Christopher

What does the comet say?
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/technology-science/science/listen-rosetta-comets-haunting-song-4623601
(Recording of the magnetic field, sped up 10,000 times).

New one is up:
986 Inn Doubt
 
"Big Folks Inn - human sized rooms at normal sized prices!"
I guess that really works in a gnome city.

Part Three of Typhoid Dee:
 
The CDC says that they need Pigeon (as Patient Zero) to better concoct a cure to the disease.  With their police connections, the heroes learn that Pigeon is a girl named Diane Carvey with a juvie record, but nothing they find can help them locate where she might be now. 
Pops:  We could dress up as old men, go to the park, and throw bread crumbs on the ground.  She's bound to show up.
 
They also learn that Pigeon is part of a group of freaks / society rejects known as Vermin, whose other members are Cockroach, Flea, Mink, Gopher, Weasel, and Willard (who can summon a rat pack). 
 
Honey Badger:  They may be named Vermin, but I'm calling them "lunch."
 
After learning that witnesses had overheard Pigeon tell Wight he's a "freak like us" and tried to get him to join Vermin, Circe heads to PRIMUS to see if Wight knows where Pigeon might be holed up.
 
GM:  Are you going to tell PRIMUS you want to read his mind?
Circe:  No.  I speak Russian.  I'm just telling them that I want to talk to him.
GM:  Okay, they'll let you talk to him over the intercom, while he's still in the cell.
Circe:  Can I see him?
Nexus:  They should have a camera on him in the cell.
GM:  Sure, but Circe's powers won't work over a video feed.  She needs direct line of sight.
Circe:  I could use Mind Scan to lock on...
GM:  You want to scan the PRIMUS base to lock onto a prisoner in a super-cell?  Think it through.
Circe:  ... yeah, probably not a good idea.
 
After Circe points out that Wight's sickness can also be cured if they capture Pigeon, the Russian relents and gives them a location:  a deserted factory on the south side.  With building blueprints, a bunch of police and PRIMUS agents as backup, and a combination of Circe's Mind Scan and Shadowboxer's Shadow Sight (Clairsentience) to pin down the specific locations of the members of Vermin, the heroes are ready to go in.  Since Weasel (a mentalist) and Flea (a shrinker) are both in the same room, the heroes decide they are the first targets.
 
Circe:  (herself a mentalist)  We need to take out Weasel first.  Because mentalists are sooo evil.
 
Malarky:  Before we go in, do you want me to cast a spell on all of you?
Honey Badger:  Are we all gonna become frogs?
 
Gopher is actually about six meters underground, in a burrow he dug out along with a network of tunnels under the factory.  Shadowboxer uses his Shadow Sight to see what the gadgeteer is up to.
 
GM:  He's working on some device, you're not sure what, while humming.
Shadowboxer:  What song?
GM:  (Hums a tune, but the player doesn't catch it).  At one point, he actually quietly sings, "When Captain Gopher throws his mighty shield..."  And yes, there's a small round shield lying next to him.
 
While most of the heroes take down Flea and Weasel, and Shadowboxer takes on Gopher, Maker (remote-piloting a captured VIPER flyer bot since she's still in quarantine) smashes through a skylight and fires a missile at Pigeon.  It's a 1 1/2d6 Penetrating RKA with +1 STUN Mod, and she rolls badly:  3 BODY and 12 STUN.
 
Maker:  Useless.
However, Pigeon's armor fails the Activation roll, so she takes the full damage.
Shadowboxer:  (OOC)  It's actually a good thing you rolled so low.  We wouldn't want to bring a corpse back to the CDC.
 
Seeing the drone attack and hearing the sound of combat from the room where Flea and Weasel were, Mink leaps into action.
GM:  She runs to the fire door, shoves it open, and runs outside.
Nexus:  Really?  She's running away?
GM:  Yeah.  Mink is definitely a "me first" kinda person.
 
The injured and pissed-off Pigeon flies up to try ripping the flyer bot apart with her claws.  She also rolls incredibly low, getting no damage past the bot's defenses.
 
GM:  That nice new paint job you gave it, though - she scratched that all up.
Pops:  We're painting our whole base with that stuff.  I mean, look how well it protected the drone...
 
Upset at the drone attacking Pigeon, Willard summons a rat pack and sends it up into the rafters to drop onto the drone, blinding it's cameras.  But with the shrinker and mentalist down, Honey Badger runs into the factory proper and jumps up to grab Pigeon.
 
Honey Badger:  Do any of the rats come along for the ride?  If so, I'll munch on them while I'm squeezing Pigeon.
 
Because of the surprise attack taking down three Vermin so quickly, the heroes soon defeat the rest of them...
GM:  Well, Mink got away.
Pops:  Wait, didn't we have police and PRIMUS out there?
GM:  Oh, yeah.  Forgot about them.
Pops:  But she's a martial artist, so she probably has a high DCV.
Shadowboxer:  Which won't help much against stun grenades.
GM:  So, all of Vermin were captured...

Part Two of Typhoid Dee:
 
Maker's background was that she got her powers as an astronaut aboard UNTIL's Gateway space station after exposure to a solar flare or cosmic radiation or something similar.  However, her powers were initially out of control, causing a major problem on the station that left at least one fellow astronaut apparently dead but, in the standard comic trope "nobody could have possibly survived that" which means that of course he survived it, and is now her nemesis.  Her character sheet included Hunted:  TBD (same origin), giving me free rein to name and create the Hunted.
 
I ran her through a quick prequel scene detailing the incident above, with Russian cosmonaut Andrei Vyelov's spacesuit getting holed and him spiraling out of control into an atmospheric reentry while UNTIL was too busy trying to keep Gateway from suffering a similar fate.
 
Back to the present, Maker (aka Li Jenkins) is running late to her regular weekly lunch with her overbearing Chinese mother.  As Li is in the taxi enroute to Boston's Chinatown area, she phones mom (Dr. Hu Cheng) to let her know she's on her way.  In the middle of the conversation, there is screaming and then the call is cut off.  She tries calling back without success.
 
Maker:  How long is it going to take the cab to get there?
GM:  About ten minutes.  Maybe five if you have one of those cab drivers who considers traffic laws as mere suggestions.
Maker:  Can I fly there faster?
GM:  You have a slot in your Multipower that lets you fly pretty fast.  So yeah.  You can get there in about a minute.
Maker:  I tell the cabbie to stop, throw some money at him, get out, duck into an alley.  Turn on my cloak field and fly to Chinatown.
GM:  Are you doing anything else? 
Maker:  Call the others and let them know somethings going on.
GM:  (to other players)  Is anybody else going there?
Shadowboxer (whose secret ID is a PI who also drives a cab to make ends meet):  Well, my last customer just threw money at me and jumped out of the cab, so I'm free to head there!
 
