mikeward2534

From a friend who's working on her PhD (and subsequently teaching some freshman-level classes):
 
Student: "Would you be worried about taking this midterm?"
 
My Friend: "Not at all. I'm the one writing it."

I think that student was a shill and you arranged for her to feed you that straight line.
 
Lucius Alexander
 
Introducing Schrodinger to a palindromedary

There was the time when I happened to discussing the geology of Venus in class on the 5th of May. Venus has some not-fully-understood features called coronas. I realized what was happening (and this too was completely unplanned), and I stopped in mid-sentence, looked up into the large lecture room, and said, "Somehow it seems appropriate to be discussing Coronas on Cinco de Mayo," and then continued with the lecture. There was no reaction from the students, and while I can think of a number of reasons why there might not be, I was surprised that I got nothing out of a room with 300 people in it. Oh well.

Re: Interesting article about Sexism in Geek Communities
 
As I read this, I had the growing conviction that I'd read it somewhere before. An old piece you'd just found, but still vald and relevant. It wasn't until I clicked the link to the Anita Sarkeesian story that I realised it was a new piece, that I couldn't have read it before.
 
And yet I have. Another geek woman facing exactly the same situation in a different shop.
 
What will it take? More female staff in FLGS/FLCBSes would be a start - and a good one. Accessibility - not just for people with disabilities (though wheelchair access would be great), but a sense of open-ness and encouragement of fresh blood in the geek world, a chance to share and explain why we love what we love to others, no matter their sex, colour, creed or orientation.
 
Some more open content in our source material would be better too, both comics and games. Lesbian characters who don't feel like they've been dreamed up by a 15-year-old with a box of Kleenex close to hand (ew), or introduced with some great song and dance in a cynical attempt to garner column inches and get free advertising by masquerading as inclusive (I'm looking right at you, DC). Gay characters, bisexual (male, as well as female - give me more Captain Jack Harkness, please!). Give us all the colours of the rainbow.
 
Tasha, thank you for posting this. I'm WASP, cis, straight and male, and the kind of crud this article talks about goes on all the time in our geek culture. It's wrong, and there is no valid justification for it.

Now I have to convert it to a character sheet for an upcoming campaign I am planning. That's what I get for randomly looking in threads. xD

I wonder if I should send this to my colleague, who is a Welsh woman (but NOT hefty), and has a black belt of her own.
 
Maybe this is time for ... discretion.

There are 10 kinds of people in this world.  Those who count in binary and those who don't.

I poured root beer into a square cup. Now it's just beer.

I went to a bar last night and saw three, um, hefty women speaking in what I thought was a Scottish accent. So I walked up to them and said, "Pardon me, are you three lasses from Scotland?"
 
One angrily replied, "It's Wales, you bloody idiot! WALES!!!"
 
So I said, "Sorry about that. Are you three whales from Scotland?"
 
And that's why I woke up in the hospital today.

Re: Jokes
 
Man discovered weapons and invented hunting; woman discovered hunting and invented furs. Man discovered colors and invented painting; woman discovered painting and invented make-up. Man discovered speech and invented conversation; woman discovered conversation and invented gossip. Man discovered agriculture and invented food; woman discovered food and invented diet. Man discovered friendship and invented love; woman discovered love and invented marriage. Man discovered woman and invented sex; woman discovered sex and invented headaches. Man discovered trade and invented money; woman discovered money and after that, man was a complete mess!

Everybody likes jokes. Here is a thread to post your favorite or most recently heard jokes. Here's one I heard today:
 
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Sold."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch. The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"$1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that, that is way more than those two things cost I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that crap again, you're in my closet now"

To the Big Bad: "You seem to be laboring under the false assumption that I am sane."

Are you certain the siliness increases only lineary, not exporumnaly?

So our group was playing a Heroes campaign (Skilled normals ~120 starting points). When asked about backstories I said I worked at the dam in the city. That led to this interesting conversation.
 
(All OOC)
GM: So Malik (me) where are you at currently? (Time being right around 7AM in game)
Me: At my dam job of course
Table dies laughing
Me: Whats so funny? I work at that dam place...
More laughter (I had no idea what I said at this point but its slowly dawning on me
There must have been another 10 jokes tossed about the dam in here, before I finally had enough and said in my most dead-pan voice: "Ok enough with the dam jokes." I then fell out of my chair laughing. 
 
