Hermit

Because we need a little comedy.
 

I would do this, but I think my Garden Gnomes are a little too far gone.
 

 

Some Ideas to try to make Corona virus living more fun for me.
1) Get Grim Reaper Costume with skull mask. If someone rings the doorbell I will have something to wear. Should be entertaining for at least one of us.
 
2) If someone nearby sneezes or coughs, I will not say "Bless you" rather I shall say "God and all his Angels protect us from the dark!"
 
3) Download and change Ringtone on my phone from regular rings to the guy from Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail who rings a bell and yells "Bring out your dead!" (Of course, if it's bad news on the phone I'll regret that but until then!)
 
4) Assemble Mock up in Front Yard that resembles Dr. Who's Tardis, put sign nearby that says "Time Travel, Mistakes were made- Correcting your Timeline now. Appointments only please", watch and see if a line forms.
 
5) Answer phone going "You've reached Leper Island, most intact resident speaking..." then cough.
 
6) Explain to people that i can't talk to them right now, I must read and listen to audio books to placate the ravages of COVID -19 because I heard it was a "Novel" Virus. Pretend i don't get it when they try to clarify.
 
7) Sing at least one line of a patriotic song before I put my ass down on a sofa with a tv remote in my hand "Let's do it for our country, our Country wants us to"  etc
 
8 ) Pretend I am a soldier at Valley Forge and write Facebook accounts about how we are "Sorely in need of supplies" or perhaps a scribe during the black plague 
 
9) Set up a single roll of toilet paper in backyard with a nonlethal snare trap-wait and see what happens.
 
10) Email/Call Microsoft and bitterly complain their anti-virus software isn't working!
 
11) Make tiny masks, put them on the Garden Gnomes outside because the squirrels are too darn quick to catch.
 

For completion:
 
 

Some Ideas to try to make Corona virus living more fun for me.
1) Get Grim Reaper Costume with skull mask. If someone rings the doorbell I will have something to wear. Should be entertaining for at least one of us.
 
2) If someone nearby sneezes or coughs, I will not say "Bless you" rather I shall say "God and all his Angels protect us from the dark!"
 
3) Download and change Ringtone on my phone from regular rings to the guy from Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail who rings a bell and yells "Bring out your dead!" (Of course, if it's bad news on the phone I'll regret that but until then!)
 
4) Assemble Mock up in Front Yard that resembles Dr. Who's Tardis, put sign nearby that says "Time Travel, Mistakes were made- Correcting your Timeline now. Appointments only please", watch and see if a line forms.
 
5) Answer phone going "You've reached Leper Island, most intact resident speaking..." then cough.
 
6) Explain to people that i can't talk to them right now, I must read and listen to audio books to placate the ravages of COVID -19 because I heard it was a "Novel" Virus. Pretend i don't get it when they try to clarify.
 
7) Sing at least one line of a patriotic song before I put my ass down on a sofa with a tv remote in my hand "Let's do it for our country, our Country wants us to"  etc
 
8 ) Pretend I am a soldier at Valley Forge and write Facebook accounts about how we are "Sorely in need of supplies" or perhaps a scribe during the black plague 
 
9) Set up a single roll of toilet paper in backyard with a nonlethal snare trap-wait and see what happens.
 
10) Email/Call Microsoft and bitterly complain their anti-virus software isn't working!
 
11) Make tiny masks, put them on the Garden Gnomes outside because the squirrels are too darn quick to catch.
 

https://socialsecurityworks.org/2020/03/21/republican-coronavirus-package-threatens-social-security/
 
 

Reposting my butchery..err Poe homage  to get Votes
 
 
"Hear the clicking heels of Gale
Dorothy Gale
What a doom of witches their clashing soon foretells!
How the silver tinkles, tinkles
to send a witch to fright
for the girl from Kansas sprinkles
as her eyes so wholesomely twinkle
with homicidal delight
what a world, world, world
as her destiny's unfurled
to cause painful witch liquidation as the pool of green it wells
At the hands of Dorothy Gale, Gale, Gale
Gale Gale Gale
Is there witch egression from the murderous transgressions of Dorothy Gale?
 
