Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Lucius]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Speaking of crowd control....

 

Many years ago I was playing Captain America in a game that shunted us into an alternate reality where the Avengers never assembled. I don't quite recall how we got there or how we got back (although I still remember the report I gave Shield upon returning) but at one point I needed to clear a huge crowd of curious bystanders away from what turned out to be a secret Skrull base. Fortunately, I had a helicopter with a PA system. Unfortunately, appeals to clear the area by invoking the Avengers name proved fruitless. The Game Operations Director reminded me "There are no Avengers in this universe."

 

Cap. America: The Hulk is loose! Repeat, the Hulk is on the loose!

 

They HAD heard of the Hulk. The crowd melted away immediately.

(In retrospect, while clever, maybe I should have thought of something else, since Captain America isn't supposed to lie.)

 

While I'm on that game, my after-action report:

 

Capt. America: And we learned that Dr. Doom is in fact assembling a large army of robots. However, we are fairly certain that he is not planning to use them against the United States, NATO, or any of our allies.

Shield Agent: Then what is he planning to do with all those robot soldiers?

Capt. America: We believe he is planning to invade Hell.

Shield Agent: Oh great. That's all we need.

 

 

Lucius Alexander

 

Constructing an army of robot palindromedaries

[Manic Typist]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Capt. America: And we learned that Dr. Doom is in fact assembling a large army of robots. However, we are fairly certain that he is not planning to use them against the United States, NATO, or any of our allies.

Shield Agent: Then what is he planning to do with all those robot soldiers?

Capt. America: We believe he is planning to invade Hell.

Shield Agent: Oh great. That's all we need.

 

 

Lucius Alexander

 

Constructing an army of robot palindromedaries

 

Uh uh. Come back here, Mr. Two-Way Camel.

 

That's a story. Share.

[Nerdnumber1]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Uh uh. Come back here, Mr. Two-Way Camel.

 

That's a story. Share.

 

Standard procedure is

1. Build an army
   
2. Invade Hell through some magical or technological means
   
3. Conquer Hell
   
4. Build a DAMNED Army
   
5. Work your way up from Hell and take over the world and anything else out there.
   

Hell is full of veteran warriors/soldiers (from the dawn of war) and a century in a pit of fire probably didn't turn them into chior boys. I'm not saying that all soldiers go to hell, but even if only one out of every million soldiers from all of history were damned, it would still be a world conquering force. And thats not counting demons and non-military men.

[Susano]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Standard procedure is

1. Build an army
   
2. Invade Hell through some magical or technological means
   
3. Conquer Hell
   
4. Build a DAMNED Army
   
5. Work your way up from Hell and take over the world and anything else out there.
   

Hell is full of veteran warriors/soldiers (from the dawn of war) and a century in a pit of fire probably didn't turn them into chior boys. I'm not saying that all soldiers go to hell, but even if only one out of every million soldiers from all of history were damned, it would still be a world conquering force. And thats not counting demons and non-military men.

 

Pardon, but I think this man wants to have a word with you:

 

[Nerdnumber1]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Pardon, but I think this man wants to have a word with you:

 

 

Hey, I'm not the one with the robot army (they cost a fortune in maintainance alone). I have a theoretical understanding of villian strategy. For example, I would know to go to the hellgate doom world with more than a pistol and brass knukles in my bag.

[Susano]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Hey' date=' I'm not the one with the robot army (they cost a fortune in maintainance alone). I have a theoretical understanding of villian strategy. For example, I would know to go to the hellgate doom world with more than a pistol and brass knukles in my bag.[/quote']

 

There's a chainsaw to the left, you know.

[Houston GM]

How to pick a fight:

 

The heroes were summoned (by Merlin) back to King Arthur's court. They were asked to find the cause of (and remove) the mysterious, mystical ailment that was afflicting King Arthur.

 

Morgan le Fae was the prime suspect. The heroes had talked their way past a few layers of minor minions, bypassed a couple mystical obstacles, and finally arrived at Morgan le Fae's castle. As they approached the gates, they were met by an armored figure.

 

Mordred: "I am Sir Mordred. State your business."

 

Gabriel: "I am Gabriel and these are my companions. We wish to speak with the Lady Morgan le Fae."

 

Mordred: "You can speak with me instead."

 

Blitzkrieg (already bored by the previous conversations): "So we're stuck speaking with another one of Morgan le Fae's lackeys."