Maker arrives to find a badly scarred man holding her (unconscious) mother, and arguing with some black teen girl with wings.  Another man is lying unconscious at the scarred man's feet.  (He's a good Samaritan who unsuccessfully tried to stop the scarred man from grabbing Dr. Cheng.)
GM:  The guy holding your mom looks like someone tried to light his cigarette with a flamethrower.  Any skin showing is covered with really nasty burn scars.
Honey Badger:  (sarcastically)  Gee, I wonder who that could be?
Maker (with "clueless" field fully engaged):  I don't know, but I'm getting my mom away from him.
 
The scarred man shoves the winged girl away from him as Maker closes in.
GM:  You notice that the winged girl has what looks like a cloud of airborne dust particles around her.  When his hand touches her, you see all the dust particles light up briefly.  Also, she appears to get a bit weaker, and his scars heal up a bit.
Maker:  Crap.  I radio the others:  Don't touch him!
 
The winged girl (Pigeon) flips the scarred man off and begins flying away as Pops teleports Honey Badger to Chinatown, while Maker does a move-by grab on her mother, then flies her to safety. 
 
Pops:  I normally bring the slowest person first, but I start with Honey Badger because I know I can leave him there safely while I get the others.
 
Honey Badger runs up and punches the scarred man (Sushchestvo, aka Wight), knocking him back into some bystanders trying to run away from the scene.  Since Honey Badger has pretty hefty Power Defense, Wight's damage shield Drain doesn't do much, but it does reduce HB's strength enough to make him lose a die of damage. 
 
Honey Badger:  Does he say anything?
GM:  He's shouting in what sounds like Russian.
Maker:  I speak Russian.  What is he saying?
GM:  He's using some rather inventive cursing.  Something about Honey Badger's mother's sexual proclivities. 
 
Wight responds to this attack by grabbing the woman next to him and stealing most of her life energy.
 
Honey Badger:  Is there a mailbox, or a lightpole, or something like that I can use as a weapon?
Malarky:  It's a restaurant with outdoor seating.  Tons of stuff to grab.
GM:  Yep, tables, chairs, big ol' umbrellas...
Honey Badger.  Umbrellas.  Perfect.  I grab one.
Maker:  You're going to pound him with that?
Honey Badger:  I'm gonna shove the umbrella up his a** and open it!
 
Pops teleports Malarky in, who hits Wight with his "Wee Bit Pissed" spell.
 
Malarky:  That should make him drunk.
Pops:  He's Russian.  Probably immune to alcohol.
GM:  If it was vodka, maybe.  But Malarky uses Red Bull in his spell, so it still affects him.
 
Nexus arrives with Circe, and notices two guys on the other side of the street who are looking in her direction.
 
Honey Badger:  Wonder why they're looking at you guys, instead of watching the fight.
Circe:  Maybe because we're hot!
 
As more heroes arrive, the tide swiftly turns against Wight.  Honey Badger rips the cloth off the umbrella to wrap up Wight, then begins squeezing him to keep him unconscious.  Meanwhile,  an older Chinese lady, comes running out of the restaurant.
 
Chinese lady:  Hey!!!  You break, you buy!
Honey Badger:  (turns to Circe, who is wealthy)  A little help here?  I need an umbrella.
An innocent bystander hears this and hands HB a small retractable umbrella.
Honey Badger:  I say thanks, stick it in the ass, and open it.
Maker:  Of the Chinese lady?!?!
Honey Badger:  (incredulously) Noooooooo.  Of the bad guy.
 
The heroes are discussing what they're going to do with the Russian, who Maker now recognizes as Andrei Vyelov.
 
Honey Badger:  (to Pops)  Can you teleport him back to Russia?
Circe:  Do you really want to turn him over to the Russians?
Honey Badger:  Why don't we put him in bed with Putin?
Malarky:  I can make 'em both a Wee Bit Pissed...
 
The heroes reluctantly turn their foe over to PRIMUS, while Maker changes back to secret ID and takes her mother home to recover.
 
GM:  The Return Rate is per 5 minutes, so it'll take about an hour for all the stats he Drained to return.  Even after that, though, your mom is still not feeling great. 
Maker:  I call my dad and explain to him what happened.  Let him know Mom's not feeling good, and to keep an eye on her.
 
After Mr. Jenkins also begins feeling unwell the next day, it becomes apparent something is going on.  The heroes learn that the woman Wight touched last is also sick, as are a few people in Honey Badger's apartment building. 
 
Maker:  I touched my mom.  Am I feeling sick?
GM:  You have a slight headache.  That's about it.
Maker:  Wonder why I'm immune?
GM:  You're not.  You have 5 points of Power Defense, and it's a 1d6 Drain.  It's only getting a little bit through every now and then.
Honey Badger:  That's why it's not affecting me at all.  I have 15 points.
GM:  You also have Life Support:  Immune to Disease.  That might help, too.
 
The CDC quarantines everybody affected at the restaurant (including Maker, in secret ID).  The heroes think the disease came from Wight, but are surprised to learn that he is also sick.  Honey Badger researches Pigeon and learns that she does have some sort of mild toxic aura around her, but it just causes minor respiratory problems that clear up shortly after you move away from her.
 
GM:  Odd thing, the guy that tried to stop Wight from taking Maker's mom recovered all his lost characteristics and isn't sick at all.
Nexus:  Why's he immune?  He was touched by Wight as well.
Malarky:  (light bulb goes off)  Because he was affected before the Russian touched Pigeon. 
Shadowboxer:  When he touched Pigeon, his damage shield must have somehow mutated her disease and made it deadlier.

Oh, and there's a story on the priestess & her bodyguard
 
http://www.giantitp.com/index.html#6eam4vhlOtdyflgooaB

From last night's adventure (Typhoid Dee) in my Champions game (Part One):
 
Pre-game, Circe was jokingly complaining about last session's fight at her nightclub.
Malarky:  (OOC) I thought we warned you -- if you tell (GM) that your character owns someplace, it's almost guaranteed there will be a fight there.
GM:  Didn't you notice, when you gave me Circe's backstory, and it included the nightclub, and your condo's location, and your mom's place, that I chuckled a lot?
 
FYI:  Circe's player provided a very detailed background that involved her grandmother Marie (herself a mentalist and a leader of a group known as the Sisterhood) making a deal with an unidentified "powerful mentalist" -- he and Marie's daughter Hanna would bear two children, one female and one male.  (One of the Sisterhood could manipulate things to ensure the gender of each child.)  Hanna would raise the girl, and the father would raise the boy.  However, after the first child (Circe, aka Ana) was born, Marie and Hanna refused to complete the deal by producing the male mentalist's heir.  Thanks to the Sisterhood, he didn't have much choice but to accept this and walk away.  Ana / Circe didn't necessarily know all of this info, though she was aware of the Sisterhood.  The background also mentioned that her grandmother died when Ana was about 8 years old.  And Circe's Complications included that she is Watched by her father (More Powerful).
 
