Starlord

I have submitted.

As a matter of cosmic history, it has always been easier to destroy, than to create -  Spock

That's a lot of employees for such a Mickey Mouse operation.

Yeah, I highly doubt that would make it into print nowadays, nor should it.

I don't think I've ever even heard of the term 'bedclothes' till now.

That doesn't bode well for fans of Greek and Norse mythology.

I think it's more accurate to assume half of them are stupid and the other half are just self-centered, a$&holes....

Yeah, I highly doubt that would make it into print nowadays, nor should it.

George Carlin once famously joked, "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."
 
Thanks to all those people wearing masks but leaving their noses fully exposed, the stupider half is now a lot easier to spot.

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."

I've always been partial to Tunnels & Trolls mind control spell Yassa Massa.
 

One of my favorite spells is Magic Fissile.

* Cancer starts framing an exam question from that *

PUNISHER: WAR ZONE (2008)
 29%
#31
Critics Consensus: Punisher: War Zone recalls the excessively violent, dialogue-challenged actioners of the 1980s, and coincidentally feels two decades out of date.
Synopsis: Marvel Comics' vigilante character The Punisher gets another big-screen outing in this third film incarnation of the character, this time... [More]
Starring: Ray Stevenson, Dominic West, Dash Mihok, Julie Benz
Directed By: Lexi Alexander

THE PUNISHER (2004)
 29%
#30
Critics Consensus: A good cast fails to elevate this overly violent and by-the-numbers revenge flick.
Synopsis: Frank Castle is a man who has seen too much death in his life, first as a Delta Force Op... [More]
Starring: Thomas Jane, John Travolta, James Carpinello, Laura Harring
Directed By: Jonathan Hensleigh

VENOM (2018)
 30%
#29
Critics Consensus: Venom's first standalone movie turns out to be like the comics character in all the wrong ways - chaotic, noisy, and in desperate need of a stronger attachment to Spider-Man.
Synopsis: Investigative journalist Eddie Brock attempts a comeback following a scandal, but accidentally becomes the host of an alien symbiote that... [More]
Starring: Tom Hardy, Riz Ahmed, Scott Haze, Reid Scott
Directed By: Ruben Fleischer

BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE (2016)
 28%
#28
Critics Consensus: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice smothers a potentially powerful story -- and some of America's most iconic superheroes -- in a grim whirlwind of effects-driven action.
Synopsis: Batman (Ben Affleck) and Superman (Henry Cavill) share the screen in this Warner Bros./DC Entertainment co-production penned by David S.... [More]
Starring: Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Diane Lane
Directed By: Zack Snyder

SUICIDE SQUAD (2016)
 26%
#27
Critics Consensus: Suicide Squad boasts a talented cast and a little more humor than previous DCEU efforts, but they aren't enough to save the disappointing end result from a muddled plot, thinly written characters, and choppy directing.
Synopsis: From director David Ayer ("Fury," "End of Watch") comes "Suicide Squad," starring Oscar nominee Will Smith ("Ali," "The Pursuit of... [More]
Starring: Will Smith, Jared Leto, Margot Robbie, Joel Kinnaman
Directed By: David Ayer

GHOST RIDER (2007)
 26%
#26
Critics Consensus: Ghost Rider is a sour mix of morose, glum histrionics amidst jokey puns and hammy dialogue.
Synopsis: When a motorcycle-riding stuntman offers his soul to Mephistopheles in order to save the life of the one he loves... [More]
Starring: Nicolas Cage, Eva Mendes, Wes Bentley, Sam Elliott
Directed By: Mark Steven Johnson

BLADE: TRINITY (2004)
 26%
#25
Critics Consensus: Louder, campier, and more incoherent than its predecessors, Blade: Trinity seems content to emphasize style over substance and rehash familiar themes.
Synopsis: Wesley Snipes returns as legendary vampire hunter Blade in this, the third film inspired by the popular Marvel Comics character.... [More]
Starring: Wesley Snipes, Kris Kristofferson, Dominic Purcell, Jessica Biel
Directed By: David S. Goyer

GREEN LANTERN (2011)
 26%
#24
Critics Consensus: Noisy, overproduced, and thinly written, Green Lantern squanders an impressive budget and decades of comics mythology.
Synopsis: In a universe as vast as it is mysterious, a small but powerful force has existed for centuries. Protectors of... [More]
Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, Peter Sarsgaard, Mark Strong (II)
Directed By: Martin Campbell

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES III (1993)
 23%
#23
Critics Consensus: It's a case of one sequel too many for the heroes in a half shell, with a tired time-travel plot gimmick failing to save the franchise from rapidly diminishing returns.
Synopsis: This third film in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series finds the half-shelled ninjas traveling back in time to 17th-century... [More]
Starring: Elias Koteas, Paige Turco, Stuart Wilson, Sab Shimono
Directed By: Stuart Gillard, Corey Feldman, Tim Kelleher