 

Mordred (not believing what he'd heard): "What did you just say?"

 

Blitzkrieg (speaking slowly and deliberately): "I said, 'So we're stuck speaking with another one of Morgan le Fae's lackeys.' Which word didn't you understand?"

 

Mordred: "I will not let you insult me like that. I challenge you to a duel of honor."

 

Blitzkrieg: "I accept."

 

Mordred (to the rest of the heroes): "This is a duel of honor between the two of us. Should you interfere," (Mordred pointed to the dragon circling overhead) "Bruno will join in."

 

Gabriel: "Tell Bruno that he can consider us as having 'interfered' already."

[Balabanto]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

It's a D+D story, but it's pretty good.

 

The PC's have just snuck into a cheese shop, fought a Slaad in a secret room and absconded with the valubles. They're running down the streets of a particularly sleazy city after midnight, and find an inn.

 

They decide to sneak around the back with the goods while the Paladin (A Half-Orc Paladin/Bard) and a Tiefling Cleric go in and rent a room. Keep in mind, the city and inn are of extremely ill repute.

 

So the Half Orc decides to pretend that he's married to the tiefling.

 

Tiefling (Mel): Here's five gold pieces for the room, and another five to say that we weren't here.

 

Innkeeper: Uh...sure. Is this some sort of party?

 

Half Orc: What business is it of yours? Come, my love.

 

Tiefling: Of course, my little tusk-muffin.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------

 

Later that evening, after the other PC's and the goodies have been smuggled into the room, the half orc goes downstairs to get a drink.

 

Half-Orc: I'll have a bottle of whiskey and a mug of ale. She always could out-drink me.

 

Innkeeper: That explains so much.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

The following morning, after the evil intelligent sword in the box has possessed the "dirty old man" of the group, killed one PC and there's been a massive fight that would wake the undead, the innkeeper comes up to see what's going on. He knocks sharply on the door. Inside the room, Mel is the only one standing.

 

Mel: And let that be a lesson to you, you filthy, dirty old man!

 

 

The innkeeper, thinking the better of the situation, leaves.

[Lucius]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Uh uh. Come back here, Mr. Two-Way Camel.

 

That's a story. Share.

 

Believe it or not, that was so many years ago I literally don't remember that much.

 

Something else I wish I remember was the name of a game I saw advertised in Dragon magazine....the premise seemed to be that you start out damned and are trying to break your way out of Hell. I remember the advertising tagline

 

If you valued your life...

 

Lucius Alexander

 

Riding a palindromedary to Hell and back

[Enforcer84]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I just assumed he (Dr. Doom) was planning on getting his mom's soul back.

[Mjolnir74]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

It's a D+D story, but it's pretty good.

 

The PC's have just snuck into a cheese shop, fought a Slaad in a secret room and absconded with the valubles. They're running down the streets of a particularly sleazy city after midnight, and find an inn.

 

They decide to sneak around the back with the goods while the Paladin (A Half-Orc Paladin/Bard) and a Tiefling Cleric go in and rent a room. Keep in mind, the city and inn are of extremely ill repute.

 

So the Half Orc decides to pretend that he's married to the tiefling.

 

Tiefling (Mel): Here's five gold pieces for the room, and another five to say that we weren't here.

 

Innkeeper: Uh...sure. Is this some sort of party?

 

Half Orc: What business is it of yours? Come, my love.

 

Tiefling: Of course, my little tusk-muffin.

That reminds me of a D&D campaign I was in. I was playing a Half-Orc Bard named Garret Elderberry III who was raised by Halflings. A friend of mine was playing a Halfling Barbarian named Grub who was raised by Half-Orcs. There must of been a mixup at the maternity ward - either that or we were switched at conception. Anyway, there was also a Tiefling Rouge in the group. Eventually, my Half-Orc and the Tiefling became intimate with each other in a "swing from the rafters until the neighbors call the town guard" kind of way, but they never married.

[Haerandir]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Doom always has been a bit of a mama's boy, hasn't he?

[Guest Major Tom]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Actually, chainmail is usually worn over cloth or leather padding. To get a form fitting look, the chainmail could be tastefully riveted to a leather thong. Its not uncommon to wear armor in layers: cloth/hide, leather, then chain. So, for the ultimate in comfort, line the leather thong with rabbit fur on the inside and rivet chainmail to the outside.