Cue the GM machinations.
 
GM:  And speaking of your condo, we're going to start Circe, or rather Ana, off there, sleeping peacefully one night...
 
She wakes up to find a man leaning against her bedroom door frame, smoking a cigarette.  He introduces himself as Joseph Ryan, her father (whom her mother had said died when Ana was an infant).  Ryan assures her he means her no harm, and says that Ana's mother (Hanna) and grandmother (Marie) kept him from seeing her.
 
Ryan:  Even though your mother kept you from me, I kept tabs on you growing up, but I did miss out those things a dad gets to do, like watching his baby sleep.  So I hope you'll forgive me for watching you sleep just now.
Circe:  (OOC)  The first thing I do?  Pull the covers all the way up to my neck.
 
Circe tries using her Telepathy (invisible to mental) to read his mind.  Note that all of her mental powers are in a pair of multipowers, and all are bought with the Unified Power limitation.
 
GM:  Two things.  First, you can tell that your Telepathy is greatly reduced in power.  In fact, all of your mental powers are down about 30 points, and you can feel them slowly but surely getting weaker.  Secondly, when you try to read his mind, you get nothing.  He's like a psionic void.
Circe:  This is not good!
 
Ryan, by the way, is the psionic assassin Krait from Blackwyrm Games' rather excellent Algernon Files.
 
Ryan:  I also never got to tell you bedtime stories growing up, so please indulge me while I tell you one now.  Long ago, there was an evil queen, Queen Marie, who was also secretly a witch, leader of a coven of witches known as the Sisterhood.  Queen Marie made a deal with young, handsome Prince Joseph (bows slightly), offering a few nights' time with her beautiful daughter, Princess Hanna, with the goal of producing two heirs.  The daughter would be raised by Queen Marie and Princess Hanna, and then a son would be born and raised by Prince Joseph.  However, after the lovely Princess Ana was born, Queen Marie told Prince Joseph that she and Hanna weren't going to honor the rest of the deal.  Since Prince Joseph was still young and not as skilled as he would one day become, and the evil queen had the backing of her coven of witches, there was nothing he could do but walk away.  But Prince Joseph trained, honing his skills and powers, and one day he returned.  He snuck into the castle late one night and slew the evil Queen Marie in her bed. 
Circe:  But... why?
Ryan:  Because she reneged on their deal.  It was... unprofessional.
GM:  (OOC)  He says that as if being unprofessional is a worse crime than clubbing kittens, maybe even worse than murdering infants.
 
After he finished his twisted bedtime story, he tells Ana that he now plans to murder her mother Hanna for her part in backing out of the deal, and that he felt she should know the full truth of how she came to be. 
 
Ryan:  I don't want to be one of those parents who puts his child into the middle of things, so you may feel free to tell your mother that I stopped by, and of course my plans for her.  All I ask is that you stay out of things and let your mother and I settle our dispute ourselves.  I would hate for you to get hurt in the crossfire.
 
- - - - - -
 
I then backtracked to just after the team's fight against Road Kill.  Last session, the heroes discovered that Road Kill's new songs were somehow summoning Cthulhu-esqe horrors.
 
GM:  So, last time you guys destroyed the Flying Polyp and captured the members of Road Kill.
Honey Badger:  And I got an autographed guitar!
GM:  Yes, you did.  However, how are you going to keep Road Kill from just playing these songs later and summoning more of those things?
Malarky:  The lyrics were basically incantations for a spell.  If we can get them to change the wording, the spell won't work.  (Note that Malarky is a fledgling mage.)
Circe:  (to Nexus, aka Isabelle, a musician)  Does Izzy write her own music?
Nexus:  Yes.
Circe: So she and Malarky can work together come up with new lyrics for the songs, and I'll use my cumulative Mind Control to put them into Heavy Metal's mind and make him think they were his idea.
Honey Badger:  Can you make them a limerick?

"Ursine Steel? Signs of early contact between Kulrathi and the Space Apes found." - GNN, Star Drive 2:
http://i1.wp.com/www.spacegamejunkie.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/NewGame.png

"So," The Bear said, "You come to my cave for the secret of Ursine steel , do you?"
 
"Such is my quest," The human said earnestly, hope in his voice but it was a hope he dared not hold onto too tightly. The Bears had guarded their secrets closely from humans, and with good reason. None of them had forgiven the actions of the human King Colbert the First and that mad monarch's reign had tainted human bear relations to this day.
 
The bear scratched his chin, "Not far from here, you will find a greedy and selfish ranger! A woodland warrior who has ever vexed me."
 
The human nodded slowly. He had heard of this fellow, a man by the name of Smith, "I know of him. It would be easier to defeat him with ursine steel," He said hopefully.
 
The bear laughed, "No little human, I do not wish him killed. Bring me Smith's treasure, bring me, his picnic basket."
 
The human winced. This would be no easy achievement. The Bear was setting him to a task that the bear himself hadn't achieved. He should have known. Any animal with the secret to Ursine Steel had to be smarter than the average bear.

Only you can prevent your own idiocy (And maybe the local PD if you're lucky)

"They say you can choose your underwear, but you can't choose your family."
"I thought that was friends."
"What was?"
"What you can choose. You can choose your friends but not your family."
"That....makes sense. I think underwear works too. Underwear and friends."
"Uh huh."
"But not your friends' underwear. Choosing that would just be too awkward."
"You mean kind of like thi-."
"THEN AGAIN, if we're talking about friends with benefits, that's a different story. Maybe not. Boundaries could still vary from person to person, y'know?"
"Remind me to pack a Game Boy next time..."
 
Gotta love IC banter that isn't centered around dice rolls.

"If you want to defeat a villain, just let him talk."

What does the comet say?
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/technology-science/science/listen-rosetta-comets-haunting-song-4623601
(Recording of the magnetic field, sped up 10,000 times).

I just love this story so much, I don't even care that it's just up the road from me
 
Couple Arrested For Selling “Golden Tickets To Heaven”
 
 
 
 
I was going to add emphasis to a few lines, but where to even begin? Tito's statement alone is pure gold.
 
[link]
 
 

I hope that cleric had a nice trip... I wonder if we'll see her next fall?

The most mysterious of the superhero Minotaur's foes is Muerto, who counters Minotaur's strength with his own power to turn intangible.  He tends to attack unexpectedly while ranting about the way Minotaur's death is "overdue".  He does a fairly good job of pretending to be a supernatural personification of death.  Actually he's just a guy in a skull mask that contains mental controls over his intangibility circuitry, a deranged scientist seeking to avenge someone who died in the accident that transformed Minotaur.  

Sugar Skull
 
Flamboyant vigilante working across the southwest and Mexico. The sugar skull takes his name from the traditional confectionary for dio Los Muertos the day of the dead. Sugar skull is chaotic hyperactive described as being like a grade schooler on a sugar high .
 
