death tribble

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
From Team F-up:
 
Capt. Mysterion: "Leroy? Isn't that the guy you liquified?"
 
Lillith: "We did NOT liquify him! He got liquified while we were there."
 
 
 
Later, it was implied Lillith's fiance was gay.
 
Lillith: "If Angus is gay, he deserves an Oscar. And an AVN award!"
 
Lillith's houseguest left behind the purchases she made off Home Shopping Network, filling all her spare rooms and closets. Lillith got upset with Benedict questioning Angus' motives.
 
Lillith: "Get out of my house! And take an Amazing Ab Griller with you!"

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
From last night's Necessary Evil game...
 
"Don't worry. All mooks go to heaven."
(After a particular squishy end to a fight.)

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Yesterday i went through the strangest most screwed up dungeons and dragons game ever....ever. It was a one off scenario run with several experienced players and some who had never played it before; free beer soon evened things out so the experience of most players quickly disapeared. To recount it all in its dodgy, dubious morality and freakish glory would take too long so heres an example of something that while being far too long for a quote has the same purpose....
 
Returning to our rooms to find a murder scene we immediately examine the area for signs of struggle/ clues etc...we find a roll of duct tape and a toy car; in faerun of all places!
 
 
Read on at your own peril, you have been warned.
 
 
Barbarian pc: "Are there any signs of injury or abuse?"
 
GM- "She is stapled to the bed with metal spikes...apart from that no."
 
Barbarian pc: "I take advantage of the corpse...."
 
sometime later-------
 
 
The group has finally broken into Evil Arch-wizardes's tower (as level 1 characters!) after killing several guards working for people suposed to be on our side who are trying to bring the wizardess to justice. We finally arrive at the top (after suffering severe injurys due to 'friendly stab' in dark and confined areas) and find the wizard.
 
wizardess giving an imperious gaze: "What are you doing here and who are you?"
 
lesbian dwarven monk in full plate: " We are W.A.M; The 'Women Against Men' soceity. Are you responsible for the death of *describes woman*, these artifacts *holds up roll of duck tape and plastic toy car* you make were found by her corpse"
 
wizadess: *taking proffered items and placing them in pockets*. "Yes these are mine. The woman stole them so i butchered her."
 
GM--- the woman waves her fingers and incinerates the dwarf. A broom floats across the room and sweeps the ash into a corner.
 
female (yes this one was lesbian too) elven ranger to wizard: *sitting on wizards desk and suggestively touching crystal globe* "Are you busy tonight?"
 
Gnomish sorcerer pc; i grab everything on the desk and hurl it out the window.
 
half orc ranger: i pick up the gnome sniff him and put him in my pocket for later.
 
 
All in all it was a very disturbed night.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
I was joining one of my GMs other regular games for a few sessions, I don't normally play with the second group, but their game takes place in a shared world so my character can join them.. I'm a shapeshifter with Accidental Change, most of them are powersuit types.
 
We're attacking a wharehouse with magic weilding thugs, after subduing the outside guards we're deciding what to do next when a sniper opens a window and shoots me, doing body triggers the Accidental Change and I burst into an Unkindness of Ravens (3 dozen birds or so).
 
GM: You get shot and take 2 Body.
Me: *rolls Acc.Chng.* I explode into a bunch of ravens.
The Healer: I CAN'T HEAL THAT!!!
 
They didn't know, up to that point, that I could shape shift at all... it was one of those surprise moments you can never repeat.

Re: Storn's Art & Characters thread.
 
The Magician was my second ever Champions character and is now deceased. He suffered from depression but was someone who would not kill if at all avoidable.
I like the new pic as the others were more black and white.

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
There's something wrong with you when

You write a program with a routine named "getSex".
getSex() has a legitimate purpose in your legitimate, work-related program.
It does not seem incongruous to you until you reread your code a few days later.
Even after noticing it, you leave it in place because it makes more sense than anything else.
Even though you recall, in your youth, swearing you would never attempt to get sex with a computer.

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
This is my job, in gaming terms.
 
Michelle
aka
Samuraiko
 
chonjurer's D&D Help Desk
 
The New Guy sits down at the cubicle, this being his first day on the job. He is excited to be helping thousands of D&D players across the globe. It feels so magical being here. A figure approaches, the mentor who will train him.
 
chonjurer: Ahhh, you must be the new guy. So are ya excited?
New Guy: This is great. I can’t wait to get started.
chonjurer: Yeah, Yeah. They all say that. Wait until you talk to about 1000 of these people and we will see. Alrighty then, lets get started.
 
