Hermit

"You guys put the base in a mall?" Hussar observed after we arrived and got out of the vehicle. Barely two steps and he took wing again, going about twenty feet in the air and looking about the area.
 
"Pretty ingenious, right?" I smiled. The sheer amount of space provided by the arrangement was fantastic. To this day we still had more room than we needed. In fact, we'd easily set up some new bedrooms for the recruits. There would be no need to have them crash in the pads of the absent veterans.
 
"Who even goes to a mall anymore?" He asked with a tone of disdain, "I mean, just order things online or whatever."

"A lot of folks would agree with you, which is why we were able to get our hands on a deserted mall," I began to worry Hussar was a bit on the thick side. 
 
"Oh yeah, right," His eyes shot about, "I do like some of what you've done to it."

Well, good, he was actually let it sink in. The base really was something to see. I had once described it as  a mix between Byzantium styles and the interior of the Enterprise D that somehow worked. Now that Hussar was looking around and appreciating the revamp, he seemed a bit less disdainful of it's humble origins.
 
"That's Lady Obsidian's preferences at play mostly," I admitted, "Some of the glass work is absolutely amazing. You see the windows are meant to allow light while still preventing any snooping from-" 
 
Before I could continue, Hussar was flying around the place without so much as a by your leave ,checking out just how big it was. A pang of envy hit me. In the water, I am like a living torpedo for speed with all the grace of a sea lion, but on land I can make some long jumps at best or run like an athlete. In a world where it felt like every other person could fly, teleport, or just run at super speed, my land mobility felt somewhat restrained.
"If a door is locked it's locked for a reason!" I called out after him instead, and then went looking for Ariana.

After all, how much trouble could he get into in here?
 
As far as I knew, the only ones who would be here would be Valerosa, myself, and the new trainees. Pogo had a family thing, Slime was on Patrol, and, actually I wasn't sure what Viewpoint was up to, only that he had informed us he was taking the day off. I suspected he might be visiting family too, but that was just a hunch. 
 
It turned out, I wasn't the only one who let a rookie go wander. With a literal hot streak flowing behind her, Trailblazer shot past as she ran from one section of the base to the other. I had seen her file, so I was prepared, more or less, for the sight of her. The aura of flames she produced seemed most pronounced at the top of her head making it hard to make out the hair, and as she ran said flames stretched out like a shadow at setting sun. I observed the floor she passed over, and was relieved to see she wasn't leaving burn marks in the floor.
 
Then again, our base was pretty high tech with plenty of flame retardant materials.
 
"Hello there," I introduced myself in what I Hoped was a friendly but at least semi-professional tone.
 
What happened next was spectacular. You see, most speedsters don't just move fast.  They have to have the reflexes, protections, and a certain level of awareness to adapt to that last second change in the obstacles in their path or the shift in terrain. 
 
Trailblazer was, it turned out, not used to her enhanced speed. I don't know how quickly she had moved as a partial, but now with her powers fully awakened, I was pretty sure she was going faster than ever before. Even then I'd seen faster folks, but if she were going about sixty miles per hour now, that meant she was probably used to about twenty five miles before getting the gear.
 
So maybe the awareness and the reaction time hadn't really had time to kick in yet.
 
Whatever was to blame, she turned to flash me a smile, but as she did, her legs tangled slightly into each other. Now she could have adjusted for this, if it weren't for the coffee table. The mall had areas to sit down, relax in before, and that hadn't changed just because it was now a superbase. The coffee table was low, and between two chairs. Sometimes we used it for drinks, now and then for  card games for two. Lady Obsidian sometimes used it for chess.
 
Trailblazer, already trying to adjust her stance at speeds normally reserved for a highway, didn't see it and struck the thing with the backs of her knees. The poor coffee table broke, even as she flipped mostly over and partly through it, bouncing and making flaming loops that I'm sure from the side probably looked like quite lovely.  The accidental artistry ended as the loops broke instead into a bounce bounce and slide until finally she lay flat on her back, still smoldering, and staring up at the ceiling.
I? I was to be congratulated. I neither freaked out in a panic that I had 'broke' a rookie by distracting her, nor, to my credit, did I let loose a guffaw at her flaring and fiery fumble footed-ness. 
 
I did get alliteratively amused at her expense, sure, but I kept it to myself.
 
I'd like to think this shows I've grown as a person.
 
"Are you okay?" I finally inquired.
 
"Did a member of the New Samaritans just see me crash a table, flip several times, bounce twice, and the skid to a stop on my flaming ass?" She asked me.
 
Okay, at that, a smile slipped out, "One did."
 
"Then I have had better days. Unless you can un-see that?" Trailblazer asked from her prone position.

"I don't think I can," I answered honestly, "It's the kind of visual that sticks with you."
 
"Then no, I am not okay," She declared, "I'm just gonna lie here, close my eyes, and pretend this never happened," And then she closed her eyes, just like she said she would.
 
"Get off your ass, stand up, and help clean up the mess you made," A voice snapped like a whip.
 
The accent was wrong, but for a moment I felt like I was twelve at my Aunt Lily's house again. I turned my head and realized why the voice was familiar, and why Aunt Lily sounded like she had a Latina accent.
 
It was Ariana, or more accurately, Valerosa. She strode up to the side of the girl, and looked down, "Or do you need help up?"

"No, no," Trailblazer got to her knees, "Sorry, I just  -" Her eyes fell on the coffee table which was now broken and singed, "I'll pay for that." Her tone indicated she wasn't sure how.
"It's okay," I told her, "We have a budget for furniture replacement."
 
"What isn't okay," Valerosa's tone had gone down from whip crack to more like a lead pipe tapping in a palm, which is to say slightly nicer but not by much, "Is you ignoring me when I tell you that I preferred you let me give you the tour before you race around on your own."
 
Trailblazer looked aghast, "I thought you said let's get a look around?"
 
"Let's, as in let us, as in plural," Ariana specified, "What kind of idiot would let a rookie just go zipping around on his or her own without any supervision in a place with as many delicate things and dangerous rooms as this?"
 
Ever wince so hard you almost gave yourself a headache? 
 
Still, I was a bit stunned at this shift in Valerosa. Even in costume, she was normally so loving, so gentle and sweet. 

"I'm really sorry," Trailblazer said as she hastily gathered up the chunks of the broken table "But I don't know where these go?"
 
"There's a disposal chute right over there," Valerosa said, only now was her tone starting to soften, "We also have some cleaning bots but they're a bit less effective. Now are you physically hurt?"
 
I gave my girlfriend a look. She was just asking that part NOW?
 
If Ariana caught that question in my eyes, she ignored it waiting instead for Trailblazer to answer.
 
