Korvar Posted December 14, 2008 Report Share Posted December 14, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Today's Pathfinder: Much hilarity when Xog's masterwork silver dagger (which we nicked from someone bad) started tingling. The innuendoes went on for what seemed like hours... We were investigating an evil theatre company performing something they call "The Death Play". I manage to get "volunteered" for the finale, which involved a "Pit And The Pendulum" style descending blade. The audience is to call out "SAVE!" or "DEATH!", depending. Xog, our Half-Orc fighter, did not help by holding up a large sign with "DEATH" written on it... (I maintain that my Escape Artist skill would have gotten me free, even if the friendly nobles hadn't come in with a last-minute "SAVE!" rally. Honest.) Best without context: "Apparently they were load bearing evil undead cultists." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balabanto Posted December 14, 2008 Report Share Posted December 14, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... The Flea: I just like saying “Guam.” ----------------------------------------------------- Redwave: You know, I think you left your morals behind when you put on the clown suit. Juggler: I did kind of leave them behind Knighthawk: Yeah, in that special dedicated wing of the hospital they named after you. ------------------------------------------------------- Redwave: That would be a plan worthy of a master villain! Stick: Cool! Let’s do that! -------------------------------------------------------- Redwave: Why did I marry you again, Stick? Stick: Because I’m practical and stable. Redwave: Well…you’re practical… Knighthawk: Because love is blind!....and dumb! ----------------------------------------------------------- Stick: We need someone with social skills to talk to the hardware store owner. Flea: I’ll go! Juggler: Your social skill is demolitions!!!!!!!! ------------------------------------------------------------ Flea: My name is Francis Mchenry… Emerald: Your name is Francis? Hardware Store Owner: It’s like “A Boy Named Sue!” It’s all good! ------------------------------------------------------------ Stick: My public identity is “The Flea” Hardware Store Owner: So, you run away from stuff? --------------------------------------------------------------------- Stick: You may be required to be mildly disguised. Hardware Store Owner: Mildly disguised? Stick: You may have to be dressed as a woman. Owner: Hold on a minute. I ain’t gonna be dressed as a woman. Juggler: You could be dressed as a dog. Stick: Don’t mind him. He doesn’t have a speaking part. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Stick: Well, we can’t all go. Someone has to rescue you two if you get captured. Redwave: Honey, is there something you want to tell me about our private life? --------------------------------------------------------------------- Juggler: Can I spray my goo over the entire stock exchange? Redwave: Why is it always about spraying your goo with you? Are you sure your wife should be here for this conversation? Knighthawk: (Why am I hanging around with these people?) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The police demand an explanation of the PC’s as to why the freeway was so horribly damaged. Flea: …So we took the trailer of the 18 wheeler, and we glued it to the overpass to get it out of traffic as quickly as possible. The Overpass, being horribly damaged, collapses at this point. Redwave facepalms. Stick: You know, I’m not a civil engineer. But that doesn’t look good. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nerdnumber1 Posted December 15, 2008 Report Share Posted December 15, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... There are plenty of ladies who like a bit of rough, hence the attraction of Sean Bean among others, and you just don't get much rougher than a Half-Orc. To be fair if you consider some of the things a Tiefling's ancestors might have bred with a Half-Orc doesn't seem that unreasonable. Half fire elementals. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basil Posted December 15, 2008 Report Share Posted December 15, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Cap. America: The Hulk is loose! Repeat, the Hulk is on the loose! They HAD heard of the Hulk. The crowd melted away immediately. (In retrospect, while clever, maybe I should have thought of something else, since Captain America isn't supposed to lie.) It wasn't a lie! Considering there are approximately 3.75924 gazillion alternate Earths, it's a certainty that at that exact moment, in at least one universe, Hulk was indeed on the loose. Since CA didn't say where Hulk was, his statement was undoubtedly true. Basil contemplates how many alternate palindromedaries there are... