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Darren Watts

Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

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Originally posted by Nuadha

I'm shocked you didn't mention this one, Neil:

 

Quantum Ghost (trying to break up a fight between two teammates): "How much C-4 can I safely use on them?"

 

Oh yeah. Can't believe I forgot that one. :o

 

And the quote was...

 

... Tim to me (GM)... "So... how much C-4 CAN I safely use on my friends?"

 

 

Only in a superhero game. ;)

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Forgot about this one. In yesterdays session the PCs had a small press conference, thier first, and the media asks Gravitic, the Grandmaster of Graviolis what the source of his superhuman powers are.

 

In his typical 4-color voice, Gravitic answers,

 

"Why, my super HUMANITY, of course!"

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The same character is an actor in bad B-Movies and TV shows in the superhero genre in his civilian ID, a career he started before his powers catalyzed.

 

Hes got this big 4 color Minuteman! voice, all the time, from years of voice acting, and he's also NOT. TO. BRIGHT.

 

He's also somehting of a superhero buff, and likes to rattle of obscure trivia apropos of nothing.

 

 

 

In a recent session his agent called him with a new movie deal, Super Weapon V, wherein he would play the main Villain. One catch, Principal Photography is in NYC, but there are 2 weeks of filming scheduled in Zimbabwe.

 

Gravitic (in his civie ID): "Hmm. I prefer to play the Hero. Im the heroic type, you know!"

 

Agent: Look, the Academy is favoring leading bad guys lately. Look at Denzel; does a bad guy, gets Best Actor. Whaddayagonnado?

 

G: Hmmmm. Good point. An Oscar would look good on my mantle. Ill do it!.....but no Zimbabwe. Ill do NYC, but no Africa!

 

Agent: You gotta do the location shoot. Thats the thing these days. If it aint filmed in Prague, New Zealand, or somewhere near Tunisia, it aint in!

 

G: NO AFRICA!

 

Agent: Aw come on, yer killin me here; I coulda called anybody who would die for this role, and who do I call first but you?

 

G:

"Look, man, I was the PATRIOT MISSILE! And if they want the PATRIOT MISSILE, then NO Zimbabwe! The PATRIOT MISSILE does not do deserted wastelands! You tell them that! Now good bye." --CLIK

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Re: two quotes...

 

Originally posted by MechaGM

Matt: okay, I can polymorph myself into any monster I have seen, right?

Sam (DM): Right...

Matt: Alright, I'll turn into an invisible stalker and slink away.

Me: Matt... have you ever *seen* an invisible stalker?

Matt: Err....

 

The Warner Bros version:

 

"You're not a Labrador Retreiver."

"Yes I am. Show me a Labrador and I'll retreive it."

"There's no such thing!"

"Oh yeah? Have you ever seen a Labrador?"

"Uhm... no."

"Than shaddup."

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For a while I was running an anime-inspired ghost-hunters game (and hope to restart it real-soon-now![tm]). Think HELLBOY mixed with HELLSING.

 

Anyway, the cast was a mixed bag of characters, including Lin Foo Wong the ghost, Mack Williams ex-NYPD, Yuki Hari the ghost-hunter, and Alexander Maxamillian the sorcerer.

 

Some lines I noted down as amusing:

 

Lin Foo Wong: "I'm glad I'm not a superstitious ghost."

 

Yuki's player, responding to unwanted comments: "Shut up! I'm being cinematic!"

 

Uncredited (but about a villian I think...): "Special, as in 'mommy thinks I'm special'."

 

Agent Thompson [indicating blue-skinned and white-haired Lin]: "Who is she?"

Mack: "One of our agents."

Agent Thompson: "*What* is she?"

Belinda: "And acrobat from Peking."

 

Mack also made me break up by telling a talking corpse: "You're dead! What do you need treasure for?" Which just so happened to be virtually Hellboy's same exact line in the HELLBOY story I swiped the plot from. He got +1 EXP for that.

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Ah, that one reminds me ... in mid-battle, I'm playing this character here (Crosshair Collie, she of many guns) and my teammate who is a mutant brick. We're fighting some Genocide grunts, and through more luck than skill, we're winning, though right before this line, an agent landed a solid hit on the brick, who had been arrogantly spouting off about himself for a good solid Turn.

 

Agent: "Hah! Not so special NOW, are you?"

Brick: "Shows what you know, I *am* special!"

Me: "Yeah, like the Olympics."

 

I've used this line RL. Even got my mother-in-law to crack a smile at it. ;)

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I did a revamp of Los Asesinoes (dropped a couple members, added a couple new ones, and rewrote a couple) and used them a henchmen to the new Professor Muerte. For a couple weeks I had Stalker seduce the PC, Diva. After they had, ahem, consummated the relationship, he invited to a big party full of rich people, where stalker and his team promptly took everyone hostage as a distraction to Professor Muerte's real plan. Stalker offered to make Diva a vampire and live with him forever. She refused and was taken captive. When the rest of the team showed up and freed her, the big fight began. The french warewolf, Loupe Garou, jumped Horus, the armored hero, and brought him to the ground, but before he could rip his armor open, Horus let loose with his helmet's laser (RKA), killing the warewolf outright, promting this exchange:

 

GM (me): "You now have a dead werewolf on top of you."