"I'm fine, my flames and speed come with a kind of pocket of resistance," Trailblazer answered, and put them in, "Just deeply embarrassed. I'm still not used to going that fast and I forget the difference."
 
I decided to throw the girl a bone, "We all make mistakes, especially in the first few weeks. That's why we're training you."

Two other figures approached. Aspirant hung back a bit, surveying the situation with quiet curioisity, but Bramble was ahead of him already coated in that wooden battle form or whatever it was. 
 
Then the wood enveloped heroine  stopped when she saw all was well, "Someone had an 'and I oop' moment or something?" 

"Or something," Valerosa shrugged, suddenly acting as if it was done, "It's handled now and won't happen again."

Now that sounded a lot more like the angel I was used to waking up next to.
 
Indeed, Trailblazer shot Valerosa a grateful look, then faced the other two "Still getting used to just how much my powers have improved."
 
"Right there with you," Bramble sympathized, "It's like the safety is off."
 
"It is," Valerosa says "Your full power is unlocked now. You are a bigger danger to yourselves and innocents- We will teach you how to be dangerous to just the villains. Now, as soon as Hussar gets here we'll take that tour of the area and lay down some ground rules," Then she looked at me, "Where is Hussar anyway?"
 
There was a crashing sound further back in the base. 

"I'm guessing that might be him now," I answered and moved.
 
Perhaps Eager to redeem herself, Trailblazer  announced, "On it," And shot ahead. At least her eyes were on her path now.

Before I could gauge Valerosa's response to this, the blazing racer returned saying "Hussar's fighting some weird blob!"
 
"Slime!" Valerosa and I said simultaneously.
 
"Slime, isn't he one of the team?" Aspirant asked, "I remembered reading about him in Super-Team Weekly."

"Yes" I said breaking into a run along side Valerosa, "Yes he is."
 
They say youth and skill is no match for old age and treachery. While, to my knowledge, Slime is not geriatric for his species, the basic truth of the boast was being proven true. Hussar was super strong, Hussar was bullet proof. Neither of which was helping him fight a foe who could go liquid. 
 
True, Slime seemed to be doing little damage to the winged warrior, but then I don't think he wanted to. Slime's powers are more than just being stretchy goop. He could alter the acidic or base nature of his body to a degree that if he wanted to burn you, you'd feel it. He could also seem to increase his mass and encase you. As we got there, Slime was working on the latter, even as he flashed letters before Hussar's eyes as quickly as he could.
 
Alas, not quick enough, Hussar punched through the forming text. Perhaps he thought it was an attack, maybe he just hated Comic Sans? Of course, while it displaced Slime, the alien was ready for it, and adjusted then gave up, and began the aforementioned enveloping. 
 
"I should have warned the others," Hussar said aloud, then yelled "We've under attack. I got him but there maybe others!" And then he took a breath and held it as he was now surrounded by a solid foot of Slime on all sides. 
 
He looked a bit like a winged pineapple chunk in a Blueberry gelatin. His muscles weren't helping because he had no traction. 
 
I strode up, "Hi, Slime. Want me to explain things to him?" 
 
PLEASE, the word took form , wobbling as Hussar tried to shake him. 
 
And then a short tunnel opened to Hussar's face so he could breath, speak, and hear.
 
"Eel?" He said, "I could use a hand here."
 
"Didn't you read the files on us, at ALL? Slime is a superhero. Heck, he's a team mate," I explained.
 
"Wait, this thing is a good guy?" The shock was obvious. Slime has complained now and then about humanoids having some deeply ingrained biases. It saddened me to have him proven right.
 
"Yes, he's a good guy. He's saved this city, surely Lady Obsidian mentioned Slime?" I was startled she'd leave names out. Slime wasn't a founding member but he'd been protecting this city longer than I had.
 
"She mentioned -a- Slime," Hussar conceded, "But I thought it was just a name, didn't think he was actual slime."
 
"You thought a human being in a costume was running around calling himself Slime?" My tone might indicate I found this profoundly unlikely, "But when you met a real Liquid being, it didn't occur to you?"
 
"I was startled by it, yeah," Hussar said, "And" he sputtered "Names don't always match. I mean, you call yourself Eel, and you aren't even like like green skinned. Others call you Fish Guy and you don't even have fins."
 
At the Fish Guy comment, I nodded, not to him, but to  Slime who had him entrapped, as if giving the go ahead "Happy Digestion!" And started to walk away.
"Eel!" Valerosa chided me.
 
"Come on, he smells terrible," Hussar whined a bit. At least he was calling Slime a he now instead of an it.
 
"Slime, Let him go, please," Valerosa said taking over this interaction.
 
Slime, obligingly, spewed forth Hussar, and then in large words wrote, for his benefit, YEAH? WELL, YOU TASTE LIKE CHICKEN.
 
"Gross," Hussar coughed and wiped at himself, "And I do not taste like chicken."
 
"Don't be too sure," I told Hussar while giving Slime a nod, "Slime here is the reason our city doesn't have an excess pigeon problem."
 
Now the other rookies also made faces.
 
"Okay, shower time, now," Valerosa said directing them, "Boys to the left, girls to the right. Change of costumes provided, you might as well clean up then meet us in the training area. Apirant, let Hussar know the directions. Do not go anywhere else, understand?" A look to Trailblazer even though she said it for all.
 
Trailblazer squirmed a bit at the look, but Bramble said "Got it" And all four headed off. Truthfully, the only one who needed a shower and a costume change was Hussar, but it was clear Valerosa knew we needed to talk a bit without them there.
 
Once the rookies were gone, I turned to her, and opened my mouth to ask a very important question.
Unaware that she was doing the same thing.
 
"Why are you being so hard on the rookie?" We both asked each other at the same time.
 
"Wait, what?" I said.
 
"Me? You're the one busting Hussar's chops constantly?" She says.
 
"Hussar?" I said, "Who's talking about Hussar? You've been riding Trailblazer awful hard don't you think?"
 
"Trailblazer got reckless and disobeyed, Hussar was trying to save us what he thought was a monster attack and tried to defend us,," She looked over, "No offense, Slime."
NONE TAKEN- I FIND SOLIDS EQUALLY OFF PUTTING, He assured.
 
"You're very forgiving, Slime, thank you," I said, then looked at my girlfriend who had suddenly gone nuts, "Trailblazer tripped over a coffee table in eagerness, Hussar attacked a team mate, in ignorance, one of these things is not like the other."
 
"She's been upgraded with the gear for weeks , we shouldn't have to teach her how not to trip over her own two feet," Ariana said putting her hand on her hip in a 'and that's that' pose that was a sign I could see how right she was, only I didn't.
 
"I distracted her, it's hard to set up your own distractions. Hussar's had his powers all his life, and should know enough of Angel-Man's past to know that attacking something strange on sight is now a sign of embarrassment in the superhero community."
 