This is what happens when out group starts drinking 2 hours before the game starts and the person who slept the MOST only had 4 hours of sleep...

So our group was playing a Heroes campaign (Skilled normals ~120 starting points). When asked about backstories I said I worked at the dam in the city. That led to this interesting conversation.
 
(All OOC)
GM: So Malik (me) where are you at currently? (Time being right around 7AM in game)
Me: At my dam job of course
Table dies laughing
Me: Whats so funny? I work at that dam place...
More laughter (I had no idea what I said at this point but its slowly dawning on me
There must have been another 10 jokes tossed about the dam in here, before I finally had enough and said in my most dead-pan voice: "Ok enough with the dam jokes." I then fell out of my chair laughing. 
 
This is what happens when out group starts drinking 2 hours before the game starts and the person who slept the MOST only had 4 hours of sleep...

So our group was playing a Heroes campaign (Skilled normals ~120 starting points). When asked about backstories I said I worked at the dam in the city. That led to this interesting conversation.
 
(All OOC)
GM: So Malik (me) where are you at currently? (Time being right around 7AM in game)
Me: At my dam job of course
Table dies laughing
Me: Whats so funny? I work at that dam place...
More laughter (I had no idea what I said at this point but its slowly dawning on me
There must have been another 10 jokes tossed about the dam in here, before I finally had enough and said in my most dead-pan voice: "Ok enough with the dam jokes." I then fell out of my chair laughing. 
 
This is what happens when out group starts drinking 2 hours before the game starts and the person who slept the MOST only had 4 hours of sleep...

So our group was playing a Heroes campaign (Skilled normals ~120 starting points). When asked about backstories I said I worked at the dam in the city. That led to this interesting conversation.
 
(All OOC)
GM: So Malik (me) where are you at currently? (Time being right around 7AM in game)
Me: At my dam job of course
Table dies laughing
Me: Whats so funny? I work at that dam place...
More laughter (I had no idea what I said at this point but its slowly dawning on me
There must have been another 10 jokes tossed about the dam in here, before I finally had enough and said in my most dead-pan voice: "Ok enough with the dam jokes." I then fell out of my chair laughing. 
 
This is what happens when out group starts drinking 2 hours before the game starts and the person who slept the MOST only had 4 hours of sleep...

And I thought you'd be gone a thousand years, what are you doing back so soon?
 
Lucius Alexander
 
Knock knock!
Who's there?
A palindromedary, who else would it be in a Lucius Alexander tagline?

"Dad?"
 
"Yes?"
 
"Knock knock."
 
"Who's there?"
 
"I thought you said you would remember me!"

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.
 
Watching CSI, the Season 1 sci-fi convention show episode with the wife one night
 
Me: I'd make a good star captain.
Wife: Define good.
Me: Do I get orbital weapons?
Wife: Yeah, thought so.
Me: What?
Wife: You're Khan with a clown nose.

My interpretation is if it's been downloaded 126 times, it probably doesn't suck...
 
Personally, I think I'd like to avoid meeting up with one of htese things. The image is vicious enough -- I can't imagine the stats make it any more cuddly.
 
Very good work at drawing a very nasty-looking thing. Please don't do it again. My children get annoyed at me when I tell them I've had a bad dream and ask if I can "sleep in their room tonight..."
 
Charlie

My brother has found a new game to terrorise - the Day Z mod for ARMA 2, although he's been amusing himself on the standalone too. He's already got the point that the entire forest occupying the middle of the map is effectively his personal domain. Players will rather run the gauntlet of sniper-infested townships rather than take a shortcut through what is now known as the Haunted Forest.

He started his campaign of terror by wearing a hessian sack with one eye-hole over his head, a lantern under one arm, hefting a fireman's axe and playing creepy music over the game's audio stream. Then he stood behind a bush and just waited, while players armed with crowbars etc nervously investigated the light and creepy music. Which is when he set his head to deranged high-speed wobbling, changed the music to what he describes as creepy yodelling, and leaped out of the bushes screaming gibberish and laying about him with the axe.

Picture the scene.

