: most likely there will also be a bit of fighting before the evening finishes.”

“Uh, well, OK,” the guy replies. “I mean, I get on pretty well with most people so I don’t see that being a problem. But if it gets rough, then I am sure I can take care of myself.”

“Right then,” says the big man. “See you at eight o’clock then.”

But once again he pauses and turns back, scratching his beard: “So I probably also need to tell you: there might be some pretty wild sex.”

The guy perks up a bit at that. “Well, you know, we are all consenting adults. And after all this time out here alone, I don’t think I’d have any problem with some intimate company if that’s what happens.”

“OK then,” says the man. “Well, see you Saturday.” And with that he turns and starts to stroll away.

“Oh wait, just one question,” says the guy. “What should I wear?”

The lumberjack pauses to think, and scratches his beard again. “I don’t suppose it really matters much. It’s just gonna be you and me.”

My kids are at an age where they use their phones to take pictures of everything they do in order to document their lives.

I am at an age where I use my phone to take pictures of labels so I can enlarge them enough to be able to read them.

In my mind the real question is what does it mean for characters to lose their humanity?  Do they become amoral killers? Do they start growing scales and tentacles?  Is the condition fatal or do they just become something else?  Once you nail down exactly what it means to lose their humanity, you can assign mechanical effects in gaming terms, using some of the excellent suggestions already put forth.