"Not every superhero studies superhistory," She countered.

"Well, they should," I said, "And aren't you leaning a bit heavy on the 'Respect my authoritay' angle?"
Ariana isn't a hot tempered stereotype by any streak, but she did, at the moment, make a rude comment about me sleeping on the couch in Spanish.
In Spanish (Not as smoothly, to be sure) I mentioned that banishing me to a couch did not help her seem any less Authoritarian.
She looked annoyed at me.
 
"That's right," I reminded her, "I've been studying Conquistador for a while now," then I paused, "You really think I came on too strong with Hussar?"
"Little bit, yes," She said, then "I need to let it drop with Trailblazer , don't I?" 
 
"You need to not rub her nose in it again, yeah," I said, then added, "Or so it seems to me. I'll try to be more understanding of Hussar."
 
We gave each other weak, sheepish smiles.
 
A burble to our side pulled our attention. 
 
SLIME'S LOG- EARTH DATE WHATEVER- THE BREEDING RITUALS OF TERRA CONTINUE TO BAFFLE AND CONFUSE ME. SELF REPLICATION IS SO MUCH MORE PRACTICAL. STILL, THEY ARE INTERESTING, THESE MAMMALS IN THE MIST.
 
"You know," I said, "My Co Captain and I can find you plenty of monitor duty if you like?"

"Plenty," She agreed.
 
SLIME OUT, Slime said, and slithered away at a suitably respectful speed.
 
"Let's go get the rookies in the training area," Ariana said.

"Sounds good," I agreed, and off we went.

I knew someone who did a horror RPG like that. Vaguely Lovecraftian. He said ot worked really well

They laughed when we started the PBEM. Who would want to play by email when we can gather together instead?
 
Who's laughing now?!?!
 
Just kidding. We're a pretty laid back group and we have several players posting. This is purely by email: no forums or anything.
The tone is pretty dark but mixed heavily with comedy. There are bonus xp awarded for funny moments and great one-liners.
We use Hero 5e. Usually the GM makes all the rolls but we sometimes take a battle and break it down to be really crunchy and use an online dice roller. So we have the best of both worlds.
 
There is a kind of IQ requirement for the group, but that usually sorts itself pretty quickly. (Stop being politically incorrect. Oh right, sorry.)
 
Shoot me a line at pbemguy at yahoo dot calm
 
 

The doctors at covidtrial dot io have apparently come up with a solid treatment using already available medications.
 
Granted the sample size is small, but the results look amazing.
 
 

Some people have a skewed sense of priorities. 
 
Second on SLIME'S LOG by the way. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I do taste like chicken. 

I like the latest installment.  I particularly liked SLIME'S LOG. 
 
On the second book front, I've got all the pieces combined, and have done a first edit on about 30% of it.  I'd have gotten farther, but my employers have this silly idea that, if I'm going to work from home, I'm supposed to actually spend my work time doing *their* stuff.
 

At least we've got the Internet and forums to complain on.

I wanna be Zeus, so I can turn into a bull to pick up chicks.
 
The Ganymede thing is a bit dodgy though.

I would like to be a self-made billionaire.

Already in the tag list, but thanks

Yes, this is probably in poor taste, but we each deal with crazy situations in our own way... and inspiration is not always appropriate
 
The Anchorman straightened his tie, "We now turn to Holly Winger, our reporter on the street and in the fringes for our 'Isn't that odd?' news Segment" Mostly he was just glad some peon was going to be doing a fluff piece while he got to finish his coffee..
 
The camera zoomed in on a reporter in her mid twenties who looked a bit sweaty despite the attempts to touch things up, "Hi, I'm here in front of the scene of a very unusual crime. This liquor bottling factory , closed for the weekend, was broken into, and just about every drop of booze of all types was seized, bottles, kegs, and more. It sounds like a frat party gone wrong, but the interesting thing? Hoof prints? As if a stampede went through here, which sounds like a frat PRANK gone wrong.." Then she coughed, and wiped at her brow.
 
The Anchorman, Gus DeVaki, rolled his eyes, but quickly. Couldn't be seen doing that if the camera came back to him while she recovered. Ah there it was, the signal that he too was on the screen. So much for his coffee break. Feigning concern he said, "Holly, are you okay? I hear there's a bug going around and we'd hate to lose one of our best reporters." 
 
Holly fought another cough and lost, then she shot a look at the camera, as if she wanted to reach through the lens and strangle DeVaki. Attentive viewers noticed her eyes had gone oddly black, reflective, and shifted shape a bit, "Do you, Gus? Because last I heard half the station couldn't get a raise because of your damn golden parachute deal for yourself, nevermind you keep expecting anyone female at the station who doesn't have power over your paycheck to fetch you coffee when you snap your fingers."
 
Gus's eyes bulged, then narrowed, what did this crazy chick think she was doing? Calling him out on TV? He tried to play it off, no need for viewers to suspect she was right, "Hahah.. oh you pranked me good today guys. How'd you know this was a very special day to..."
 
Another bought of coughing , and Holly felt something seeping out of her as she did so, and yet, she felt stronger, "Stow it, Gus!" She tore at her jacket with increasingly sharp, increasingly talon like fingernails, "By Hera, the nerve of you. You over rated, over paid, third rank desk jockey! You're laughter is almost as fake as that dye job on your receding hairline you try to hide." Wings Burst out from her back, "Oh that's what was itching! you know what I've got an itching for, Gus?" Holly said, the hair on her head feathery rather than strand like, "More chances to chew you out, which is nicer than gutting you like you deserve!" She shrieked.
 
Gus was freaking out. Someone at the console would normally cut it off at this point, and cut to commercial but they were also too stunned as the transformation continue. The reporter wasn't hideous, but she was becoming inhuman. Her legs, from the kneecaps down, also now resembled birds legs and talons. 
 
"And you know what else?" Holly flapped and cursed him out on live TV, using language that was not approved by the network and caused one lady at the FCC to clutch her pearls and start the count on what the network would owe.
 
Gus, when he had a thought all, just knew she was a monster.
 
Viewers with the right mix of education and imagination, realized she wasn't just any monster, she was a Harpy! Or at least close enough to count!
 
It was the first live on air of event of what would be called the Corinth Virus, and people all over the country began to transform to Centaurs, Cyclopes, Satyrs, Nymphs, and more! Each transformation came with gifts and curses, of sorts. As if their personality was at least influenced by what form they had taken. Harpies, for example, could be very harsh critics of character.
 
But how much of the population was changed? Where was the virus most spread? Was their a pattern to who turned to what, or was it random?
 
Polls are up! Maybe you guys will want to brainstorm to pass the time, etc.
 