His powers are illusion based able to generate costumes and props at will and with psychokinesis to add punch to his phantom weaponry. No one knows what he really looks like and the fact he can appear to be anyone using his powers he seems to come out of nowhere dish out chaotic cartoonish violence and vanish again.

"el torrero ósea" (the bony torrero) used to be you average torrero. Until he died and then returned from death as a walking skeleton.
He can thank his sudden return from the land of the death to the Graveblade, an ancient magical weapon that was once looted his ancestor during one of the crusades.
 
He seems not especially concernd about his new state of being, living his live as he used to be:
He still smokes cigars, among other stuff.
He even still works as torrero, but in a new less bloody way:
His body is actually not very resistant to damage, but he will quickly reform even when a bull ran through and over him.
In turn his blade allows him to stun living beings without causing serious harm.
 
This allows him to fight bulls without a drop of blood being spilled, much to the delight of people advertising against the blodyness of bullfighting.
 
He is not interested in being a superhero or villan. He does help when troubl get's in his way or the world/country are in danger. But otherwise he considers himself "just a normal joe, despite my bony complexion".
 
 
Edit: this concept was heavily inspired of Pablo Montaine from the webcomic Endstone:
http://endstone.net/cast/

Shadowrun – the other 2070 campaign
Apparently in the session I missed, the other characters went white-water rafting, got stuck in the middle of a d*ck-waving contest between Salish-Sidhe and Aztechnology, started a fire, and filmed the subsequent escalation. I should probably be grateful I missed this, even if there was ice cream at the end. For one thing, some-one as distinctive-looking as Ripper would be even harder to conceal in the camera footage than the other runners.

Oracle: Remember, I AM legally dead.
Ocelot: 'and if you say anything, you can be too'

Oracle also proposed nightmare fuel in the form of hundreds of Buster Moves – dancing plush toys with rudimentary AI – wired together into a twitching, staring, supercomputer. Fortunately, he's short on the funds to build this horror – keeping ahead of the software arms race is expensive - unless we can find another job soon. Boot's fixer makes an early morning priority call.

Strelok: Good morning, comrade. I have a job for you if you're interested.
Boots: Music to my ears – I need to buy that muscle toner somehow.

Apparently extra security is needed for a meet at The Sports Bar, in Freeway Park.

Boots: I've been there a few times when I was a kid... those poor ducks.

Boots: For most Shadowrunners, 11AM IS mid-morning.

Although it will be a problem for Oracle – he DOES have a day job.

Ripper K: It's a complication
Boots: Just like I'm an albino. And vindictive.
Ripper K: At least you don't have to worry about UV in Seattle.

Boots: Hey, Ripper, is this going to get in the way of your deviancy?

Boots: These conversations always reach the point where things get awkward. I LOVE working with you guys.

Ripper K: I'm going to call up an ARESearch Maps wiremap of the park – because if I had a missile launcher, I want to figure out where I'd be firing from.

It turns out that could be from anywhere – the freeway running through the park, the hi-ises all around...

Boots: There are so many, many ways this could go terribly wrong.

Not least because, as a AAA Security area of Seattle, us standing around with automatic weapons will attract attention.

Oracle: See if you can get some tracer rounds. Tracker rounds, I mean Tracker Rounds!
Ocelot: I suspect that slip was intentional.
Ripper K: Just order them off Amazon and one of the delivery drones will drop them off – you're an Amazon Prime member aren't you?

And then throw in the convention of security types at the pavilion. There's a rather high number of large people in suspiciously well-tailored suits wandering about. The fact that Oracle's drones will be running on a pre-arranged script, and the chances that this is going to go wrong wrong rise exponentially.

Ocelot: It has only just occurred to me that Shadowrunners started referring to the people that hire us as 'Johnsons' so we can call all our employers dicks.
Oracle: They do say a run isn't over until the Johnson has screwed you, somehow.

The runners chat about the run Ripper missed.

Ripper K: I do swim very well – I probably wouldn't have needed the raft.
Oracle: White-water bodysurfing should not be a thing.

Oracle is stuck doing his mystery day job where he has to log into an apparently random MMO for a few hours.

GM: And this week it's Glitterworld 4.
Oracle: Oh f**k.
Ripper K: Hmm?
Oracle: Idol management MMO.

Ripper K starts tagging civilians, security-types, and suits on the TacNet. We don't recognise the gathering suits, which we will no doubt regret very soon. Feeding the photos into face recognition software doesn't help.

Ripper K: It's those shiny teeth – they blind the cameras.

The doors are closed when a large and sparkly individual, with a highly attractive Orc girl on each arm, arrives. He's on the guest list, but he's late, so he won't be getting in. Of further note, his escorts are heavily but covertly armed. There's NO WAY we're letting him in.

Boots: It's the Penguin.
Oracle: Miraculously resurrected after his run in with a daemon.
Ripper K: Didn't your dad meet this guy?

Boots: I'm sorry sir, but there is no way I'm letting you in. But if you wait I'll make a call.
Penguin: You get stuck in traffic and this happens. Go on, make your damn call.
Boots: *winks at the orc escorts * Hey babe.
Ocelot: This is why we needed Oracle on duty – he could have blacked out everything below the neck.

Then the Halloweeners show up. A loud and themed biker gang. With flamethrowers.

Ripper K: There's no way this isn't a distraction.

Boots: Hey Strelok. We've got gangers inbound with flamethrowers in a AAA zone.
Strelok: … How???
Ocelot: What's the legalities of shooting them when they enter the pavilion grounds?

The thing we're not supposed to notice is the lone dog, packed to the gills with unmarked augmentics, that's strolling towards the pavilion. Ripper moves to intercept.

Oracle: I'd have packed it with surveillance hardware – it's a beagle. You have to call it Snoopy.

Boots: That's adorable. Have three bullets. 'You can tell I'm a hardcore gamer because I like hurting animals'
GM: The Halloweeners stop in their tracks and go '…. dude!'
Boots: Let 'em. They're next.

One bike gets its wheels shot out, and the other goes up in a fireball.

Boots: We've got one ganger who's bike doesn't go vroom vroom anymore and the other is one with the flame.
Ripper K: Oh look, it's some sort of bipedal incendiary device.

Knight Errant is surprisingly understanding, and ask us to come down to the station when we're off duty. After all, we are there as semi-legit security.

Ripper K: So, if I was making a run against this pavilion, what would my third line of attack be?

Probably the gardening droid that is making its rounds in the middle of the day. The one that stinks of liquid explosive.

Boots: Ripper, it's all yours.
Ripper K: Is it safe to shock it?
Boots: NO.

Ripper rips the 'pesticide' cannister off and throws it in the pond.

Boots: I'll leave that for Knight Errant to deal with. Wait, this park is full of civilians... 'Let's play in the fountain, mummy!' GOD NO.

