death tribble Posted March 11 Report Share Posted March 11 No Utah Saints https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utah_Saints BoloOfEarth 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 12 Report Share Posted March 12 As you said…no…Utah saints. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 14 Report Share Posted March 14 I love Motown puns, but I've only got two or three left in me. Four, tops. mattingly 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 14 Report Share Posted March 14 They are not making 12 inch rulers any longer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 14 Report Share Posted March 14 I wanted to start a new diet. I just feel like I have way too much on my plate right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 17 Report Share Posted March 17 This thread is a joke Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 19 Report Share Posted March 19 Currently reading -- Exercise & Body Image by Jim Nazeeum Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 19 Report Share Posted March 19 Scientist: "I'd like to introduce you to my new robot." Me: "Wow, that's cool." Scientist: "He has limited functionality. He can't express emotions or hold a meaningful conversation." Me: "That's okay, I..." Scientist: "I was talking to the robot." mattingly 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 20 Report Share Posted March 20 Makes sense. Domes people are like that as they had a consciousness transplant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 24 Report Share Posted March 24 Back in the old Soviet Union, if you wanted a car you would have to order it several years in advance and pay cash up front. So having gathered his money for a long time, a man goes in one day to buy a car. He puts the money down and the clerk says, "Very good comrade. You will receive your car 5 years from today.' The man asks, "In the morning or the afternoon?" The clerk says, "It's 5 years from today what difference does it make?" The man says, "Well, the plumber is coming in the morning." wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 A man and his wife were in a terrible car crash. Both survived, but the man's face was badly burned. He needed a skin graft, but the doctor told him they couldn't graft any of the skin from his own body because he was too skinny. His wife offered to donate some of her own skin, but the only skin the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one where the skin graft came from. They requested that the doctor also never tell anyone, and the doctor agreed. The doctor performed the procedure, and it was a surprising success. After the surgery, everyone was amazed at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before. All of his friends and family went on and on about how young and attractive he looked. One day he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at what she had done for him. He said, "Sweetheart, I just want to tell you how much I appreciate your sacrifice. You've changed my life. How can I ever repay you?" She smiled sweetly and said, "My darling, I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 What do you call Santa’s brothers and sisters? Relative clauses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 (edited) “A woman, without her man, is nothing.” “A woman: without her, man is nothing.” Punctuation is important. Edited March 26 by Bazza Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 A man went into a fish shop and said, “Can I have a tail end, please?” So the man behind the counter said, ‘And they all lived happily ever after.’ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 (edited) Whoever put the “b” in SUBTLE deserves a pat on the back. Edited March 26 by Bazza tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 The past, the present and the future all walked into a bar. It was tense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 Double negatives are a big NO-NO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 Teacher: “Name two pronouns?” Student: “Who, me?” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws. The other is a pause at the end of a clause. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 5 vowels, 8 consonants, a comma, and an exclamation mark appeared in court today. They’re due to be sentenced some time next month. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 What do you say to comfort a Grammar teacher? There Their They’re. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 Never date an apostrophe. They’re too possessive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 “Can I go to the toilet?” “I don’t know, can you?” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 “Can I ask you a question?” “You just have.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 6 minutes ago, Bazza said: “Can I ask you a question?” “You just have.” I use this one. All. The. Time. 11 minutes ago, Bazza said: “Can I go to the toilet?” “I don’t know, can you?” "Mr. P, can I go to the bathroom?" "That's between you and your doctor. I don't get involved." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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