 

Its unfortunate, but most game systems assume that if you wear more than one layer of armor, you are too encumbered to move, or you don't get the benefit of the extra layering. In reality, that's the way it was done.

 

And now, back to the humor ...

 

 

You almost make that sound like a product description from the D&D edition

of the Victoria's Secret catalog...

 

 

Major Tom

[Lucius]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I just assumed he (Dr. Doom) was planning on getting his mom's soul back.

 

Yeah, that was it. In his megalomaniacal supervillainous way, he was on an Orphic style heroquest to the underworld.

 

Lucius Alexander

 

Doctor Palindromedary

[Guest Major Tom]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Standard procedure is

1. Build an army
   
2. Invade Hell through some magical or technological means
   
3. Conquer Hell
   
4. Build a DAMNED Army
   
5. Work your way up from Hell and take over the world and anything else out there.
   

Hell is full of veteran warriors/soldiers (from the dawn of war) and a century in a pit of fire probably didn't turn them into chior boys. I'm not saying that all soldiers go to hell, but even if only one out of every million soldiers from all of history were damned, it would still be a world conquering force. And thats not counting demons and non-military men.

 

 

You should go over to the Star Hero forum and check out the link to the

StarDestroyer.Net website (on the current last page of the Giant Robot

thread). There's a story in their Fanfics section where Mankind does just

that (invade Hell, I mean), after a betrayal of Celestial proportions. It's

got to be read to be believed.

 

 

 

Major Tom

[Manic Typist]

Re: How to pick a fight:

 

 

Gabriel: "Tell Bruno that he can consider us as having 'interfered' already."

 

What's the point of doing that?

 

 

And Major Tom- I do love how that little jewel I found is finding its way through the boards...hehe.

[Guest Major Tom]

Re: How to pick a fight:

 

What's the point of doing that?

 

 

And Major Tom- I do love how that little jewel I found is finding its way through the boards...hehe.

 

 

Yeah, it's a hell of an interesting read (pardon the pun), one that has me

tempted to start a 'Things To Do (Or Not Do) When Invading Hell' thread

here on the boards.

 

I know what two of them would be:

 

1.) No telling Matrix jokes when you're watching one of your friends

go nose-to-nose with a demon -- armed only with a sword.

 

2.) No matter how much fun you think it might be, never, ever, under

any circumstances whatsoever, take a Spartan Hoplite to a showing

of 300.

 

 

 

Major Tom

[Mjolnir74]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

You almost make that sound like a product description from the D&D edition

of the Victoria's Secret catalog...

 

 

Major Tom

Ha! Maybe I should write up a D&D Victoria's Secret catalog and publish it under the OGL. That is of course, if the OGL still exists for the latest version of D&D. I'd have to find me some fantasy super models though.

[Remjin]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Ha! Maybe I should write up a D&D Victoria's Secret catalog and publish it under the OGL. That is of course' date=' if the OGL still exists for the latest version of D&D. I'd have to find me some fantasy super models though.[/quote']

 

From what little I've heard (or cared to hear, in any case) there are now two licenses... you may only use one. The 3rd edition (or 3.5 if you prefer) still fall under the same license. To use the new rules, there's a whole new thing you have to do.. and if you want to do a magazine, you can only cover one of them at a time in any given issue, oddly enough.

 

Then again, it could all be a lie... I never bothered to check, since I don't much care. Hero forever! With Cyberpunk 2020 a second, and Shadowrun as a poor substitute when no one wants to play either of my pet games. =)

[The Weapon]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

That reminds me of a D&D campaign I was in. I was playing a Half-Orc Bard named Garret Elderberry III who was raised by Halflings. A friend of mine was playing a Halfling Barbarian named Grub who was raised by Half-Orcs. There must of been a mixup at the maternity ward - either that or we were switched at conception. Anyway' date=' there was also a Tiefling Rouge in the group. Eventually, my Half-Orc and the Tiefling became intimate with each other in a "swing from the rafters until the neighbors call the town guard" kind of way, but they never married.[/quote']

 

For guys with a face like a warthog the half-orcs don't half get around.

[Shadowsoul]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

There are plenty of ladies who like a bit of rough, hence the attraction of Sean Bean among others, and you just don't get much rougher than a Half-Orc.