Xander (team mentalist): "Wouldn't he revert back to his true form when he died?"

GM (me): "You're right." (to Horus) "You now have a naked dead man on top of you." (turning to Diva's player) "I guess your character would know what that's like."

 

She promtly jumped up and chased me around the room with a foam LARP sword.

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Here's another.

I was running a fantasy hero game a while back. The heroes had found an evil cult that had been kidnapping the locals for sacrifices. Thae PCs made their way to the main chamber where the cult was about to start a big cerimony. Of course, a fight ensued. While the priest held off the undead, the wizard decided to start tossing molotov cocktails down the hole that the giant leeches (that the cult fed captives to) came out of. This caused the complex to catch fire. Meanwhile, the knight had come accross an evil knight and the two were having an honor duel. Right in the escape path. As the rest of the group came rushing up, trying to escape the flames, the dwarf's player remarked:

"Will you just take him as a disadvantage so we can go!"

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Okay, one more.

I had unleashed my big, unstopable, brick, Negaton, on the heroes. While the rest of the team was assembling to help stop him, the team's speedster, Nomad, was faced with the task of keeping the beast busy. He made constant hit and run attacks against Negaton with little effect other than to make him mad. And at the end of every passing strike Nomad would taunt Negaton to keep him focued on him rather than innocent bystander.

 

Nomad: "Come on, Grape Ape, try and catch me!"

Negaton growls and grabs a nearby pickup truck.

Nomad: "Nonononono, don't do that, I'm coming back!"

 

I still missed the bugger. But I got me revenge with Baron Frost and his damage shield.

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Just thought of another.

I was using Baron Frost against my players. This was after several discussions about Dr. Destroyer and my unleashing of a Nazi mad scientist, Dr. Eisenfaust, on them. Before going into battle, they had a briefing with thier PRIMUS liason.

 

PRIMUS agent (me): Baron Frost was born in Germany...

Xander (Alien mentalist/energy projector) in complete emotionless monotone: "First Dr. Destroyer, then Dr. Eisenfaust, now Baron frost. Are all of your supervillians from Germany? Perhapse you should arrest the entire country."

Short pause

Me: "Shut up."

 

It will be a long time before I can use any NPCs from Germany.

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Well, after some debate, the winner of last night's Quote of the Week was actually me: "I don't know if this is going to be a deal breaker, but we *are* going to require that you wear pants." (Said to Jason's Mondabi character, who for various reasons had been running around naked for quite some time.)

 

This narrowly beat out Chris's entry: Upon being asked for an opinion on what we should name our spaceship, he replied, "Something historical. How about 'Bismarck?' " dw

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This quote comes from yet anothe rone of our Vampire games. We're all in a van, and some members of the group are getting ready to head out someplce, stealth being of the essence. My character, James, had to remain remain behind with the van, but said that he and his weapon would be ready should there be a need. To this, Sid, the party smart-@$$ replies:

 

"Oh, great way to not attract attention, James! People will be wandering by on the streets going 'Gee, who is that well-dressed stranger leaning against that van cleaning his gun?'"

 

It took 5 minutes for things in and out of game to settle down enough before I was able to explain that I would be waiting inside the van, and that I would not be waving my gun arround in either event...

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Quote of the month from our game group was delivered in a 'Demon The Fallen' game....

 

"Thats A Smite You're City And Slay You're Enemy Angel....You're More Of A Christmas Tree Stuck Up You're Ass Angel...."

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Some Amber game quotes:

 

Before I had my Champions character named Chango, I played the loa Chango/Shango in an one-shot Amber game based off of the Vodouan Loas. Shango's brother, Baron Samedi had gone missing years ago and Shango was looking for him. Shango found his brother, Samedi's corpse and he had been cut into many pieces. Shango put him back together and brought him back to the living, albeit, as a skeleton.

 

Samedi: How did you find me?

Shango: In pieces.

 

In another Amber one-shot, our characters had stolen a police van and were running from the cops. Trying to lose them the conversation in the van went like this:

 

Character 1: We could got to Scotland Yard. We'd blend in. There would be lot's of police vans there.

Character 2: Yeah....but they have cops in them.

 

Finally, there was a quote about one of my Amber characters, a character that could "feed" off the pain of others, that I will never forget:

 

"Alex isn't evil. He's just hungry."

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One of the players in my monthly Changeling game loves writing down the funny quotes and later emailing them to everyone. Here are some highlights from one of the sessions:

 

"You're nice. Why are you (working) here?" -- Abigail to Maevren, Drusilla's groundskeeper

 

"I check to see if there's anything out of the ordinary." --Samuel Titus

"Other than the elf and the vampire, no." -- GM

 

"I'm not going to shoot you, you're my groundskeeper. I don't want to mow." -- Drusilla to Maevren

 

"Welcome to Undead Animal Farm." -- GM to the group, as Drusilla gleefully contemplates breeding an army of undead scarabs

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Special Olympics

 

Crosshair Collie wrote:

Me: "Yeah, like the Olympics."