Not surprisingly the other players completely freaked. The only one with a gun managed to accidentally shoot his own friend, and after they'd all run off blindly into the woods they agreed it was the scariest thing they'd ever fucking seen. And then Ian turned it up to eleven. He would interrupt the chat channels with distant pig squeals and giggling "looking for you, fishie...Gonna find you, fishie...." and carrying out these promises in a campaign of terror that made the Pigman a creature of nightmare. And this in a zombie apocalypse setting.

He does have a certain amount of social justice in his make-up. Such as when snipers would set up shop on the cliff tops to kill re spawning players. You see, Ian has discovered that, unlike walking, sneaking, or even standing still, rolling along the ground has no associated sound effect. So he would silently roll up behind a sniper, and start using another bug in the game to poison the other PC.

The Pigman: Feed person rotten fruit. Feed person disinfectant. Feed person blood pack.
Sniper's HUD: You have a bad taste in your mouth.
Sniper: Eh? I've been poisoned! How - *turns around to find the Pigman looming over him, head wobbling maniacally, and squealing like a stuck pig*

At this point more than one of the snipers has recoiled right off the cliff.

And then he got hold of a crossbow. PCs lurking around the woods would hear things the following.

The Pigman: reeeeeeeeeeeee, fishy fishy.... I can see you....

And then everybody would hear a p-chunk, and get the message that another PC was dead. Ian had a grand ol time stalking one of them.

The Pigman: reeeeeeeeeeeee, looking for me, ain't you, fishy? You're a cute one... Gonna make love to you.... reeeeeeeeeeeee

At this point Victim One runs for it, Ian shoots him the leg, and he screams for help. An ally comes running, right past Ian who has ducked down, his hessian sack the same colour as the tree bark. Ian then shoots the new guy in the leg as well.

The Pigman: Two little fishies! Two little fishies! Dunno what I'll do... Cut the head off one and the bottom off another.... reeeeeeeeeeeee.

The two victims are completely losing their shit, begging the Pigman to let them go, and frantically offloading everything they own as bribes - weapons, gear.... And clothing.

The Pigman: Getting me excited now, fishies!

The Pigman does go into town occasionally, when he needs gear his victims aren't carrying. Once, he spotted another PC going by the name of Kahleesi. She was talking to a trader, so Ian rolled up behind her and started a campfire. She was a bit upset when she burst into flame.

The Pigman: You're not the Khaleesi! The true Khaleesi is immune to fire!

The Khaleesi also fell victim up Ian's method of disposing of unwanted petrol drums. This involved piling them up near a random base, and attaching some C4. The resulting mushroom cloud was visible and audible across the entire map. The Khaleesi was not pleased to find her base reduced to concrete walls and her loot scattered across the landscape.

Occasionally, well-armed teams DO go into the woods. One such laid a line of flares out behind them, so they wouldn't get lost. The Pigman silently stalked them, extinguishing each flare as he went.

PC: What happened to our flares? I thought they were supposed to last for hours.
PC 2: .... Oh no.
The Pigman: reeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
All PCs: *scream, panic, flee into the darkness in random directions*

One character managed to get the drop on the Pigman, back before everyone knew what he was capable of, and they still thought he was a special GM event. He demanded weapons and loot. Pigman started jiggling and swaying from side to side.

Other PC: You don't have any weapons?

Pigman spasms and jerks, and carefully places a book on the ground.

Other PC: You want me to read this? Well, OK.

And this is wear Ian abuses ANOTHER bug in the game - a book, when read, occupies the entire screen.

The Pigman: *reaches across and handcuffs the other PC*
Other PC WTF?!?! Dude! You can't leave me like this!!!!
The Pigman: *just stares for a long time, without moving, then flips the bird and fire off a few rounds into the air to attract wandering zombies, and runs off, squealing like a pig and babbling about little fishies.*

It's got to the point that the mere sound of pig squeals provokes panic, regardless of the situation.

The Pigman: reeeeeeeeeeeee
Player: Oh god.... I just fired 400 rounds into the bushes. I'm out of ammo and I'm in the middle of nowhere.

Ian did manage to terrorise one team's base, by popping up at windows, silently jiggling and wobbling spasmodically. The player inside, of course, opened fire, but Ian had already ducked back down.

