Michael Hopcroft Posted June 7, 2017 Report Share Posted June 7, 2017 A: It's long and difficult. That's what happens when you rush me. Q: Did the timer on that bomb just accelerate? A: Before the Internet, all they could do was damply stand under stone bridges and bully goats around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 7, 2017 Report Share Posted June 7, 2017 A: Before the Internet, all they could do was damply stand under stone bridges and bully goats around. Q: Why are Trollish-Americans so much more content in the 21st Century? A: And they still grow back unless you burn them to ash. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 7, 2017 Report Share Posted June 7, 2017 A: And they still grow back unless you burn them to ash. Q: Superman, is it true that you use your heat vision to shave in the morning? A: No, I don't think you're as dumb as you look. You couldn't be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 8, 2017 Report Share Posted June 8, 2017 A: No, I don't think you're as dumb as you look. You couldn't be. Q: Why did you say I looked like a sack of hammers? A: I knew this would happen if they outlawed meat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 8, 2017 Report Share Posted June 8, 2017 A: I knew this would happen if they outlawed meat. Q: What's with the "DEATH TO TOFU" graffiti all over? A: It's called the Diet of Worms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted June 9, 2017 Report Share Posted June 9, 2017 Q: How do you learn to eat like a bird? A: You won't see that feature until the next iteration. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 9, 2017 Report Share Posted June 9, 2017 A: You won't see that feature until the next iteration. Q: When will we have a President who actually says things that are true? A: If that could change anything, it would be illegal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 18, 2017 Report Share Posted June 18, 2017 Anyone? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 18, 2017 Report Share Posted June 18, 2017 A: If that could change anything, it would be illegal. Q: Psst ... hey buddy, wanna buy 35 milligrams of antiprotons? Could make a nice bang! A: You stole that from Switzerland! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 19, 2017 Report Share Posted June 19, 2017 A: You stole that from Switzerland! Q: The only gear on this car is Neutral? Why? A: We're talkin' rainbows! We're talkin' puppies! Only the rainbows catch fire and the puppies shoot lasers out of their eyes.... Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 19, 2017 Report Share Posted June 19, 2017 A: We're talkin' rainbows! We're talkin' puppies! Only the rainbows catch fire and the puppies shoot lasers out of their eyes.... Q: HEY! Who's been lifting things out of my alkaloid collection? A: The future is 1962. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 19, 2017 Report Share Posted June 19, 2017 A: The future is 1962. Q: Name an obvious statement in 1961. A: We don't use money anymore. Everyone pays the rent with services now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 19, 2017 Report Share Posted June 19, 2017 A: We don't use money anymore. Everyone pays the rent with services now. Q: So nobody accepts American dollars any more? A: You must be so proud. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted June 19, 2017 Report Share Posted June 19, 2017 Q: So nobody accepts American dollars any more? A: You must be so proud. Q: You watched a porn movie without getting caught by your parents? A: Come on, everybody does it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 19, 2017 Report Share Posted June 19, 2017 A: Come on, everybody does it! Q: How many times have I told you to stay out of public restrooms? A: I can only predict events that have already occurred. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted June 20, 2017 Report Share Posted June 20, 2017 Q: What do you mean, you're a "Reverse Nostradamus"? A: You know what they say, if it ain't broke.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted June 20, 2017 Report Share Posted June 20, 2017 Q: Why are you pounding on your computer with a hammer? A: I couldn't think of what else to do with a box full of self-adhesive Hitler mustaches. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 20, 2017 Report Share Posted June 20, 2017 A: I couldn't think of what else to do with a box full of self-adhesive Hitler mustaches. Q: So you were arrested for defacing pictures of < insert name of politician here > ? A: Of course that's what I got. I deserve nothing less. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 20, 2017 Report Share Posted June 20, 2017 A: Of course that's what I got. I deserve nothing less. Q: I'm sorry, sir, but your card has been declined. Are you sure you should have ordered the filet mignon, knowing you probably couldn't pay for it? A: You don't get cheese or chicken! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted June 22, 2017 Report Share Posted June 22, 2017 Q: I'm sorry, sir, but your card has been declined. Are you sure you should have ordered the filet mignon, knowing you probably couldn't pay for it? A: You don't get cheese or chicken! Q: What is wrong with this soup? I ordered cheesy chicken noodle and all I got was plain broth? A: His missed the barn - from the inside! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 22, 2017 Report Share Posted June 22, 2017 A: His missed the barn - from the inside! Q: What makes this guy qualified to be an Imperial Stormtrooper? A: I'm not the Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico, but I am fifth in line for the throne. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 23, 2017 Report Share Posted June 23, 2017 A: I'm not the Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico, but I am fifth in line for the throne. Q: Welcome to Lah Lah Land! Could you tell me your official title? A: It's a bit clearer than War and Peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcus Impudite Posted June 24, 2017 Report Share Posted June 24, 2017 Q: Welcome to Lah Lah Land! Could you tell me your official title? A: It's a bit clearer than War and Peace. Q: Why do you like Crime and Punishment? A: We put the naughty in Illuminati. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 24, 2017 Report Share Posted June 24, 2017 A: We put the naughty in Illuminati. Q: So the Secret Masters of the World throw the best parties? A: I really want to come picket with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 25, 2017 Report Share Posted June 25, 2017 A: I really want to come picket with you. Q: I'm going down to protest the new, more modest dress code at Hooters. Want to come? A: That's not a shotgun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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