How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

[bubba smith]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

perhaps hes doing this because his friend is interested in the game and he wants to sabotage it so he/she loses interest

if hes determined to control and ruin the game you should may HAVE to remove him or shut it down

[Zed-F]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Looks like Zed-F is off his meds again! Quick' date=' fetch the butterfly nets! [/quote']

 

Well, gee, I thought I'd at least get a chuckle or two.

[aylwin13]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Well' date=' gee, I thought I'd at least get a chuckle or two. [/quote']

 

* Raises hand timidly *

 

I chuckled, a little bit.

[CourtFool]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

If I were passive aggressive, I would run sessions where no one bothers to get DudClaw involved. Want to take yourself out of the campaign, be my guest. Role play a jerk, and I will role play no one wanting to have anything to do with you. Fun times.

 

If I were passive aggressive…

 

It is not like I would ever do that.

 

O.k. Maybe once.

 

A session.

 

What?!

[Odraude]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Odraude:

I sent you a PM, please check it!

(Sorry, don't know what else to say...)

 

AmadannaBriona:

Umm, thanks for the reply.

I have very, very little relationship experience.

I'm pretty quiet, frankly timid, and freak out easily.

Not quite the package that guys are looking for (plus you know, I'm not smoking hot or anything).

 

 

I think I might

Ok I don't know what to do at this point.

Frankly, I'm considering putting the game on hiatus.

But that seems unfair to my players just for my own craziness.

:cue inner frustration:

 

-SC

 

 

*awakens from drunken sleep*

 

GAH POP-UP!!!

 

Eh don't worry, when you deleted your post the quote was deleted too.

 

There's nothing more I can really add that everyone of these fine upstanding forumites haven't said Stay sharp and watch yourself. I'd almost put you at a bit younger than me (I'm 22 so id say you are 18 or 19) and you gotta watch your back.

 

If ya ever need any more advice, PM mwuah or any of these awesome people (b^_^)b

 

Now back to playing Oblivion!

 

-Od, the man from Georgia... the country

[Guest steamteck]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

If a blow up does occur' date=' and the person leaves the game, please remember it's not your fault.I've been gaming with the same group for 20 years. recently we allowed a new person in and found our gaming styles incompatable. we tried seeing if the person would change . when this didn't happen he was booted out.[/quote']

 

I've been running my game for over 20 years myself and had similar situations all players simply do not fit with all groups

[Cygnia]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Rather than put the game on hiatus, change things up. Maybe have a one/two shot TEAM-ORIENTED campaign with different characters (govt./UN sanctioned) just to try "something different".

 

Now, I'd just kick this particular player out myself, but if you really want to give him another chance, try this then. And if he insists on running another lone wolf killer who doesn't want to deal with any NPCs on a positive basis &/or have to answer to a higher authority about his actions, you will then have ample evidence that he should be booted out with haste.

[Vondy]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

I would echo two thoughts: If it were me I would boot the problem player even if it cost me the other player. You might not lose them, or they may come back by themselves after a few weeks. I had this happen with a couple on one occassion. I asked the male-half to leave knowing I would lose both. Two months later they broke up and who should arrive on my doorstep on gaming day but the girlfriend all primed and ready to play. My previous answers were based on the notion that keeping the friend was of key importance. How big is your group? Short of that, a change up with an emphasized theme that had clear character requirements (like "part of the team") as cygnia suggests could fix part of the problem.

[Zed-F]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Here's my advice.

 

Don't take any of the stuff you read here as gospel. The problem is we have only a very limited window into the actual problem -- what you've told us. This is not to say that you've done anything other than attempt to be as clear as possible, but you've said what you've presented thus far may be a result of over-reaction.

 

Sit back. Take a deep breath. Make sure you have as neutral a perspective as possible, and have a think. Then, as has been suggested, talk with your players. Find out whether this guy really is as anti-social as he is coming across. Ask your players to honestly assess one another in a private manner. See if everyone else is getting along ok. Sometimes the best answer is to grow a thicker skin, if you can.

 

If others are also having problems, then you have grounds for making a clean break. Make sure Claws's friend is on-board with the nature of the problem. See if he wants to try to take care of it for you. If so, let him make the attempt. If not, adios muchacha to Claws. Also, if you honestly can't deal with the guy personally, then explain to him that things just aren't working out, wish him the best, and send him on his way.

 

Life is too short to obsess over these sorts of things. Do take the time to gather the necessary information and make an informed decision. Don't overthink it or engage in self-recrimination if it doesn't work out. Different people want different things from a game and nobody should feel they are somehow compelled to please everyone. It's just not possible. Make a call and move forward.

[sinanju]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

If I were passive aggressive, I would run sessions where no one bothers to get DudClaw involved. Want to take yourself out of the campaign, be my guest. Role play a jerk, and I will role play no one wanting to have anything to do with you. Fun times.