Ripper K: Want me to pull the tracks off? KE will probably want to run cyberforensics on this.
Boots: Just hit the off button. I know I've unleashed bulletstorms today, but...

There's a few minutes of the meet to go. The security conventioneers across the road are watching all this with fascination.

Conventioneers: What the fuck did he just do? Into the pond? …. Alright then.

And then an apparently random assault happens nearby. And the woman attacking's hands start to inflate.

Ripper K: The f**k?

It's anaphylactic shock. And another distraction, but probably not one we can ignore.

Boots: Hold this – Orc running towards you with a rifle is never reassuring.

And recognising the situation, one of Oracle's drone scripts trigger – the medivac drone launches.

Boots: Ma'am! I have something to tell you! *stabs her in the neck with an EpiPen* And you! Stand over there!
Assault Victim: But she hit me!

And then the meeting of fixers, and our job, is over. It seems just barely possible that the medical emergency WASN'T a set-up.

Ocelot: Has anybody come out of the pavilion yet?
GM: Yes.
Ocelot: Good. If they hadn't I'd have gone in and started counting bodies.

Oracle: We need more jobs like this.
Boots: Ocelot, High Five! Ripper, Jazz Hands!

The Fixers: What the frell happened out here?
Ripper K: Surveillance cyberdog, bomb attack.
Boots: And Halloweeners.
Fixers: We didn't hear a thing!
Ripper K: Thanks.
Oracle: They can probably still hear the medivac.
Ripper K: And that was probably unrelated.

Oracle is quite pleased that his drone scripts worked so well he didn't even need to give them additional orders. And the fixers are so pleased with us that they'll probably keep us in mind for future jobs.

Boots: And lets sell off the organs from the dog.
Ocelot: Well, cyberwear.
Ripper K: The organs are kind of... all over the place.

GM: A 20 thousand nuyen dog... blown away with 10 nuyen worth of bullets.

Boots: High Five, Ripper! Argh, my wrist, what have I done...

Of course, Oracle is still going to need another job this month just to cover his expenses.

GM: Hacking is a high maintenance lifestyle.

Ripper K: Blowing the dog apart in front of all those kiddies was entirely necessary.

Of course, after the game Weldun points out everything we did wrong – he does security IRL.

Weldun: Like that woman who was having the attack. She was outside your perimeter – why did you leave your post? That said, I don't know a single security guard that wouldn't go help. In fact, if I knew one who refused to help, on those grounds, I wouldn't work with them.

NPC: Your forehead seems bigger these days.
Oracle: Why thank you, I've been working out.
Ocelot: Lots of Sudoku.

The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.
 
Cast of characters: 
Dent: ork, rat shaman
No-Step / Gomi No ShuShu: ork, snake shaman, healer
Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist
Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic
Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems
Happy Jack: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator
Universal Brotherhood ("UB"): a charitable fringe religious organization; secretly controlled by insect sprits
SIN: System ID Number; a combination of a social security number, driver's license, passport and debit card number
 
Universal Brotherhood - Getting Out of Dodge
 
Eye Spy: "These raids are just going to get harder and harder until the UB mops the floor with us."
Audacity Jane: "If they're smart, they'll reinforce the Seattle chapterhouses with additional guards from outside the area."
Happy Jack: "I certainly hope they do."
Eye Spy: "Do you have a death wish?"
Happy Jack: "No. I plan to start hitting chapterhouses in other cities."
 
Eye Spy: "How are we going to get our gear to other cities? Border guards and airport security tend to be really picky about those things."
Happy Jack: "We're going to get another vehicle. One more suited for hopping around the country."
Eye Spy: "YES!! We can finally get a helicopter."
Happy Jack: "I found something that's better. A blimp."
Eye Spy: "A blimp? It will take us forever to get anyplace."
Happy Jack: "These aren't your grandparents' Goodyear blimps. Cruising speed around 180 kmph. Top speed double that. They're harder to spot with radar or IR than anything short of a stealth glider. They're used by executives to get around cities and between cities, so everyone will assume we're rich and important. They also have enough range to get across the continent without refueling."
Audacity Jane: "They may be hard to spot with electronics, but they're really easy to spot with a Mark I eyeball."
Happy Jack: "I know. That's why I want to put LED panels on it. When we're cruising around cities at night, we can disguise ourselves as an advert-blimp. Nobody pays attention to those, and nobody expects one to spit out an infiltration team."
Audacity Jane: "You've got to be kidding. Your way to hide a blimp is to cover it in brightly lit advertisements?"
 
Eye Spy: "So where are we going to hit the UB next?"
No-Step: "California Free State would be a logical next stop. It's close. The UB was founded there, so they have a large presence."
Happy Jack: "That's the main reason I want to hit them somewhere else. I'm guessing they can follow the same trail of logic."
Dent: "So you're going to come up with an illogical way of choosing targets?"
 
Since the team was supporting their attacks on the UB chapterhouses by smuggling, the actual targets were chosen by which countries had inflated/deflated prices for certain goods.
 
Byte Force: "Where are we going first?"
Happy Jack: "Confederate American States."
No-Step: "Should I even bother asking what is overpriced there?"
Happy Jack: "Anything electronic. There's a huge tariff in order to 'protect' the nearly nonexistent domestic electronics industry. It artificially inflates the prices."
No-Step: "And what goods are available at cheap prices?"
Happy Jack: "Guns and ammo."
No-Step: "Are the Confederates deliberately trying to live up to the stereotypes?"
 
The team was understandably paranoid about the UB catching up with them when they sold living flesh form insect spirits to the biotech megacorps:
Each of the megacorps had employees that were UB members.
Some of those members were human form insect spirits capable of masking their true nature.
The human form insect spirits would act in the best interest of the hive/queen.
Even the non-possessed UB members might be persuaded to act in the UB's interest, instead of their corp's interest.
 
No-Step: "Wouldn't it be reasonable to assume that the UB will attack us when we attempt to hand over the live flesh form?"
Happy Jack: "It's highly likely. That's why we're not going to be there."
No-Step: "So who is going to the meet in our place?"
Happy Jack: "Nobody. We'll talk to the buyer on the phone, they'll deposit the money in a numbered account, and we'll get the flesh form there some other way."
Byte Force: "We can always send the flesh form by robocab."
Eye Spy: "We could steal a car and program the autopilot."
Dent: "I could mind control a courier into delivering it."
Audacity Jane: "Candygram."
 
Byte Force had been busy inventing new toys to use against the UB....
 
Byte Force: "This is pretty straightforward. I found a heat-resistant insecticide to coat flechettes with. If I'm right, you might be able to kill true form insect spirits with them."
Audacity Jane: "And if you're wrong?"
Byte Force: (shrugging) "Then it's like shooting an elephant with a BB gun. It's not going to hurt the elephant, but it might make it mad."
Audacity Jane: "And the only way to know whether you're right or wrong is for me to risk my life testing it...."
No-Step: "That's the joy of the scientific method."
 