Player: ... Did I just see that?

Ian repeats this performance at another window, provoking the same response. At the third window, he starts squealing as well, and the people inside lose their shit completely.

Players: We're friendly!!! We're friendly!!!! Don't kill us, we're friendly!!!!
The Pigman: Fishies don't shoot when they're friendly. Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

He's also taken to jelly-beaning the unwary, leaving a trail of almost empty ammo cartridges off to an obvious trap - a valuable firearm, just sitting on the ground. And all the terrain around it shot up with hundreds of bullet holes. The Pigman then hides in the bushes nearby and waits. He's watched players stand there for minutes at a time, thinking about whether to risk it.

One more unwise individual wanted to go back for the gun, with help. His more experienced friend wanted nothing to do with it.

Paranoid Player: I'm not going there with you. I'm not going there with an army. I know who's behind this - he's hilarious but completely fucking insane. I've watched him throw that hessian mask one way, and while you're shooting at it he's running up behind you with an axe. He'll put that mask on one of your wounded allies and while you're shooting at your friend he's running up behind you with an axe. He will be there, watching you
Insufficiently Paranoid Player: But it's a really good gun! One-shot kill!
Paranoid Player: And how long will it take you to load it?
Insufficiently Paranoid Player: ... 30 seconds?
Paranoid Player: Right. 30 seconds for him to run up behind you with an axe.

As it was, the insufficiently paranoid player found a noob to watch his back. The Pigman rolled up to the noob, tasered him, and after they figured out that this wasn't some sort of electrical trap and they were being hunted by the Pigman, he already had them covered with a shotgun.

The Pigman: Drop your pants. Drop your loot. Fishie fishie.

He has them both strip to their underwear, cuffs them, force feeds them rotten fruit, and drags them off to a cliff top. Their, he throws the antidote ( itself corrupt, but he doesn't tell them that ) off the cliff, and gives them an ultimatum - one jumps off the cliff, and ones goes free. The noob, having less to lose, jumps.

Noob: Hey, I survived! Wait, I'm still handcuffed. And I'm bleeding. And now I'm dead. Fuck.
Insufficiently Paranoid Player: You'll let me go now, right?
The Pigman: No fishie fishie .... You and me get to play a game....
Insufficiently Paranoid Player: *is dragged off screaming into the woods*
Other players on the audio channel, wondering at the noise: What are you screaming about?
Insufficiently Paranoid Player: He's got me! He's going to do something!
Paranoid Player: I warned you. You deserve everything you get.


What he gets is being dragged to an abandoned house, his leg broken, his hands cuffed behind his back, and informed that somewhere in the house are the keys to the cuffs, a medipack, and a gun with one bullet. Also, that he'd better hurry, because there are people coming over.

The Pigman: *fires multiple shots into the air to attract zombies, and leaves. * Fishie Fishie.

And that's just the Zombie mod of the game. Wait until you hear about everything else he's been up to...

I was at Swancon the evening of the second session, but they recorded some quotes for me. Some, perhaps thankfully, without attribution or context.

-Thing about being a Troll, it's sort of like having the stretching powers. Don't Lord it over the rest of us!

Inkubus: Which is a better spell, Prophylaxis, which I have to sustain, or just Cure Disease?

Greenlight: he's shaking dice at me!

Greenlight: Do I see any traps?
GM: no.
Labrat: All the girls in here seem to be the real thing.
Titus: Hey! I was going to make that joke!

It appears that whoever tried to kidnap Euphoria had a back-up plan. At least, a second back-up plan, after their attempted mid-ocean kidnapping went so badly wrong. Her desperate publicity agent gets in contact with Inkubus, in the hope this is another stunt by his charge. He then offers Inkubus 20,000 NuYen to hire some shadowrunners than can track her down. Inkubus, not being an idiot when it comes to being paid twice, demands a finder's fee.

Inkubus: What's my cut?

He may well be hiring all his friends, and sharing the finder's fee as a bonus with us, but we don't need to tell the agent that XD Some time is spent running around gathering clues as to the kidnapping. A good deal of this is the GM's attempt to steer the plot back on track, after we so spectacularly derailed it by taking Euphoria on a sailing trip last session. Labrat experiences the sim-sense recording of the kidnapped actress.