Moses: The Lord, the Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen...
[drops one of the tablets]
Moses: Oy! Ten! Ten commandments for all to obey!
-History of the World, Part I

Moses: The Lord, the Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen...
[drops one of the tablets]
Moses: Oy! Ten! Ten commandments for all to obey!
-History of the World, Part I

"You guys put the base in a mall?" Hussar observed after we arrived and got out of the vehicle. Barely two steps and he took wing again, going about twenty feet in the air and looking about the area.
 
"Pretty ingenious, right?" I smiled. The sheer amount of space provided by the arrangement was fantastic. To this day we still had more room than we needed. In fact, we'd easily set up some new bedrooms for the recruits. There would be no need to have them crash in the pads of the absent veterans.
 
"Who even goes to a mall anymore?" He asked with a tone of disdain, "I mean, just order things online or whatever."

"A lot of folks would agree with you, which is why we were able to get our hands on a deserted mall," I began to worry Hussar was a bit on the thick side. 
 
"Oh yeah, right," His eyes shot about, "I do like some of what you've done to it."

Well, good, he was actually let it sink in. The base really was something to see. I had once described it as  a mix between Byzantium styles and the interior of the Enterprise D that somehow worked. Now that Hussar was looking around and appreciating the revamp, he seemed a bit less disdainful of it's humble origins.
 
"That's Lady Obsidian's preferences at play mostly," I admitted, "Some of the glass work is absolutely amazing. You see the windows are meant to allow light while still preventing any snooping from-" 
 
Before I could continue, Hussar was flying around the place without so much as a by your leave ,checking out just how big it was. A pang of envy hit me. In the water, I am like a living torpedo for speed with all the grace of a sea lion, but on land I can make some long jumps at best or run like an athlete. In a world where it felt like every other person could fly, teleport, or just run at super speed, my land mobility felt somewhat restrained.
"If a door is locked it's locked for a reason!" I called out after him instead, and then went looking for Ariana.

After all, how much trouble could he get into in here?
 
As far as I knew, the only ones who would be here would be Valerosa, myself, and the new trainees. Pogo had a family thing, Slime was on Patrol, and, actually I wasn't sure what Viewpoint was up to, only that he had informed us he was taking the day off. I suspected he might be visiting family too, but that was just a hunch. 
 
It turned out, I wasn't the only one who let a rookie go wander. With a literal hot streak flowing behind her, Trailblazer shot past as she ran from one section of the base to the other. I had seen her file, so I was prepared, more or less, for the sight of her. The aura of flames she produced seemed most pronounced at the top of her head making it hard to make out the hair, and as she ran said flames stretched out like a shadow at setting sun. I observed the floor she passed over, and was relieved to see she wasn't leaving burn marks in the floor.
 
Then again, our base was pretty high tech with plenty of flame retardant materials.
 
"Hello there," I introduced myself in what I Hoped was a friendly but at least semi-professional tone.
 
What happened next was spectacular. You see, most speedsters don't just move fast.  They have to have the reflexes, protections, and a certain level of awareness to adapt to that last second change in the obstacles in their path or the shift in terrain. 
 
Trailblazer was, it turned out, not used to her enhanced speed. I don't know how quickly she had moved as a partial, but now with her powers fully awakened, I was pretty sure she was going faster than ever before. Even then I'd seen faster folks, but if she were going about sixty miles per hour now, that meant she was probably used to about twenty five miles before getting the gear.
 
So maybe the awareness and the reaction time hadn't really had time to kick in yet.
 
Whatever was to blame, she turned to flash me a smile, but as she did, her legs tangled slightly into each other. Now she could have adjusted for this, if it weren't for the coffee table. The mall had areas to sit down, relax in before, and that hadn't changed just because it was now a superbase. The coffee table was low, and between two chairs. Sometimes we used it for drinks, now and then for  card games for two. Lady Obsidian sometimes used it for chess.
 
Trailblazer, already trying to adjust her stance at speeds normally reserved for a highway, didn't see it and struck the thing with the backs of her knees. The poor coffee table broke, even as she flipped mostly over and partly through it, bouncing and making flaming loops that I'm sure from the side probably looked like quite lovely.  The accidental artistry ended as the loops broke instead into a bounce bounce and slide until finally she lay flat on her back, still smoldering, and staring up at the ceiling.
I? I was to be congratulated. I neither freaked out in a panic that I had 'broke' a rookie by distracting her, nor, to my credit, did I let loose a guffaw at her flaring and fiery fumble footed-ness. 
 
I did get alliteratively amused at her expense, sure, but I kept it to myself.
 
I'd like to think this shows I've grown as a person.
 
"Are you okay?" I finally inquired.
 
"Did a member of the New Samaritans just see me crash a table, flip several times, bounce twice, and the skid to a stop on my flaming ass?" She asked me.
 
Okay, at that, a smile slipped out, "One did."
 
"Then I have had better days. Unless you can un-see that?" Trailblazer asked from her prone position.

"I don't think I can," I answered honestly, "It's the kind of visual that sticks with you."
 
"Then no, I am not okay," She declared, "I'm just gonna lie here, close my eyes, and pretend this never happened," And then she closed her eyes, just like she said she would.
 
"Get off your ass, stand up, and help clean up the mess you made," A voice snapped like a whip.
 
The accent was wrong, but for a moment I felt like I was twelve at my Aunt Lily's house again. I turned my head and realized why the voice was familiar, and why Aunt Lily sounded like she had a Latina accent.
 
It was Ariana, or more accurately, Valerosa. She strode up to the side of the girl, and looked down, "Or do you need help up?"

"No, no," Trailblazer got to her knees, "Sorry, I just  -" Her eyes fell on the coffee table which was now broken and singed, "I'll pay for that." Her tone indicated she wasn't sure how.
"It's okay," I told her, "We have a budget for furniture replacement."
 
"What isn't okay," Valerosa's tone had gone down from whip crack to more like a lead pipe tapping in a palm, which is to say slightly nicer but not by much, "Is you ignoring me when I tell you that I preferred you let me give you the tour before you race around on your own."
 
Trailblazer looked aghast, "I thought you said let's get a look around?"
 
"Let's, as in let us, as in plural," Ariana specified, "What kind of idiot would let a rookie just go zipping around on his or her own without any supervision in a place with as many delicate things and dangerous rooms as this?"
 
Ever wince so hard you almost gave yourself a headache? 
 
Still, I was a bit stunned at this shift in Valerosa. Even in costume, she was normally so loving, so gentle and sweet. 

"I'm really sorry," Trailblazer said as she hastily gathered up the chunks of the broken table "But I don't know where these go?"
 
"There's a disposal chute right over there," Valerosa said, only now was her tone starting to soften, "We also have some cleaning bots but they're a bit less effective. Now are you physically hurt?"
 
I gave my girlfriend a look. She was just asking that part NOW?
 
