Bazza Posted January 12 Report Share Posted January 12 A local dentist won the Dentist of the Year award, and he got a little plaque. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 A have a Polish friend who's a sound technician, and a Czech one, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 I won $10,000 in a contest, and I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $9,999.75! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 Did I tell you my name is Charity? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 12 hours ago, Pariah said: A have a Polish friend who's a sound technician, and a Czech one, too. a Czech one, too... a Czech one, too... a Czech one, too... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 In college I dated a girl who was cross-eyed. It was okay, but eventually I had to break it off. Turns out she was seeing someone on the side. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 Was she giving him the side-eye? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 14 Report Share Posted January 14 Why can’t a nose be 12-inches long? Because then it would be a foot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 14 Report Share Posted January 14 Have you heard about the chocolate record player? Sounds pretty sweet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 16 Report Share Posted January 16 On my way to class today I got hit by a violin. And then I got hit by an oboe. And then I got hit by a French horn. Now I'm just trying to figure out who orchestrated the attack. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 16 Report Share Posted January 16 Sorry. Not sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted January 17 Report Share Posted January 17 The growing pilot shortage has led to lowering of standards at airlines, and the following incident: A new pilot and copilot landing for the first time at Des Moines, Iowa, International Airport, are flummoxed by the runway. After a minute, the pilot says, "Wow! This is short. We need full flaps and air brakes." Co-pilot replies, "Sure!" The pilot looks ahead and tells the co-pilot, "This runway is way so short, when we touch down I need full reverse throttle." Co-pilot says, "Ok, sir!" The plane touches down on the numbers! With all the dirty wings and reverse engines, it makes a horrendous noise, skidding and swerving until it comes to a halt just short of the grass. The pilot says, "Wow! That’s the shortest runway I’ve ever seen!" The co-pilot looks out both windows and says, "Yeah, but did you ever see one so wide?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 17 Report Share Posted January 17 If you only believe 12.5 % of the Bible you are an eight-theist. mattingly and Ockham's Spoon 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 17 Report Share Posted January 17 GOD: Cain, where is your brother? Cain: He wasn't Abel to make it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 18 Report Share Posted January 18 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 18 Report Share Posted January 18 Her: "I think White Wedding is his best song." Him: "I actually prefer Rebel Yell." Me: "That's enough Idol chit-chat from you two." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 Him: "Does your wife still roll her eyes at your Star Trek jokes?" Me: "No, they don't phaser anymore." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 (edited) They say love is blind. Edited January 19 by Bazza Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 20 Report Share Posted January 20 What's the difference between a xylophone and a glockenspiel? Spoiler I used to know, but now I can't marimba. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 20 Report Share Posted January 20 One is wooden and one metal. IIRC. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted January 20 Report Share Posted January 20 A hiker is passing by a farm and stops to say hello and pet the farmer’s dog. After a brief chat with the farmer, the hiker starts making barking noises, which the dog responds to. “What are you doing?” the farmer asks. “Oh, I can speak with animals.” says the hiker. “That’s impossible.” the farmer says. “Well, your dog tells me that you live alone out here on the farm, and he is your best friend, and sometimes you give him steak off you plate when you have dinner.” “Well, that is all true, but you could have guessed that. Animals can’t talk.” says the farmer. The hiker then makes some neighing noises, and the farmer’s horse responds in kind. “Well, now, your horse tells me that you brush him daily, and he gets oats and carrots at least once a week.” “Lots of horses eat oats and carrots. That doesn’t mean anything.” says the farmer. “Okay, then, let me ask your sheep over there something that only she would know.” says hiker. The farmer says angrily “Now don’t be talking to the sheep, she’s a damn liar!” Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted January 21 Report Share Posted January 21 I took my car to a mechanic recently and the news was worse than I thought. He told me my battery needed a new car. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 21 Report Share Posted January 21 Yeah, I owned a car like that in college. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 21 Report Share Posted January 21 I made a chicken salad yesterday. It turns out they prefer grain. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 21 Report Share Posted January 21 Knock knock. Who's there? Tank. Tank who? You're welcome, bro. Knock knock. Who's there? Nobel. Nobel who? No bell. That's why I knocked. Knock knock. Who's there? Alex. Alex who? I'll explain later. Knock knock. Who's there? Radio. Radio who? Ready or not, here I come! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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