Shadow Hawk

NT:  Times when you're happy that Imperial Stormtroopers are being quartered in your home.

The Redshirt convention is in town.

Can opener!

My dad used to keep a fake office nameplate on his desk at home, with the title, "Effishensy Exspurt."

My Dad had one that said Master Planner,

where the smaller size was needed to fit all the letters.

How can you think the unthinkable?

Uthe an ithberg.

I have a goatee for two reasons:

1. It distinguishes me from the military guys I work with.

2. It hides the fact I don't have a chin.

NT: You've been accused of a crime you did not commit. Name the worst possible lawyer for you to have.

Foxbat.

Champions Universe, 5th edition, modified to include actions done by previous PC groups.

50 Shades of Jean Gray

50 Shades of Greystroke: The legend of Tarzan

50 Shades of First Dates

New Topic: Who's responsible?!

Who's on first.

Q: What's wrong with saying "Not in the face!"?

A: It's not contagious.

Texas Rangers.  They're over .500!

Well, Dad is in Yellowstone for another tourist season, so here are the ranger jokes.

1 How to identify the bear trying to eat you: Climb a tree.  If it climbs the tree to eat you, it's a black bear.  If it knocks down the tree to eat you, it's a grizzly bear.

2. Do not blow your car horn at the herd of bison crossing the road.  The males have been known to use thier horns in retaliation.

3. In August, you get the mating season for elk.  At this time of year, male elk get single minded, and tend to look at things as either a. something to mate with, b. something to fight with, or c. something to eat.  As you do not wish to be in any of these catagories, stay away from elk.

4. Male bighorn sheep are called "rams" for a good reason.  If you want a demonstration, stand too close to the herd.

5. The tree that looks like a telephone pole with a Christmas tree on top is a lodgepole pine. They grow that way naturally.  The tree that looks like a telephone pole with a palm tree on top is a cell phone tower trying to blend in and failing.

6. Geysers are not on a clock.  "Old Faithful" erupts about every 45 minutes, plus or minus a half hour.  And it's the most regular geyser in the world.

7.  If a bear wants your backpack, let him have it.

8.  Don't shoot a bear with a pistol.  You may injure him, but he'll kill you.

I think I finally agree with E84: we should all go pantless from now on. Cops can't claim we were going to pull something from our waistband if we don't have one.

 

Who wants to join me and E84 in our Pantless protest?

 

La Rose.

It wouldn't work for me, the cops would claim that my pasty white legs were an attempt to blind them.

"Okay, is the camera off? Good."  *CHOMP!*

"That poor lion!"

Afraid of catching a Virus? Watch out for Trojans.

I thought using Trojans prevented you from catching diseases.

If you were to second guess your decision to book some time to visit an Indian community, that would be a reservation reservation reservation.

I'm suddenly reminded of the great Navajo electrician, Many Hands, who brought the first public toilet with electrical lighting to his people, thus becoming the first man to Wire A Head For A Reservation.

As we all know, Many Hands make light work.

Rex is serious about burying his bones.

"No time fo explain, just get in the car!"

NT: Subtle signs this might not be the best day to begin your career as a Department Store Santa.

It's July 4th.

Never pick up a duck in a dungeon.

Stan Lee.  That way he'll be in ALL the movies!

NT: Subtle signs that Disney really is going to take over the world.

"It's a Small World After All" becomes the U.N.'s anthem.

NT: Other song's for the world's anthem.

NT: Flavors of Gatorade that didn't make the final cut.

Water.

NT: Inventions where you Just Add Water!

There are two kinds of people, those who foolishly think you can divide people into two kind and those who know better.

Agreed. The whole thing certainly reminds me of the saying about never getting to know your heroes TOO well though.

It reminds me to "never put anything on the internet you don't want your mother to see".

Or your spouse, or employer, or...