GM: You feel the soft silk of her clothes against her skin -
Greenlight: "...the shuffling of a too tight G-string..."

Labrat: I give the team a full rundown, especially the guy with the T-Shirt that read "Garrity's Bar and Grill" I don't need to be hit over the head with a clue bat to spot one.

Labrat: Would the name of the Bar be E.O?
GM: No, why?
Labrat: That would make it the Barrio.

Greenlight: Who the heck is narrating this adventure, Max Payne?

The trail leads to a small shop, where somebody appears to have investigating the same case, and was turned into wallpaper for his pains. There is also an extremely skeevy individual hanging around - so skeevy that Greenlight shoots it. Despite shooting it with a mere pistol it splatters all over the alleyway.

Greenlight: *stares down at the pistol, then makes Final Fantasy victory theme*

This is rather disturbing. As is the clue that points towards the factory out in the Barrens where they're making Ambergel, the new food sensation that Euphoria is supposed in Seattle to promote. One look at the factory in the Astral is more than slightly disturbing, and the group decides that heading in there right away will be a spectacularly bad idea.
 
 
 
Inkubus is accused of being "overly excited"

Inkubus: I don't want to say anything...
Labrat: We don't want you to say anything!
Warhammer : Never, ever.

The team starts calling in favours, and draining the expense account. For one thing, we need to know all we can about the thing Greenlight shot. And we need more firepower. And as much insecticide as we can get from the every convenience store we can get to. And backup, in case this doesn't work and the factory needs to be wiped off the face of the map. Happily, Warhammer's buddies in the FBI, Lone Star law enforcement, the Knights Errant, and the United Canadian and United States Army actually listen, and one of his friends in the latter pulls up with a semi-trailer-slash-mobile-armoury. We start kitting up - or rather, Greenlight, Warhammer, Titus and Labrat do - Inkubus and Felix intend to offer astral support. Body-armour, combat drugs, portable air supply and Infra-red goggles are a must. Incendiary mines and white phosphorus grenades likewise. Some way to best utilise Titus' size and Warhammer's army experience seems a good idea..

Labrat: Can we get a shoulder-mounted minigun?
Armourer: *grins, and pulls out the rack of backpack seat/ammo bin +shoulder-mounted minigun* It's a standard configuration
Various: We now have a standard Troll/Dwarf Minigun assembly!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
But we have to bring back any unexpended munitions - they do belong to the United Canadian and American States Army.

Titus: New! Tachikoma strength Raid!

Titus: Bomb everything that's on fire! Then keep bombing it until it's on fire again!

Greenlight sneaks up onto the roof of the factory, where sentries patrol. At ground level, Titus and the others make their own entrance. Actual architecture notwithstanding.

GM: The sentries run to the edge of the roof and look over.
Greenlight: Run over and kick! THIS IS SPAAAARRRRTAAAAA!

Greenlight: (on the effect of a rotary minigun) - It's damage is I @#$%^%& your mother and I'm coming for you next!

Titus: (on discovering the depths of the Insect Hive) - this is DEEP, man!

The plan - jam the elevators and flood the ground floor with roach bombs. We don't want any of the insect spirits or their victims getting out past us. The heart of the nest is many floors below ground.

Felix: We're lucky we're going in loaded for para-bear, aren't we?

Meanwhile, in the Astral, where everything appears in its Ideal Form

Inkubus: Skin-tight denim, waist-length hair flowing out behind me, surfing on a guitar, the whole deal.
Greenlight: So basically you look like an anime character
Inkubus: Yes

GM: They're probably alerted.
Titus: I just Kool-aided two walls, they know we're here.

Inkubus: Because of what I need to do in order to do what I need to do... Fuck that was terrible English.

Warhammer: I need some speakers on my minigun belting out Ride of the Valkyries.
Greenlight: Hall of the Mountain King might be better. Dun dun dun-dun dun.
Labrat and Inkubus: That's A Night on Bald Mountain
Greenlight: It is?
Labrat: How about the Fourth Movement of Beethoven's Seventh?
Greenlight: Ode to Joy?
Inkubus: Sure, why not?

As well as dozens of Gigeresque monstrosities, and a giant pulsing cocoon, there's a human mage.