Byte Force: "I figured out a way to make the UB's building unusable ... and it's not covered by their insurance."
Audacity Jane: "A nuclear warhead?"
Byte Force: "Stink bombs. I made some gas and paint grenades filled with putrescine, cadaverine, skatole and butryc acid."
No-Step: "So it smells like dead bodies and ... what else?"
Byte Force: "It smells like rotting meat, feces and vomit."
Dent: "That should cut the attendance at their meetings."
Eye Spy: (turning slightly green) "Crap. I think I'm going to get sick just thinking about it."
Happy Jack: "Well ... stop thinking about it."
Eye Spy: "..."
Happy Jack: "And just to set the ground rules for Byte Force's super-stinker ... if anyone ever uses that on a building that I'm in, or one that I need to go into, I will kill them myself."
 
Audacity Jane: "Is that stink bomb really going to be effective? Some insects really like those smells."
Byte Force: "But normal people don't. That's who I want to drive away from the building."
Dent: "If any of the UB members don't seem completely grossed out by the smell, you'll know they're insect possessed."
 
The team performed reconnaissance on the the target UB building in the normal manner. They abducted one of the UB members who also worked there as a janitor.
 
Dent: (after performing Mind Probe) "This seems wrong. The inner sanctum is on the top floor, not the basement or ground floor like normal."
No-Step: "Some insects prefer to live above ground or higher up."
Happy Jack: "Bees, wasps..."
Eye Spy: "I suppose butterflies would be a bit too much to hope for."
 
After killing the queen and capturing a live flesh form insect spirit, it was time to sell it.
 
Gomi No ShuShu: "My hunters captured a live specimen in Oklahoma City. Where would you like them to deliver it?"
Shiawase procurement specialist: "I thought you were going to deliver one in Seattle."
Gomi No ShuShu: "That's the challenge with live specimens. You have to acquire them where you can find them." (pause) "Shiawase has some large facilities in Oklahoma City. Your local people can handle the pick-up."
Shiawase procurement specialist: "They're not experts in handling paranormal animals."
Gomi No ShuShu: "The specimen will be heavily sedated, securely bound and muzzled. They will only need sufficient skills to pick up and carry dead weight."
Shiawase procurement specialist: "..."
 
The Shiawase procurement specialist seemed slightly surprised that Gomi No ShuShu requested that the payment be wired to a numbered account, rather than given in the usual certified credsticks.
 
Gomi No ShuShu: "Oh ... one more thing." (pause) "You may want to bring additional security personnel to the
Shiawase procurement specialist: "Why?"
Gomi No ShuShu: "I believe a number of Shiawase employees are involved with the former owner of the specimen. Therefore, I'm a bit concerned that there may be a security leak on your end."
Shiawase procurement specialist: (sounding slightly angry) "Which Shiawase employees?"
Gomi No ShuShu: (cheerfully) "I would be happy to discuss the sale of that information ... right after we complete the delivery of the specimen and the wire transfer of funds."
 
After the call was complete....
 
Dent: "I guess we'll be able to tell if he's connected to the UB if he refuses to pay us."
Happy Jack: "If he's working for the UB, then he's definitely going to pay us."
Audacity Jane: "Why? They're not dumb enough to pay to get their bug back."
Happy Jack: "It's the oldest trick in the book for tracking down who is behind a crime. Follow the money. He'll pay us just to see who collects the money."
Audacity Jane: "So we will get paid. We just won't be able to get our money back without getting killed."
Happy Jack: "Sure we can. We'll just have to launder it first."
 
In order to transport the flesh form insect spirit to the Shiawase procurement specialist (without having to go themselves), they loaded it into a robocab and sent it on its way.
 
Dent: "I thought robocabs required a SIN to use."
Byte Force: "We paid with a certified credstick, then used a SIN to activate the cab."
Dent: "Whose SIN did you use?"
Byte Force: "I borrowed a dummy SIN from the morgue."
Audacity Jane: "If you needed a dummy's SIN, you could have just borrowed Dent's."
 
Eye Spy: "I don't understand. Doesn't the system check to make sure the person's not dead?"
Audacity Jane: "Or audit afterward to make sure nobody is using the dead person's SIN?"
Byte Force: "A dummy SIN is used to process a Jon Doe through the morgue. First they have to activate the SIN in order to process the John Doe through the morgue. After they've finished activating his SIN and processing him through the morgue, they then process his death certificate and deactivate the SIN."
No-Step: "Your tax dollars at work."
Audacity Jane: "That would be more disturbing if we actually paid taxes."
Byte Force: "The system only performs a cursory SIN check if you're doing a legal purchase. As long as you have the money, the SIN check is a rubber stamp."
Happy Jack: "If Shiawase or the UB tries to backtrack where the cab came from, the cab records will lead back to this spot..."
Audacity Jane: "... chosen for the lack of security cameras ..."
Happy Jack: "... and the money trail will lead back to a dead SINless guy. I'm absolutely positive he won't rat us out."
 
No-Step called the procurement specialist one more time....
 
No- Step: "The specimen is en route. Let your people know that it will be arriving in a robocab."
Shiawase procurement specialist: "You squeezed into a robocab with a dangerous paranormal animal?"

No- Step: "Of course not. The specimen is in the robocab. I'm not getting within miles of the delivery site."
Shiawase procurement specialist: "..."

No- Step: "I told you that Shiawase might have a security leak. I'm not risking my life on the belief that you plugged it. I can complete the rest of our business from this end of the phone."

Our Shadowrun game, which just started. Duke is the human Arcane Investigator. Viking is a Troll Physical Adept. Ulvar is a dwarf street samurai. We are escorting a wageslave for extraction out of the building... our group is not very subtle, but we're trying... we had a plan this time!
 
Duke (arcane detective): Is this the same guard we bribed?
GM: He does not look like the same guy.
Duke: crud. I cast invisibility on myself and go around him to start picking the mag-lock.
Viking: "Hey bro, how's it going?"
Guard: "Okay. Why are you back here?"
Ulvar: "We're kind of lost. Where's the soycaf place?"
Guard: *points* Over there.
Ulvar: "Uh... can you show me where?"
Guard: *points* Right there.
Ulvar: "Yeah, I'm kind of bad with directions..."
Guard: *points* It's literally right there. You can see it from here.
Duke: Just knock him out or something. We are so bad at this.
Viking: Pulls his helmet, styled like one out of the trids, with spaces for his large horns, out of his coat and puts it on.
Guard: "What are you..."
*headbutt* *unconciousness*
Duke:  "..and there goes all of our chances at subtlety. The helmet? Really?"
Viking: "Hey, I really like this helmet. It looks cool."