*****
 
Once upon a gloaming dreary, while I pondered weak and weary
over a book of quaint Lewisian Lore
I came upon a tale so disturbing, I tell you it was quite unnerving
The Adventures of a girl in a place of logic curving, swerving into madness one deplores
"Tis merely a stab at new math," I reasoned, "Merely this and little more"
Yet Alice's wrath shakes me to the core
 
And yet clearly I could read, how Alice made Wonderland bleed
As her curiosity she would feed, from flower bed to Mock Turtle's shore
Ever was her size a changing, by cakes and mushroom bites exchanging
Wonderland she was re-arranging, homes broken and queens endangering
"Curious" She cried, "And curiousor!"
 
Tea parties she crashed, leaving their ruins to smolder
her mad indifference ever colder, picking apart this world ever bolder
Why I think she even killed some soldiers! Scattered them like cards upon the floor
Madness taking her, and remaking her, into a monster any sane man would abhor
"Curious!" She howled, "And Curiousor!"
 
There is no haven, home, or palace-that can keep out the Alice
As she destroys that which is different, different from her!
As she bites growing cakes or drinks from shrinking chalice, now with a thirst for ruining
ruining more!
Alice cries, as her wrath she lets flies!
"CURIOUS! AND CURIOUSOR!"
 
****
True! Material, very, very dreadfully material I had been and am; but why would you say I am mad? My experiences had sharpened my priorities- not destroyed- not scattered them. Above all was my sense of reality acute. I knew all things to be either nonsense or the truth. I had traveled through both. How then, am I mad? Hearken, and observe how rationally, how reasonably I can tell you the whole story.
 
 
It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain; but once conceived, it haunted me day and night. Narnia? There was none! Magic, there was none. I loved the old lion. He had never wronged me. When he took my siblings he kindly let me behind. For his power I had no desire. I think it was his holiness. He had the aura unnatural, a goodness of spirituality that could not, should not exist. Whenever it fell upon me, my shame at my selfishness rose; and so, by degrees- very gradually- I made up my mind to take the life of the old lion, and thus free myself of his holiness forever and purge all such spiritual twaddle by arrow most solid. It was the 'gentle' thing to do.
-Excerpt From Susan's Diary
 
***
 
THE "Red Death" had long devastated the country. No pestilence had ever been so fatal, or so callous. Blood was her Avator and carnage her seal -- the redness and the horror of blood spilled to match her hair. There were sharp blows, and sudden breaking of bone, and then profuse bleeding at the brutal wounds, with dismemberment. The scarlet stains upon the girl and especially upon her smiling face  came from her victim, who was little more than a pest to to the god child who had long lost any sympathy for her fellow-men. And the wholesale slaughter,  the progress of her might and corruption of her soul were the price of her increasing power.

 
But the government was optimistic and dauntless and sagacious. Though Sweden was half depopulated, the officials summoned a thousand hale and well influenced friends with armed escorts of the finest sort, and with these retired to the deep seclusion of the government secure zone. It was an extensive and magnificent structure, the creation of the eccentric and yet august engineers. A strong and lofty wall girdled it in. This wall had gates stronger than iron. The officials, having entered, brought supplies aplenty to seal the gate further still. It was resolved to leave neither means of ingress or egress to the sudden impulses of a frenzied ginger cataclysm. The fortress was amply provisioned. With such precautions the officials might bid defiance to the monster. The external world and remaining army could take care of the she-beast. In the mean time it was follly to grieve or think. The government had provided all the appliances of pleasure. There were comedians, there poets, there were dancers, there were musicians, there was Beauty, there was wine. All these, and security within. Without was the "Red Death."
 
A "Red Death" by name of Pippi, and the gates would not hold against this most unwelcome guest.
 
***
 
Lo! 'Umbrella flight
   As has been through the years!
An Angel's face, hair coiffed tight
   Under hat stern eyes so clear
Where children behave pitifully
  She can teach them fear!
 
 
Manners, are set of priorities high
    Toys put into a row,
And hither and thither fly-
   clothing into dresser shelves go
At bidding of a nanny who knows no king
   Whose magic flows to and fro,
If you're lucky she might just sing,
Really quite a show.
 