If Ariana caught that question in my eyes, she ignored it waiting instead for Trailblazer to answer.
 
"I'm fine, my flames and speed come with a kind of pocket of resistance," Trailblazer answered, and put them in, "Just deeply embarrassed. I'm still not used to going that fast and I forget the difference."
 
I decided to throw the girl a bone, "We all make mistakes, especially in the first few weeks. That's why we're training you."

Two other figures approached. Aspirant hung back a bit, surveying the situation with quiet curioisity, but Bramble was ahead of him already coated in that wooden battle form or whatever it was. 
 
Then the wood enveloped heroine  stopped when she saw all was well, "Someone had an 'and I oop' moment or something?" 

"Or something," Valerosa shrugged, suddenly acting as if it was done, "It's handled now and won't happen again."

Now that sounded a lot more like the angel I was used to waking up next to.
 
Indeed, Trailblazer shot Valerosa a grateful look, then faced the other two "Still getting used to just how much my powers have improved."
 
"Right there with you," Bramble sympathized, "It's like the safety is off."
 
"It is," Valerosa says "Your full power is unlocked now. You are a bigger danger to yourselves and innocents- We will teach you how to be dangerous to just the villains. Now, as soon as Hussar gets here we'll take that tour of the area and lay down some ground rules," Then she looked at me, "Where is Hussar anyway?"
 
There was a crashing sound further back in the base. 

"I'm guessing that might be him now," I answered and moved.
 
Perhaps Eager to redeem herself, Trailblazer  announced, "On it," And shot ahead. At least her eyes were on her path now.

Before I could gauge Valerosa's response to this, the blazing racer returned saying "Hussar's fighting some weird blob!"
 
"Slime!" Valerosa and I said simultaneously.
 
"Slime, isn't he one of the team?" Aspirant asked, "I remembered reading about him in Super-Team Weekly."

"Yes" I said breaking into a run along side Valerosa, "Yes he is."
 
They say youth and skill is no match for old age and treachery. While, to my knowledge, Slime is not geriatric for his species, the basic truth of the boast was being proven true. Hussar was super strong, Hussar was bullet proof. Neither of which was helping him fight a foe who could go liquid. 
 
True, Slime seemed to be doing little damage to the winged warrior, but then I don't think he wanted to. Slime's powers are more than just being stretchy goop. He could alter the acidic or base nature of his body to a degree that if he wanted to burn you, you'd feel it. He could also seem to increase his mass and encase you. As we got there, Slime was working on the latter, even as he flashed letters before Hussar's eyes as quickly as he could.
 
Alas, not quick enough, Hussar punched through the forming text. Perhaps he thought it was an attack, maybe he just hated Comic Sans? Of course, while it displaced Slime, the alien was ready for it, and adjusted then gave up, and began the aforementioned enveloping. 
 
"I should have warned the others," Hussar said aloud, then yelled "We've under attack. I got him but there maybe others!" And then he took a breath and held it as he was now surrounded by a solid foot of Slime on all sides. 
 
He looked a bit like a winged pineapple chunk in a Blueberry gelatin. His muscles weren't helping because he had no traction. 
 
I strode up, "Hi, Slime. Want me to explain things to him?" 
 
PLEASE, the word took form , wobbling as Hussar tried to shake him. 
 
And then a short tunnel opened to Hussar's face so he could breath, speak, and hear.
 
"Eel?" He said, "I could use a hand here."
 
"Didn't you read the files on us, at ALL? Slime is a superhero. Heck, he's a team mate," I explained.
 
"Wait, this thing is a good guy?" The shock was obvious. Slime has complained now and then about humanoids having some deeply ingrained biases. It saddened me to have him proven right.
 
"Yes, he's a good guy. He's saved this city, surely Lady Obsidian mentioned Slime?" I was startled she'd leave names out. Slime wasn't a founding member but he'd been protecting this city longer than I had.
 
"She mentioned -a- Slime," Hussar conceded, "But I thought it was just a name, didn't think he was actual slime."
 
"You thought a human being in a costume was running around calling himself Slime?" My tone might indicate I found this profoundly unlikely, "But when you met a real Liquid being, it didn't occur to you?"
 
"I was startled by it, yeah," Hussar said, "And" he sputtered "Names don't always match. I mean, you call yourself Eel, and you aren't even like like green skinned. Others call you Fish Guy and you don't even have fins."
 
At the Fish Guy comment, I nodded, not to him, but to  Slime who had him entrapped, as if giving the go ahead "Happy Digestion!" And started to walk away.
"Eel!" Valerosa chided me.
 
"Come on, he smells terrible," Hussar whined a bit. At least he was calling Slime a he now instead of an it.
 
"Slime, Let him go, please," Valerosa said taking over this interaction.
 
Slime, obligingly, spewed forth Hussar, and then in large words wrote, for his benefit, YEAH? WELL, YOU TASTE LIKE CHICKEN.
 
"Gross," Hussar coughed and wiped at himself, "And I do not taste like chicken."
 
"Don't be too sure," I told Hussar while giving Slime a nod, "Slime here is the reason our city doesn't have an excess pigeon problem."
 
Now the other rookies also made faces.
 
"Okay, shower time, now," Valerosa said directing them, "Boys to the left, girls to the right. Change of costumes provided, you might as well clean up then meet us in the training area. Apirant, let Hussar know the directions. Do not go anywhere else, understand?" A look to Trailblazer even though she said it for all.
 
Trailblazer squirmed a bit at the look, but Bramble said "Got it" And all four headed off. Truthfully, the only one who needed a shower and a costume change was Hussar, but it was clear Valerosa knew we needed to talk a bit without them there.
 
Once the rookies were gone, I turned to her, and opened my mouth to ask a very important question.
Unaware that she was doing the same thing.
 
"Why are you being so hard on the rookie?" We both asked each other at the same time.
 
"Wait, what?" I said.
 
"Me? You're the one busting Hussar's chops constantly?" She says.
 
"Hussar?" I said, "Who's talking about Hussar? You've been riding Trailblazer awful hard don't you think?"
 
"Trailblazer got reckless and disobeyed, Hussar was trying to save us what he thought was a monster attack and tried to defend us,," She looked over, "No offense, Slime."
NONE TAKEN- I FIND SOLIDS EQUALLY OFF PUTTING, He assured.
 
"You're very forgiving, Slime, thank you," I said, then looked at my girlfriend who had suddenly gone nuts, "Trailblazer tripped over a coffee table in eagerness, Hussar attacked a team mate, in ignorance, one of these things is not like the other."
 
"She's been upgraded with the gear for weeks , we shouldn't have to teach her how not to trip over her own two feet," Ariana said putting her hand on her hip in a 'and that's that' pose that was a sign I could see how right she was, only I didn't.
 