*Phone Rings*
 
chonjurer: Thank you for calling D&D Help Desk. Your call is very important to us. Please hold until one of our qualified specialists can help you.
 
*chonjurer flips open Dragon magazine and begins reading*
 
New Guy: What are you doing?
chonjurer: Always put them on hold at the beginning of the call. Lets them know who is in charge. You can’t show weakness to the average gamer. Once they smell fear, they have you! Ok, now we are ready. (Hits Talk Button) Thank you for holding. Please Hold. (Hits Hold button).
 
*chonjurer flips open Dragon magazine and continues reading. 10 minutes later hits talk button.*
 
chonjurer: Ok, thanks for holding. How can I help you?
Customer #1: Ok, I am having a problem with my group. They seem to be killing all my monsters. They are just pushing me around. My latest effort was to send 4 Tarrasques at them. They keep critical hitting them once they are swallowed and…
chonjurer: Ok, Ok. Hold on a moment sir. Do you have a Monster Manual or Dungeon Masters Guide?
Customer #1: Ummm, yes.
chonjurer: Ok Sir, I think I have found your problem. It sounds like the issue is you haven’t read them. Knowing the rules gives you a framework to actually running the game. It sounds like your players are doing that for you. I can’t really help you though with your lack of backbone. I suggest some Self-Help courses. See how that goes, and give us a call back. *Click*
New Guy: Umm… the way you… so does that…
chonjurer: Happen a lot. Yeah. We call them Leapers then Panickers. They never read the rules and their friends eat them alive.
 
*In the distance there is an anguished scream*
 
chonjurer: Poor Arturick. By the gods.
New Guy: What is wrong with him?
chonjurer: He got ‘promoted’ to Forgotten Realms support. It’s rough because you also have to answer questions on using the novels in your game. Buddy, after you deal with 100 callers asking about how to make their characters like Elminster or Drizz’t, you are ready to take anyone’s head off with a shovel.
New Guy: Who is that guy way over there in the corner. Why are there cobwebs all over him?
chonjurer: That is Roele. He does Legacy Birthright Support. Hasn’t had a call in years. They keep him there just in case. We have an office pool that costs $5 to enter. The bet is when the spiders will eat him. Well then, next caller.
 
*Phone Rings*
 
chonjurer: Thank you for calling D&D Help Desk. Your call is very important to us. Please hold until one of our qualified specialists can help you.
 
*chonjurer flips open Dragon magazine and begins reading*
 
chonjurer: Ok, thanks for holding. How can I help you?
Customer #2: I WANT A PROBLEM FIXED!!! I rolled up a Ranger and played him up to 20th level. I have +25/+20/+15/+10 to attack. My sister rolls up a Cleric and she has comparable combat ability with a +19/+14/+8 and can cast spells. THERE IS NO CLASS BALANCE!!! RANGERS SUCK!!! I sat down and calculated the feats, skills, and bonuses. They don’t stack up to other classes. I rolled up a far better…
 
*chonjurer hits the mute button *
 
chonjurer: Ugghhh. These are the worst kind. No matter what it is… it sucks. This guy could be given a Vorpal Sword by his DM, and he will still say it sucks. (Hits Talk Button). Ok Sir, if you read your DMG, then you realize that the DM can customize the core rules. In D&D terminology we call them "House Rules". You will need to talk to your DM…
Customer #2: THIS SUCKS!!! THEY SHOULD BE INCLUDED IN…
chonjurer: Please hold while I concur with my supervisor.
 
*chonjurer flips open Dragon magazine and begins reading*
 
New Guy: What if he has a valid point?
chonjurer (dripping in sarcasm): Oh they all have ‘valid’ points and can design the game better. Believe me, the average gamer is never right in matters of fact. Only opinion. Newbie, we just can’t let the floodgates open. The hyperinflation of abilities and bonuses will end D20 as we know it. We'll end up with D100, or worse… turn into FASA.
New Guy: I see your point.
chonjurer: Hey, look lively. The Supervisor is coming.
Jenny: Good Morning!!! What a wonderful day!!! How are things going chonjurer? Difficult caller?
chonjurer: Your standard rules whiner. You know, the everything sucks type. I can’t seem to talk him down. Listen to this…
Jenny: Boy he is a one sad kitten. Well he isn’t going to ruin my day. Let me talk to him. (Gets on phone). Sir, I really understand your point of view but won’t changing the rules make your sister feel bad. What about other people who play Clerics. A cleric is hard enough as it is to role-play…
Customer #2: SHE IS A PACIFISTIC CLERIC OF SUNE AND STILL MORE POWERFUL THAN ME!!!!!!
Jenny: Well Sir, I would really like to be helpful to your problem, really, but this a Forgotten Realms issue, let me transfer you too one of our highly trained…
Customer #2: NO… PLEASE!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!! NO TRANSFERS!!!
Jenny: (Smiles Evilly) You have yourself a wonderful, special day now… (click).
 
