The Inconceivables!

[Hermit]

Tonight on HEROline

 

 

SS: "Hi, I'm Stacy Spacey, and I'm here with a most… unusual super hero team. Please, introduce yourselves "

 

DD: The Camera pans in on an older man in a lab coat with wild hair, he looks like what Einstein might if he licked a fusebox while wearing goggles. "I, was once Hans Samuel Goldovich, but after VIPER kept trying to steal the fruits of my genius, I grew enraged, and became… DOCTOR DOWNFALL! MWHAHAHAHAHA!"

 

SS: "How… nice. My goodness, VIPER? I'm surprised they didn't just try to recruit you."

 

DD: "No dental, the cheap bas… I mean, of course, I would never allow my inventions to be perverted…" a mumble "By others."

 

SS: "The next member is none other than that whacky clown of vigalantism and destruction, Whiteface." Zoom in on a sleeping clown wearing a blood red outfit with tarnished gold buttons, and of course, ghostly pale make up who appears to be snoring, "Uhm, Whiteface?"

 

WF: The clown wakes up abruptly, screams "MIMES!" and pushes his nose. There's a HONK sound… and three windows and the camera lens crack.

 

Cut to commercial because of Technical difficulties.

 

SS: "And we're back."

 

WF: "HEY Kiddos, sorry about that, and sorry about your sound man. I hear they can repair the inner ear a lot better than they used to…"

 

SS: "Ah, yes. Now Whiteface, I understand you were tired of villains like the Black Harlequin altering public perception of Clowns so that people equated them with madness, mayhem, chaos and villainy."

 

WF: Currently playing with a razorwire slinky, "Right, the villainy thing is SO not us."

 

SS: Nervous smile, "How comforting, next we have…" A flash of black oily tentacles from the side, "Eeek! I mean.. err.. hello there…"

 

A: Closed captioning is provided for the mentally impaired among the audience as the telepathic voice replies Hey there sexy thing, I'm Abolex the many tentacled thing from beyond, but call me Abe, all the really fine ladies get to. While it hard to discern a center to the bundle of tentacles, one can see a brief flash of mirror shades.

 

SS: "I'm sorry, you startled me, you must admit, your looks are.. different."

 

A: Ain't no thang one of the tentacles sways in an easy going pattern, Ole Abolex wins in the end.

 

SS: "Yes, you're not just telepathic, but superstrong, and your limbs can extend around obstacles to take your enemy by surprise, is that right? Just how far CAN your limbs extend?"

 

A: A tentacle tip circles around Stacy's wrist and taps it once, Long enough to make –you- my very best friend.

 

SS: "Oh my…" Dropped notes and a blush, "Oh… next up."

 

CP: A purple man with an eyepatch and an odd fin like Mohawk, and one missing hand replaced by some high tech cap gives a harty "Garrr… avast there, I be Captain Blud, Space Pirate!"

 

SS: "Interesting, a Pirate, those are so unusual, on the side of good I mean. What drew you to it?"

 

CP: "Garr… People think pirating be all about greed and buried treasure, but it is more than that… there's nothing like the kiss of the solar wind, the feel of a cosmic tides at the hull… the clash of laser cutlass against a foe to prove who's the better man…"

 

SS: "But there are rumors that the enemies you fight are found stripped of all creditcards, cash, and costume jewelry, how do you explain…"

 

CP: "Err… it be a cultural thing from my species."

 

SS: "Oh. That makes it okay then. Moving on to our last guest tonight…"

 

IT: The being in powered armor and a flowing cape emotes, "Insolent woman, it is beyond insult that the Iron Tyrant should be placed behind these mere cretins!"

 

Panview: The others roll their eyes (the ones that have eyes anyway)

 

SS: "Very sorry, Iron Tyrant, no insult was intended."

 

IT: "Foolish Speck, the Iron Tyrant cares not for your apologies. His meat is might, his drink power incarnate! Count yourself fortunate that the Iron Tyrant has come to save all lesser beings in this world from crime…"

 

SS: "I should explain to the audience that the Iron Tyrant is not only ruler of his own small country that was once part of Eastern Germany, but also suffers from the rare 'Meglosiah' complex which causes mixed feelings of omnipotence and martyrdom, and, of course, a compulsion to speak of oneself in the third person."

