"Dear Abby" for Supers

[umbra]

If there was a Dear Abby for supers would your character write to it? What would you ask?

[Gary]

There is, at least for Supervillains.

 

Here is the thread:

 

http://herogames.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=140&highlight=quark

[st barbara]

While I can't imagine "St Barbara" writing to a "Dear Abbey" type column I could easily imagine her RUNNING one ! After all she has been a gymnast,a "model", an "actress" and worked for UNICEF as well as being a super heroine, and she hasn't turned twenty yet ! Of course it must be admitted that her career as a "model/actress" started young and didn't entail an ability to either walk on a catwalk, or deliver lines of Shakespearean quality !

[Badger]

Definite No! He is not the kind who exactly asks for help! But he can be good for advice as he is a former villain gone straight. He is definitely willing to help an ally who ask for help or advice. Though he can be a bit insensitive to the "boy-scouts" and "teenage supers who just want to be normal".

[Jhereg]

Dear Abby,

 

Ever since being rescued from that government facility, where they were experimenting on me, life has been kind of rough. I have always been able to emit, and to some degree control, light. However, recently I have begun emitting gamma rays. It has really affected my social life, as my boyfriend is now in the radiation ward. I’ve been thinking about leaving the mansion. I think I’ll go join the rival Supervillian group, after changing my name and costume. If the team loves me, they’ll come get me, right?

 

-Spectrum

[Foxiekins]

Dear Abby

 

I have a problem... My mother told me I should never go into the back seat with a boy, but I met this really cute guy, and I was sure he loved me, so I did... But, while we were, you know, my mutant powers kicked in and I sorta kinda electrocuted him from the skin contact... Either that, or I irradiated him with a massive dose of beta radiation, I'm not sure...

 

Anyway, I'm kinda wanting it not to happen again, but every time I touch something it does... Do you have any suggestions...?

 

Charged, and in hiding...

[Blue]

Dear Abby,

 

I had to drop out of High School to avoid being tracked down by my father who is a homicidal maniac, my best friend has been missing for months and I can't find her, the boy who likes me is too shy to say anything about it, the local team of heroes are my closest allies but they recently broke into the local super-prison breaking a number of federal and local laws, a new section of the city appeared overnight and nobody seems to notice that it was never there before, subway cars full of people keep disappearing without a trace and the guys doing it are too big for me to handle on my own, I've lost six jobs in four months due to attendance problems from my super-heroic side duties, and yesterday my boss slapped me on the butt.

 

I guess my question is... do you know anyone who can get me tickets to see Acid Rain Flashback at Lazarus Field? I've never been to a rock concert before. As you can see... I don't have a lot of free time.

 

-Anthem

[Badger]

Dear Abby,

 

I cant seem to find a date. Women seem to run in terror at the mere sight of me. It cant be my lizard-like appearance can it? Should I try a dating service?

 

Sincerely,

 

Confused and Green

 

 

 

 

:D

[Badger]

Anthem-

 

2 tickets are in the mail

 

Abby-

 

[Blue Jogger]

Originally posted by Plastick Hero

Dear Abby,

 

Ever since being rescued from that government facility, where they were experimenting on me, life has been kind of rough. I have always been able to emit, and to some degree control, light. However, recently I have begun emitting gamma rays. It has really affected my social life, as my boyfriend is now in the radiation ward. I’ve been thinking about leaving the mansion. I think I’ll go join the rival Supervillian group, after changing my name and costume. If the team loves me, they’ll come get me, right?

 

-Spectrum

 

Dear Spectrum,

Oh my! Abby loves all the colors of the rainbow, but going past violet wavelength is a definate no-no. Be sure that your new costume has some lead in it to shield out your "inner glow". Although many supers experiment with villiany, it should be something that you feel represents your true feelings, don't rush into villiany. However, many supers will seek solitude while sorting out their feelings and in this case, I feel that some time alone is best for everyone. Do not feel bad if your team does not rush out and search for you outside the city limits. I wish you the best.

