archer

USPS disregards court order to conduct ballot sweeps in 12 postal districts after more than 300,000 ballots cannot be traced
 
U.S. District Judge Emmet Sullivan of the District of Columbia had given the mail agency until 3:30 p.m. to conduct the "all clear" checks to ensure there would be enough time to get any found ballots to election officials before polls closed. His order affected 12 postal districts spanning 15 states.
 
At 5 pm on election day, the post office presented the court with a filing saying that it wouldn't comply in order to finish the sweep by 3:30 p.m. so as "to better accommodate inspector's schedules" which has them doing normally doing sweeps between 4pm to 8pm.
 
The ballots had to be received from the post office to the board of elections between 5pm to 8pm (varying according to the state). Conducting the sweep after it was too late to deliver the ballots was the whole reason the judge ordered the sweep to be moved up in the first place.
 
Oh, well, it was only 300,000+ ballots. I'm positive that it had absolutely no impact on any of the elections in those states....
 
https://www.stamfordadvocate.com/news/article/Federal-court-orders-ballot-sweep-of-12-USPS-15698330.php
 
(If anyone knows the names of the 15 affected states so that I won't have to look them up after I get 8-12 hours of sleep, I'd be DEEPLY appreciative if you'd post the list.)

Oregon votes to decriminalize street drugs 
 
https://www.oregonlive.com/politics/2020/11/oregon-decriminalizes-possession-of-street-drugs-becoming-first-in-nation.html

At this point, I'd settle for an election where neither of the candidates were rank.

Zoom meetings are basically seances with the living...
 
Brian, are you there? Make a sound if you can hear us. Is anyone with you? Can you hear us?

Since election day is bound to be tense, adding a little levity to the mix:
 
 
George W. Bush, Barack Obama, and Donald Trump are dead and stand in front of God.
 
God asks Bush: “So? What do you believe in?”
Bush answers: “I believe in a free market, a strong America and a united nation.”
God says: “Very good. Why don’t you take a seat to my right.” And Bush takes his seat.
He turns to Obama and asks: “And what do you believe in?”
Obama says: “I believe in democracy, helping the ones who need it, and world peace.”
God says: “Very nice. Why don’t you take a seat to my left?” Obama sits down.
God turns to Trump and asks: “And what do you believe in?”
Trump replies: “I believe you're sitting in my chair.”
 
 
Okay, okay, if you don't like that punch line, we could go for this instead:
 
God turns to Trump and asks: "How the hell did you get in here? Security!"

The Trump vehicle moved from driving in a lane to driving on the shoulder of the road, which is illegal under Texas law.
 
The Trump vehicle then driving on the shoulder of the road moved even with the Biden vehicle which was driving in a lane.
 
The Trump vehicle, while it was even with the Biden vehicle tried to force it's way from the shoulder of the road into the lane.
 
Under Texas law, the vehicle driving on the road always has right-of-way over vehicles which are not traveling on the road. In any case, even if the Trump vehicle had been in a lane, moving into a part of a lane which is already physically occupied by another car isn't legal under Texas law.
 
The police department can do all the "research" it wants. But since it deliberately ignored Texas highway laws, it's research is deliberately flawed. 
 
https://statutes.capitol.texas.gov/docs/TN/htm/TN.545.htm
 
Sec. 545.057. PASSING TO THE RIGHT.
(b) An operator may not pass to the right by leaving the main traveled portion of a roadway except as provided by Section 545.058.
 
Sec. 545.058. DRIVING ON IMPROVED SHOULDER.
(a) An operator may drive on an improved shoulder to the right of the main traveled portion of a roadway if that operation is necessary and may be done safely, but only:
(1) to stop, stand, or park;
(2) to accelerate before entering the main traveled lane of traffic;
(3) to decelerate before making a right turn;
(4) to pass another vehicle that is slowing or stopped on the main traveled portion of the highway, disabled, or preparing to make a left turn;
(5) to allow another vehicle traveling faster to pass;
(6) as permitted or required by an official traffic-control device; or
(7) to avoid a collision.
(b) An operator may drive on an improved shoulder to the left of the main traveled portion of a divided or limited-access or controlled-access highway if that operation may be done safely, but only:
(1) to slow or stop when the vehicle is disabled and traffic or other circumstances prohibit the safe movement of the vehicle to the shoulder to the right of the main traveled portion of the roadway;
(2) as permitted or required by an official traffic-control device; or
(3) to avoid a collision. 

I asked a Chinese girl for her number.
 
She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"
 
I was really excited until her friend explained, "She meant 666-3629."

There was a train driver in Bulgaria.
 
He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died.
 
Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution.
 
When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air - but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.
 
Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free.
 
Somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people. The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution.
 
For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was once again unharmed. Well, this of course meant that he was free to go.
 
And once again, he somehow managed to get his old job back. To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people. And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death.
 
On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal: three bananas. "You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat; we're strapping you in and doing this now." Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal.
 
The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.
 
The man looked at the executioner and said, "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."

