Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

[CrosshairCollie]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

To a degree, I can understand Bishop and Cable packing guns.

 

Cable's telekinesis and telepathy are more or less useless in combat situations, because they're very weak. They help him around the workshop, but that's about it (at least originally ... not sure what's happened since then).

 

Bishop needs a gun because his power is entirely reactive. If his opponent doesn't have an energy attack to shoot him with (and assuming his foe isn't immune or resistant to his own powers), he stands there and doesn't do anything because he can't.

 

I don't mind a character with weak, purely defensive, or situational powers packing armaments, because it's really just logical. It's the guys who have useful powers packing heat that bug me.

[Susano]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

The thread's gone this far' date=' and nobody's mentioned Captain Klutz?

 

Maybe he just has a tad too much subversive coolness about him....

 

Intentionally lame characters don't count.

[CrosshairCollie]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

Intentionally lame characters don't count.

 

Which is why the Punisher and Wolverine aren't on that list.

[Cancer]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

Wonder Wart-Hog.

[Korvar]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

Bishop needs a gun because his power is entirely reactive. If his opponent doesn't have an energy attack to shoot him with (and assuming his foe isn't immune or resistant to his own powers)' date=' he stands there and doesn't do anything because he can't.[/quote']

 

Plus, he was actually a cop, and they do tend to get armed.

[zornwil]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

If I did a con game based on the heroes on the "10 lamest" page, I would have to make new characters as I don't know these well and I don't feel any need to go and research them just for the spirit of such a game. I think the important part is making these characters into counterparts that give the same basic feel, and having a team that is generally combat-ineffective by traditional standards but has enough breadth to manage combat against agents reasonably well and get by against a none-too-terrible super enemy as well as do the espionage/infiltration work they're best suited for.

 

Cypher => The Logician - I'd probably couple his cyphering with massive sensing capabilities and some intelligence stuff; nerdy, with disads like "fears getting hurt"

 

Red Bee => Gilded Wasp - similar to Red Bee but with a flamboyant gold-and-silver costume (just as ugly, but more in a Liberace way) and a trained wasp, of course; probably would give him more of the stealth and skulker stuff, some of it via the wasp

 

Brother Power the Geek => Chill Out Dude (or such) - obviously wouldn't have limitless magic stuff, but is a can't-be-killed mannequin from a department store (actually I probably should make this one of the gender-transformed characters to female for more female representation, as I think about it) who has come to life, that basic idea, perhaps some incredible magic powers of transformation (inanimate objects only)) and change environment, but with a big limitation that none can be used to harm anyone, something sort of like that; the CE and Transform of course is his useful specialty

 

Matter Eater Lad => Infinity Lass! - same basic idea, ingests stuff and it is gone; specialty also should be expanded to security systems and/or modifications of equipment (by eating parts, of course)

 

Dogwelder => Goofyman - probably make him the team genius for something useful, a mad inventor who, while working at Disney as a Goofy impersonator in a big Goofy costume was fused to the costume in an accident; as a result, he's learned how to fuse objects in ways that mixes their properties, and has offshoot inventions for this, a gadgeteer

 

Arm Fall Off Boy => Pieces - his body comes apart; eyes can go around corners, legs can kick, etc. - probably the most combat effective of the team

 

Vibe => Vida Loca - dancer extraordinaire and his powers are all related; again probably one of the combat effective ones, his tapping and stomping feet can do shockwaves and he can do kicks and so on - but all while having to dance

 

Legion of Superpets => Squeaky the Mouse - a super-intelligent lab rat (shrinking always on, great sense of smell, running, Bump of Direction of cousre - he's good at mazes), good at getting into places of course but also retracing steps and finding his way in general; maybe Danger Sense

 

Zan => Aquarius (or such) - water elemental but limited to self-transforms and CE, you can imagine all that water can do easily I think in those aspects (and at least he can defend himself by going water-desol)

 

Aqualad => Dr. Dolittle (or such) - he talks to the animals, of course, and can also command them

 

Something like that...

[zornwil]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

Wonder Wart-Hog.

Hey, great choice! Lame but a great character.

[zornwil]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

To a degree, I can understand Bishop and Cable packing guns.

 

Cable's telekinesis and telepathy are more or less useless in combat situations, because they're very weak. They help him around the workshop, but that's about it (at least originally ... not sure what's happened since then).

 

Bishop needs a gun because his power is entirely reactive. If his opponent doesn't have an energy attack to shoot him with (and assuming his foe isn't immune or resistant to his own powers), he stands there and doesn't do anything because he can't.

 

I don't mind a character with weak, purely defensive, or situational powers packing armaments, because it's really just logical. It's the guys who have useful powers packing heat that bug me.