- Abby

[Jhereg]

Originally posted by Badger

Dear Abby,

 

I cant seem to find a date. Women seem to run in terror at the mere sight of me. It cant be mnot.y lizard-like appearance can it? Should I try a dating service?

 

Sincerely,

 

Confused and Green

 

Dear Confused,

 

A dating service can help you find people that have a lot in common with you in that regard. However the real question is, do you want to limit yourself to lizard-women?

 

I think normal women will find you attractive if they just get to know the real you. I recommend a 6d6 Entangle.

 

-Abby

[Corven_Ren]

Dear Abby,

 

Chere this letter is not exactly directed towards you but towards Confused and Green. Mon Ami, I understand your problem for I am also green in color and even have a 4 1/2 ' long tail. I am the way I am thanks to the late Proffesor Muerte and his crazy experiments. Even crazier he intended to for me to be a member of the now defunct Terror Inc. However I escaped and am now a well know hero and I might add loved by the ladies. The thing about women, mon ami, is that you must treat them with respect, you must make them feel like women and if it happens to be a female supervillain you are hitting on you must first try to seduce them into giving up crime. In all aspect you must be like the swashbuckling heroes Athos, Porthos, Aramis &D' Artagnion.

 

Sincerely

Reptyle

[Sociotard]

Dear Abby,

 

My Aunt May, my only living relative, does not know about the radioactive spider bite that made me what I am today. What's the best way to break the news to an aging women on heart medication?

 

Webbed-up in angst.

[AnotherSkip]

Dear Abby,

I have a few problems I would like to discuss with you. First off I have a 13 year old daughter who has more magnetic pull than the famed Magneto. Is she too young to start using her powers to fight crime unsupervised?

The other problem is that I also have an 8 yr old daughter with an 8 foot wingspan and pyro and meto kinisis, is she too young to be out "Superheroing" past 8:00 with adult supervision? It doesn't affect her sleep schedule. But it might set a bad precendent among her grade school chums.

Signed- Father of Two

[Hermit]

This makes me miss my Q.U.A.C.K. days

[Badger]

Dear Abby,

 

I need your help. I had this problem with my neighbors. You see every year in early February they would pull me out in the early cold morning. They would force me to look for my shadow (which I never saw because they were all taking my picture, blinding me) and later one of them would hoist me in the air. All I wanted was to sleep but they wouldnt let me. Well the last time they did this my superpowers manifested and rage could not be held back any longer. I went berserk. I wiped them out. Now I cant seem to control myself. They finally kicked me out of town. Now I am thinking about being a supervillain. What should I do.

 

Phil, formerly of Punxsutawney, PA

[Jhereg]

Originally posted by Badger

Dear Abby,

 

I need your help. I had this problem with my neighbors. You see every year in early February they would pull me out in the early cold morning. They would force me to look for my shadow (which I never saw because they were all taking my picture, blinding me) and later one of them would hoist me in the air. All I wanted was to sleep but they wouldnt let me. Well the last time they did this my superpowers manifested and rage could not be held back any longer. I went berserk. I wiped them out. Now I cant seem to control myself. They finally kicked me out of town. Now I am thinking about being a supervillain. What should I do.

 

Phil, formerly of Punxsutawney, PA

 

Phil,

 

I think you’re set up perfectly for villainy. The most memorable villains have a relatable, identifiable, even sympathetic story. It’s not poor Phil’s fault. He is what society made him. It also makes any future criminal convictions suspect, as mitigating circumstances.

 

My advice, Phil: Get yourself some henchmen, and a publicist, and tear up the town. Punxsutawney will never be the same again. You owe yourself that much.

 

-Abbey

[AnotherSkip]

Dear Abby,

 

Punxsutawney is calling me up and telling me I should save them from this bizaare manifestation of strange attacks. the mayor and several of his assistants as well as many members of the press both died from some sort of visicous animal attack back in feburary. They want me to track it down and see that juastice is done. P. S. they want me to find Punxsutawney Phil, as he has gone missing too, they suspect it is a terrorist plot by Al Quedia.

 

the Question is though, is this beneath my concern or not?

