Michael Hopcroft Posted August 19, 2020 Report Share Posted August 19, 2020 1 minute ago, Pariah said: A: Starts with 'B' and rhymes with 'red stick'. Q: I couldn't find Fred Stick fr you. I didn't mishear you, did I? A: I have no choice but to vote for you -- the Seasick Crocodile isn't even on the ballot. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted August 24, 2020 Report Share Posted August 24, 2020 On 8/18/2020 at 9:06 PM, Michael Hopcroft said: Q: I couldn't find Fred Stick fr you. I didn't mishear you, did I? A: I have no choice but to vote for you -- the Seasick Crocodile isn't even on the ballot. Q: Why did Trump win re-election? A: That is the dark matter generator. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted August 25, 2020 Report Share Posted August 25, 2020 21 hours ago, Asperion said: A: That is the dark matter generator. Q: So the bright blue machine makes photons and the bright orange one makes electrons. But where can get the neutrons to make my atoms? A: When FORTRAN was not even THREETRAN! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted August 25, 2020 Report Share Posted August 25, 2020 14 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: When FORTRAN was not even THREETRAN! Q: How'd you program computers before punched cards? Way, way back? A: There is a difference between an existential threat and an existentialist threat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 28, 2020 Report Share Posted August 28, 2020 On 8/25/2020 at 9:40 AM, Cancer said: A: There is a difference between an existential threat and an existentialist threat. Q: How worried are we about the threat of armed revolt from the Philosophy department? A: Enya, turned up to eleven. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted August 28, 2020 Report Share Posted August 28, 2020 1 hour ago, Pariah said: A: Enya, turned up to eleven. Q: OMG, how do you deal with their on-hold muzak being Yanni's Greatest Hits? A: Boston, Kansas, Asia, Chicago, Alabama ... none of them is Nirvana. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 28, 2020 Report Share Posted August 28, 2020 1 minute ago, Cancer said: A: Boston, Kansas, Asia, Chicago, Alabama ... none of them is Nirvana. Q: What makes Boston, Kansas, Asia, Chicago, and Alabama so great? A: At least I still have my nine-iron. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted August 28, 2020 Report Share Posted August 28, 2020 1 minute ago, Pariah said: A: At least I still have my nine-iron. Q: All the cobalt-56, chromium-51, aluminum-26, and cesium-137 have decayed away! Now what do we do? A: I think it's a little cooler now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted August 28, 2020 Report Share Posted August 28, 2020 22 minutes ago, Cancer said: A: I think it's a little cooler now. Q: How is your pint of Chunky Monkey now that you've stuck it in the freezer for a while? A: There is no room for free will in this picture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted August 28, 2020 Report Share Posted August 28, 2020 2 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: There is no room for free will in this picture. Q: See this headline: "Robert Will gets seventeen consecutive life sentences for serial murders"? A: Burns, Busts, Bummers, and Rip-Offs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted August 29, 2020 Report Share Posted August 29, 2020 3 hours ago, Cancer said: Q: See this headline: "Robert Will gets seventeen consecutive life sentences for serial murders"? A: Burns, Busts, Bummers, and Rip-Offs. Q: What are we making this blessing to the Sun for? A: The infinite finite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted August 29, 2020 Report Share Posted August 29, 2020 21 hours ago, Asperion said: A: The infinite finite. Q: You're saying the Universe has a finite amount of matter yet still expands endlessly in all conceivable directions? Can you explain that further? A: People told me my plans were insance, and now that I'm alone in here I must admit they were absolutely right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted September 4, 2020 Report Share Posted September 4, 2020 On 8/29/2020 at 5:22 PM, Michael Hopcroft said: Q: You're saying the Universe has a finite amount of matter yet still expands endlessly in all conceivable directions? Can you explain that further? A: People told me my plans were insance, and now that I'm alone in here I must admit they were absolutely right. Q: There was one vote for the Infinity Gauntlet Program. What made you vote for that program? A: This is actually the Definity Gauntlet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 4, 2020 Report Share Posted September 4, 2020 27 minutes ago, Asperion said: A: This is actually the Definity Gauntlet. Q: You said this would depopulate the planet? All it does is describe everything and everyone you point it at! A: Your efforts to find a polite way to tell me I'm a rancid-smelling, whiskey-soaked, sloppy, gun-crazed, impotent loonie are failing spectacularly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted September 16, 2020 Report Share Posted September 16, 2020 On 9/3/2020 at 9:24 PM, Michael Hopcroft said: Q: You said this would depopulate the planet? All it does is describe everything and everyone you point it at! A: Your efforts to find a polite way to tell me I'm a rancid-smelling, whiskey-soaked, sloppy, gun-crazed, impotent loonie are failing spectacularly. Q: Why did you turn all those whiskey bottles into rapid fire assault weapons? A: You only think this pandemic has made me insane. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 16, 2020 Report Share Posted September 16, 2020 13 hours ago, Asperion said: A: You only think this pandemic has made me insane. Q: What would possibly make you want to turn whiskey bottles into rapid-fire assault weapons? Should I call your shrink? A: My pearl necklace just started singing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted September 16, 2020 Report Share Posted September 16, 2020 40 minutes ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: My pearl necklace just started singing. Q: Why do you think you might need your medications checked again? A: There was an old MAD Magazine feature about this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 17, 2020 Report Share Posted September 17, 2020 10 hours ago, Cancer said: A: There was an old MAD Magazine feature about this! Q: That's an awful weird way to fold an arts magazine. What caused you to do it? A: When a lovely flame dies, smoke gets in your eyes, and your lungs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 17, 2020 Report Share Posted September 17, 2020 12 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: When a lovely flame dies, smoke gets in your eyes, and your lungs. Q: So now you're using Febreze instead of incense? A: He was convicted of abusing Axe body spray and sentenced to 90 days in jail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted September 17, 2020 Report Share Posted September 17, 2020 5 hours ago, Pariah said: A: He was convicted of abusing Axe body spray and sentenced to 90 days in jail. Q: 90 days for an axe attacker? What'd he do, bribe the judge? A: During the lockdown I used alcohol solutions to control microbes, so instead of Right Guard I used beer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 17, 2020 Report Share Posted September 17, 2020 2 hours ago, Cancer said: A: During the lockdown I used alcohol solutions to control microbes, so instead of Right Guard I used beer. Q: Why did you come into work smelling like rancid yeast and so unable to remain on your feet for two minutes at a time? A: I can dance the Tango, I can read Greek. I can even do them at the same time! Easy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 18, 2020 Report Share Posted September 18, 2020 2 minutes ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: I can dance the Tango, I can read Greek. I can even do them at the same time! Easy! Q: What makes you think you're qualified to date my daughter? A: Cyanide-coated peanuts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 21, 2020 Report Share Posted September 21, 2020 On 9/17/2020 at 5:03 PM, Pariah said: A: Cyanide-coated peanuts. Q: So, Boris, vat iees plan to ge reed off Moose and Skvirrel? A: Learn to cook like a pro with the CIA! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted September 22, 2020 Report Share Posted September 22, 2020 21 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said: Q: So, Boris, vat iees plan to ge reed off Moose and Skvirrel? A: Learn to cook like a pro with the CIA! Q: Those are Impressive skills with the knife and spatula. Where did you learn those skills? A: Uranium-laced seltzer water. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted September 22, 2020 Report Share Posted September 22, 2020 17 hours ago, Asperion said: A: Uranium-laced seltzer water. Q: What do you give them while they're in detention that you can track them for years afterward with only radiation counters? A: A nickel. A Nickel-56 nickel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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