"I distracted her, it's hard to set up your own distractions. Hussar's had his powers all his life, and should know enough of Angel-Man's past to know that attacking something strange on sight is now a sign of embarrassment in the superhero community."
 
"Not every superhero studies superhistory," She countered.

"Well, they should," I said, "And aren't you leaning a bit heavy on the 'Respect my authoritay' angle?"
Ariana isn't a hot tempered stereotype by any streak, but she did, at the moment, make a rude comment about me sleeping on the couch in Spanish.
In Spanish (Not as smoothly, to be sure) I mentioned that banishing me to a couch did not help her seem any less Authoritarian.
She looked annoyed at me.
 
"That's right," I reminded her, "I've been studying Conquistador for a while now," then I paused, "You really think I came on too strong with Hussar?"
"Little bit, yes," She said, then "I need to let it drop with Trailblazer , don't I?" 
 
"You need to not rub her nose in it again, yeah," I said, then added, "Or so it seems to me. I'll try to be more understanding of Hussar."
 
We gave each other weak, sheepish smiles.
 
A burble to our side pulled our attention. 
 
SLIME'S LOG- EARTH DATE WHATEVER- THE BREEDING RITUALS OF TERRA CONTINUE TO BAFFLE AND CONFUSE ME. SELF REPLICATION IS SO MUCH MORE PRACTICAL. STILL, THEY ARE INTERESTING, THESE MAMMALS IN THE MIST.
 
"You know," I said, "My Co Captain and I can find you plenty of monitor duty if you like?"

"Plenty," She agreed.
 
SLIME OUT, Slime said, and slithered away at a suitably respectful speed.
 
"Let's go get the rookies in the training area," Ariana said.

"Sounds good," I agreed, and off we went.

I would think the most obvious from this crowd would be "any one of my characters," honestly. 
 
But I'm going to buck that and say "Fish Guy!" 
 
 

 
 
 
 

"You guys put the base in a mall?" Hussar observed after we arrived and got out of the vehicle. Barely two steps and he took wing again, going about twenty feet in the air and looking about the area.
 
"Pretty ingenious, right?" I smiled. The sheer amount of space provided by the arrangement was fantastic. To this day we still had more room than we needed. In fact, we'd easily set up some new bedrooms for the recruits. There would be no need to have them crash in the pads of the absent veterans.
 
"Who even goes to a mall anymore?" He asked with a tone of disdain, "I mean, just order things online or whatever."

"A lot of folks would agree with you, which is why we were able to get our hands on a deserted mall," I began to worry Hussar was a bit on the thick side. 
 
"Oh yeah, right," His eyes shot about, "I do like some of what you've done to it."

Well, good, he was actually let it sink in. The base really was something to see. I had once described it as  a mix between Byzantium styles and the interior of the Enterprise D that somehow worked. Now that Hussar was looking around and appreciating the revamp, he seemed a bit less disdainful of it's humble origins.
 
"That's Lady Obsidian's preferences at play mostly," I admitted, "Some of the glass work is absolutely amazing. You see the windows are meant to allow light while still preventing any snooping from-" 
 
Before I could continue, Hussar was flying around the place without so much as a by your leave ,checking out just how big it was. A pang of envy hit me. In the water, I am like a living torpedo for speed with all the grace of a sea lion, but on land I can make some long jumps at best or run like an athlete. In a world where it felt like every other person could fly, teleport, or just run at super speed, my land mobility felt somewhat restrained.
"If a door is locked it's locked for a reason!" I called out after him instead, and then went looking for Ariana.

After all, how much trouble could he get into in here?
 
As far as I knew, the only ones who would be here would be Valerosa, myself, and the new trainees. Pogo had a family thing, Slime was on Patrol, and, actually I wasn't sure what Viewpoint was up to, only that he had informed us he was taking the day off. I suspected he might be visiting family too, but that was just a hunch. 
 
It turned out, I wasn't the only one who let a rookie go wander. With a literal hot streak flowing behind her, Trailblazer shot past as she ran from one section of the base to the other. I had seen her file, so I was prepared, more or less, for the sight of her. The aura of flames she produced seemed most pronounced at the top of her head making it hard to make out the hair, and as she ran said flames stretched out like a shadow at setting sun. I observed the floor she passed over, and was relieved to see she wasn't leaving burn marks in the floor.
 
Then again, our base was pretty high tech with plenty of flame retardant materials.
 
"Hello there," I introduced myself in what I Hoped was a friendly but at least semi-professional tone.
 
What happened next was spectacular. You see, most speedsters don't just move fast.  They have to have the reflexes, protections, and a certain level of awareness to adapt to that last second change in the obstacles in their path or the shift in terrain. 
 
Trailblazer was, it turned out, not used to her enhanced speed. I don't know how quickly she had moved as a partial, but now with her powers fully awakened, I was pretty sure she was going faster than ever before. Even then I'd seen faster folks, but if she were going about sixty miles per hour now, that meant she was probably used to about twenty five miles before getting the gear.
 
So maybe the awareness and the reaction time hadn't really had time to kick in yet.
 
Whatever was to blame, she turned to flash me a smile, but as she did, her legs tangled slightly into each other. Now she could have adjusted for this, if it weren't for the coffee table. The mall had areas to sit down, relax in before, and that hadn't changed just because it was now a superbase. The coffee table was low, and between two chairs. Sometimes we used it for drinks, now and then for  card games for two. Lady Obsidian sometimes used it for chess.
 
Trailblazer, already trying to adjust her stance at speeds normally reserved for a highway, didn't see it and struck the thing with the backs of her knees. The poor coffee table broke, even as she flipped mostly over and partly through it, bouncing and making flaming loops that I'm sure from the side probably looked like quite lovely.  The accidental artistry ended as the loops broke instead into a bounce bounce and slide until finally she lay flat on her back, still smoldering, and staring up at the ceiling.
I? I was to be congratulated. I neither freaked out in a panic that I had 'broke' a rookie by distracting her, nor, to my credit, did I let loose a guffaw at her flaring and fiery fumble footed-ness. 
 
I did get alliteratively amused at her expense, sure, but I kept it to myself.
 
I'd like to think this shows I've grown as a person.
 
"Are you okay?" I finally inquired.
 
"Did a member of the New Samaritans just see me crash a table, flip several times, bounce twice, and the skid to a stop on my flaming ass?" She asked me.
 
Okay, at that, a smile slipped out, "One did."
 
"Then I have had better days. Unless you can un-see that?" Trailblazer asked from her prone position.

"I don't think I can," I answered honestly, "It's the kind of visual that sticks with you."
 
"Then no, I am not okay," She declared, "I'm just gonna lie here, close my eyes, and pretend this never happened," And then she closed her eyes, just like she said she would.
 