GM: His name is Craft.
Felix: We don't care.
ALL : *Hose the room with WP grenades, gunfire, and magic. Warhammer somehow manages to miss everything, despite the minigun.*
Felix: ...How? Were you too busy head-banging to Ode to Joy or something?
Inkubus: That's the problem - he should have been playing Machine Gunn Eddie

Inkubus OoC: Will the conditions down here help my Metal Mage specialities?
Greenlight: We're underground and everything is on fire.
Felix: Can't get much more metal than this

Inkubus manages to banish the Insect Queen's spirit back to what Lovecraftian dimension they come from, but the deathscream is enough to send him bonkers. Warhammer is slightly miffed that the fight seems to over so quickly.

Inkubus: I've looked into the Abyss and realised it was looking back.
Felix: With big compound eyes.
Inkubus: My trousers are full.
Felix: Astral trousers?
Inkubus: Real trousers. The guy back at the truck is looking down at our bodies and thinking 'he just crapped himself - what the f**k is happening down there'.

Warhammer: I can't believe I didn't get to kill anything in this room.
Felix: Just use the rest of your incendiary grenades on the way out.
Warhammer: Someone else can do that - I'm upset now.

GM: Shadowrun is a week of planning, three days of set-up, and ten seconds of utter chaos.
Titus: Occasionally followed by running away very quickly.

The surviving Insect Spirits are berserk, but so is Inkubus. He summons a major fire spirit. In corporeal form.

Inkubus: What the hell, let's kill myself doing this.
Greenlight: I think you mean kiln yourself.

God of Hellfire: I am the God of Hellfire! And I bring you ... FIRE.
Felix: And in the Astral I'm looking at Inkubus with the Platonic Ideal of What The F**k Are You DOING?
 
 
 
 
 
 

Inkubus: Kill every f**king bug in this building!
GM: It looks at them ... Looks at you.... Looks at them and growls GLADLY

Now would be a good time to grab Euphoria and bug out. For one thing the oxygen in the room is rapidly running out, and there's a large number of crazed on-fire Insect Spirits running about. By the time we reach the surface large numbers of the military, Lone Star, and Knights Errant are converging on the inferno.

Labrat: We geared up and decided white phosphorus was our friend.
Felix: And there's not many circumstances you can say that in.

Greenlight: Could you please never summon the God of Hellfire again?
Inkubus: I make no promises.
Titus: Oh, I don't know, he seemed nice.
Felix: As the factory goes up in a pillar of flame behind us.

Inkubus: Yeah, we handled it, we're awesome-
Felix: A Balrog?! A f**king Balrog!? You summoned a f**king Balrog!?
Inkubus: .... *cowers* just the one....

Warhammer: This should do our street cred a lot of good
Felix: Well yes, hundreds of military, Lone Star and f**king Knights Errant turn up, with us walking out with a burning factory as a backdrop?!?!?
Warhammer: Ah, sorry guys, I didn't actually need your backup, it wasn't as hard as I thought.
Felix: *now looking at Warhammer the way I was previously looking at Inkubus* You think that was *easy*!?!?
Greenlight: Geez, calm down, how long have you been working the streets, anyway?
Inkubus: You met him on his first Run.

Inkubus: When we get home we're breaking out the special bottle of Taéngelé
Felix: Not until our hands stop shaking.

Felix: Ok, I'm only to say this once - form some kind or perimeter. If you see anything coming out of that building that isn't a twenty-foot winged demon of fire, fucking kill it. And if it is a twenty-foot winged demon of fire, get the f**k out of its way.

Warhammer is feeling fairly chipper, and when he gets home intends to strip to his underwear and dance.

Inkubus: *sings* Take that old record off the shelf
Warhammer: Serenade me - it's time to power slide. With a shotgun. It'll look like air guitar.

What to do with our very sizeable pay for this nights work (oddly enough nobody seems inclined to chastise us about the property destruction, although some interesting rumours about what we faced are circulating in the Runner bulletin boards.)

Inkubus: F*** charity, I'll spend it all on booze and Cheerios
Titus: I assume the Cheerios are a local cheer-leading squad?

It's a couple of months until our next job offer.