[FenrisUlf]

Originally posted by Badger

Dear Abby,

 

I need your help. I had this problem with my neighbors. You see every year in early February they would pull me out in the early cold morning. They would force me to look for my shadow (which I never saw because they were all taking my picture, blinding me) and later one of them would hoist me in the air. All I wanted was to sleep but they wouldnt let me. Well the last time they did this my superpowers manifested and rage could not be held back any longer. I went berserk. I wiped them out. Now I cant seem to control myself. They finally kicked me out of town. Now I am thinking about being a supervillain. What should I do.

 

Phil, formerly of Punxsutawney, PA

 

Phil, you creep! Here the Grundsow Lodge has been giving you beer and free food for years, and you pay them off by blowing them away?

 

Though, to be helpful -- if you must kill someone, then head for Philadelphia and knock some folks off there until you learn the ropes. You don't want to do a half-arsed job when it's your very own hometown, do you? And besides, no one will notice one more crazed killer in the armpit of PA, so you'll get your much-needed privacy as well.

 

Angry in Allentown

[Colossus]

Dear Abby

 

My girlfriend is a superhero to and was killed in action six weeks ago. Should I start dating or wait for her to be resurrected?

[Badger]

You are still grieving apparently, as you hold out hope for resurrection (apparently a cry of denial). I would suggest you wait till you feel it is right to date again. As for resurrection this is rare even in a superheroes life so there isnt much hope I am afraid.

[Badger]

Dear Abby,

 

This is Phil again. It appears I have another problem. After moving away from my hometown of Punxsutawney, I moved to Metropolis to start a new life. I wanted one more shot at a normal life. I got into an anger management program. Unfortunately, my celebrity had followed me. Some annoying reporter at a local newspaper we'll call "Lois" thought she had story in my troubles. She hounded me day and night, calling me at all hours wanting a statement from me. Finally, I had had enough I went down to where she works and confronted her. I just wanted to be left alone. So she got her muscle, some guy in pajamas with an "S" on the front. This guy was obviously one of the other reporters that works their "Clark" with his glasses off (apparently I was the only one who noticed this fact.). Well he proved a good fight. It was a stalemate until a bratty photographer that worked there "Jimmy" decided to take a picture of the fight. With my understandable hatred of cameras this again was too much. I summarily dispatched "Jimmy" with a 30d6 energy blast. This apparently mad "Clark" (excuseme, the S guy) very mad. Though i overpowered him (just barely) I was too weak to finish him off. This brings me too my question, later that night I got a call from "Lex", he wanted me to join his group "Legion of Doom". Apparently they were having problems with a member named Riddler who was basically mooching off the other 12 of them. Doing nothing but eating pork rinds and watching Oprah. They wanted to cut him loose and make me the 13th member. So should I join or respectfully decline and remain free-lance?

[Colossus]

Resurrection - rare

 

But Dear Abby, I beg to differ!

[Mayday]

Dear Grieving,

 

True love never dies. If your girlfriend does not return soon there are steps you can take to hasten the process. Consult the Super Scum Magazine advice columnist ( http://herogames.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=140&highlight=quark ) for advice, and conduct a thorough Internet search. Somewhere there is a girl with amnesia who looks just like yours, and she will grow to love you given time and opportunity. You are not a stalker, you are Lancelot. Paris seeking Helen!

 

Down Under But Not Dead

[Mayday]

Dear Abby,

 

My son is a good boy but he still needs a mother to bring him a hat when it is cold, and remind him to wash his hands and not to go into the water after eating for at least one hour. A few weeks ago I was collecting his costume for the wash and found a piece of paper that read, http://www.foxbatsmasterplan.com.

 

I went to see the site and am hooked. My son refuses to let me donate the remainder of his college tuition fund to Foxbat, or to read the personally autographed copy of Foxbat's autobiography that I bought him for his birthday. He even raised his voice, to ME, when I put the "I Fight For Foxbat" bumper sticker on his jetcar.

 

He used to call me his little DNPC when I would fix his favorite breakfast but now he comes in late and leaves early without even a hug. What is a mother to do?

 

Sincerely,

 

FIGHTING FOR FOXBAT