"Get off your ass, stand up, and help clean up the mess you made," A voice snapped like a whip.
 
The accent was wrong, but for a moment I felt like I was twelve at my Aunt Lily's house again. I turned my head and realized why the voice was familiar, and why Aunt Lily sounded like she had a Latina accent.
 
It was Ariana, or more accurately, Valerosa. She strode up to the side of the girl, and looked down, "Or do you need help up?"

"No, no," Trailblazer got to her knees, "Sorry, I just  -" Her eyes fell on the coffee table which was now broken and singed, "I'll pay for that." Her tone indicated she wasn't sure how.
"It's okay," I told her, "We have a budget for furniture replacement."
 
"What isn't okay," Valerosa's tone had gone down from whip crack to more like a lead pipe tapping in a palm, which is to say slightly nicer but not by much, "Is you ignoring me when I tell you that I preferred you let me give you the tour before you race around on your own."
 
Trailblazer looked aghast, "I thought you said let's get a look around?"
 
"Let's, as in let us, as in plural," Ariana specified, "What kind of idiot would let a rookie just go zipping around on his or her own without any supervision in a place with as many delicate things and dangerous rooms as this?"
 
Ever wince so hard you almost gave yourself a headache? 
 
Still, I was a bit stunned at this shift in Valerosa. Even in costume, she was normally so loving, so gentle and sweet. 

"I'm really sorry," Trailblazer said as she hastily gathered up the chunks of the broken table "But I don't know where these go?"
 
"There's a disposal chute right over there," Valerosa said, only now was her tone starting to soften, "We also have some cleaning bots but they're a bit less effective. Now are you physically hurt?"
 
I gave my girlfriend a look. She was just asking that part NOW?
 
If Ariana caught that question in my eyes, she ignored it waiting instead for Trailblazer to answer.
 
"I'm fine, my flames and speed come with a kind of pocket of resistance," Trailblazer answered, and put them in, "Just deeply embarrassed. I'm still not used to going that fast and I forget the difference."
 
I decided to throw the girl a bone, "We all make mistakes, especially in the first few weeks. That's why we're training you."

Two other figures approached. Aspirant hung back a bit, surveying the situation with quiet curioisity, but Bramble was ahead of him already coated in that wooden battle form or whatever it was. 
 
Then the wood enveloped heroine  stopped when she saw all was well, "Someone had an 'and I oop' moment or something?" 

"Or something," Valerosa shrugged, suddenly acting as if it was done, "It's handled now and won't happen again."

Now that sounded a lot more like the angel I was used to waking up next to.
 
Indeed, Trailblazer shot Valerosa a grateful look, then faced the other two "Still getting used to just how much my powers have improved."
 
"Right there with you," Bramble sympathized, "It's like the safety is off."
 
"It is," Valerosa says "Your full power is unlocked now. You are a bigger danger to yourselves and innocents- We will teach you how to be dangerous to just the villains. Now, as soon as Hussar gets here we'll take that tour of the area and lay down some ground rules," Then she looked at me, "Where is Hussar anyway?"
 
There was a crashing sound further back in the base. 

"I'm guessing that might be him now," I answered and moved.
 
Perhaps Eager to redeem herself, Trailblazer  announced, "On it," And shot ahead. At least her eyes were on her path now.

Before I could gauge Valerosa's response to this, the blazing racer returned saying "Hussar's fighting some weird blob!"
 
"Slime!" Valerosa and I said simultaneously.
 
"Slime, isn't he one of the team?" Aspirant asked, "I remembered reading about him in Super-Team Weekly."

"Yes" I said breaking into a run along side Valerosa, "Yes he is."
 
They say youth and skill is no match for old age and treachery. While, to my knowledge, Slime is not geriatric for his species, the basic truth of the boast was being proven true. Hussar was super strong, Hussar was bullet proof. Neither of which was helping him fight a foe who could go liquid. 
 
True, Slime seemed to be doing little damage to the winged warrior, but then I don't think he wanted to. Slime's powers are more than just being stretchy goop. He could alter the acidic or base nature of his body to a degree that if he wanted to burn you, you'd feel it. He could also seem to increase his mass and encase you. As we got there, Slime was working on the latter, even as he flashed letters before Hussar's eyes as quickly as he could.
 
Alas, not quick enough, Hussar punched through the forming text. Perhaps he thought it was an attack, maybe he just hated Comic Sans? Of course, while it displaced Slime, the alien was ready for it, and adjusted then gave up, and began the aforementioned enveloping. 
 
"I should have warned the others," Hussar said aloud, then yelled "We've under attack. I got him but there maybe others!" And then he took a breath and held it as he was now surrounded by a solid foot of Slime on all sides. 
 
He looked a bit like a winged pineapple chunk in a Blueberry gelatin. His muscles weren't helping because he had no traction. 
 
I strode up, "Hi, Slime. Want me to explain things to him?" 
 
PLEASE, the word took form , wobbling as Hussar tried to shake him. 
 
And then a short tunnel opened to Hussar's face so he could breath, speak, and hear.
 
"Eel?" He said, "I could use a hand here."
 
"Didn't you read the files on us, at ALL? Slime is a superhero. Heck, he's a team mate," I explained.
 
"Wait, this thing is a good guy?" The shock was obvious. Slime has complained now and then about humanoids having some deeply ingrained biases. It saddened me to have him proven right.
 
"Yes, he's a good guy. He's saved this city, surely Lady Obsidian mentioned Slime?" I was startled she'd leave names out. Slime wasn't a founding member but he'd been protecting this city longer than I had.
 
"She mentioned -a- Slime," Hussar conceded, "But I thought it was just a name, didn't think he was actual slime."
 
"You thought a human being in a costume was running around calling himself Slime?" My tone might indicate I found this profoundly unlikely, "But when you met a real Liquid being, it didn't occur to you?"
 
"I was startled by it, yeah," Hussar said, "And" he sputtered "Names don't always match. I mean, you call yourself Eel, and you aren't even like like green skinned. Others call you Fish Guy and you don't even have fins."
 
At the Fish Guy comment, I nodded, not to him, but to  Slime who had him entrapped, as if giving the go ahead "Happy Digestion!" And started to walk away.
"Eel!" Valerosa chided me.
 
"Come on, he smells terrible," Hussar whined a bit. At least he was calling Slime a he now instead of an it.
 
"Slime, Let him go, please," Valerosa said taking over this interaction.
 
Slime, obligingly, spewed forth Hussar, and then in large words wrote, for his benefit, YEAH? WELL, YOU TASTE LIKE CHICKEN.
 
"Gross," Hussar coughed and wiped at himself, "And I do not taste like chicken."
 
"Don't be too sure," I told Hussar while giving Slime a nod, "Slime here is the reason our city doesn't have an excess pigeon problem."
 