 

IT: "Yes, the Iron Tyrant is pleased by your explanation in terms the simpletons of this pathetic orb can comprehend. You shall be my bride!"

 

SS: Shocked, "Well, I thank you but…"

 

IT: "You are Catholic, yes?"

 

SS: "Oh, no Presbyterian actually…"

 

IT: "Blast, regrettably the Iron Tyrant withdraws his proposal, protestant wench!"

 

SS: "Quite alright, ah, it says here you rule a land that was part of ancient Germany?"

 

IT: "Yes, The Iron Tyrant's father, and his father's father, held fast against the Nazi War Machine, against the Communist Hordes, against the Tartar…"

 

SS: "But you sound English."

 

IT: "Surely Stacy Spacey knows that many Germans in films sound English?"

 

SS: "Well, yes, but they're acto…"

 

IT: Holding out his hand, palm first, "I have spoken."

 

SS: "Oooo kay." Clearing her throat, "So why have you all come forward to an interview tonight?"

 

DD: casually firing a size changer beam out the window, a homeless man has grown at least 40 feet tall, and is offering to wipe the building's window when the Doctor shrinks him back, and turns to answer the question, "To show our good intentions to the world, that we are heroes!"

 

CP: "Garrr! It be true!"

 

WF: Juggling dynamite sticks as he joins in, "One set of killer chattering teeth and they assume you're a villain, we're here to prove them wrong. I'm getting tired of the clownophobia out there."

 

SS: Eying the sticks, "Umm, about that dynamite."

 

WF: "Oh, don't get your panties in a bunch, they're not lit…speaking of which, anyone got a bic or something?"

 

SS: Hastily, "So you've been the victims of prejudice because you didn't meet the idea of typical heroes?"

 

A: A tendril bobs up and down in affirmation, You wouldn't believe how many times I've been attacked baby, not that I blame the ladies, when their husbands come in, well, I understand they've got to cover…

 

IT: "We are your saviors, your champions, bow down to us and let us save your pathetic weakling hides!"

 

SS: "Well, there you have it folks, a new superhero team ready and, obviously eager, to help. Say, what was your team's name again?"

 

DD: "HAHAhAHAHA, The press has dubbed us…"

 

All together: "…The Inconceivables!"

 

 

SS: With a plastic smile, "Isn't that nice?"

 

SS: Unaware that the telepathic closed captioning is on, caught thinking to Abolex, Call me…

 

Roll credits.

[Hermit]

Re: The Inconceivables!

 

Vampires, demons, CEOs, and lawyers, it seems there's no traditionally 'bad guy' archetype that hasn't somehow made it into being a hero at least once, but still, I got to thinking of what a team of "They couldn't possibly be heroes, could they?" types would look like.

 

So, what concepts that are traditionally on the side of darkness do you think would make good additions to, and be worthy of the name, The Inconceivables!

 

[Bloodstone]

Re: The Inconceivables!

 

Paranormal Rights Activist!

 

Inspired by an NPC in a longstanding D&D game, I once had a concept for a character that was sort of a "succubus feminist". She hated all the labels and assumptions that went along with her job title. She was her own demoness damn it! There was more to her then sex, black magic and stealing souls. She had her own hopes and dreams.

 

While she wasn't really looking to settle down, she had to admit it would be nice to find a human, alien, demon or angel that apreciated her not just for her smoking hot bod but for her mind and her... hey, you my eyes up here!.

 

See, unfortunatly, she had very little control over her powers, so even though she did her best to not enthral people with a glance, it was really an up hill battle. Her name was Hellen, by the way.

 

Yeah, she was that Hellen and she'd really rather not talk about it.

 

This character never saw the light of day, for the record.

[DEFCON Clown]

Re: The Inconceivables!

 

Rep for you Hermit! Iron Tyrant is my favorite one of the bunch.

[caris]

Re: The Inconceivables!

 

Well, you are definitely missing one of the personality arche-types of villainy: the toady (not surprisingly Mortimer Toynbee is the classic example of the personality type).

 

Also the group needs a vamp/vixen, you know the Enchantress, Catwoman, etc. Should be either a mage, a psionic, or a pheromone emitter with a sex/love based Mind Control schtick.

[jkwleisemann]

Re: The Inconceivables!

 

Agreed - the Renfield is criminally absent.