*In the distance a phone rings and there is an anguished scream*
 
chonjurer: SORRY!!! Hey thanks for the assist Jenny. This is the New Guy.
Jenny: Nice to meet you. Remember Mr. Newbie, Be friendly, nice, and all will be fine. I have to check on the others. Bye Now.
New Guy: She scares me.
chonjurer: Don’t worry about it. Jenny’s cool. Only be scared when you get your Pink Slip with smiley faces on it. Onto the next call.
 
*Phone Rings*
 
chonjurer: Thank you for calling D&D Help Desk. Your call is very important to us. Please hold until one of our qualified specialists can help you.
 
*chonjurer flips open Dragon magazine and begins reading*
 
chonjurer: Look at this article. Nice supplements on Dwarves. Boy I can see the calls on this template already… people need to stop taking this stuff as if it is "mandatory canon". You would swear that the word optional isn’t in the English language.
New Guy: It seems you get nothing but complainers and people that don’t use common sense?
chonjurer: Boy you catch on quick. (Hits Talk Button) Ok, thanks for holding. How can I help you?
Customer #3 (Hysterical): I‘m having major problems!!! I am in the middle of my gaming session and I am trying to calculate XP. I was on the phone with someone named Josh and he explained CR to me. I just can’t figure this out!!!
chonjurer: Okay Sir, let me ask you something. Do all the appliances in your house flash 12:00am?
Customer #3 (Sobbing): Yes.
chonjurer: Okay Sir. Please Hold. (Presses Hold and tosses headset down). Oh boy. We have a 12 o’clock Flasher. He can’t set any of his appliances and can’t figure out directions. There is no possible way for a 12 o’clock Flasher to calculate XP for a gaming group. If he has already talked to Josh, gone though the "baby-steps" of CR, then we are in big trouble. I have seen people eat their headsets trying to get these guys to calculate XP.
New Guy: What are you going to do?
chonjurer: The only thing I can. (Puts headset on and Presses Talk Button). Okay Sir, do you happen to have a small child nearby… you do!!! Great!!!! Put them on!!!
Hi, what is your name? Jessica? Hey that is a wonderful name. Jessica, your Daddy is trying to calculate XP for your gaming group. Could you look at his encounter sheet… yeah… that is right… yep… adjust for the levels and divide by the number of players. Very Good.!!
Ok this is what I want you to do. I want you to tell your Daddy to give you the Books. Yes. I want you to take over running his gaming group. Tell your daddy he should go out an buy "Pokemon Cards". Yes. That is Gaming for Mommies and Daddies. No I don’t need to talk to him. Have a nice day now… *click*
chonjurer: Phew. That was a close call. Whoa. Hey I need a break. Why don’t you take over for a few…..be right back.
 
*Phone Rings*
 
New Guy: Thank you for calling D&D Help Desk. Your call is very important to us. Please hold until one of our qualified specialists can help you.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
From our Shadowrun campaign, setting is the Chicago Containment Zone during Bug City. The area where the characters have been staying has been harrassed lately by vampires and ghouls. Tracking them they find an abandoned bar that at least some of the ghouls have been using as a den.
 
When making a sweep of the gound floor the encounter the restrooms. The description is that it appears some of the ghouls with limited mentallity still use the facilities as they did before they where infected, but many seem to have forgotten such subtleties as flushing, aiming, etc.
 
GM (me): "These bathrooms are in pretty nasty condition, the stench is beyond belief."
 
player1: "Ghoul diarrhea?"
 
player2: "I guess someone ate Mexican..."

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
From my UNITY 2010 (Champs) game: Penny Dreadful is a psychotic villainess who has falling desperately in love (much to his chagrin) with the straight-laced do-gooder, Straight Arrow.
 
Penny Dreadful: We'll make a great crime-fighting duo, just like Bonny and Clyde!
Straight Arrow: Bonnie and Clyde weren’t crime fighters, they were bank robbers.
Penny Dreadful: Hey, what a great idea! Let’s do that instead!
 

 
Bill.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
From Fantasy Hero
 
"Lets just level a small village, and then we'll play it by ear."
 
Get-rich-quick scheme #1
"Okay, so we'll teleport to another part of the world, kill a crocodile, cut off it's head, come back, present it to the king, tell him it's a dragon, and collect the reward money."
 