 
 
That childish drama- oh, be sure
   It shall not be forgot!
Know that Poppins has it's cure
  Tantrums tolerated? Not.
Time's a circle that ever produces em'
  Brats that must be taught,
And much of manners brings less of sin,
    Better Children now, Spit spot!
 
 
But see, the dangers rise
   As girls of might so rude
Seek to spread carnage about
   with anti witching feuds
They rise, they rise- like serpents teeth
   ungrateful and un-subdued
A nanny is called for our relief
  to save all from girls imbued
 
 
Out- out with the frights- out all!
   and brought down from bloody din,
Alice, Susan, Pippi, Dorothy Gale,
  must be defeated by umbrella on wind
 Else the world suffer more from maidens of pain
   Bloody, mad, unforgiving, grim!
If falls the hope of this tragedy!
Mary Poppins, our heroine?
 
***
 
 
Heaven save me! The crisis,
the danger, is past
For chance at three wishes
is over at last-
And the damage it has done,
to another fool be passed.
 
Now I do know
that fate has greater might
than any wish I make
as I writhe under Destiny's sight,
I cannot undo- I know
Once the paw has closed tight
 
***
 
 
Gaily bedight,
   A 'familiar' sight,
From story and from saga,   
   Had journeyed in boots,   
   Along vengeance's route,
In search of Baba Yaga.
 
   His witch was dead now cold—
   This cat so bold—   
Loss cut him like a dagger—   
   Still not he found
   No track on the ground
That led to Baba Yaga.
 
  And, as his ire   
   burned into too hot a fire,
He had a drink in a plaza—   
   ‘Bartender,’ asked he,   
   ‘Where can she be—
The witch called Baba Yaga?’
 
  ‘Over the Mountains
   Of the Rus,
Into the forest of the Magi,   
   Stride, boldly stride,’
   The man replied,—
‘If you seek out Baba Yaga!’

Well, you know how it goes.  No boom today.  Boom tomorrow.

Found a nice state-by-state projection tool.  Looks like we have about two weeks here before things go fully pear shaped.  New York and Washington reached that point yesterday.

That is incontrovertible evidence of the colossal stupidity of white supremacists. Disease doesn't care about skin color. They help spread it through the general population, it's going to come back and kill their own believers. Particularly since so many of them are older.

Because statistically, that argument for why Clinton lost the election has long since been debunked. For example, check this analysis: https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2016/11/11/13597452/voter-suppression-clinton-trump-2016
 
Republican tactics were cynical, deplorable, perhaps unethical, although not illegal; but they don't explain the outcome, and even if the laws in Wisconsin hadn't been changed -- the one state where it could have made a difference -- that wouldn't have been enough to give Clinton the electoral college victory.
 
Everything else is just revisiting "hanging chads." Hillary Clinton is attempting to rehabilitate her legacy by writing a new narrative for the election. Given the controversies surrounding Donald Trump she should have beaten him easily. Everyone expected that, including her, and her ego won't accept her share of the blame for failing.

True story, my father was a country music DJ and MC and I met a lot of the genre icons of the 70's and 80's as I got dragged to a lot of concerts and festivals and hung around back stage while my father worked / MC'd; some of them even came to dinner at our house. One of the ones I met was KR, and I told him that I really liked his music (which was true); he laughed. Later, one of his people came back around and gave me a Kenny Rogers Fan Club box, in which was various curios and a belt buckle that looked like this:
 

 

For most of this, this would be insider trading.
 
 

This was definitely a fun one. 👍

And thanks to all that are voting. 

Moses: The Lord, the Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen...
[drops one of the tablets]
Moses: Oy! Ten! Ten commandments for all to obey!
-History of the World, Part I

It cheeses me off
 
I got nothing against Kevin Durant or even most other rich folk. I haven't met them, I don't know them.
But the unspoken message of 'people who matter' vs 'folks who can #$## off and die because they're don't' seems deafening to me and I have to wonder why others aren't outraged by it.