Yeah, totally agree. One of the PCs early on in our game had very limited offensive options and in his human guise he carried a regular gun. No points, just normal equipment, and I didn't monkey around with "it's jammed" or such since it was just a mundane gun that he carried more for effect than anything else and to represent that there's no way this guy would walk around among supers without at least some offense-protection at ready avail.

 

The funny thing is, in one combat he actually took out a supervillain with a well-timed lucky shot!

[Brandi]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

Personally, my favorite idea for Doug is to become Marvel's version of Oracle (nee Batgirl).

 

He'd do that very well-- and if body language counts as a language Doug can decipher, he'd potentially have the fighting talents of Cassandra Claire (aka the recent Batgirl).

[Brandi]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

Oh good Lord ! There is one lame character not on the list but should be. Maggot who was in the X-Men. He had two slugs who ate things for him.

 

I don't know if this makes him lamer or cooler, but if Wikipedia's to be believed the two slugs are his digestive system, which crawl back into his body to replenish his energy. Think Matter-Eater Lad as conceived by Berni Wrightson...

[Cold Steel]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

I stopped collecting X-Men shortly before the introduction of these characters, but it is my understanding that they are rife with retcons. I certainly know that whenever I saw an X-Men cartoon with Cable or Bishop in the first scene, I knew the plot was going to be incomprehensible. They certainly never came across as mutants. "My power is GUNS!"

 

 

 

 

That plus the fact they come from screwed-up futures to further screw up the past. Why can't they just ruin their own timeline?

 

Running a close second in my pet peeve is people coming from endless mulitple alternate screwed-up dimensions to further screw up the mainstream one.

 

Blink/ Exiles You listening?

[Logan D. Hurricanes]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

He'd do that very well-- and if body language counts as a language Doug can decipher' date=' he'd potentially have the fighting talents of Cassandra Claire (aka the recent Batgirl).[/quote']

So Cypher has the potential to be both Batgirls, eh?

 

 

 

Kinky.

[keithcurtis]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

Dogwelder => Goofyman - probably make him the team genius for something useful' date=' a mad inventor who, while working at Disney as a Goofy impersonator in a big Goofy costume was fused to the costume in an accident; as a result, he's learned how to fuse objects in ways that mixes their properties, and has offshoot inventions for this, a gadgeteer[/quote']

 

But Goofy is already a superhero! Remember, he lays around in his hammock all day, but when danger threatens he reaches into his hat for a super goober (peanut) and ingests it to become Supergoof? Complete with red woolen longjohns? Remember?

 

Ahhhh, kids.

 

Keith "They don't get enough Carl Barks these days" Curtis

[Cancer]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

But Goofy is already a superhero! Remember, he lays around in his hammock all day, but when danger threatens he reaches into his hat for a super goober (peanut) and ingests it to become Supergoof? Complete with red woolen longjohns? Remember?

 

Ahhhh, kids.

 

Keith "They don't get enough Carl Barks these days" Curtis

 

Heh. I remember reading raptly as the story line led up to exposing the identity of the Phantom Blot.

[Twilight]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

But Goofy is already a superhero! Remember, he lays around in his hammock all day, but when danger threatens he reaches into his hat for a super goober (peanut) and ingests it to become Supergoof? Complete with red woolen longjohns? Remember?

 

Ahhhh, kids.

 

Keith "They don't get enough Carl Barks these days" Curtis

 

If I ever run a game where the characters end up going to Babylon AKA The City of Man, they'll find that Super Goof is one of the great defenders of the city alongside folks like Mighty Mouse and the Gargoyles.

[zornwil]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

But Goofy is already a superhero! Remember, he lays around in his hammock all day, but when danger threatens he reaches into his hat for a super goober (peanut) and ingests it to become Supergoof? Complete with red woolen longjohns? Remember?

 

Ahhhh, kids.

 

Keith "They don't get enough Carl Barks these days" Curtis

I do, actually! But this is "Goofyman" - much like Batman, his fused costume (he can't remove it - he always looks like Goofy), strikes fear and....er....

[zornwil]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

Heh. I remember reading raptly as the story line led up to exposing the identity of the Phantom Blot.

That actually rings a bell. It's been so long and I was young that I don't remember anything specific, though. (I didn't read Disney by the time I was a teenager, not out of any rejection, just got into other stuff - I didn't read superhero comics, generally, when I was a teen, either).

[Brandi]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

I do' date=' actually! But this is "Goofyman" - much like Batman, his fused costume (he can't remove it - he always looks like Goofy), strikes fear and....er....[/quote']

 

[zornwil]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

Is there secret text to this message?

 

PS - I see the embedded image attempt now, but I can't find the image (even if I put the link in a browser window directly

[assault]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

But Goofy is already a superhero! Remember' date=' he lays around in his hammock all day, but when danger threatens he reaches into his hat for a super goober (peanut) and ingests it to become Supergoof? Complete with red woolen longjohns? Remember?[/quote']

 

I still have my Supergoof collection. I last read it all about two years ago.