Get-rich-quick scheme #2
"As long as we're assassinating a public official, lets do it openly. That way we can get a price put on our heads, and as people come to collect it, we can keep killing them and taking their stuff. If we get tired of that, we can transform the corpses to look like us, and turn ourselves in"
 
The rest of the party didn't like these plans.
 
From Star Hero
 
"The doctor said I have a special power called 'brain damage' that keeps psychics from hurting me."
 
These last two were mostly funny because the character is 100 year old dragon
"I've been rollin' with my homies"
"Hey chica, you want to go steppin'?"

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Our first Champions game with Matt as GM- three of us investigating what seemed to be supervillain robberies of jewelry stores. We go to one high-class establishment after hours and notice the back door is ripped off, perhaps by superstrength. We check and see that two people have been frozen into statues. We go downstairs and slip on the ice patch that's there for no reason. It turns out this one ice-powered villainess and her brickette friend are robbing the vault with some help from their goons, who have fairly powerful (10d6+) iceray guns. We spent most of our time fighting the goons as the ice princess is too lazy to get in the fight herself, but when the guys call for reinforcements, the ice princess comes out- with her two pet POLAR BEARS.
 
And Gary, playing Black Eagle (the grim-avenger-of-the-night character) blurts out in character, "Polar bears? Who takes polar bears to rob a jewelry vault? This is crazy!"
 
 
Guess you had to be there.
 
JG

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
The PCs have come to a submarine-hatch-like door; behind it is ...
 
Me: "A 5'x5' vertical shaft, descending into total pitch blackness and eerie silence."
Player1:"That shaft is one bad mother--"
Player2:"SHUT YO' MOUTH!"
Player1:"I'm just talkin' about the shaft."

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
Get your tyrant waxed at crazy eddie's "Imperial Emporium and Lube". We have a special on autocrats and dictators until the end of this month, so hurry hurry hurrry and get the body work on your Ruler done soon!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
* Offer not cumulative with Teutonic discounts

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction. I told you so .....And there's nothing you can do about it.

Re: A Thread for Random Musings
 
Nothing to say. It all sounds like either bragging or whining. The reality is that it is merely there. It just exists. It can't be good or bad, wrong or right, until an outside entity puts a value to it.
 
I am applying no value to any of it until I get a grip on it. I suppose you could say I am waffling.
 
Waffling. Waffles. Now, that's good.

Re: Musings on Random Musings
 
I'll take sickening cuteness above outright rudeness, down home nastiness or bigoted drivel.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Saturday - 7th Sea (Gmed by yours truly)
 
Player (reading the player's guide about the Vaticine Church -the catholic church of the game world - ) : "priesthood in the vaticine church is opened to men ... (reading) ... of both genders ..."
 
Sunday - ADD Forgotten Realms
 
(from the GM) : you see three people currently in the park ... one of them is a couple of lovers ...
 
And this last one about the danger of relying too much on the player's knowledge of the world :
 
The PCs are trying to cool down a riot of people, angered by a strange crimewave in the town. one of the PCs, aside from the others (and off table) is following two suspect mens
GM - One of them lost some kind of medallion while running
PC - I take it. how does it look like ?
GM - It seems to be a holy symbol : it looks like (mmmmhmhmhmhmh). Could you make a roll fo knowledge: rel...
PC - no problem. i know which god it is. i call them and tell them i'm on their side. i also tell them that i gonna quiet the mob down so they could escape.
Gm - uh ?? err ok.
 
(later)
PC2 (to PC) : What happened when you were alone ?
PC - I met 2 priests of Helm (NB Lawful good; god of guardians, duty ...) endangered by the riot. i helped to get through ...
GM (suddenly realizes ) - hum, just a point
"Steel Gauntlet, fingers up" : holy symbol of Helm, lawful good god of guardians ...
"Steel Gauntlet, clenched fist" : holy symbol of Bane, lawful evil god of tyranny ...
PC ot other PCs - Errr ... i didn't meet anyone ...

Re: Musings on Random Musings
 
I'll take sickening cuteness above outright rudeness, down home nastiness or bigoted drivel.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
Edit: Well, I posted this to our gaming group's mailing list... and the GM unleashed his editor-fu.
 
 
About the Orz (yes, really);
 
Dr. 'Watson'- "You know, they're really quite likable."
Lt. Com. Galilei- "No, they are NOT! They're the enemy, and evil, and they
destroyed my world..."
Dr. 'Watson'- "Oh no, I'm not saying I'm not down with the setting the
Ur-Quan on them and trying to destroy them or anything; totally behind that.
Just saying they're really likable."
 