 

To be fair if you consider some of the things a Tiefling's ancestors might have bred with a Half-Orc doesn't seem that unreasonable.

[SSgt Baloo]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

There are plenty of ladies who like a bit of rough, hence the attraction of Sean Bean among others, and you just don't get much rougher than a Half-Orc.

 

To be fair if you consider some of the things a Tiefling's ancestors might have bred with a Half-Orc doesn't seem that unreasonable.

 

I didn't know what a tiefling was so I looked it up and found this:

 

[Poison]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Lmao!

[DJ Blackrock]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Just had session one of Origins of Power tonight, and, though we don't have many quotes, the couple we do were pretty good.

 

The characters are:

Frostbite- ex-con Ice/Cold Manipulator (GMPC)

The Twins- Twin psychic mecha pilots (PC)

Overgrowth- Just your average high-school student... who can control plants. (PC)

Lisa- Cryogenically frozen and recently thawed catgirl with fire manipulation powers. Hasn't settled on a codename yet. (PC)

Tzalan- Other-dimensional Wraith-like being inhabiting a human host. (PC)

Buntai-Kun- Highly skilled martial artist with elemental powers (think Avatar) (PC)

 

----------------------

The Twins (ooc): : trying to describe the Twins' hair color : "It's like, a brownish-red... uh," : grabs a bowl of cheese & Chili dip : "Kinda like this color."

GM (me, ooc): "So, you have hair the color of bean dip?"

 

----------------------

 

Buntai-Kun is fighting a villain named Acidshock, who can produce and project a variety of acids from his body. They've traded blows for a bit, both missing as much as they hit, until.

GM (me): "Okay, Acidshock is on his back after your legsweep. On his turn, he scoots back a couple feet, winds up his left arm, and thows a glob of what you assume to be acid at you." : Rolls, gets a 4 : "And he hits. My but he hits."

Buntai-Kun: : after damage is rolled : "Alright, that hurt, but I'm okay."

GM: "Did you take BODY damage from that?"

Buntai-Kun: "Yeah..."

GM: : looks at notes : "Okay, make me a CON roll, and if you miss it, tell me what your EGO is."

Buntai-Kun: : rolls : "Hmm. Missed by 2. My EGO is, uhm... 13"

GM: : Grins Evilly, picks up 10d6 and rolls, counts : "Okay, so that's EGO plus 20..." : looks at Buntai-Kun's player : "Duuuuude... the colors!"

Buntai-Kun: "What, I'm high?"

GM: "LSD is an acid. You are now in a state, scientifically dubbed, 'High off your ****'. Enjoy. I'll be having you make periodic PER rolls to make sure what your seeing really is what your seeing."

Buntai-Kun: "I hate you."

-------------------------

 

Buntai-Kun's player got over his hate, and started to run with the whole involuntary high thing. Once out of the warehouse they encountered Acidshock, he starting making, and failing PER rolls all on his own. A couple snippets:

Buntai-Kun: "Dude, there's a Unicorn hitch-hiking on the corner. Pick him up."

 

:Upon seeing the Twin's mecha for the first time: "RUN! It's Mecha-Godzilla! We must flee the city, no one is safe!"

---------------------------

 

Tzalan's player was late, so he didn't get many quotes (though he usually good for them). The first time he changed into his hero ID, there was a reaction from almost everyone

(So it's known, when he changes to hero ID, his skin rips open, and he essentially turns himself inside out. With concomitant sound effects. Once he's in that form, he's a horrifying mix of a Ringwraith and Big Chill from Ben 10: Alien Force)

Everyone but Overgrowth and Gemini, the team's liason, fail their PRE rolls.

Lisa: : vomits :

Buntai-Kun: : Passes out :

Frostbite: : shudders, jumps back : "Gyaaaah!"

The Twins: : The girl passes out, the boy looks down at her : "Oh Great." : since they're mentally linked, he then passes out too :

Overgrowth: "You don't see that every day."

Gemini: "Unless you're us."

[Guest Celt]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

From last night's D&D game, where the GM was unconciously stalling and I nudged him on it (in a friendly way). The setting is in a city besieged by an orc army.

 

Other Player: So why don't you run the session?

Me: Anybody can pick up from here. There's an orc army outside. They're coming over the walls. What do you do?

Other Player: Orcs fall, everyone dies?

Me: Damn dyslexics. (NSFW Something Postive reference)