Since election day is bound to be tense, adding a little levity to the mix:
 
 
George W. Bush, Barack Obama, and Donald Trump are dead and stand in front of God.
 
God asks Bush: “So? What do you believe in?”
Bush answers: “I believe in a free market, a strong America and a united nation.”
God says: “Very good. Why don’t you take a seat to my right.” And Bush takes his seat.
He turns to Obama and asks: “And what do you believe in?”
Obama says: “I believe in democracy, helping the ones who need it, and world peace.”
God says: “Very nice. Why don’t you take a seat to my left?” Obama sits down.
God turns to Trump and asks: “And what do you believe in?”
Trump replies: “I believe you're sitting in my chair.”
 
 
Okay, okay, if you don't like that punch line, we could go for this instead:
 
God turns to Trump and asks: "How the hell did you get in here? Security!"

According to my sewing instructor, I'm easily the worse student She's ever had...
 
Oops... sorry, wrong thread.

Zoom meetings are basically seances with the living...
 
Brian, are you there? Make a sound if you can hear us. Is anyone with you? Can you hear us?

At this point, I'd settle for an election where neither of the candidates were rank.

Recently when traveling abroad, I learned the Welsh word for 'push' is 'lluq'.
 
I saw it written on a glass door.

In honor of Sean Connery:
 
 
007 walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, and then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
 
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
 
"No," he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it."
 
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
 
Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
 
The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"
 
"Well, it says you're not wearing any underwear."
 
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I'm wearing underwear!"
 
007 smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast."

There was a train driver in Bulgaria.
 
He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died.
 
Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution.
 
When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air - but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.
 
Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free.
 
Somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people. The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution.
 
For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was once again unharmed. Well, this of course meant that he was free to go.
 
And once again, he somehow managed to get his old job back. To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people. And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death.
 
On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal: three bananas. "You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat; we're strapping you in and doing this now." Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal.
 
The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.
 
The man looked at the executioner and said, "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."

https://www.instagram.com/p/CG-ORdLghhv/ -if you live in Charlotte, Atlanta, Miami, or Philadelphia you can get a Free Lyft ride to vote with promo code: WWAV. It’s valid today through Election Day, November 3.  Lyft is also giving rides for 50% off everywhere else on Election Day (use code 2020VOTE).

I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and killed the devil itself...
 
my wife rushed into the room and shouted, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK"

The Trump vehicle moved from driving in a lane to driving on the shoulder of the road, which is illegal under Texas law.
 
The Trump vehicle then driving on the shoulder of the road moved even with the Biden vehicle which was driving in a lane.
 
The Trump vehicle, while it was even with the Biden vehicle tried to force it's way from the shoulder of the road into the lane.
 
Under Texas law, the vehicle driving on the road always has right-of-way over vehicles which are not traveling on the road. In any case, even if the Trump vehicle had been in a lane, moving into a part of a lane which is already physically occupied by another car isn't legal under Texas law.
 
The police department can do all the "research" it wants. But since it deliberately ignored Texas highway laws, it's research is deliberately flawed. 
 
https://statutes.capitol.texas.gov/docs/TN/htm/TN.545.htm
 
Sec. 545.057. PASSING TO THE RIGHT.
(b) An operator may not pass to the right by leaving the main traveled portion of a roadway except as provided by Section 545.058.
 
Sec. 545.058. DRIVING ON IMPROVED SHOULDER.
(a) An operator may drive on an improved shoulder to the right of the main traveled portion of a roadway if that operation is necessary and may be done safely, but only:
(1) to stop, stand, or park;
(2) to accelerate before entering the main traveled lane of traffic;
(3) to decelerate before making a right turn;
(4) to pass another vehicle that is slowing or stopped on the main traveled portion of the highway, disabled, or preparing to make a left turn;
(5) to allow another vehicle traveling faster to pass;
(6) as permitted or required by an official traffic-control device; or
(7) to avoid a collision.
(b) An operator may drive on an improved shoulder to the left of the main traveled portion of a divided or limited-access or controlled-access highway if that operation may be done safely, but only:
(1) to slow or stop when the vehicle is disabled and traffic or other circumstances prohibit the safe movement of the vehicle to the shoulder to the right of the main traveled portion of the roadway;
(2) as permitted or required by an official traffic-control device; or
(3) to avoid a collision. 

ABBA >>>>> Nickelback 

On that note, I have two litter boxes which need cleaning this evening so if you want to drop by....

So two friends are at the temple watching Jesus go off of on the moneylenders, flipping over tables and such.
 
One guy says to the other, "Wow, he's sure cranky."
 
The other guy agreed, "Yeah, I wouldn't want to cross him."

I tried to organize a hide and seek tournament.
 
But good players are hard to find.

I received my degree in calligraphy today.
 
I don’t think it's going to help me get a job, but it looks good on paper.

According to my sewing instructor, I'm easily the worse student She's ever had...
 
Oops... sorry, wrong thread.

According to my sewing instructor, I'm easily the worse student She's ever had...
 
Oops... sorry, wrong thread.