Orz- "We know that *many bubbles* like to be greeted. So... Hello!"
Captain Carrad- "Hello..."
Orz- "Hello!"
Captain Carrad- "Right."
Orz- "Hello!"
Captain Carrad- "You know, it's also customary to STOP greeting after a
while."
 
 
Lt. Com. Galilei- "Well, the Captain has sent me to my quarters for yelling
at the Orz. But from there I can hack into the ships computers and see
what's going on!"
GM- "Or you could just use your access, which will let you see anything
anyway."
Lt. Com. Galilei- "Oh yeah."
 
On the Pkunk-
 
Dr 'Watson'- "Sure I've dealt with weirder stuff! But that was freaky, ALIEN
weird shit! This is NOT alien, these people are just weird, and it's creeping me
out. REALLY creeping me out."
 
Dr 'Watson'- "Are the Pkunk and the Yehat crossfertile? They are, right?"
Lt. Com. Galilei- "Yes."
Dr 'Watson'- "You did find that through comparing bioscans, right? Not
through experimentation? 'Cause I'd have liked to know about the
experimentation."
 
Dr 'Watson'- "What's with the blue feathers they all wear?"
Lt. Com. Galilei- "So the Pkunk can claim to be the bluebirds of happiness."
Dr 'Watson'- "No, seriously, what's with the blue feathers?"
Lt. Com. Galilei- "So the Pkunk can claim to be the bluebirds of happiness."
 
On being marooned with only one other Yehat of the same gender-
 
Dr 'Watson'- "11 years man, 11 years!"
Lt. Com. Galilei- "I've been doing without for just as long!"
Dr 'Watson'- "YOU had some choice in the matter."
 
Resistance to the idea of taking on Pkunk support ships just melted away
once the two Yehat crew members learned that Pkunk fighter pilots are 60% female.
 
On encountering the !Chagger, a hive-minded arthropod species;
 
Lt. Com. Galilei- "Ooh. First contact boarding party!"
GM- "The crew compartments on that ship appear to be about an inch in size."
Lt. Com. Galilei- "Well damn."

Re: Longest Running Thread EVER
 
<>TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
-------------
 
TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
----------
 
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
-----------
 
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
-----------
 
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday, you said it's H to O.
-----------
 
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
-----------
 
TEACHER: Gus, why do you always get so dirty?
GUS: 'Cause I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
----------
 
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
----------
 
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree,
but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
---------
 
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's.
Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.
----------
 
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
 
The characters:
Joey Flame - mutant blaster type with, you guessed it, fire powers.
The Wraith - ghost of some poor schlep killed in a super-battle years ago.
 
The situation:
Joey has been captured by VIPER agents and is being held in a non-descript cell in an unknown area. The Wraith followed along with the intent to break JF out at the best opportunity. Joey has the Disadvantage Psy Lim: Phobia of Ghosts and the Supernatural; obviously, these two have difficulties when they're paired up.
 
Wraith: (Phasing into the cell and becoming visible) Joey, I'm here to take you home.
Joey Flame: Oh, Jesus! Guard! Guard! The Grim Reaper is here, you gotta lemme out! Please! (and similar panicking)
Guard: Well, thats a new take on the whole "sick prisoner" routine...
 
Figuring a better way to approach the situation, the Wraith Skin-rides (Mind Control with Melding) the guard and opens the door.
 
Wraith: Joey, it's just me, Sam. Just relax... I've taken this guard's body, you have nothing to be scared of.
Joey: (calmed this time cuz he made his EGO roll) Sam... you think the idea that I'm dealing with a dead guy possessing the body of a terrorist is somehow calming?
Wraith: (after a long pause) Undead. You want out or not?
 
j

Re: Storn's Art & Characters thread.
 

 
This time, no, other times, yes.
 
My main PC in Neil's RDU is Vector. He has been cloned; Veer. And Vector's cousin is Victrix (a published character and I didn't come up with the name). But all three characters are on my website. The prevelance of Vs was purposeful... and I came up with the name Vanguard for the main team that Vector is part of... also purposeful, besides being quite appropriate for the campaign.
 
 
Vortex is a commission. I didn't choose the name.
 

 
Alex Ross is indeed amazing. Love his work.
 
 
another strange idea from the partron extraordinaire, Death Tribble, Half Track. Could his classification be "mecha-taur"
 

Re: Musings on Random Musings
 

 
Finally... the Tribble
HAS COME BACK!
...to the NGD!!

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat
 
I was thinking that the garden you are so fond of could do with having some carrots planted in it and the sooner the better

Re: Longest Running Thread EVER
 
And for number 10666...