DARK PHOENIX (2019)
 22%
#22
Critics Consensus: Dark Phoenix ends an era of the X-Men franchise by taking a second stab at adapting a classic comics arc -- with deeply disappointing results.
Synopsis: In DARK PHOENIX, the X-MEN face their most formidable and powerful foe: one of their own, Jean Grey. During a... [More]
Starring: James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence, Nicholas Hoult
Directed By: Simon Kinberg

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES (2014)
 21%
#21
Critics Consensus: Neither entertaining enough to recommend nor remarkably awful, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles may bear the distinction of being the dullest movie ever made about talking bipedal reptiles.
Synopsis: The city needs heroes. Darkness has settled over New York City as Shredder and his evil Foot Clan have an... [More]
Starring: Megan Fox, Pete Ploszek, Jeremy Howard, Noel Fisher
Directed By: Jonathan Liebesman

JUDGE DREDD (1995)
 20%
#20
Critics Consensus: Judge Dredd wants to be both a legitimate violent action flick and a parody of one, but director Danny Cannon fails to find the necessary balance to make it work.
Synopsis: This action-filled sci-fi spectacle is set in a grim, futuristic world in which authoritarianism is the only way left to... [More]
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Armand Assante, Diane Lane, Rob Schneider
Directed By: Danny Cannon

GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE (2012)
 18%
#19
Critics Consensus: With a weak script, uneven CG work, and a Nic Cage performance so predictably loony it's no longer amusing, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance aims to be trashy fun but ends up as plain trash.
Synopsis: Nicolas Cage reprises his role as Johnny Blaze in Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance. In this gritty new vision for... [More]
Starring: Nicolas Cage, Ciarán Hinds, Violante Placido, Idris Elba
Directed By: Brian Taylor, Mark Neveldine

SPAWN (1997)
 17%
#18
Critics Consensus: Spawn is an overbearing, over-violent film that adds little to the comic book adaptation genre.
Synopsis: This thriller tells the story of the burnt, scarred, Hellspawn, who keeps performing heroic deeds despite efforts of his demon... [More]
Starring: Michael Jai White, John Leguizamo, Martin Sheen, Theresa Randle
Directed By: Mark A.Z. Dippé

THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN (2003)
 17%
#17
Critics Consensus: Just ordinary. LXG is a great premise ruined by poor execution.
Synopsis: Allan Quatermain, the world's greatest adventurer, leads a legion of superheroes the likes of which the world has never seen.... [More]
Starring: Sean Connery, Naseeruddin Shah, Peta Wilson, Tony Curran
Directed By: Stephen Norrington

TURBO: A POWER RANGERS MOVIE (1997)
 15%
#16
Critics Consensus: No consensus yet.
Synopsis: Based on the hit children's television series The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, this film has the teenage superheroes doing battle... [More]
Starring: Jason David Frank, Steve Cardenas, Johnny Yong Bosch, Catherine Sutherland
Directed By: David Winning, Shuki Levy

HOWARD THE DUCK (1986)
 14%
#15
Critics Consensus: While it has its moments, Howard the Duck suffers from an uneven tone and mediocre performances.
Synopsis: Director and co-screenwriter Willard Huyck has taken Steve Garber's abrasive, beer-drinking and cigar-smoking comic-book character and castrated him, turning him... [More]
Starring: Lea Thompson, Jeffrey Jones, Tim Robbins, Ed Gale
Directed By: Willard Hyuck, Willard Huyck

UNDERDOG (2007)
 16%
#14
Critics Consensus: Underdog is a mostly forgettable adaptation that relies far too heavily on recycled material and sloppy production.
Synopsis: After an accident in the mysterious lab of maniacal scientist Dr. Simon Barsinister, an ordinary beagle unexpectedly finds himself with... [More]
Starring: Peter Dinklage, Patrick Warburton, Alex Neuberger, Jim Belushi
Directed By: Frederik Du Chau

THE SPIRIT (2008)
 14%
#13
Critics Consensus: Though its visuals are unique, The Spirit's plot is almost incomprehensible, the dialogue is ludicrously mannered, and the characters are unmemorable.
Synopsis: A resurrected cop does battle with a villain whose quest for immortality threatens an entire metropolis in Sin City creator... [More]
Starring: Gabriel Macht, Samuel L. Jackson, Scarlett Johansson, Eva Mendes
Directed By: Frank Miller

STEEL (1997)
 12%
#12
Critics Consensus: Steel is a badly-acted movie that indulges not only in superhero cliches, but also the sappy TV-movie-of-the-week ones.
Synopsis: Low-rent, poorly-lit superhero action is the order of the day in this film from television director Kenneth Johnson -- who... [More]
Starring: Shaquille O'Neal, Annabeth Gish, Richard Roundtree, Irma P. Hall
Directed By: Kenneth Johnson (I)

THE CROW: CITY OF ANGELS (1996)
 12%
#11
Critics Consensus: The Crow: City of Angels is a sloppy pretender that captures neither the mood nor energy of the original.
Synopsis: Ashe is a biker who is killed along with his son after witnessing a murder. A crow comes to give... [More]
Starring: Vincent Perez, Mia Kirshner, Richard Brooks, Iggy Pop
Directed By: Tim Pope