 

As for others... really, a lot of heroes have been made out of the classic villain archetypes. Even, after a fashion, the serial killer/slasher killer has been 'hero-ized' in the form of the vigilante.

 

Iron Tyrant's good, as is Abolex.... The Black Knight sort has been done before, so he's out....

 

*thinks*

 

Heck, even the Giant Rampaging Monster became a good guy, thanks to later Godzilla flicks....

 

Kind of a short list of what's left.

[prodigyduck]

Re: The Inconceivables!

 

 

 

.... BWA HA HA HA HA!

 

*gasps for air*

[Hermit]

Re: The Inconceivables!

 

Paranormal Rights Activist!

 

Inspired by an NPC in a longstanding D&D game, I once had a concept for a character that was sort of a "succubus feminist". She hated all the labels and assumptions that went along with her job title. She was her own demoness damn it! There was more to her then sex, black magic and stealing souls. She had her own hopes and dreams.

 

While she wasn't really looking to settle down, she had to admit it would be nice to find a human, alien, demon or angel that apreciated her not just for her smoking hot bod but for her mind and her... hey, you my eyes up here!.

 

See, unfortunatly, she had very little control over her powers, so even though she did her best to not enthral people with a glance, it was really an up hill battle. Her name was Hellen, by the way.

 

Yeah, she was that Hellen and she'd really rather not talk about it.

 

This character never saw the light of day, for the record.

 

Mmm, as others have pointed out that at least one female should be on the group, I might just borrow Hellen, if you'd allow

 

I did have one player make a former Succubus as well... a mystic pulled an 'Angel' on her and gave her a mortal soul, but I don't think I've seen it done in comics. Closest thing would be other demons like Hellboy.

[Hermit]

Re: The Inconceivables!

 

Well, you are definitely missing one of the personality arche-types of villainy: the toady (not surprisingly Mortimer Toynbee is the classic example of the personality type).

Hmmm, true. I imagine the others would always order him around out of habit, at least the Iron Tyrant and Doctor Downfall would.

 

Also the group needs a vamp/vixen, you know the Enchantress, Catwoman, etc. Should be either a mage, a psionic, or a pheromone emitter with a sex/love based Mind Control schtick

 

I might go with Hellen if Bloodstone allows.

 

Agreed - the Renfield is criminally absent.

 

Okay, so I must consider the important options, hunch back or no hunch back, bug eatting or no bug eatting?

As for others... really, a lot of heroes have been made out of the classic villain archetypes. Even, after a fashion, the serial killer/slasher killer has been 'hero-ized' in the form of the vigilante.

 

Iron Tyrant's good, as is Abolex.... The Black Knight sort has been done before, so he's out....

 

*thinks*

 

Heck, even the Giant Rampaging Monster became a good guy, thanks to later Godzilla flicks....

 

Kind of a short list of what's left.

 

Yep, sometimes you really have to stretch to find a classic villain archetype that hasn't been tried. The Vampire or pseudo-Vampire who fights his own kind was in danger of becoming a cliche by the 90s for example.

[BobGreenwade]

Re: The Inconceivables!

 

I'm surprised nobody's said this yet.

 

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

[Hermit]

Re: The Inconceivables!

 

I'm surprised nobody's said this yet.

 

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

 

 

I'm surprised too. I mean, that's one of the reasons I chose the name instead of "The Implausibles!"

 

 

Huh... brain eatting atomic zombie maybe... Toxic Avenger was atomic, but he wasn't a zombie... so I don't think it's been done.

 

Atomic Zombie sounds good, it rolls off the tongue.

[ThothAmon]

Re: The Inconceivables!

 

Enjoyable post. I like Abolex

 

There are a few additional archetypes that might fit

 

• the super-suave criminal mastermind (e.g. Lex Luthor? Blofeld?)
  
• the death-on-legs uber-killing-machine (e.g. Kai fromm Lexx? the Predator?)
  
• the snivelling sneaky sidekick (e.g. Villa from Blakes Seven?)

[Bloodstone]

Re: The Inconceivables!

 

Mmm' date=' as others have pointed out that at least one female should be on the group, I might just borrow Hellen, if you'd allow [/quote']

 

By all means, please do. Like I said, I never got as chance to play her. And I hate to see a good idea go to waste...