Yes, this is probably in poor taste, but we each deal with crazy situations in our own way... and inspiration is not always appropriate
 
The Anchorman straightened his tie, "We now turn to Holly Winger, our reporter on the street and in the fringes for our 'Isn't that odd?' news Segment" Mostly he was just glad some peon was going to be doing a fluff piece while he got to finish his coffee..
 
The camera zoomed in on a reporter in her mid twenties who looked a bit sweaty despite the attempts to touch things up, "Hi, I'm here in front of the scene of a very unusual crime. This liquor bottling factory , closed for the weekend, was broken into, and just about every drop of booze of all types was seized, bottles, kegs, and more. It sounds like a frat party gone wrong, but the interesting thing? Hoof prints? As if a stampede went through here, which sounds like a frat PRANK gone wrong.." Then she coughed, and wiped at her brow.
 
The Anchorman, Gus DeVaki, rolled his eyes, but quickly. Couldn't be seen doing that if the camera came back to him while she recovered. Ah there it was, the signal that he too was on the screen. So much for his coffee break. Feigning concern he said, "Holly, are you okay? I hear there's a bug going around and we'd hate to lose one of our best reporters." 
 
Holly fought another cough and lost, then she shot a look at the camera, as if she wanted to reach through the lens and strangle DeVaki. Attentive viewers noticed her eyes had gone oddly black, reflective, and shifted shape a bit, "Do you, Gus? Because last I heard half the station couldn't get a raise because of your damn golden parachute deal for yourself, nevermind you keep expecting anyone female at the station who doesn't have power over your paycheck to fetch you coffee when you snap your fingers."
 
Gus's eyes bulged, then narrowed, what did this crazy chick think she was doing? Calling him out on TV? He tried to play it off, no need for viewers to suspect she was right, "Hahah.. oh you pranked me good today guys. How'd you know this was a very special day to..."
 
Another bought of coughing , and Holly felt something seeping out of her as she did so, and yet, she felt stronger, "Stow it, Gus!" She tore at her jacket with increasingly sharp, increasingly talon like fingernails, "By Hera, the nerve of you. You over rated, over paid, third rank desk jockey! You're laughter is almost as fake as that dye job on your receding hairline you try to hide." Wings Burst out from her back, "Oh that's what was itching! you know what I've got an itching for, Gus?" Holly said, the hair on her head feathery rather than strand like, "More chances to chew you out, which is nicer than gutting you like you deserve!" She shrieked.
 
Gus was freaking out. Someone at the console would normally cut it off at this point, and cut to commercial but they were also too stunned as the transformation continue. The reporter wasn't hideous, but she was becoming inhuman. Her legs, from the kneecaps down, also now resembled birds legs and talons. 
 
"And you know what else?" Holly flapped and cursed him out on live TV, using language that was not approved by the network and caused one lady at the FCC to clutch her pearls and start the count on what the network would owe.
 
Gus, when he had a thought all, just knew she was a monster.
 
Viewers with the right mix of education and imagination, realized she wasn't just any monster, she was a Harpy! Or at least close enough to count!
 
It was the first live on air of event of what would be called the Corinth Virus, and people all over the country began to transform to Centaurs, Cyclopes, Satyrs, Nymphs, and more! Each transformation came with gifts and curses, of sorts. As if their personality was at least influenced by what form they had taken. Harpies, for example, could be very harsh critics of character.
 
But how much of the population was changed? Where was the virus most spread? Was their a pattern to who turned to what, or was it random?
 
Polls are up! Maybe you guys will want to brainstorm to pass the time, etc.
 

Beggars (That's me) can't be choosers Thanks for anything you can do and everything you have.
 
Slime is fun though I sometimes forget to bold his 'texting'. The idea that he finds humans gross but fascinating tickles me but I'm easily amused by myself.
 
I am trying to find a balance for our two co-Captains so they dont' become TOO crazy unreasonable, but at the same time each one of them has their own 'baggage' which they didn't realize they were carrying and this new mentoring is going to bring it out.
 
Also, rookie heroes can be idiots
 
 
But not Chicken of the Sea, only a few are worthy of that.