Now the other rookies also made faces.
 
"Okay, shower time, now," Valerosa said directing them, "Boys to the left, girls to the right. Change of costumes provided, you might as well clean up then meet us in the training area. Apirant, let Hussar know the directions. Do not go anywhere else, understand?" A look to Trailblazer even though she said it for all.
 
Trailblazer squirmed a bit at the look, but Bramble said "Got it" And all four headed off. Truthfully, the only one who needed a shower and a costume change was Hussar, but it was clear Valerosa knew we needed to talk a bit without them there.
 
Once the rookies were gone, I turned to her, and opened my mouth to ask a very important question.
Unaware that she was doing the same thing.
 
"Why are you being so hard on the rookie?" We both asked each other at the same time.
 
"Wait, what?" I said.
 
"Me? You're the one busting Hussar's chops constantly?" She says.
 
"Hussar?" I said, "Who's talking about Hussar? You've been riding Trailblazer awful hard don't you think?"
 
"Trailblazer got reckless and disobeyed, Hussar was trying to save us what he thought was a monster attack and tried to defend us,," She looked over, "No offense, Slime."
NONE TAKEN- I FIND SOLIDS EQUALLY OFF PUTTING, He assured.
 
"You're very forgiving, Slime, thank you," I said, then looked at my girlfriend who had suddenly gone nuts, "Trailblazer tripped over a coffee table in eagerness, Hussar attacked a team mate, in ignorance, one of these things is not like the other."
 
"She's been upgraded with the gear for weeks , we shouldn't have to teach her how not to trip over her own two feet," Ariana said putting her hand on her hip in a 'and that's that' pose that was a sign I could see how right she was, only I didn't.
 
"I distracted her, it's hard to set up your own distractions. Hussar's had his powers all his life, and should know enough of Angel-Man's past to know that attacking something strange on sight is now a sign of embarrassment in the superhero community."
 
"Not every superhero studies superhistory," She countered.

"Well, they should," I said, "And aren't you leaning a bit heavy on the 'Respect my authoritay' angle?"
Ariana isn't a hot tempered stereotype by any streak, but she did, at the moment, make a rude comment about me sleeping on the couch in Spanish.
In Spanish (Not as smoothly, to be sure) I mentioned that banishing me to a couch did not help her seem any less Authoritarian.
She looked annoyed at me.
 
"That's right," I reminded her, "I've been studying Conquistador for a while now," then I paused, "You really think I came on too strong with Hussar?"
"Little bit, yes," She said, then "I need to let it drop with Trailblazer , don't I?" 
 
"You need to not rub her nose in it again, yeah," I said, then added, "Or so it seems to me. I'll try to be more understanding of Hussar."
 
We gave each other weak, sheepish smiles.
 
A burble to our side pulled our attention. 
 
SLIME'S LOG- EARTH DATE WHATEVER- THE BREEDING RITUALS OF TERRA CONTINUE TO BAFFLE AND CONFUSE ME. SELF REPLICATION IS SO MUCH MORE PRACTICAL. STILL, THEY ARE INTERESTING, THESE MAMMALS IN THE MIST.
 
"You know," I said, "My Co Captain and I can find you plenty of monitor duty if you like?"

"Plenty," She agreed.
 
SLIME OUT, Slime said, and slithered away at a suitably respectful speed.
 
"Let's go get the rookies in the training area," Ariana said.

"Sounds good," I agreed, and off we went.

The Silver Surfer
 
 

Lyrics by Dana Jay Bein on Twitter.
https://twitter.com/danajaybein/status/1240307541491494912
 
Is this a sore throat?
Is this just allergies?
Caught in a lockdown
No escape from reality.
 
Don’t touch your eyes
Just hand sanitize quicklyyyyy
I’m just a poor boy, no job security
Because of easy spread, even though
washed your hands, laying low
I look out the window, the curve doesn’t look flatter to me, to me
 
mama, just killed a man
i didn’t stay inside in bed
I walked by him, now he’s dead
mama, life was so much fun
but now I’ve caught this unforgiving plague
 
mama, oooooh
didn’t mean to make them die
if I’m not back to work this time tomorrow
carry on, carry on as if people didn’t matter
 
too late, my time has come
sends shivers down my spine
body’s aching all the time
goodbye everybody, I’ve got the flu
gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
 
mama, oooooh
I don’t wanna die
I sometimes wish I never went out at all
 
 
I see a little silhouette of a man
what a douche, what a douche
did he even wash his hands though
security is tightening 
very very frightening me
Gotta lay low (gotta lay low)
Gotta lay low (gotta lay low)
Gotta lay low masturbate
Masturbate O O O O
 
 
I’m just a poor boy, facing mortality
HE’S JUST A POOR BOY FACING MORTALITY
spare him his life from this monstrosity
Touch your face, wash your hands, will you wash your hands?
BISMILLAH NO WE WILL NOT WASH OUR HANDS! (WASH YOUR HANDS!)
BISMILLAH NO WE WILL NOT WASH  OUR HANDS! (WASH YOUR HANDS)
BISMILLAH WE WILL NOT WASH YOUR HANDS! (WASH YOUR HANDS!)
WASH YOUR HANDS! (never, never, never wash your hands oh oh oh oh oh oh oh)
No no no no no
Oh mama mia, mia (mama mia wash your hands!)
COVID-19 has a sickness put aside for me, for me
 
 
So you think you can stop me and just shake my hand? 
So you think we can hang out and not break our plans? 
Oh baby, can’t do this with me, baby,
Just gotta stay home, just gotta stay home with my fever
oooooh
 
Curving can get flatter
Anyone can see
Curving can get flatter
Curving can get flatter, you’ll see
Just look out your windows….
 
 
 
FLATTEN THE CURVE

I am the very model of effective social distancing!
I listen to the experts on the topic of resistance-ing;
I know that brunch and yoga class aren’t nearly as imperative
As doing what I can to change the nation’s viral narrative.
 
I’m very well acquainted, too, with living solitarily
And confident that everyone can do it temporarily:
Go take a walk, or ride a bike, or dig into an unread book;
Avoid the bars and restaurants and carry out, or learn to cook.
 
There’s lots of stuff to watch online while keeping safe from sinus ills
(In this case, it’s far better to enjoy your Netflix MINUS chills)!
Adopt a pet, compose a ballad, write some earnest doggerel,
And help demolish Trump before our next event inaugural.
 
Pandemics are alarming, but they aren’t insurmountable
If everybody pitches in to hold ourselves accountable.
In short, please do your part to practice prudent co-existence-ing,
And be the very model of effective social distancing!
 
(Eliza Rubenstein)
 

I know folks often sneer at 'thoughts and prayers' given how some folks use that as a cop out , but I think they sure couldn't hurt