[Bloodstone]

Re: The Inconceivables!

 

I'm surprised nobody's said this yet.

 

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

 

Well, I didn't post it, but if it makes you feel better I did shout "Inconcievable!" at the top of my lungs when I first read the post.

 

I was still at the office at the time. Good thing that, like Mr. Incredible, I work alone!

[Haven Walkur]

Re: The Inconceivables!

 

I'm enjoying this thread -- and the whole "Inconceivables" concept -- immensely. My Well o' Rep (pat. pend.) is dry for the moment, but give me 24 hours, and..."There will be Rep tonight!"

[BobGreenwade]

Re: The Inconceivables!

 

Well' date=' I didn't post it, but if it makes you feel better I did shout "Inconcievable!" at the top of my lungs when I first read the post.[/quote']To really do it right, it has to be in a high tenor with a slight lisp.

 

Back to topic, while the "vampire against his own kind" is cliche, perhaps a vampire (female, perhaps, in the mold of LXG's Mina Harker) could join up and just stay out of the loop where other vampires are concerned.

[jkwleisemann]

Re: The Inconceivables!

 

Okay' date=' so I must consider the important options, hunch back or no hunch back, bug eatting or no bug eatting?[/quote']

 

Why would it have to be one or the other?

 

A bug-eating hunchback - extra combat skill levels against the numerous villains with insect themes.

[Weldun]

Re: The Inconceivables!

 

I have a character called Three-piece, who was a lawyer/spin doctor/stock broker. Three bodies, one mind. He was "Three-piece, hero to the Corporate World." His primary motivation was that heroes are easier to market from a PR standpoint, and that it was easier to legally protect image rights (what with those pesky "no profiting from criminal activities" laws that keep popping up). His secondary motivation was, like these guys, that he was tired of his proffessions getting a bad rap.

 

BTW: Once again I owe you two lots of Rep, Hermit.

[bloomann]

Re: The Inconceivables!

 

I LOVE this concept,

can you recap it

names / powers / motivations etc...

I would rep you but don't know how.

 

wait:

The Pirate

The clown

the monster

the er, Tyrant

Hellen (sigh)

how about a stoopid brick fellow? (could be the hunchback bug eating brick)

OK - BUG MONGER -

Imagine a Quasimodo clone, with about 70 strength, and ape like agility, deaf, immensely dumb, and who has a crush (eww) on Hellen...

[Hermit]

3 more members of The Inconceivables!

 

The shapely demoness dodged the VIPER agent's blast, closed on him, and her spaded tipped tail lashed out knocking his knees out from under him, "Can you BELIEVE the nerve of Iron Tyrant on that show? Wanting to take that reporter as his bride? As if women ONLY existed to serve men..." Her 'costume' was meant to be modest, but alas, nothing looks modest on a succubus. Somehow her sensible slacks were always getting torn in strategic places, and the fact that most men ignored the message written on her shirt (It read, for those curious "My Eyes are up HERE!" complete with an arrow pointing up) had her wondering some days if there was a connection with illiteracy and the XY chromosome.

 

"But Mistress Hellen," Iggy whimpered submissively as his shovel knocked another VIPER agent through a wall, "The Master changed his mind." The hunchback seemed oblivious to 'agent angel' he had just formed into the side of the building.

 

Another VIPER agent, however, couldn't help but notice, "Who or WHAT the hell are you?" He gaped at Iggy.

 

"Me? Oh... I'm Igor Ignatius Reinfield the Third, but the masters call me 'Iggy'," Iggy explained, leaping up and snagging a lamp post with his free hand like a monkey scrambling up a tree.

 

"brainz..." Atomic Zombie replied as his radioactive undead body stumbled through a barrage of fire, losing only a few bits that would eventually regrow. Even as he grabbed another agent and began to gnaw the agent's helmet off, Atomic Zombie mused to himself Poor Hellen, she strives so hard to be who she is on her own terms, and yet she can not seemingly escape her nature. None of us can, or can we? Who is right? Shakespeare's advice of 'to thine own self be true' or should we heed Henley's comment of being captains of our own souls? Assuming I, for one, even have a soul...yet, if I do not have a soul, would I be troubled by its condition?

 

"Hey, Zombie, focus a little will you?" Hellen sighed as she punched one VIPER agent in the nose who'd been eyeing her cleavage despite the shirt, "We're still in a fight here."

