Re: The cranky thread
You know what sucks?
I'll tell you... bear with me...
Before I went through what Sarah and I call "The Big Ugly" and suffered a horrific ego death, I was an out-and-out prick. I had hair-trigger temper and spoke my mind no matter who it offended. I just didn't care. I felt superior to anyone and everyone and if you felt differently then you'd sure get an earful from me. As friends put it, I turned into a dung-flinging gibbon... and I didn't care. I'd hollar and piss and moan and just be total asshole.
I finally was forced take a long hard look at myself. And I did. A year of therapy. A year on meds. I tore my insides apart, inspected each and every aspect of my soul, kept what was truly good and left behind everything that made me loathed by my enemies and annoyed by my most loyal friends.
That was over 2 years ago and I do my very best to keep myself in check... to not let myself become the cocky bastard that I once was. To truly understand my relationship with the world around me and how my actions have an affect on everything.
Here's what sucks: On occasion I will feel truly wronged and I will speak up for myself. I may get angry, but I don't become abusive. I simply state my case as plainly as possible. Unfortunately, some of my friends will simply say "Oh, here comes the gibbon again."
At that point, there is nothing else that I can do. If I try to defend myself, or deny the fact that I'm not THAT PERSON anymore, all it does is add fuel to their arguement. No matter what I do.
It's not fair. I've done the work. I've made the proper changes, and it is NOT RIGHT to have that thrown back in my face.
Yeah and I know it can be easily resolved by talking to my friends about it, but right now I don't feel they deserve that. So I'm on a timeout with them.