Darbor Posted April 7, 2011 Report Share Posted April 7, 2011 Re: Jokes Not a joke exactly but it does fall under the heading of, "Heard a good one lately?" Q: What do you call a failure that is not even interesting enough to call epic? A: A Meh-pic failure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tim Posted April 9, 2011 Report Share Posted April 9, 2011 Re: Jokes So have you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darbor Posted April 9, 2011 Report Share Posted April 9, 2011 Re: Jokes So have you? erm...that was the good one I heard...I hope that wasn't a Meh-pic failure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted April 12, 2011 Report Share Posted April 12, 2011 . . . The other week I was seeing two girls at once. Neither had a clue about the other. One was a lovely brunette named Lorraine, another was a gorgeous Chinese girl named Clair Lee. It was destroying my life, I couldn't chose one. I loved them both equally. Then, Lorraine ruined everything by running away and joining the army. Oh, well. I can see Clair Lee now Lorraine has gone. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted April 12, 2011 Report Share Posted April 12, 2011 Re: Jokes Before I got married, I was dating two girls, Kate and Edith. Try as I might, I couldn't pick between them. I guess I just wanted to have my Kate and Edith too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Obvious Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 Re: . . . The other week I was seeing two girls at once. Neither had a clue about the other. One was a lovely brunette named Lorraine, another was a gorgeous Chinese girl named Clair Lee. It was destroying my life, I couldn't chose one. I loved them both equally. Then, Lorraine ruined everything by running away and joining the army. Oh, well. I can see Clair Lee now Lorraine has gone. I heard this song about two minutes before I read this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 Re: Jokes 1. A bricklayer was commissioned to build a wall and was given 100 bricks. He was told to use all the bricks. So he came up with a design, but he noticed it only required 99 bricks. He went back to the drawing board and came up with another pattern. It also needed only 99 bricks. After several tries, all of which resulted in needing only 99 bricks, the bricklayer became frustrated. He sat down and thought about it. Then, inspiration came! He went back to his original design and used 99 bricks. What did he do with the last one? He threw it away. 2. The flight only had two passengers: a woman with a noisy poodle, and a man smoking a cigar. The cigar smoke bothered the woman. She asked the man if he could throw the cigar out the window. He replied he would if she threw her noisy dog out the window as well. "I couldn't do that," said the woman. "I love my little dog!" "And I love my cigar," replied the man, and he kept on smoking. After a while, the woman couldn't stand it any longer and agreed to let go of the dog if the man would throw out the cigar. On the count of three, the man threw his cigar away, and the woman threw the poodle away. The plane landed, and the man and the woman disembarked. The poodle, miraculously unharmed, ran toward the woman. Guess what it had in its mouth? No, it wasn't the man's cigar... It was the brick that got thrown away in my last joke! Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darbor Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 Re: Jokes 1. A bricklayer was commissioned to build a wall and was given 100 bricks. He was told to use all the bricks. So he came up with a design, but he noticed it only required 99 bricks. He went back to the drawing board and came up with another pattern. It also needed only 99 bricks. After several tries, all of which resulted in needing only 99 bricks, the bricklayer became frustrated. He sat down and thought about it. Then, inspiration came! He went back to his original design and used 99 bricks. What did he do with the last one? He threw it away. 2. The flight only had two passengers: a woman with a noisy poodle, and a man smoking a cigar. The cigar smoke bothered the woman. She asked the man if he could throw the cigar out the window. He replied he would if she threw her noisy dog out the window as well. "I couldn't do that," said the woman. "I love my little dog!" "And I love my cigar," replied the man, and he kept on smoking. After a while, the woman couldn't stand it any longer and agreed to let go of the dog if the man would throw out the cigar. On the count of three, the man threw his cigar away, and the woman threw the poodle away. The plane landed, and the man and the woman disembarked. The poodle, miraculously unharmed, ran toward the woman. Guess what it had in its mouth? No, it wasn't the man's cigar... It was the brick that got thrown away in my last joke! Okay, first of all...GROAN! Second Well, I guess that last brick did get used...as the punchline of the second joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Escafarc Posted April 14, 2011 Report Share Posted April 14, 2011 Re: Jokes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted April 14, 2011 Report Share Posted April 14, 2011 Re: Jokes One might expect a metrognome to sport tight black clothes, an overstyled hairdo, and Bono shades. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted April 15, 2011 Report Share Posted April 15, 2011 Re: Jokes "Kate Middleton will have six hairdressers for the wedding. Prince William will have six hairs for the wedding." -- Stephen Colbert Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Hawk Posted April 15, 2011 Report Share Posted April 15, 2011 Re: Jokes "Kate Middleton will have six hairdressers for the wedding. Prince William will have six hairs for the wedding." -- Stephen Colbert That's funny, because Queen Elizabeth will have at least 6 heirs at the wedding... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted April 15, 2011 Report Share Posted April 15, 2011 Re: Jokes Warning: Bar jokes. A psychic, a ninja and a vampire walk into a bar. You'd think out of them would have seen it coming. Superman walks through a bar. And gets sued for destruction of property. Batman walks into a bar. "I don't. do. jokes." Spider-man swings into a bar. Give him a break. He's only been web-swinging a week. Hulk walks into a bar. And orders a beer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Escafarc Posted April 15, 2011 Report Share Posted April 15, 2011 Re: Jokes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted April 15, 2011 Report Share Posted April 15, 2011 Re: Jokes A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted April 15, 2011 Report Share Posted April 15, 2011 Re: Jokes A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly' date=' her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'[/quote'] I'm tempted to do this in real life, but there are too many knives in the kitchen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darbor Posted April 15, 2011 Report Share Posted April 15, 2011 Re: Jokes A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly' date=' her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'[/quote'] Reminds me of this. [ATTACH=CONFIG]38337[/ATTACH] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveZilla Posted April 17, 2011 Report Share Posted April 17, 2011 Re: Jokes I'm tempted to do this in real life' date=' but there are too many knives in the kitchen.[/quote'] Get her this knife holder first, then try it. [ATTACH=CONFIG]38349[/ATTACH] Found here - see others similar! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 17, 2011 Report Share Posted April 17, 2011 Re: Jokes ThinkGeek has this one available: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveZilla Posted April 17, 2011 Report Share Posted April 17, 2011 Re: Jokes A Heavy Metal t-shirt at ThinkGeek: [ATTACH=CONFIG]38352[/ATTACH] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 17, 2011 Report Share Posted April 17, 2011 Re: Jokes A Heavy Metal t-shirt at ThinkGeek: Most excellent! I love the description of the shirt at this link: Crank your gas chromatograph to 11! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted April 22, 2011 Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 Re: Jokes Now you know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darbor Posted April 22, 2011 Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 Re: Jokes Now you know. Careful, you don't want to break the internet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Escafarc Posted April 22, 2011 Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 Re: Jokes Now you know. I thought it was the Jurassic version of "The Dude"... you now... "The Saurus". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted April 22, 2011 Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 Re: Jokes I thought it was the Jurassic version of "The Dude"... you now... "The Saurus". Nope, just the answer to a question. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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