JONAH HEX (2010)
 12%
#10
Critics Consensus: Josh Brolin gives it his best shot, but he can't keep the short, unfocused Jonah Hex from collapsing on the screen.
Synopsis: 1970s-era DC antihero Jonah Hex makes his way to the big screen as co-screenwriters Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor (Crank,... [More]
Starring: Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, Megan Fox, Michael Fassbender
Directed By: Jimmy Hayward

SUPERMAN IV: THE QUEST FOR PEACE (1987)
 11%
#9
Critics Consensus: The Superman series bottoms out here: the action is boring, the special effects look cheaper, and none of the actors appear interested in where the plot's going.
Synopsis: Superman (Christopher Reeve) tries to save the world from nuclear destruction at the hands of Lex Luthor (Gene Hackman) in... [More]
Starring: Christopher Reeve, Gene Hackman, Mark Pillow, Margot Kidder
Directed By: Sidney J. Furie

BATMAN & ROBIN (1997)
 11%
#8
Critics Consensus: Joel Schumacher's tongue-in-cheek attitude hits an unbearable limit in Batman & Robin resulting in a frantic and mindless movie that's too jokey to care much for.
Synopsis: Batman & Robin try to keep their relationship together even as they must stop Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy from... [More]
Starring: George Clooney, Chris O'Donnell, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Uma Thurman
Directed By: Joel Schumacher

ELEKTRA (2005)
 11%
#7
Critics Consensus: Jennifer Garner inhabits her role with earnest gusto, but Elektra's tone deaf script is too self-serious and bereft of intelligent dialogue to provide engaging thrills.
Synopsis: Ordered to assassinate Mark Miller, the deadly female ninja Elektra opts instead to defy her orders and defends both Mark... [More]
Starring: Jennifer Garner, Goran Visnjic, Kirsten Prout, Will Yun Lee
Directed By: Rob Bowman

SUPERGIRL (1984)
 9%
#6
Critics Consensus: The effects are cheesy and Supergirl's wide-eyed, cheery heroine simply isn't interesting to watch for an hour and a half.
Synopsis: A big-budget spin-off from the series of three successful Superman movies, this film stars Helen Slater as the counterpart to... [More]
Starring: Helen Slater, Faye Dunaway, Peter O'Toole, Mia Farrow
Directed By: Jeannot Szwarc

CATWOMAN (2004)
 9%
#5
Critics Consensus: Halle Berry is the lone bright spot, but even she can't save this laughable action thriller.
Synopsis: Patience Philips is a woman who can't seem to stop apologizing for her own existence. She works as a graphic... [More]
Starring: Halle Berry, Benjamin Bratt, Sharon Stone, Lambert Wilson
Directed By: Pitof, Jean-Christopher Comar

FANTASTIC FOUR (2015)
 9%
#4
Critics Consensus: Dull and downbeat, this Fantastic Four proves a woefully misguided attempt to translate a classic comic series without the humor, joy, or colorful thrills that made it great.
Synopsis: FANTASTIC FOUR, a contemporary re-imagining of Marvel's original and longest-running superhero team, centers on four young outsiders who teleport to... [More]
Starring: Michael B. Jordan, Kate Mara, Miles Teller, Jamie Bell
Directed By: Josh Trank

SON OF THE MASK (2005)
 6%
#3
Critics Consensus: Overly frantic, painfully unfunny, and sorely missing the presence of Jim Carrey.
Synopsis: Just as aspiring cartoonist Tim Avery gets over his fear of parenthood with the birth of his new son Alvey,... [More]
Starring: Jamie Kennedy, Alan Cumming, Bob Hoskins, Traylor Howard
Directed By: Lawrence Guterman

ZOOM (2006)
 4%
#2
Critics Consensus: Lacking the punch and good cheer of The Incredibles and Sky High, Zoom is a dull and laugh-free affair.
Synopsis: Former superhero Jack is called back to work to transform an unlikely group of ragtag kids into superheroes at a... [More]
Starring: Tim Allen, Courteney Cox, Chevy Chase, Spencer Breslin
Directed By: Peter Hewitt

MAX STEEL (2016)
 0%
#1
Critics Consensus: Bereft of characterization or even satisfying rock 'em sock 'em, Max Steel feels like futzing with an action figure without any childhood imagination.
Synopsis: 16-year old MAX MCGRATH has just moved to a new town--and is desperately trying to fit in--when he discovers his... [More]
Starring: Ben Winchell, Maria Bello, Ana Villafañe, Josh Brener
Directed By: Stewart Hendler

I never understood the hate for Daredevil. Sure, it has flaws, but it was one of the earliest superhero movies to be filmed in comic-book style and imagery. Some parts are very well done IMHO. The scene where Matt can visualize Elektra from the sound of rain falling on her is hauntingly beautiful.