In a home grown Fantasy game, we were a very unbalanced party of 5 magic users and one fighter played by my firend who was hired as my guy's bodyguard.
After convincing the fighter to touch a rune covered monolith and him transforming into a caribou I fired a force spell off which broke his hip so the monk (yeah, monks were magical) could catch him.  Note that the transformation ripped all his clothes off.  So, after dispelling the transformation and mostly healing up his broken hip my friend says "Wait, I wake naked, surrounded by mages, and my butt hurts?"  Our DM sprayed half the table with the soda he was drinking.
 
In a DnD game our party encounters a pitch-black portal which the elf wizard wants to go through.  My axe wielding monk (spent the feat) thinks this is a bad idea and convinces her to stick her staff through first.
DM tells her to make a magic save which she does successfully, only losing about 90% of her HP as her staff disintegrates.  Turning to the monk she asks "Other than that, what's the worst that could happen?"

The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.
 
Cast of characters: 
Dent: ork, rat shaman
No-Step: ork, snake shaman, healer
Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist
Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic
Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems
Happy Jack: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator
Universal Brotherhood ("UB"): a charitable fringe religious organization; secretly controlled by insect spirits
The Octagon: the UB's large, iconic chapterhouse in Seattle
 
Universal Brotherhood - What's worse than a real attack?
 
Eye Spy: "I wish we could just drop a bomb on the Octagon and be done with it."
Happy Jack: "Figuratively speaking, I'd like to do just that."
Audacity Jane: "I'm on board ... except for that figurative part."
 
Happy Jack: "The UB has to be expecting another attack. And Lone Star has to be expecting another attack on the UB too. Let's show them what they expect."
No-Step: "Make them overreact to a perceived threat? What does that get us?"
Audacity Jane: "A Lone Star SWAT team running headfirst into a pack of flesh form insect spirits...."
 
Byte Force: "Jane, do you think you could get onto the Octagon's roof and get something into their ventilation system intake?"
Audacity Jane: "Probably. What did you have in mind?"
Byte Force: "Mercaptans."
Eye Spy: "That sounds too large and aquatic to fit in a ventilation system."
Byte Force: "It's a gas. In low doses its non-toxic."
Audacity Jane: "You want to use a much larger dose."
Byte Force: "No. I'm going to use it to make them think there's a dangerous amount of a different gas in the building ... natural gas."
 
Happy Jack: "Jane, when you're putting the mercaptans in the vents, can you drop some noisemakers down in there too?"
Audacity Jane: "Sure."
Byte Force: "That's not going to start a fire. Mercaptans, by themselves, aren't flammable."
Happy Jack: "I'm not trying to start a fire. But when Lone Star and the fire department arrive on the scene, I want them to be convinced that somebody's shooting inside."
No-Step: "They're not going to go charging into an active shooter situation."
Happy Jack: "If they think there's an active shooter on site, they're not going to leave until they do a room-to-room sweep of the building. If there's a gas leak, the fire department's not going to leave until there's a room-to-room sweep of the building."
Dent: "You want them to find the hive."
Eye Spy: "Knowing our luck, they'll have enough clout to keep them from entering the building."
Happy Jack: "They may be able to hide the hive, but they won't be able to hide the cover-up."
 
Byte Force: "I'm going to monitor Lone Star and the fire department. If the UB manages to keep them out of their hive, they're going to have to pull some major strings."
Dent: "Thank you for telling us what we already know, Captain Obvious."
Byte Force: "And if we know who the UB has their hooks in, those may be their human form insect spirits."
Audacity Jane: "You're so sweet. You're getting me a hit list for my birthday."
 
When it was time to start the "incident" at the Octagon, Byte Force triggered a couple bursts of autofire and a few shotgun blasts, then followed it up by releasing one of the canisters of mercaptans.
 
Dent: "That was kind of pathetic for gunfire. Didn't Jane put a lot of noisemakers in the vents?"
Byte Force: "I'm saving most of them for later."
Audacity Jane: "What are you expecting later?"
Happy Jack: "A bigger audience."
 
Byte Force: "I have a cell phone line set up. It's going to track back to the Octagon."
Lone Star operator: "Lone Star emergency line. Please state the nature of your emergency."
Happy Jack: "Hello?" (muffled gunfire could be heard sporadically in the background) "Can you send some police?"
Lone Star operator: "What is your name and location?"
Happy Jack: "I'm Toby." (a young girl could be heard in the background) "I'm in the Octagon."
Lone Star operator: "What's happening, Toby?"
Happy Jack / Toby: "There's a bunch of shooting and people yelling." (pause) "And I heard some people scream, but that's stopped now."
Lone Star operator: "There's a report of a gas leak at the Octagon. Do you smell gas?"
Toby: "It smells funny, but not like somebody farted."
Lone Star operator: "..."
 
Happy Jack had "Toby" stay on the line for a dozen minutes or so until the cell phone's "battery died".
 
No-Step: "Is there any reason you dropped so many specific details?"
Happy Jack: "Lone Star is going to want to find Toby and his little sister. If they can't find him, they're going to want to search the room with the black and gold doors ... that's the Inner Chamber where the queens live."
Eye Spy: "How do you know that?"
Happy Jack: "In the background material that the investigative reporters put together. The one reporter described the doors when he raided the Octagon with some Shadowrunners."
Eye Spy: "You actually read the background material [the GM] gave us?"
 
The UB personnel were trying to keep Lone Star from entering the Octagon....
 
Eye Spy: "They're saying that the attackers already fled the building."
Byte Force triggered the noisemakers to fire a several more shotgun blasts and a few SMG bursts.
Eye Spy: "They now look like they just swallowed a shoe."
 
Later, the UB tried a new tactic. The team heard some additional gunshots (that they hadn't caused) followed by...
 
Eye Spy: "They're saying that the security guards killed all of the attackers ... and ... Drek! They're bringing out some dead bodies. Where did they get those?"
Audacity Jane: "That's brilliantly ruthless. They must have killed some of their own members to get the corpses."
Happy Jack: "That plays into our hands."
Dent: "How?"
Happy Jack: "Instead of appearing to be the sympathetic victims of outside persecution, they now look like they're killing themselves with internal strife."
Byte Force: "Let's see if we can inspire a repeat performance." (triggered more noisemaker shotgun blasts)
 
Finally, Galen Walker, a human form insect spirit and the nominal leader of the UB, put in an appearance....
 
No-Step: "He's staying next to the building, inside the magickal ward."
Dent: "He's worried about us sending more spirits to kill him."
Audacity Jane: "He's got the right idea, but he's worried about the wrong thing...."
Jane fired her sniper rifle, and Byte Force simultaneously triggered the remaining noisemakers. Therefore, the sounds of gunfire erupted from the Octagon almost at the same moment that Galen Walker's head blew open.
No-Step: "Congratulations Jane. I think that's going to be the most played video segment on national news this evening."
 