 

Ah yes, reminds me of this one:

 

"Having a battle of wits with Foxbat is like competing in the Special Olympics: Even if you win, you're still retarded."

 

Substitute "with Foxbat" with "on the 'net" and it pretty accurately describes my feelings on USEnet ;)

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Ok here's one from my groups Warhammer FRP campaign. The group was just about to leave town on our great quest when the dwarf in the party pipes in with this line

 

Dwarf: "Before we leave town, I am going to find me a whore!"

 

GM: "Sorry there aren't any dwarven whores here."

 

Dwarf: "Damn! Then I go home and kiss my wife and child goodbye."

 

That was the start of our campaign...and we still have a very lecherous dwarf.

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Playing Earthdawn, the party had just defeated the evil cult in the nick of time, preventing the nasty demon from fully entering reality. As it is struggling to make it through the portal, but being inevitably drawn back;

 

Dwarf (Me): You should taunt it. Go on, it's helpless.

Saurial (drops his pants): Hey! If you're REALLY nice to me, I'll let you suck on this before you're destroyed!

 

The GM then made a roll. The demon made a last effort, thrust itself forward and clamped its jaws together. Everyone except the saurials player thought the look on his face was priceless :)

 

 

oberon

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Playing D&D, we just killed the annoying 6 month recurring thief who had laid my character(a half orc fighter) out for 3 sessions straight.

 

GM: "Tarm you wake up to see the corpse of your enemy."

Me: " I grab his body, grab my axe and drag it into the woods."

War Cleric:(In think irish accent) "What are ye doing."

Me: "I'm going to hack him to peices."

War Cleric: "Ye can't do that."

Me: (Blank Stare)

War Cleric: Ye have to urinate on him first!

 

John Spencer

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QOTW (just this week):

GM: "They don't throw you out, they just politely ask you to leave and wait..."

Me (playing a polite 16 year old): well my character is a nice little poppet so I leave.

GM: You Poppet out as it were" (looks as the shocked faces of the rest of the players) "I did not say that, I did not say that"

Me: "No, I just leave it in and walk out the door"

Note: It takes very little to put the group consciousness in the gutter.

 

Still my all time favorate (the Gazzebo effect in action):

GM: You get off the boat. The island is covered in mangroves.

Mage: I fireball them before thay can attack me.

GM: Mangroves, as in swamps with trees. Forget it, your back in you happy place.

Note: There was no known monster in this world to anyone's knowledge (including the GMs) that had a name even vaguely like 'Mangrove'.

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Although its a dilber rip off, it worked wonders to lighten the table.

 

NPC:" I am Khulvan the Peerless. I have never been defeated."

 

Amator (PC): " How do you know you wouldn't like it?"

 

Khulvan: "I want to kill the elf first."

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Guest Champsguy
Originally posted by JohnOSpencer

Playing D&D, we just killed the annoying 6 month recurring thief who had laid my character(a half orc fighter) out for 3 sessions straight.

 

GM: "Tarm you wake up to see the corpse of your enemy."

Me: " I grab his body, grab my axe and drag it into the woods."

War Cleric:(In think irish accent) "What are ye doing."

Me: "I'm going to hack him to peices."

War Cleric: "Ye can't do that."

Me: (Blank Stare)

War Cleric: Ye have to urinate on him first!

 

John Spencer

 

Ah, now this reminds me of a story.

 

One of the players in the group was a real jerk. The group was playing Mechwarrior, and the player's character (for whatever reason) had decided to pick a fight with two other PCs. He hit one of them, and rolled 2D6 for damage. The other PCs were just going to beat him up, until somebody realized what it means to roll 2D6 in Mechwarrior (punches and kicks only do 1D6 plus your strength--to get more than one die, you've got to use a weapon). They confronted the player, who said "Yeah, I stabbed you with my vibro-knife".

 

The response of the other players? They pulled out their automatic rifles and shot him to pieces. They then looked at each other, smiled, and said:

 

"You know what it's time for?"

"Yep. Burial at sea!!!"

zzziiiiiippp

 

-------------------------------------------

 

Same players, same GM, different game. They were playing Star Wars, and each was a jedi from some sort of short race (I think one was a Yoda-creature, and another was something like an ewok). Anyway, they come across another jedi who has been injured, and they use their force powers to heal him up. Five minutes later, the previously-injured jedi appears in front of them, at the top of a flight of stairs. He laughs maniacally, powers up his light-saber, and says:

 

"Foolish jedi, now you will witness the power of the dark side. Turn to the dark side now or die!"

The dark jedi goes to swing his light-saber around in an impressive display, but the GM rolls a fumble, and the dark jedi accidentally cuts his own leg off and tumbles down the stairs.

 

The two players look at each other.

"Burial at sea!!!"

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