 

I had a player once (in a cyberpunk game) decide that he wanted to play a costumed crimefighter. He had a costumed persona (Plague!) and a secret identity. He never revealed his "secret" identity to the other characters, and they were unwilling to associate with an anonymous costumed lunatic, not surprisingly.

 

He spent a couple of game sessions sitting around being bored before he decided that maybe this wasn't such a good plan.

 

(This is one of the reasons I instituted my "No Silly Characters" and "Must Work and Play Well With Others" rules in later games.)

[CourtFool]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

He spent a couple of game sessions sitting around being bored before he decided that maybe this wasn't such a good plan.

 

So…um…you admit to being passive aggressive too?

[SimComm]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Dear All,

Thank you for all of your replies!

Unfortunately, I only have time for a quick post, as tonight is our (shudder) gaming night.

This is the first time I've ever NOT wanted to go...

To make a long story short, after talking with all of my players, something rather horrible that was hinted on last night is apparently true.

(This sounds melodramatic, sorry, but it keeps me from thinking about it too hard...)

BloodClaw, the player in question... he

I have difficulty writing this, had to keep deleting it.

He seems to like me. Or so other people say.

Apparently, I'm not his first choice though, as he's more or less directly hit on the other ladies before, and is now I guess trying something kind of weird for me. I have no idea why.

The two (former targetees? I don't know how to explain this without it sounding outright horrible) players aren't really bothered by it.

The player playing Red went so far as to call him, "Harmless in every way of the word."

(Actually, she didn't use the word "harmless," but I'm editing her a bit, as I try to keep it clean...)

They seem to think that if I just directly blow him off, then he'll be disinterested in the whole thing and leave.

 

I'm just surprised at the whole thing, really. I've never had the experience of someone basically "hunting" me at a game table, although the other two say that it has happened to them a lot. (But they're cute and hot respectively, and I'm thankfully fairly transparent on most guys' radars; you know that quiet, meek anemic girl in the corner who keeps writing in her little book? That's me.)

 

I even talked to Harry's player, who is the bastion of common sense in the sea of guy-dom (yes, I pedestal-ize him, so what? ), and he says that his friend has said that he's "interested at anything at this point."

I'm not really sure what that means, but it sure doesn't make me feel special

But he said that he'll break the news to BloodClaw, and he'll let me know what happens.

It sounds like everything's ok, but why am I so worried???

 

Thanks for being my emotional soundboard...

 

-SC

[Yansuf]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Good Luck.

[bubba smith]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Here's my advice.

 

Don't take any of the stuff you read here as gospel. The problem is we have only a very limited window into the actual problem -- what you've told us. This is not to say that you've done anything other than attempt to be as clear as possible, but you've said what you've presented thus far may be a result of over-reaction.

 

Sit back. Take a deep breath. Make sure you have as neutral a perspective as possible, and have a think. Then, as has been suggested, talk with your players. Find out whether this guy really is as anti-social as he is coming across. Ask your players to honestly assess one another in a private manner. See if everyone else is getting along ok. Sometimes the best answer is to grow a thicker skin, if you can.

 

If others are also having problems, then you have grounds for making a clean break. Make sure Claws's friend is on-board with the nature of the problem. See if he wants to try to take care of it for you. If so, let him make the attempt. If not, adios muchacha to Claws. Also, if you honestly can't deal with the guy personally, then explain to him that things just aren't working out, wish him the best, and send him on his way.

 

Life is too short to obsess over these sorts of things. Do take the time to gather the necessary information and make an informed decision. Don't overthink it or engage in self-recrimination if it doesn't work out. Different people want different things from a game and nobody should feel they are somehow compelled to please everyone. It's just not possible. Make a call and move forward.

i concur with zed-f

[Vondy]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Good luck.

 

Keep us informed.

 

He does not sound datable.

[Kraven Kor]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Could be worse.

 

The GM of my current D20 group is going to play in my upcoming Star HERO game.

 

He, at first, wanted his character to be mute... and he is normally fairly sociable. Then he wanted the character to have taken a "vow of silence." We finally agreed on him being "reticent."

[Vondy]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Could be worse.

 

The GM of my current D20 group is going to play in my upcoming Star HERO game.

 

He, at first, wanted his character to be mute... and he is normally fairly sociable. Then he wanted the character to have taken a "vow of silence." We finally agreed on him being "reticent."

 

Other options:

 

"taciturn"

 

"man of few words"

 

"only speaks when he really has something to say"

 

"speaks through actions"

 

Its not always unworkable. The character "sphynx" from Gone in Sixty Seconds comes to mind. If the player sticks with the group, helps the other characters, and is good at describing phyiscal actions, gestures, and facial expressions the character could still be very communicative.

 

But, yeah. Normally a character should talk. Not every player can pull it off.

[Guest steamteck]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

good luck.

 

I'm sorry its made gaming a stress.

 

I'm a guy and I've been "hunted" at the game table myself. It can be a stressful situation depending but just take things nice and easy.