 

"brainz..." Atomic Zombie tried to explain his metaphysical concerns the only way he could, but even Abolex couldn't read his atomic radioactive undead mind.

 

"We get it, you're hungry," Hellen snorted. Then she glared as her tail whipped about and smacked the VIPER agent she'd hit earlier, "Don't make me hit with my tail again..."

 

The VIPER groaned, "Actually... I think I'm starting to like it. You could wear highboots and.."

 

The demoness narrowed her eyes, and engulfed him in fire muttering something about barbeque pork.

 

Iggy humbly suggested, "Perhaps Mistress could reduce her sex appeal by wearing thick glasses?"

 

"No good, they think sexy librarian, as if the hard working archivists of this world didn't have anything better to do..." by the time her rant was done PRIMUS had arrived on the scene to clean up.

 

Silver Avenger Paris was livid as she waved the bitten helmet in front of Atomic Zombie, "We do NOT NOT eat evidence, let alone the brains of our foes."

 

I suppose one must respect the rules of society, but one would think a little leeway for my cultural mores would be taken into account, Atomic Zombie ruminated. "brainz!" He protested, pointing out that while the helmet had been throughly chewed, the agent hadn't.

 

"Master Atomic Zombie barely got his first mouthful of hair, no one was harmed," Iggy stood up for his team mate.

 

Paris glowered. Iggy bent down to kiss her boot by way of apology, which obviously alarmed the Silver Avenger, "What the hell..."

 

"Try living with him," Hellen rolled her eyes.

 

It's time we rejoin the others, their show should be long over by since we just saw it on the television,Atomic Zombie realized. He waved with his warped fingers to indicate the others should follow and shuffled off, "brainz."

 

"To the masters!" Iggy rose (but not before snatching a june bug that had made the mistake of getting too close and swallowing it), grabbed his shovel and followed.

 

With a sigh, Hellen took flight after. "We have GOT to get more women on this team..." She groused and off they went.

[hooligan x]

Re: The Inconceivables!

 

you must spread blah blah blah...

 

Oh, I heart Atomic Zombie!

[OddHat]

Re: The Inconceivables!

 

I agree, Atomic Zombie rules all!

[Captain Emu]

Re: The Inconceivables!

 

This is just too cool. I love corny stuff like this. I can't say that I have a favorite, though.

[OddHat]

Re: The Inconceivables!

 

Heroic Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, Ninjas and Goth Chicks have all been done to death.

 

How about a female gorilla with a diving helmet, from a species of female gorilla's in diving helmets? "Primatus needs men, and your puny Earth Human reproductive organs and genes are computable with those of the Diving Helmet Clad Gorilla Women of Primatus! Yet fear not, tasty Earth Males! Despite the succulence of your soft, creamy flesh and the delightful crunchiness of your delicate, delectable marrow filled bones, we the Diving Helmet Clad Gorilla Women of Primatus would never consider abducting you by force to become our love-slaves and post-coital snacks! Instead, I shall demonstrate the superiority of my species by defending you pitiful Humans against those you call criminals! All I ask in return is that grateful and well built Earth Males form an orderly line for assessment, processing, and shipment back to Primatus, where you will be cherished and loved to the very limits of your capacity to endure, and beyond!"

[Hermit]

Re: The Inconceivables!

 

Heroic Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, Ninjas and Goth Chicks have all been done to death.

 

How about a female gorilla with a diving helmet, from a species of female gorilla's in diving helmets? "Primatus needs men, and your puny Earth Human reproductive organs and genes are computable with those of the Diving Helmet Clad Gorilla Women of Primatus! Yet fear not, tasty Earth Males! Despite the succulence of your soft, creamy flesh and the delightful crunchiness of your delicate, delectable marrow filled bones, we the Diving Helmet Clad Gorilla Women of Primatus would never consider abducting you by force to become our love-slaves and post-coital snacks! Instead, I shall demonstrate the superiority of my species by defending you pitiful Humans against those you call criminals! All I ask in return is that grateful and well built Earth Males form an orderly line for assessment, processing, and shipment back to Primatus, where you will be cherished and loved to the very limits of your capacity to endure, and beyond!"

 

Enraged when called a "Seamonkey" (Not Uncommon enough), 11-, 11-