 

The Disney villains were neat too. The Phantom Blot is particularly cool.

 

Incidentally, according to Wikipedia, Super Goof wasn't particulary associated with Carl Barks.

 

Speaking of Barks, I have a copy of "Sherrif of Bullet Valley". It's an Australian reprint, like most of my really old stuff. Rockin' story, like a lot of the Disney stuff.

[JmOz]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

Most of these were meant to be light hearted fun. The writer is a self-hating Geek.

 

Cypher - Great character, incredibly potentially powerful if you give him Doc Strange's library or access to a computer.

 

Brother Power the Geek - 60s joke character. Doesn't count as lame.

 

Matter Eater Lad - Often very well written with a whimsical but effective power.

 

Dogwelder - Joke character and intended as such.

 

Arm Fall Off Boy - Joke character.

 

The Legion of the Superpets - Great whimsical fun, and can be written as heart wrenchingly sad or as darkly satiric. Fantastic characters.

 

Zan from the Wonder Twins - Standard kid's TV superhero.

 

Aqualad - Superstrong, moderately tough, can breath under water, fast under water, no worse than many power sets. The Aqua family gets a raw deal.

 

Regarding aqualad: I like the character, espesialy after the change to tempest...

[assault]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

Here are some examples of Aquaman/Aqualad lamenesses:

(Aquaman #1, 1962)

Using flying fish to fly.

(Aquaman #2)

Using "hatchet fish" and swordfish to dig a hole.

Octopi throwning rocks.

A swordfish jumping out of the water to disarm a gunman.

A hammerhead shark functioning as a hammer.

(Aquaman #3)

"That Lantern Fish is blinking an SOS".

Using whales to transport ancient Greek soldiers, horses and chariots.

Flying fish missile deflection.

"And he has commanded those octopi to catapult swordfish at us. He -- He is a god indeed!"

"Those sawfish are cutting nice big holes out of the ship's hull!" (Actually an impersonator)

"That's it octopi! Tie up those cargo cases -- and haul them out!" (Impersonator again)

Armies of duelling swordfish battle each other...

assisted by a flank attack by wrestling octopi...

eels converted into "finny lassoes"

giant dogfish used to chase away catfish

torpedo fish, serving as torpedoes (not explosive, thankfully)

...

I give up. There's something stupid on every page, and often every frame.

[zornwil]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

Here are some examples of Aquaman/Aqualad lamenesses:

(Aquaman #1, 1962)

Using flying fish to fly.

(Aquaman #2)

Using "hatchet fish" and swordfish to dig a hole.

Octopi throwning rocks.

A swordfish jumping out of the water to disarm a gunman.

A hammerhead shark functioning as a hammer.

(Aquaman #3)

"That Lantern Fish is blinking an SOS".

Using whales to transport ancient Greek soldiers, horses and chariots.

Flying fish missile deflection.

"And he has commanded those octopi to catapult swordfish at us. He -- He is a god indeed!"

"Those sawfish are cutting nice big holes out of the ship's hull!" (Actually an impersonator)

"That's it octopi! Tie up those cargo cases -- and haul them out!" (Impersonator again)

Armies of duelling swordfish battle each other...

assisted by a flank attack by wrestling octopi...

eels converted into "finny lassoes"

giant dogfish used to chase away catfish

torpedo fish, serving as torpedoes (not explosive, thankfully)

...

I give up. There's something stupid on every page, and often every frame.

But is this really out of line with the goofiness of that particular period? I mean, the early '60s for DC was monumentally goofy, one of the things that Marvel quickly distinguished themselves from.

[assault]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

But is this really out of line with the goofiness of that particular period? I mean' date=' the early '60s for DC was monumentally goofy, one of the things that Marvel quickly distinguished themselves from.[/quote']

 

The consistency of it is unusual.

 

Furthermore, the early 60s wasn't DC's worst period for goofiness. They were publishing things like the Doom Patrol at the time, while the camp period was a few years down the road.

 

In any case, while the Flash, for example, pulled a lot of weird stuff, he didn't do it with a special effect of "fish".

 

To make a fair comparison, of course, it would be better to use the team books like the JLA and Teen Titans. Frankly, I think you would get the same result. A lot of Aquaman/Aqualad's stuff is just plain weirder than what the characters around them do.

[keithcurtis]

Re: Top 10 List of the Lamest Superheroes of All Times

 

Incidentally' date=' according to Wikipedia, Super Goof wasn't particulary associated with Carl Barks.

 

I knew posting something from the dregs of my childhood memories without corroborating research would come back and bite me on the behind.

 

Keith "OK, how about Pureheart the Powerful?" Curtis