 

I'm sure "Harry: didn't mean things like that sounds. He's probably nervous about this too. It sounds like he wants to help handle the problem for you. Just try not to let it stress you out too much.

 

As Vondy said Keep us informed

 

He doesn't sound datable ( but we're not there so we don't really know)

[Vondy]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

( but we're not there so we don't really know)

 

Very true.

[CourtFool]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

I had no idea playing a psychotic loner with bad personal hygiene while trying to creep out the GM was a way to pick up chicks.

 

I will have to try it next time I am single.

 

Does this guy sound like the poster child for why many females will not come within 50 yards of a role playing game…or is it just me?

[Odraude]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

I'm a bit curious now, what is the setting of this game anyhow?

[Tasha]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

I had no idea playing a psychotic loner with bad personal hygiene while trying to creep out the GM was a way to pick up chicks.

 

I will have to try it next time I am single.

 

Does this guy sound like the poster child for why many females will not come within 50 yards of a role playing game…or is it just me?

 

No he sounds like the guy that scares off the female players after they game once.

 

What some guys think is acceptable behavior while in character... don't get me started.

 

This whole Discussion reminds me of this essay on Beth Kinderman's Gamer Chick Website The whole site is quite nifty. Worth a look by all genders

[input.jack]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Coming in late, here.

 

First, I hope things go well. And by that, I mean that I hope that Bloodclaw's player decides to do something else on Game Night from now on and leaves you alone.

 

Second, welcome to the Hero Forums!

 

Do you have any idea why the other player (Harry?) actually seems to like this Bloodclaw guy?

 

As far as keeping to your boundaries and not revealing too much about yourself; good on you! I also know someone who had a very bad experience through an MMORPG, and as long as you never mention anything more specific than what time zone you live in you should be OK. When I met her she was kind of a wreck, honestly, but shes come out of her shell and is actually kind of a silly whackadoo once she gets going. As long as you dont give out real names, or mention the specific city that you live in, you should be fine.

 

It sounds to me like you are probably more together (overall) than you think you are. Id advise, in my armchair pshychoanalist kind of way, that you just try not to over-analyze yourself too much. From what little Ive seen of you, you sound like a great person to have as a friend. You just need a tad more self-confidence

 

Thats it for this edition of the Input Jack Ramble. We now return you to your regularly scheduled forum thread.

[SimComm]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Hi All,

Thank you so much for the many replies and help!

I'll try to get to individual posts, but I'm going to try not to write too much at the moment, lest I repeat the bad habits of last night

Well, it was an interesting night.

 

After all of the mess with BloodClaw, I actually got to the session a little late, and I saw Red, Dreamy, and oh yeah, the Maiden. The new male/female character was starting tonight and I had kind of forgotten (wow, smooth move GM!).

 

The really noticably absent parts were no BloodClaw and... no Harry

 

So, we started gaming for a while, introducing Maiden to Red, some hijinks ensue, and Red eventually deduces out that Maiden's not a woman (I later found out that Maiden and Dreamy told her before I arrived, but it made her look impressive )

 

We're into the game for a bit, and I'm scrambling to try and figure out a plot hook (Harry's agency is my #1 fallback for plots), when who walks in, but Harry!!!

Without BloodClaw!

I sort of asked what happened, and Harry said that his friend decided to "do something different tonight."

 

Wow. Just wow.

So, we start gaming, and it's not until the PCs are introducing Maiden to Harry, that I realize that in all the madness, nobody's told Harry the uh, special secret that Maiden has. (She's actually a teenage boy with the magic ability to become a woman. Yes, she's also unavoidably hot)

So, Red and Dreamy trade notes and I think they decide to see how long it takes the "PI" to figure it out. It actually took a LONG time, mostly because Harry was hamming it up about how he's a fan of Maiden and giving off these kind of funny little looks.

Intervention eventually became necessary, as he kept staring at his (the PC's) chest for a full minute or so. Red piped up and said something snarky, and he responded that he'd need an EGO roll. He rolled pretty well, then kept on staring. I asked why he did that, and he said that "with bazooms like that, it's at least a -6 penalty."

 

I forget who threw the first dice at him, but soon it was full on dice-throwing mayhem, with everyone eventually lying around laughing their tails off.

We even went for drinks afterwards, and Harry was nice enough to buy drinks for everyone (yay, didn't have to get carded ).

 

He explained to me that BloodClaw kind of thought that he'd be able to just hang around and eventually one of us would just HAVE to throw ourselves at him. I'm pretty sure he was exaggerating. But the best part of the evening, was that when I asked him if he's fine with BloodClaw not coming, he said that "nobody else but this pack of fools would have him."

I think I cried a little bit, I'm not sure. Red said something snarky, and everyone eventually left.

 

Welcome to my life as a sit-com

 

I'll try to write up more later.

 

-SC

 

P.S. I just realize that I don't think anyone ever told Harry! (gah!)

[Odraude]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Sounds awesome. Cheers! Ales for everyone!

 

Od

 

Enjoyer of ale and liquor!