Byte Force: "I managed to unscramble the Lone Star transmissions. In one of the transmissions, the Lone Star chief is telling the SWAT captain on the scene that the crisis has been completely resolved ... several minutes before Jane turned Galen's brain into a fine red mist."
Happy Jack: "Let's sell both the encrypted and decrypted versions of that transmission to Ares Global Entertainment. After that, we can anonymously send them to the other networks and let them know that Ares already has them."
No-Step: "I'm sure you have some terribly clever reason for doing that, but would you care to explain it to the rest of us?"
Happy Jack: "Ares owns Knight Errant. Knight Errant competes with Lone Star for municipal police contracts. Therefore, Ares will pay good money to make Lone Star look incompetent."
Dent: "Why aren't we selling it to the rest of them?"
Happy Jack: "It's not worth as much. But by telling them Ares already has it, that means they'll broadcast quickly in order to scoop them."
Dent: "Can't we prove that Lone Star is being controlled by the UB?"
Happy Jack: "Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."
Dent: "What?"
Happy Jack: "The radio transmission only proves the chief royally fragged up. It doesn't prove that he was influenced by the UB."
Eye Spy: "So he gets away with it."
Happy Jack: "Not exactly. His 'incompetence' could cost Lone Star hundreds of millions of nuyen. They won't be forgiving about that."
Eye Spy: "But he still gets away without people knowing what really happened."
Happy Jack: "It's the best way to guarantee he gets creamed. If he's accused of being corrupted by the UB, he can always defend himself by saying he made a mistake. If he's accused of incompetence, what's he going to do? Excuse his decision by claiming he was corrupt?"
 
Anonymous tip to the media: The attackers killed by the Universal Brotherhood security guards all appear to be Universal Brotherhood members. [attachment: Universal Brotherhood Seattle membership list] This violence bears a striking resemblance to the fighting between the Universal Brotherhood chapterhouses in Gilroy, CFS and San Martin, CFS, in which the San Martin chapterhouse was completely destroyed.
 
No-Step: "Did anyone actually prove that the violence in CFS was due to a conflict between the chapterhouses? I thought the dead reporters just speculated that was what happened."
Happy Jack: "You're worried about proof? I intend to make the UB waste resources keeping some hungry young reporters from digging through the evidence."
No-Step: "Don't you think the UB will just kill them too?"
Happy Jack: "If a bunch of hungry young reporters start dying while investigating the same story, that's going to look like a cover-up. The media loves to report on those."
 
Eye Spy: "Won't the UB eventually track these anonymous tips back to us?"
Byte Force: "I've been leaving some indications that Detective Bambra is the source. They won't even begin looking for us until they kill him."
Audacity Jane: "Aww ... you're actually making me start to like the scapegoat."

New one up!
 
http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0982.html

<transcript of conversation recorded from a bug in the earphones of a Galactic Arms Inc. spy in Combined Defences Inc. we do not believe he managed to pass on the information to his paymasters, nor that CD is aware we have this tape> S: "So they're going to do it.  They're going to attack Planet 616 with their new suits.  After they conquer it the Emporer will pretend that the attack was his idea, just to add territory and pretend he's in control." M: "But that's treason!  Surely Galactic Arms can't just start wars to sell it's buggy, overpriced powersuits?" S:  "They've staked so much on this contract, and the Nine Gods know that the more tests are done the more the new Demigod suits will be shown to be slower, harder to maintain and have less endurance than our Streetfighters.  Combat against a low-tech world like, what was it called 'terra'? is the only test it might pass with flying colours." X:  "What if they faced stiffer opposition?  If they got a bloody nose they'd have to admit their suits are rubbish, and the Empire would finally select the better option." M:  "If you mean these 'superheroes' I doubt there are enough of them to make a difference.  Besides if they did lose to them, they'd just claim the superheroes weren't a fair test, that they were too powerful." X:  "But what if they lost to our Streetfighters, particularly in the hands of untrained natives?  Our suits are intuitive enough that even without training they are effective.  These creatures have a natural talent for extreme violence.  They will be facing, Guard units, famous for selecting only the most politically connected incompetents.  Even outnumbered, our suits would still have a chance." M:  "While the Streetfighters aren't judged good enough for the army, we'll never be allowed to sell them to others, particularly not a world that hasn't even achieved starflight.  Besides they couldn't even use  the automanual." X:  "There are several 616ers in mercenary or bandity units amoung the starlanes.  The automanual can use over 6 million forms of communication 'English' the most common language on 616 is one of them.  Presumably that's why the raiders who broke in here took them, because they could sell them to people on their homeworld." M:  "Are you insane?  Nobody will believe that raiders broke into a facility like this, took 3 prototypes and didn't even kill a single guard." S:  "That reminds me, I have to go now.  Those birds I was telling you about, the ones that cost me sleep ever night?  I've found their nests and I'm going to shooting." M: and X: together "Good hunting then.".   <footsteps, then sounds of high energy weapons fire and several screams.  One of the screams is from the wearer of the earphones, transmission is then cut off>   In September 20__ a group of soldiers from the ____ Empire landed on Earth with the intention of causing an incident to justify war and demonstrate the usefuless of the new Demigod powersuits.  Their officers were bribed by the Galactic Arms corportation.  They attacked a small township and military base and were achieving easy victory.  Several of the townsfolk resisted with hunting weapons, naturally these were ineffective.  However three prototype powersuits emerged from a nearby cave, walking under automatic mode.  Each approached one of the resisting townsfolk and offered a "Free Trial" of the new technology.  With these suits the Demigod suits were defeated, although it was a close run thing.     Military officials then demanded that the suits be turned over.  The suits however only recognised their users as legitimate owners.  The townsfolk argued that the powersuits counted as "weapons for efficiency or preservation of a well-regulated militia".  Since one of the things that militias are supposed to do is repel invasions and since the suits in the hands of a local militiamen* did this, clearly the qualify.  The local military commander decided he didn't want a firefight, which the townsfolk were clearly edging towards.  He pretended he had no idea who had the suits or where they went.  This despite one of them clearly being his cousin.  Thus was born "The Iron Militia", consisting of "Hardhead", "Fastshot" and "Sniper" or Ed, Harry and Cletus as they're know around town.     The suits have limited self-direction abilities.  They can follow simple commands like "Hide", "Come here", "Suit up", "Shoot the guy in red" etc.  They can run about 200 kph, are relatively stealthy, firepower and armor are about twice as good as a modern Earth tank  and they have good jumping capability (500m+).  They do require some maintaince but are capable of synthesising their own spares from base metals and plastics.  Full instructions on how to maintain them are in the automanual.    The IM has so far not done too much crimefighting, but have fought with several villains that came to the area to steal from the army base or lie low.     *  Technically all ablebodied males between 18 and 45 are part of the militia in the USA.