Felix: Summer in Seattle. It's raining. Big f**king surprise.
GM: Who wants to be called with a job offer?
Warhammer: The troll.
Titus: Sure.
Felix: 'I've got whitefly in my garden, I was told you're good with plants.'

Greenlight however, has been given an offer he can't refuse. Somebody claims they have his missing brother at their mercy - interesting news, given Greenlight's entire family were kidnapped by Renraku Corp years ago) and they'll kill him if he doesn't tell them everything we find out about a job we haven't even been offered yet. Apparently it's something biological Aztechnology are working on. They also fit Greenlight with a bug, and they kill his brother if Greenlight talks to anybody about it, or takes it off. Greenlight, of course, quickly finds a way around this. Magical contact telepathy courtesy of Inkubus helps, while we're en route (dressed in our very best suits) to find out about the job in hand.

Labrat: It's not a bug, it's a locator
Greenlight: Muthaf**ka!
Inkubus: Sorry Labrat but I don't feel comfortable touching you for any longer than necessary.
Labrat: Do you have a problem with me being an Ork?
Inkubus: No, I have a problem with you being damn ugly. Hey, Bubbles! That night three weeks ago, did I have a problem with Orks?
Felix: *sigh* No.

We're meeting the client at the classiest restaurant in Seattle. Inkubus, as usual, thinks 'Chippendale Dancer' is the height of fashion.

Felix: Sigh. I'm assuming they never thought they'd need a 'No Shirt No Service' sign.

GM: The elevator deposits you at the very tip of the Seattle Needle.
Greenlight: Oh shit. Balance checks!

Inkubus: I hope you don't mind us eating, but it conceals the fact we're having a business meeting.
Warhammer: Plus we're hungry.

The client wants us to break into Aztechnology's research park, via the sewers, steal all the data pertaining to a particular project, and rendezvous at the docks. He's slightly concerned that whoever was blackmailing Greenlight already knows about the run. Felix is concerned because half his family work for Aztech, but keeps schtuum until we're somewhere secure.

Felix: I used to work for Aztech. My grandfather still does.
Greenlight: We guessed.
Labrat: A third of the country works for Aztech, one way or the other.
Felix: But they're not all mid-level execs.
Greenlight: We know.
Felix: How did you know I was from Aztlan, with a surname like Bethke?
Inkubus: You don't have your Seattle tan yet, dude.

It's a risky run - not least because it involves one of the major megacorps. Someway to block the sewers during our retreat is probably a must.

Felix: Maybe some sort of canister that expands into quickset foam?
Inkubus: That stuff only works in the movies.

And so off to plan.

From my G.I. TransformerTech campaign.
 
Discussing G1 Unicron
Wrench (OOC): I’m just imagining Orson Wells crying out “I’m hungry for balls!”
 
GM: You and your naming system. “The Magic Hippie Space Crystal.”
Crash (OOC): It’s short and helps me remember what it is.
 
The base’s rumour mill often speculates on Wrench’s sexuality, usually positing that she’s either a lesbian, or more likely robo-sexual. (She even calls Perceptor, “Percy.”)
Crash (OOC): Wrench just get’s along with cybertronians.
Sunshine (OOC): No surprises there…
GM: Ooh, me-ow!
 
GM: There is a sickening squeal of metal grinding against metal as the Apollo comes to rest between two pieces of Cybertronian… architecture? Geography? You can’t tell.
Sunshine: That looks horribly suggestive.
GM: A classic example of why there is ALWAYS time for lubricant.
 
Crash (OOC): Bad organs, back in your meatsack!
Wrench (OOC): Ladies and Gentleman, (Crash’s player’s) approach to first aid.
Crash (OOC): I so want to build a character who heals through intimidation, now.
 
While exploring a partially revitalized, subterranean (subcybertronean?) section of Cybertron.
Wrench: There’s life here…
Crash: I know. It went for my leg.
 
Discussing Agnes Knitt from Terry Pratchet’s Discworld.
GM: She IS Dolby surround sound.
 
The PCs find an abandoned mine, resulting in them salvaging a very big hammer (a double jack), a mining pick and two energized augers.
Crash (OOC): It’s time to get our murder-hobo on.
 
Player for the next game was calling his brother to see if he was coming and got routed to voice-mail.
Player: Need Dwarf. Bye.

Visual Aid.