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Mackinder Posted December 15, 2008 Report Share Posted December 15, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... It wasn't a lie! Considering there are approximately 3.75924 gazillion alternate Earths, it's a certainty that at that exact moment, in at least one universe, Hulk was indeed on the loose. Since CA didn't say where Hulk was, his statement was undoubtedly true. ... And on at least one alternate Earth, it is the Hulk panicking a crowd by telling them that Captain America is on the loose. Or Bill The Cat. Or maybe George W Bush. The way things seem to be going with Marvel, it could even turn out to be THIS Earth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Querysphinx Posted December 16, 2008 Report Share Posted December 16, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... A few bits from the last two weeks of Teh Bunneh's game: On a sudden plurality of a formerly unique clockwork team mate: Alicia: We seem to be having an outbreak of you. On the difference between the American woman's and the Italian woman's way of walking: Alicia: She gallivants. I sashay On upgrade modifications for a clockwork butler: Thackery: I'm thinking retractable chainsaws. On the operating systems of sexless clockwork men: Alicia: They run on eunuchs. On the disposition of displaced employees. Alicia: Where's Jeeves? Clockwork Butler: In the larder. Alicia: Is he alive? On the matter of disassembling the new butler to see how it works. Clockwork Butler: That will void the warranty. Thackary: That's okay! On the motivations of our enemies: A.D.E.N.: It follows an internal logic; that doesn't mean it makes sense. On Alicia's inconsistent accent: Thackary: Why are you only italian while we're in the base. To a clockwork man we meet at a tea-party: Thackary: May I disassemble you? On questionable decisions: Thackary: Never question genius! On rescuing a young a talented woman from the clutches of Victorian societal moores: Pasqual: ...only if Miss Emily can be removed from the control of her parents. Alicia: Oh that's easy. We'll have her betrothed to Thackary. Thackary: *Spit take!* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basil Posted December 16, 2008 Report Share Posted December 16, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... On upgrade modifications for a clockwork butler: Thackery: I'm thinking retractable chainsaws. No, no, no! Rocket propelled chainsaws! :eg: :eg: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Major Tom Posted December 16, 2008 Report Share Posted December 16, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... No' date=' no, no! Rocket propelled chainsaws! :eg: :eg: Or a small-scale, retractable crank-operated Gatling gun. Ammo storage might be a tad problematic, though... Major Tom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DJ Blackrock Posted December 16, 2008 Report Share Posted December 16, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... We had ourselves a group dream/reader fueled drug trip in our Serenity game tonight, and a few good quotes came from it. (Note, the game world jumped ahead 8 years, and the players have no idea what happened in the intervening time) Crystelle (NPC): "Have you all gone crazy?" : points at the mechanic : "And he doesn't count, he was already nuts." ================= Varkel (OOC): "Wait, I've gone legit? Since when? Legitimacy terrifies me!" ================= Velvet (OOC): "Hold on a sec, I was married?" Me (GM): "Yup." Velvet (OOC): "To who?!" Me (GM): "Good question." ================= Amelia (OOC): "Wait, why would I have left the ship?" GM: "Well, the captain died, and she," : indicates Kera : "Is the new captain." Kera: : smiles wickedly : Amelia (OOC): "That'll do it." ================= Velvet: (The late Captain's apparent widow) "How did Jonathan die?" Crystelle: (The late Captain's only daughter) : glares : "That's not funny and you know it." : storms off : Velvet (sort of OOC): "No I didn't. I don't remember anything! I just woke up and I was a space pirate!" Crystelle: : stops, looks back over her shoulder : "Dad apparently had a thing for mental cases." The Mechanic (OOC): "I suppose that explains my continued employment then." ================= And, while not a quote, our pilot showed up in costume today. Including a bright red wig. And yes, he drove to game in that getup. God I love my group. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jkwleisemann Posted December 16, 2008 Report Share Posted December 16, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Or a small-scale, retractable crank-operated Gatling gun. Ammo storage might be a tad problematic, though... Major Tom What else is a hollow leg meant for? Food storage? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Houston GM Posted December 16, 2008 Report Share Posted December 16, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... The PCs were trying to arrest a group of drug smugglers. Backup had arrived, so the PCs were only outnumbered 2 to 1. The PCs had also been warned that the drug smugglers were armed with fully-automatic weapons and were trigger happy. The group decided the safest way to arrest the smugglers was along a deserted road. Ham tried to convince the drug smugglers to give up without a fight: Ham: "Your tires have been blown. You're surrounded by federal agents, And you're in the middle of an ambush. "You're armed with automatics. You're trigger happy, And we fully expect that you'll resist arrest. "You can spend tomorrow in jail, Or you can spend it in the morgue. Choose where you'd like us to send you." The GM described a sheriff's deputy: GM: His nametag says "Wells", but you're pretty sure his name is Bubba. He looks like he's halfway to retirement and two thirds of the way to his first heart attack. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teh bunneh Posted December 16, 2008 Report Share Posted December 16, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Or a small-scale, retractable crank-operated Gatling gun. Ammo storage might be a tad problematic, though... It's a steampunk world. The "Gatling Carbine" has been available for the better part of a decade. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Major Tom Posted December 16, 2008 Report Share Posted December 16, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... It's a steampunk world. The "Gatling Carbine" has been available for the better part of a decade. I'm suddenly picturing a weapon that looks vaguely like the rifles that the folks in the film Deep Rising were using, except that the magazine is of the standard top-loading type, and fired by crank instead of a trigger. Major Tom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Mackinder Posted December 17, 2008 Report Share Posted December 17, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... In a recent session of 'Pulp Hero'. As is so often the case, you probably had to be there to fully appreciate the following. Our heroes are being briefed about 'taking down' a nasty individual intent on seizing political control of the USA. No, we can't kill him, we have to publicly discredit him ... One Player says: "OK, cue camera and hookers." Target uses the persona of a 'Southern Gentleman', and currently runs the KKK. Same Player: "OK. Cue camera and BLACK hookers." Target has to be thoroughly discredited in the eyes of his supporters, beyond any hope of redemption. Guess Who?: "OK. Cue camera and MALE black hookers." * * Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jkwleisemann Posted December 17, 2008 Report Share Posted December 17, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Hey - the simplest plan is always the best. One simply has to alter the plan to meat (it was a typo at first, but too good to fix) the required goal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nerdnumber1 Posted December 17, 2008 Report Share Posted December 17, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Hey - the simplest plan is always the best. One simply has to alter the plan to meat (it was a typo at first' date=' but too good to fix) the required goal.[/quote'] For some reason the simplist plan involves violence, fire, destruction of property, or similar means. Why is that? Actually, what problem can't be "solved" in a way that involves violence? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haerandir Posted December 17, 2008 Report Share Posted December 17, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Because violence, fire, destruction of property, and similar means are simple, reliable and usually effective? That's been my experience, anyhow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remjin Posted December 17, 2008 Report Share Posted December 17, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Because violence, fire, destruction of property, and similar means are simple, reliable and usually effective? That's been my experience, anyhow. Really? Could I get your address so I know where to send the police? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teh bunneh Posted December 17, 2008 Report Share Posted December 17, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Because violence, fire, destruction of property, and similar means are simple, reliable and usually effective? That's been my experience, anyhow. "There are few problems in this world that can't be solved through a suitable application of firepower." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susano Posted December 17, 2008 Report Share Posted December 17, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... "There are few problems in this world that can't be solved through a suitable application of firepower." ...or high explosives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jkwleisemann Posted December 18, 2008 Report Share Posted December 18, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... For some reason the simplist plan involves violence, fire, destruction of property, or similar means. Why is that? Actually, what problem can't be "solved" in a way that involves violence? Yeah, but cameras and hookers are even simpler, when you're trying to discredit rather than create a martyr. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whraven Posted December 18, 2008 Report Share Posted December 18, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... "There are few problems in this world that can't be solved through a suitable application of firepower." "I find I get better results with a kind word and a two-by-four than with just a kind word." -- Marcus Cole, "Ceremonies of Light and Dark", Babylon Five Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nerdnumber1 Posted December 18, 2008 Report Share Posted December 18, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Yeah' date=' but cameras and hookers are even simpler, when you're trying to discredit rather than create a martyr. [/quote'] I never said that it was always simpler, or always the best solution, but it almost always is a solution if applied liberally enough and is normally quite simple to understand. Destroy all life on earth normally fouls up whatever plan your enemy cooked up, but the cure is a bit worse than the desease. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poison Posted December 18, 2008 Report Share Posted December 18, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... A very wise man once said: "Good? Bad? I'm the guy with the gun..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NestorDRod Posted December 19, 2008 Report Share Posted December 19, 2008 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... "I find I get better results with a kind word and a two-by-four than with just a kind word." -- Marcus Cole' date=' "Ceremonies of Light and Dark", [u']Babylon Five [/u] "Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on which end of the gun is pointed at you." "Was that a quote? Who said that?" "ME!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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